Impure

by Kenna Bardot

  I nodded, realizing I should have known that the knowledge that I had parents wouldn't have appealed to their nature. They themselves left their parents behind when they were young, so it must have seemed commonplace. But brothers? Friends? Those bonds they understood. "And an older sister. Friends."

  "You never speak of them," Tate said gently, standing and making his way to me. I let him take my hand, guiding me to sit on the bed.

  "It hurts to speak of them," I admitted with a sniffle. "Knowing I'll never see them again." I turned my palm over, opening it to reveal the tiny toy soldier who went everywhere with me now.

  "Is he young?" Shep asked, eyeing the toy.

  I nodded. "Just six."

  "Tell us about him," Tate pressed, and I tamped down the urge to say no. I thought Varo might like to have the Gods know his name, might feel like it made him a badass.

  I glanced at Char and Shep, who I knew would soon be Gods themselves before I answered with a sigh, "He's curious. So inquisitive. Always wants to go on journeys with me when I have to forage for ingredients for the shop. He sees himself as my protector, of a sort, I guess."

  "What shop?" came Ryle's question, and I realized just how little of myself I'd given them. No wonder they’d taken what they could from someone else.

  "I was an apprentice in a herbology shop. Mostly cosmetic things, shampoos, soaps."

  "That's how you always seem to know so much about plants in the Challenges. How you knew to cover yourself in that disgusting flower to mask your scent," Char observed, arrogant as always as he leaned back in his chair, but the eyes he kept on my face were impressed.

  "Yes." I smiled. “Hollis knows some of it. But not all.”

  "I'm sorry that you had to leave them. It's hard for us to imagine leaving home to be such a trial, sometimes. We leave our own families, and even if we don't, rivalries between Houses make it difficult to know all of our family sometimes," Hollis inserted with a sigh.

  "I know you'd never guess it based on us, and based on how things appear at Godsvail, but the Northern Houses hate the Southern Houses, and the Eastern Houses hate the Western Houses. North allies with the East, and the South with the West, so there's this great divide. They discourage it here, seek the unification of us overall. But if a child is born to a Northern mother and Southern father, it is very likely he will never know half of his family. They come together for a quick hate fuck, and then don't want to deal with the consequences of it." It seemed ironic to hear a Svadeni criticizing anyone for having sex, but he was right.

  No child should have to suffer because his parents couldn't be bothered to act like adults.

  "So, what of all of you? Will you go your separate ways once you get to Mt. Demiorgo?"

  Hollis shook his head. "Our bond is for life. We'll carve out a nice little home for us near the center of it all, and just ignore all the drama as we always have."

  "And you said you'll pass on Ascending?" I asked Tate, who nodded his head in return. There was no hesitation in the movement, and I knew Ryle was pissed as he vibrated with his frustration, but he never protested. He didn't bother trying to argue with his twin, no doubt seeing that his mind was already made up. "How does Ascension work for Descendants?"

  "There will be a qualifying trial of some sort. A minor challenge compared to the second one. After that, everyone who has qualified competes in an Arena Battle. Sometimes Descendants die, sometimes they live and lose, and some come out victorious," Char answered, stretching forward to snag my hand and pull me off the bed. He plopped me onto his lap, and I fought the urge to stiffen. I wouldn't give them that satisfaction, that distraction.

  It could wait for another day. "Wouldn't that mean that only one Descendant can Ascend?"

  "No. You can come in second or third and still Ascend. The object isn't necessarily to win, just to impress the Gods. If you fight a good battle, but lose in the end, the Gods will generally give you favor." His fingers ran over my forearm, a shock of pain barely teasing the skin there.

  I hated that he would be so nonchalant about something that could truly harm me. Even the Gods were generally fearful of the Vide line. The way that their power adapted, shifting from pain to a muting sensation that separated a God from his own power was legendary. Horrifying. The Descendants described it as being separated from a piece of yourself, like it just disappeared without a trace.

  I knew that feeling. Because it was the same way I felt about the girl who had lived in Wintercairn. The girl who hunted for flowers in the woods and crawled along the ice to collect the best scents. She was gone, and it was a terrible pain to experience.

  "Is it painful for you? Jason said it was painful to change from human to Sylfe."

  "Slightly, but I'm told it is nothing compared to the pain of what your transformation will involve."

  I nodded with a swallow and stood. The mention of the pain, the reality that I would need to choose between that and death, had dampened my mood and my desire to fix them.

  They weren't my job. Their bond was their own, and it wasn't my responsibility to keep it from shattering. "I should go fetch some breakfast." I retreated from the room without another word. I knew it was cowardly.

  I promised that I'd be brave.

  Just not today.

  ✽✽✽

  I couldn't find the assholes. I'd finally worked up the courage to confront them and learn the truth about their monogamy, or rather the lack of, and they didn’t even have the courtesy to be there when I needed to talk to them.

  I didn't even know that I had any right to be angry, for jealousy to make my veins throb with the unfamiliar feeling of possession that I felt for all of them. We'd never had the conversation. They'd never made me any promises but knowing how I felt about them in spite of the inevitable end of our relationship made the thought of them with other women burn through me like a bitter poison.

  The sound of raised voices drew me to Char's room at the end of the hall, the white moon so stark in contrast to the deep cherry of the door. With the door barely cracked open, Shep's thunderous roar could be heard through to the common room.

  I approached it warily, my confidence waning. I wanted to confront them, but if Shep was already pissed off enough that the volatile man was yelling at someone like that then it was not the time that the conversation would be in my best interest.

  "Answer me!" he yelled.

  The feminine whimper from the other side of the door made my heart stop. I'd know Annalee's voice anywhere, the words she'd spoken to me played on repeat in my mind every time I lay down in my bed at night and tried to sleep.

  "I just wanted your attention!" Even through the whimpers, the fake sobs, there was something so undeniably pretty to her voice. It was the first hint that her emotional reaction was fake. She lied to Shep, to all of them, because instead of being genuinely desperate for attention she was more concerned with being seductive. Her next words were practically a purr, "She's depriving all of you. I don't understand why you stay loyal to someone who won't even fuck you."

  "What do you know of our sex lives?" Char's voice was lethal, cold. I could just picture him sitting in a chair and leaning forward to watch her intently. "You haven't been a part of it for months."

  Both their words made the poison in my veins dissipate like I'd drank a cure. The words stood out in sharp relief to the bleak reality I'd been so determined I faced.

  Loyal.

  Annalee had lied, and I'd been stupid enough to believe her.

  "The tissues in your garbage. They're filled with your precious essence! It’s a crime that you should be forced to jerk yourself off and waste it like that." The whimper faded from Annalee's voice as she realized the pathetic act would get her nowhere.

  I shoved open the door, stepping into the space. Her warm brown eyes hardened immediately, becoming two stones staring back at me.

  "What's going on?" I asked, closing the door firmly behind me. Somehow, I knew that I wanted no one to hear anythin
g that was said in this conversation. Knew that I wanted no one to know that I'd fallen for Annalee's lies. It didn't matter that she would no doubt inform anyone who was even remotely inclined to listen to her rants. She was hanging on by a thread.

  And I knew we quickly approached the point where everyone in Godsvail saw her for exactly what she was.

  "I caught Annalee sneaking around in my room two days ago," Shep answered. "I'd like to know what it was she was looking for."

  "I caught her coming out of Hollis' room some time ago," I returned. "She told me she'd been entertaining you." I saw the moment realization dawned on Hollis' face, the moment he knew what day had been responsible for the shift in my attitude towards them.

  "Why didn't you say anything?" Tate narrowed his eyes on me. His words were gentle, but the way his jaw ticked was anything but. I knew he understood without my confirmation, but he needed me to speak it, regardless.

  "Because I believed her," I said, holding my head high. "The door was locked, and Hollis answered it freshly showered."

  "Gods, Mireyah! You thought I was washing her pussy off my dick?" I flinched from the words but tried not to show any other sign of what they did to me - the reminder of how foolish I'd been.

  "Enough," Char barked, studying me intently as his fingers tensed and loosened. I knew that was his tick, the thing he did when he wanted to afflict someone with the pain that threatened everyone around him.

  One moment of lost temper could mean agony for someone who unintentionally touched him. I didn't want to react, somehow knowing it would be a mistake to show any form of fear that he might hurt me, but the murderous expression on his face would have been enough to scare the Gods themselves. "We'll deal with you later."

  And just like that I'd been dismissed, put back in my place like an errant child.

  "Fuck you," I hissed, not even bothering to hide the tremor in my hands as they shook in my anger. He stood, prowling over to me on a slow glide of steps. Refusing to back down, I didn't move. Not until he lifted me off my feet and carried me back to his chair. Plucking me onto his lap, he ignored me when I hissed through my teeth and moved to stand. The hands wrapped around my waist held me still like a shackle.

  "Quiet, Mireyah," he whispered in my ear. It had been an order, but there was something else in the tone. Something that made me freeze, sagging against him. I knew I'd get my chance to have it out with him, but I knew he wanted us to present a united front against Annalee, the human girl he now viewed as his enemy. I'd seen the guys use the united tactic on their other enemies before, but I'd never been included as part of their unit.

  The effect was sobering.

  "What were you doing in my room?" Hollis asked, turning his attention to Annalee where she stood defiantly.

  With a roll of her eyes and a sigh, she caved. "I was looking for something to use against her. She's never in her own room anymore, so there was nothing to be found there."

  "You wanted to manipulate her so she would forfeit the Challenge?"

  "No. Only an idiot would give up. I wanted her to be so stressed she stopped sleeping. There's no chance of her winning if she's exhausted." Her eyes scanned up my body and to my face as a little smirk took over her face. "Looks like I succeeded."

  "Get out," Char said without inflection. "Make sure to tell Jason you've been cast aside so he can find another position for you. Then again, with the end of the challenge nearing, it’s obvious it won’t be needed."

  Her body stilled, the arrogance sweeping away from her in a moment of horrifying realization. "No. You can't do that! Please, Char. I'll do anything."

  "I guess you don't much like the idea of returning to the masses. Sleeping in a shared room with someone who will very likely hate you when I have finished ruining you. You've forgotten yourself, Annalee. I plucked you from the crowd of humans and made you what you are. I can shove you right back down to the pits of Hell with only a word, and I will."

  "She won't even fuck you! What is so fantastic about her that you would turn your back on me?" Her voice had reached screeching proportions, and I tilted my face into Char's neck to try and avoid the sound of it.

  "She's ours," Char said simply.

  "So am I!"

  Char's smirk was nothing but cold as I watched it out of the corner of my eye. "I shared you with countless others. You were never ours. You belong to all of Godsvail. Do you think I would allow anyone outside of us five to touch Mireyah the way I allowed them to have you? I would kill anyone who tried. Slowly. And with relish."

  "Char," she begged, genuine tears finally forming in her eyes and falling down her cheeks.

  "Get. Out."

  Without another word, she turned and fled. The sounds of her crying drifted into the room until the door swung closed behind her. Suddenly alone with the men I suspected it would be very intelligent to avoid, I bit my bottom lip as all five sets of eyes turned to me. Hollis stood, stepping toward me and placing a finger under my chin to tilt my gaze up to his. "You thought we were fucking around. That's why you've been pulling away from us?" Unable to answer with the tension pooling in my throat, I settled for a nod.

  "And instead of speaking to us, you sat on this information for this long and let it fester inside you?"

  Clenching my eyes shut, I nodded again. "I was afraid of what the answer might be if I asked."

  "I want to punish you, but I think there is something much more important that we need to address first." He stepped back out of my space, sliding his hands into his pockets and glancing over my shoulder at Char. Char stood, depositing me into the chair and going to where the rest of them stood together. United again.

  Against me.

  "You're one of us," Char said, surprising me with the gentle tone of his voice. "And we take that seriously. Our bond, our loyalty, all of it is to one another first. Everything else is second."

  "I understand. Your friendship comes first, comes before me. I'm not stupid," I hissed, wrapping arms around myself. With the five of them standing in front of me and staring at me, I felt insecure. Separate.

  And I hated it.

  "You aren't listening, Mireyah. You are one of us, which means you're part of our bond. You come first, alongside all of us. We aren't a group of five anymore, but of six." Hollis returned, as Shep knelt at my feet. His hands touched my knees, and he looked at me pointedly.

  "But in order for this to work, for you to really be a part of us, we can't have anymore secrets between us. We need to know if you can accept us as we are, because no matter how much we love you we can't change it." Vibrating filled my ears, and I swayed in the chair as Shep's words filled my head, filled my heart to bursting. The reality of everything I felt, everything I'd spent months trying to deny suddenly exploded inside me.

  "You love me?" I whispered, and he twisted his face in pain as he reached up to cup my cheek.

  "Of course, we love you."

  "Do you love us?" Tate asked, and the smile on his face said he already knew the answer. He'd felt the outpouring of emotion Shep's confession caused in me.

  My eyes burned with tears, but I nodded in relief. "Yes."

  "Thank fuck," Shep groaned, pressing his forehead as a happy laugh bubbled passed my lips.

  "But there's something else you need to know before we can say for certain that this will work long term." Char's gaze was intense on mine. "We wanted to tell you, but we had to know if we could trust you first. This doesn't leave our group, Mireyah. Not until we Ascend. There are those who would use it against us if they knew."

  "Okay," I whispered with wide eyes. I watched as he turned his attention to Tate, pressing his lips to the other man's in a kiss that conveyed the two were very familiar with one another. Even watching the kiss felt like watching a homecoming, and I knew at that moment that they hadn't only abstained from women until they could have me.

  They'd abstained from each other.

  Watching Char assert his dominance over Tate with nothing but the fusion of t
heir mouths, I felt need pooling in my belly. I'd never seen two men kiss before, never even considered that it might be something I liked to watch. "The two of you are bisexual?" I asked.

  Char tilted his head in thought, then nodded hesitantly. "I don't know how I would classify it. We never tried to label it. We've never been with men outside of our group, never even been tempted."

  "But it's not just the two of them," Shep whispered, staring up at my face. "We all are. I mean, obviously the twins don't have a relationship like that, and certain roles have come out in terms of who enjoys what. We've experimented, determined what each of us likes and doesn't like."

  "Don't overwhelm her with information." Ryle chuckled running both hands through his hair back and forth like he couldn’t be still. "All that matters, is that we will fuck each other. You'll see Hollis and Tate getting fucked in the ass and swallowing cock. You'll probably even fuck them while they get fucked. You'll get to feel what it's like to have two of us sliding against each other while we're inside you. Is that something you can handle?" he asked, but his eyebrow raised as if he already knew the answer.

  Shep's hand drew a circle over my knee, making my flesh pebble with goosebumps beneath his touch. "I think our Little Northerner is very much okay with that."

  Char's eyes narrowed on where my thighs were pressed together. He smiled, and I knew he could see I wasn’t trying to keep Shep out but to keep the uncontrollable need in me in. "Are you wet, Mireyah?" I bit my lip, debating how to answer. Somehow, I knew that if I was honest about what the sight of them together had done to me, there would be no turning back. We would move past that silent boundary that we'd all established after they'd violated me. I had to decide if I was ready for that and realized that I was.

  I didn't want to waste more time, knowing that everything could change any minute. That I could die without ever having had them inside me sober and willing.

  "Yes," I whispered.

  "Does that mean you're okay with us being with each other in addition to you? With or without you present?"