Impure

by Kenna Bardot

  And as I stared at the eyes full of pain and innocence, my heart broke. I watched the light of life leave her eyes as she collapsed to the ground limp and lifeless.

  I fell to the ground, my hand still holding the bloody dagger in my hand. Rather than let it clatter to the ground, I gripped it harder. I buried my face in my hands, struggling to wipe the tears from my hands. I opened my eyes and the body of the little girl was no longer there. To my horror, she had been replaced by several more bodies.

  And these were of people I knew. People I missed so fucking much every day I struggled not to think about them. I ran up to hold Varo in my arms, and he was pale, so pale and unmoving. I reached over and held my mother's hand and she was cold, so cold and lifeless.

  I looked up to the ceiling, and all I saw was darkness. "What do you want to do? Break my heart or just break me?" I felt the tears streaking down my cheeks. "Well, mission achieved. There is nothing you can show me that could hurt me more."

  The body in my hand started shimmering along with the other bodies that surrounded me. But I felt the shift in weight from Varo to someone much bigger. I looked down and saw Char - that shocking white hair and those eyes just as white staring up blankly.

  "No. No." My voice was a keening, painful sound.

  A voice sounded, "If you live, you get a choice."

  And the earth rumbled, and the bodies shimmered away. I reached up to wipe the tears, realizing that I still held the dagger in my hand. The world beneath me tilted, until it was at a sixty-degree angle, sloping downward.

  I felt the shaking before I saw it. I turned back and several boulders rolled down straight towards me. I stood up and started running down.

  I stumbled on my own feet because of and due to the angle, I had to run. In the distance, sound of the Vepdine wolf. It multiplied, telling me there were more than one there. And I felt the tension in my shoulders because I knew they could be anywhere. I saw a path to the right that would put me directly out of the path of the rolling boulders.

  I veered sharply and heard the paws on the ground just a moment before one of the wolves jumped at me. I barely evaded, the claws of his front paw scratching at the front of my outfit and tearing at its hem. I ran as fast as I could manage, reaching the edge of a cliff. Two ropes were tied, parallel to each, making a rather precarious bridge for me to cross.

  When I looked back and saw the pack rushing towards me, I tucked the dagger into my waistband and balanced myself on the rope, holding the top rope with both my hands. I was thankful I had trained and had upper body strength.

  The rope bit into my hands, and it was slow-going to get to the other side. I felt the rope shake and saw the Vepdines were pulling at the rope albeit unable to climb and walk on it.

  I reached the other side, and the ground beneath my feet crumbled causing me to slide down. I tried to stop my downward slide by holding out my hands but all I managed was to break my nails. I fell down into an abyss, but my fall was broken by what felt like a million flower petals, drenched in something sticky. I felt myself sink down into the huge pool, but I spotted a long rope at the end of the pit and started towards it.

  I felt hard and sharp objects poking at me as I treaded through, the sticky substance that smelled suspiciously coppery coating me. I made sure to be very careful that I did not sink down to below my waist.

  I grasped the rope and pulled myself up, using all the upper body strength I almost certainly didn't possess. When I reached the top, the first thing I saw was a path that led to a door outlined in light. I walked towards it, having no other direction to go.

  The door opened as I walked up to it as though it sensed that I was there. The room was sparse, and all that was in it was a single ceiling light and a standing mirror.

  As it seemed in the habit of doing, the door sealed itself back up the moment I walked inside. It seemed I had no other choice but to walk forward and peer into the mirror. When I stepped into the light, I realized that my skin was coated in red and a peek into the mirror confirmed that it was red. Coppery-scented.

  Blood.

  I had fallen into a bed of petals and what must have been bones drenched and swimming in sticky blood.

  I had smelt the coppery scent but had not connected the smell to the blood until I had seen it.

  "Gods, what is this?" That was when I saw the well at the very end of the room. I practically ran to it and started cranking at the handle. The pail came up with a shallow amount of water that I splashed onto my body. It had absolutely no effect on me. I did it again to get more water especially since I heard the pail splash onto what sounded like a deep pool of water.

  I kept at it until my arms ached but when I looked down, my hands and arms were just as streaked and dirty as they had been just minutes before. I threw the pail back into the well, giving up and just accepting that I was going have to live with it.

  The moment I did, another door opened at the other end of the room, and I walked towards it. The room was not dark nor dim as the others had been. In fact, it was more like the stark white room I decided against when I'd first entered.

  "Mireyah Bolstad," I heard my name being called. "Step forward."

  Gritting my teeth, I walked forward, but I made it obvious that I was tired of being ordered about by disembodied voices.

  "Stop," the voice ordered, and I let out an annoyed sigh as I did so.

  The surrounding ground crumbled, and I had to pinwheel my arms to make sure I did not fall.

  I looked around, seeing the nothingness that surrounded me, the nothingness that I could fall into.

  I had a feeling if I did, I would never see an end.

  "Why do you talk and hide yourself?" I huffed out a breath. "You're making us do this, you should have enough balls not to hide behind your omniscience."

  A laugh reverberated throughout the room and what appeared like a normal God shimmered in front of me. He floated above the nothingness even as his laughter tapered off and he stared at me. He wore his dark blond hair long and tied behind him in a low ponytail. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen but, perhaps most telling of all, he exuded a raw charm and power that even a normal God could not boast of.

  "Greetings, Mireyah Bolstad. It is interesting how you speak to a God so when you should try to win our favor?"

  “I would rather walk through seven feet of just fallen snow wet, naked and freezing than use my saliva in devotion to you. Of any of you," I snapped out but a moment later, slapped a hand over my mouth, causing myself to lose my balance.

  One had to wonder, and I really did... why I couldn't just keep my big mouth shut. It was all a matter of common sense, really. Ever since I'd arrived here, I'd said things whenever I should have just been keeping my thoughts to myself. Because they'd gotten me into boatloads of trouble before. Hell, I wouldn’t even be in this situation if not for my big mouth.

  I almost fell when the thing I stood on shook again, and I had to look down just a little, making sure that my feet were still firmly planted.

  I took a sharp intake of breath and went back to looking straight ahead. To look at the God who owned the voice, I’d been hearing all day. He was tall, striking - on his face was a cruel beauty that repelled as much as it entranced. He exuded an energy that seemed to ripple in the surrounding air.

  He laughed, and the ground shook with him as he took a step towards me. "You're very brave, aren't you?"

  "Sometimes to my detriment." A cold and biting wind whooshed against my face and my hair whipped around my face, white whipping ropes that were punishing against my face.

  His hand came up, a whisper away from my cheek, and I had to stop myself from swiveling to avoid it.

  “Don’t touch me,” I snapped out.

  "Interesting. So it wasn't for show, was it, Mireyah Bolstad? How interesting." This from a female voice who shimmered in front of me. She had flowing red hair that fell to her waist with flowers tucked into it.

  "What wasn't for show?" I put my
arms out again as I was on the verge of falling especially from slapping a hand over my mouth.

  And, unlike the Gods, I had no ability to float as they did.

  "Your hatred for the Gods." She smiled at me even as she spoke of hatred. "We've had a lot of humans here, pretending to hate us but crumbling when faced with our reality." She reached over and touched my cheek and where I had assumed, she would pass through me like mist, I felt it as real as I could feel my heart thudding in my chest.

  "I am Rhiannon. Goddess of Life. Do you know me, child?" She tucked a strand of hair that had fallen from my ponytail behind my ear. The act felt oddly maternal and made my heart ache for my mother.

  "Yes," I answered even as I struggled to hold my balance. "I know you. I know all of you. My opposition does not stem from ignorance."

  She nodded and smiled. "That's very impressive. That child from earlier. Do you remember her face?"

  I didn’t know why she had to ask. Didn’t think I would ever forget. It haunted me and no matter that I knew it had been done as a test to me, it always would. "I don't know how I could be expected to forget that."

  "Yet you killed her. Did you feel any pity for her?"

  The other God, the first one - the one whose disembodied voice I'd been hearing the entire day - walked forward. "Perhaps you enjoyed the fact that you had control over life and death."

  Rhiannon faced him, fisting her hands on her hips and frowning. "Zeevar. No. This is my time."

  "Zeevar, God of Death," I whispered because I should have figured it would be him. The statues I'd seen of him did not do him justice.

  "That's right," he spoke up with an edge to his voice. "I am Zeevar. And I wonder that you condemn us for something you have done."

  "I did what she asked of me." I felt my teeth grinding together in annoyance, and I loosened my jaw lest I injure myself further. The eyes still haunted me and the feeling of the cold blade of the dagger against the waistband of the pants I wore were a reminder of my sins.

  "And do you do everything that is asked of you?" Another Goddess winked beside Zeevar. This one was tiny with hair as black as the night and, even braided, so long it fell below her knees. Her eyes shone with what felt like a million unshed tears and her face was lined with lines and wrinkles indicative of laughter and crying.

  Somehow, in grave defiance to the lines, she gave off a youthful glow. "If one were to ask you to do something, do you not use judgment and just do what is asked of you? If I asked you to jump right now, would you?"

  "I would not, of course." I turned towards the dark-haired Goddess. "Caprice, Goddess of emotion."

  She raised an eyebrow at me, smiling as she clapped. "Well then, you're a smart one aren't you?"

  "I do not deny that I've been referred to as smart before." A smart ass, really, if truth be told.

  "You haven't finished answering my question. Why did you do what was asked of you?" Rhiannon walked to my line of vision.

  "Because my heart broke for her. And I knew if I succumbed to my so-called morals, I would live to regret it. Regret not giving a suffering child what she wanted more than anything. Her own family, the group of people that should have protected her left her to die on her own. Whether physically or in spirit, they left her to die, and I didn't want her last few moments of humanity remembering that her own kind had disappointed and hurt her." I felt the salt hit my lips and realized I was crying.

  "And does your heart break easily enough, Mireyah of Wintercairn?" This from Caprice, who had also started crying, probably when I had.

  "I believe that one must be open to emotions. As humans, there is a frailty to our emotions, but I try to embrace them."

  Zeevar walked forward and ran a single finger down my cheek. I shuddered but didn't otherwise react. "And is that how you felt in that pit?"

  I shook my head, trying to communicate my confusion. "I don't understand..."

  "Do you know whose blood you are covered in, Mireyah Bolstad?"

  "I don't," I broke off as the horror overtook me. "Human?" I looked down at my blood-drenched clothing, desperate to be free. Wishing I could just stand there naked.

  Anything would be better.

  He confirmed with a nod, "Human. You are coated in the blood of all the humans whose lives have been lost for you to make it here." Rhiannon's voice was soft, almost full of pity as I turned my eyes towards her. "Can you live with that?"

  I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I had not really liked any of the people I had competed with, but it did not make it any easier. They were like me, with dreams and hopes, emotions and feelings. They had friends and families who would mourn their loss and feel that loss acutely. As mine would, should I fail.

  I opened my eyes and met hers, luminous and green and shining with such heart-rending understanding that I wanted to reach over and hold her hand to my cheek for comfort.

  "I will have to live with it, Mother Rhiannon. I cannot undo what was done to them. Nor could I pretend that I would willingly die in their stead. My determination to survive and win has been so great from the beginning that I cannot pretend otherwise now. However, should I have more of a life to live, a part of me will always mourn for what was lost so that I might be."

  She touched a hand to my face and smiled before shimmering away. "Farewell and be well, Mireyah Bolstad."

  I felt the panic tighten in my chest but had to make some minute adjustments to ensure I kept my balance as some rocks and debris fell onto my head from above.

  Zeevar walked forward and waved a hand. In front of me, I saw my family as I had seen them before. Caprice walked forward and waved her hands, and I saw my five Descendants.

  I closed my eyes and turned my head away. I didn't want to see it any longer even while perfectly knowing that I would never forget what it had looked like to see them all lifeless and unmoving. Blank and gone.

  "They are not dead, Mireyah Bolstad." Zeevar nodded his head as he took several more steps near me until he was all but in my space.

  "However, you would have to choose. Someone from your past," Caprice pointed to my family before pointing to Char and the guys, "for someone from your future. It is your choice."

  I shook my head because it was too much. A choice I could never make without finally breaking. "You bastards. You would have me choose between the two parts of my heart. Two parts that keep my soul intact."

  "Choose," Zeevar demanded, skin glowing in the low light of the room.

  "No. Kill them all or spare them all, I will not make a choice to appease the need of a power-hungry God. I can kill an innocent child who asks me to do so because I understand that it was the best course of action, but I will not give in to your demands to entertain you by watching me break."

  Zeevar's nose flared, and he slashed a hand through the air and they all vanished - my family and my loves all alike. "Then live without them."

  I met his eyes, dark blue and cruel and allowed myself not to falter. "Will you not break?" Caprice asked with those eyes that seemed to feel.

  "I will," I spoke with a soft voice. I was tired. One way or the other, I wanted to end it. "I will be broken."

  "You complicate things for yourself needlessly." Zeevar stomped his foot impatiently.

  "No," I disagreed vehemently. "I cannot make the decision because I am not a God. Were I a God I could still not make it, because I believe that killing simply to punish someone else is cruelty beyond comparison."

  "You are stubborn, Mireyah Bolstad." Zeevar grinned. "I find myself impressed despite my better judgment. Farewell and be well."

  And he too winked out, and I was left with only Caprice. "Do you wish you could give us pain, Mireyah?"

  I shook my head. "No. I do not care about you all. That's the difficulty of it. I care too much about finishing this, but I wish I didn't have to go through it."

  "Of course." She cocked her head to the side. "I believe you called us bastards."

  "Not the worst I've called you, I assure
you." The words that left my mouth had never ceased getting me into trouble.

  The earth rumbled again, and I cursed loudly when I almost felt myself fall. Laughter echoed in the entire chamber, and a big-barreled chest appeared in front of me. It was the body of a man that was bigger than life. He must have stood inside the dark pit because I could not see much of him. I had to angle my head up to look up at him and could only do so with extreme difficulty.

  Caprice poked a hand into the chest. "Anselm, you are too big."

  A deep voice echoed in the chamber. "Caprice, my dear, you are too tiny."

  Caprice huffed. "Regardless. I am glad you’ve finally made it here."

  "I've come to meet the infamous Mireyah Bolstad." He shimmered and shrank until he was of a more normal size - a well-built man with hair that glinted gold and silver, copper and bronze. "You made it through my obstacle quickly. It was disappointing. How did you spot the tiny path off to the side?"

  "I used my mind and opened my instincts. I did not want to keep running needlessly." I felt the sweat drip down my back, bloom in my forehead, as the temperature in the chamber increased from the almost biting cold to an almost boiling heat.

  "Very well. It is time for you to leave here." Anselm spoke, and Caprice nodded in agreement.

  "How?" I asked as I realized with a jolt that I still stood on a thin platform over nothingness.

  "You have all you need in your heart and in your head, Mireyah Bolstad. Farewell and be well." Caprice winked out, and I was left with just God of the Physical.

  He waved a hand behind me and the outline of a door appeared. "It is unlocked," he declared and disappeared. "Good luck. Farewell and be well."

  "Fuck!" I cursed as I realized that they'd left me there. Just left me there. I dropped my other foot and met nothing but air. I instead stepped on top of my other foot to help conserve my energy.

  They'd said that I had everything I needed. Either that was true, or they were lying, and I was fated to die there. I crouched down, legs trembling as I did so and tried to feel what the material, I was standing on was. When I swiped my hand under my foot, all I felt was air until I felt under my foot at the hard material that kept me from plummeting to my death.