Forgiveness

by Wilder, Chiah

  “I’m not surprised. You never were a cowboy.” Maggie snorted softly. “Falling in love with you was definitely not in my grand plan … but—”

  “But what?” Flux scanned her face. “I’ve been roaming the country ever since I buried Alicia and Emily. Guilt and bitterness and rage were my constant companions along with mind-numbing grief. I wanted to keep the pain alive as a reminder that I fucked up and failed my family.” He put two fingers against Maggie’s lips to silence her. He had to tell her how he felt, how she made him live again. “I also wanted the pain because I was so fuckin’ scared of forgetting how they sounded, how they looked, how they smelled. I didn’t want to let go. I hated myself for being alive when they were dead.”

  Maggie peppered light kisses along his jaw, murmuring, “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be, Duchess, because you made me realize that Alicia would never want me to be the walking dead. I found you in a crummy bar in a desert city in a dusty rodeo. I still can’t believe it, and now I can’t have you. You’ve got to live the life you were meant to. The damn rodeo flows through your veins. I’ve got to let you go, Duchess.”

  “Do you want to let me go?” Maggie whispered.

  “Fuck no, but …” Flux tried to untangle himself from her grip, but she still wouldn’t let go or back off, holding on even harder while he watched his words process across her face.

  “Then don’t,” she said as if it were the easiest thing in the world. “I don’t want to lose you.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Stop making decisions for me. I know what’s good for me and what I want is—you.”

  Flux blinked. What the hell’s she talking about? “I’m gonna be straight with you, darlin’. The long-distance thing isn’t on the table. There’s no fuckin’ way we’d ever be satisfied with that FaceTime bullshit, and I can’t ask you to give up the career you’ve worked so hard for. You just nailed it, and there are tons more competitions ahead of you. You deserve the life you always wanted.”

  “And who’s to say what’s best for me, Flux? Who gave you that power?”

  Her anger flared across her skin as she dropped his remaining arm and turned back toward the Strip, arms around her waist hugging herself. Flux ran his hand through his hair. Fuck, none of this is going right. He should’ve kept his damn mouth shut and they would’ve figured it out later or some shit. Anything but what was going down in front of his face.

  Flux groped for something else to say, but Maggie whirled around to face him again.

  “Ask me,” she said.

  “What?” He swallowed as he took a step backward.

  “Ask me to be with you, Flux.”

  That was the moment where time stood still for him. His tongue was thick in his mouth as he went hot and cold all at the same time. He stuffed his hands in his pants pockets and started pacing the small concrete balcony.

  “You’re fucking nuts, Duchess. I’m not gonna ask you to give up barrel racing for me. You’ll regret it and end up hating me a few years down the road.”

  “I won’t regret it, and I could never hate you,” she replied so softly that he almost couldn’t hear her over the pounding of his own footsteps.

  “Being in a long-term relationship isn’t all sunshine. You got good and bad times and having a load of regret isn’t gonna get you through the tough times. Being with a biker is a hard as fuck life, and you gotta accept him and his brothers or it’ll never work.” He stopped and stared at her.

  “I won’t regret anything because I can still compete, but on my terms. I can pick and choose the rodeos I want to participate in. I won’t be ruled by my career anymore.” Maggie reached out and grasped Flux’s hands. “I already grabbed the brass ring tonight. Winning in the Nationals was something I worked for since I was a kid, and everything that comes after it now is just the icing on the cake. Even though I’m a competitor, I never wanted that to be my whole life. I’ve always dreamed of falling in love with the right man and living a happy life with him. So, why the fuck would I walk away from you?”

  A rush of adrenaline shot through Flux followed by a warmth he hadn’t experienced in a long time. There was no fucking way he wanted Maggie out of his life, yet nothing else mattered but her happiness. Hearing Maggie say that she wanted to be with him made the high he was feeling so much better than any premium weed he’d ever had. Maggie soothed his flames to a steady heat, calming the consuming inferno that had raged within him for years. Being in love with her quelled the anger, the guilt, and the pain. She was his lover, his addiction, his woman, and now she wanted to share her life with him. Fuck.

  Flux inhaled sharply then yanked Maggie to him, cocooning her in his arms while breathing in the citrusy scent of her hair. “You fuckin’ make me happy, woman. We’ll build our life together. Maybe have a couple of kids.” Emily’s sweet smile flitted across his mind and his heart squeezed.

  As if sensing his pain, Maggie tilted her head back and kissed the base of his throat. “I’d love to have a family with you. You’re one special man, Flux. Being in love with you beats out any adrenaline rush I’ve ever had in the ring. You’re all I want and need, and I love that we’ll be building a new life together.”

  “Me too, Duchess.” Flux bent his head down and crushed his mouth on hers and they stood on the balcony fused together, kissing, as the warm desert breeze caressed them. After several minutes, he broke away and stroked her cheek with his fingers. “No matter what, I’ll always have your back. When you go on the road to compete, my ass is with you. There’s no fuckin’ way I’m letting you go without me.”

  Maggie swept her lips across his. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, big guy.”

  Peace settled over his shoulders, and an abrupt and warm sensation in the pit of his stomach made him reel for a second then he pressed her tighter against his chest. Maggie looked up at him through her long lashes and a burning desire rushed through him. He lowered his mouth and kissed her as if he was trying to push his soul and his promise of forever into her body.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Maggie

  As much as Maggie could tell Flux wanted to take her back to bed with him, his arms straining to not throw her over his shoulder caveman style, she wanted something a little more. Just because the evening had been classy didn’t mean that she couldn’t whip out a few tricks and get really naughty.

  “Take off my dress,” Maggie whimpered against his lips, her nipples growing hard as her fingers danced over the buttons in his shirt, fighting to get them off. “I need you inside me. Please.”

  Maggie knew the “please” pushed all of Flux’s feral buttons. He growled deep in his throat; a possessive noise that ripped arousal through her flesh from her scalp to her toes as a shudder danced up her spine. Maybe she hadn’t fully comprehended what she was asking for when his hands dove for the risqué plunge between her chest and he tore the fabric in half with a considerable noise that made goosebumps skitter across every inch of her skin.

  “Oh shit.” She gulped and stared down at her nearly naked body. “That was fucking hot.”

  “You liked that, huh?” Flux asked as his lips already meandered down the column of her neck at the same time his hands roamed her body, undoing the clasp of her bra and dropping it to the floor. “Put your hands on the railing and face away from me.”

  Without hesitation, Maggie’s fingers curled around the cool bar of steel. Every sense was on high alert as she listened to Flux shed his clothing, her silent plea for his touch in the tension spread between them.

  “Don’t fuckin’ move, Duchess.”

  Maggie stood as she was without uttering a word. By the time Flux came back to her, his hands carved themselves into her hipbones and dragged her ass back until she fit snuggly against his naked erection. A small moan escaped as she bit her lower lip. Damn, Maggie wanted him inside so badly, but instead, he teased her as he worked his thick cock against her cheeks and lower back, occasionally sliding in between her legs.
So close, yet so far.

  “Flux,” she moaned.

  He rubbed against every sensitive part until she was lightheaded and no longer knew up from down anymore. Maggie couldn’t help grinding her ass back into him, even as he struggled to hold her still so he could keep up the torment. At one point, Flux tsked against the lip of her ear, but no sooner had he made the small reprieving noise, he slid her panties to one side and rubbed the head of his dick against her silken folds. She jolted forward with a gasp then wiggled backward for more of him.

  “That’s it,” Flux coaxed, biting her neck. “You know exactly what you want for the rest of your life, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” she groaned, as he angled the tip his cock into her opening, teasing her with only the briefest sensation of fullness. “More, Flux. More.”

  “You’re so fuckin’ eager—I love it. Now say it, Duchess.”

  “Say what?” she whined, helpless and on autopilot as he took small, short strokes inside her, refusing to ram home while he kept all the control.

  “Tell me what you want for the rest of your life.”

  “I want you, Flux. I want you for the rest of my life,” she cried out as his free hand plucked one of her nipples, pinching the sensitive tip before rolling it between his fingers. “Oh shit … I want nothing but you. Always you.”

  “Perfect,” he whispered, leaving a light kiss on the back of her neck. “I think you’re ready for me, Duchess.”

  Maggie moaned in frustration, her fingers white at the knuckles where she gripped the railing while his cock moved within her, almost touching her right where she needed him most. All the hairs on the nape of her neck raised, and a series of small whimpers escaped from her mouth.

  Flux tweaked her nipples and massaged her breasts, and she was just about ready to plead with him to fuck the shit out of her when he thrust forward so hard that he trapped her body against the railing. He pulled out and before she could protest, rammed back inside her with a grunt that echoed through her and left her weak-kneed and breathless.

  “You’re mine, Maggie,” Flux rasped as he squeezed her breasts. “Your tits”—he smacked her behind—“your tits, and your pussy are all mine. I’m claiming you as my woman, and I’ll never fuckin’ betray or hurt you. You’ve got my goddamn heart, Duchess.”

  At that moment, Flux filled up and claimed every single part of her world, her mind, and her body, and she knew none of it would ever be the same now that he’d worked his way inside her heart. She was his and he was hers and nothing in life could ever change that.

  “You’re mine too, Flux—always.”

  “Fuck, yeah,” he rasped.

  Flux didn’t waste any time. No sooner was he as deep as he could go when he drew himself almost all the way out and drove back in again, a seductive pounding that left her feeling nothing but used and wanted. While the lights of Vegas painted their bodies in various colors, Maggie echoed his movements as much as possible while he continued to pin her half-naked body against the balcony railing.

  “God, don’t ever stop,” she panted.

  Her breasts bounced with every thrust, his mouth, his tongue, and his hands exploring every sensitive dip and bend of her body that was reachable without removing himself again. They joined in every way possible, Flux taking control as she allowed him to have all the things they’d both been longing for but were too afraid to take for themselves. Now, everything had fallen into place and it was fucking glorious.

  “You’ll never stop being mine, Duchess. Don’t forget that. Even when I’m not inside you, you’re mine.”

  “Oh, Flux,” Maggie breathed out as her orgasm tightened through her middle and spiraled out into her veins.

  Unable to take it, she tore her hands away from the metal and grabbed his where he was rubbing his thumb over her clit. Without skipping a beat, she moved his finger into quicker, smaller circles with a high-pitched noise at the back of her throat that was all animal and all pleasure. She sensed her inner walls tightening around him, and fluttered and flexed as he bit into her shoulder and drove deeper and harder.

  “Come for me, darlin’.”

  That did it. Maggie came as the world tore itself to shreds and her knees went weak, and Flux’s arm, tight around her waist, was the only thing keeping her standing upright. Pleasure stole away everything but the reality of their connection. Her focus caught on his short, sharp breaths against her shoulder, his hand on her clit, his hips hitting her ass, and his cock pulsing inside her pussy.

  “I’m not … far …” Flux circled his hips and she went on her tiptoes with a cry of shock and surprise, his depth changing the angle and making her toes curl. “I want another one before I’m done.”

  Maggie’s whimpers were her response. Each time, his hips touched some secret part of her until she was a trembling mess from the inside out. Flux laughed, low as he licked a line down her spine. Nearly undone, all she could do was shudder and thrust herself backward for more of him while the lust climbed her like a trellis.

  “I’m ready,” Maggie panted, arching and struggling to keep upright as she widened her legs and he bent her further forward at the waist.

  “Good.” Flux laughed again, a noise so filled with masculine satisfaction she thought she might lose it purely from that sound alone.

  His hand shook where he held her hip, his thrusts growing more frantic. No sooner had her throat tightened from the ecstasy tensing its grip on her body when he spilled himself deep inside her. His fingers spasmed along her clit and she cried out, shocked by the extra stimulation that jolted through her as her eyes slammed closed and her hand clamped tight over his on her pussy.

  “Shit, that was …” Flux fought for breath and she nodded, floating on a cloud of euphoria that made everything more than a little bit foggy.

  Maggie half-expected a standing ovation from one of their neighbors, and the idea made her grin grow wider as Flux’s arms brought her back in close to his front. The warmth of his skin soaked into her behind until her breathing slowed as she lost herself in the safety and serenity of his embrace.

  She rested her head against his chest, glad as hell that she’d kicked everyone else to the curb so that Flux could have the room to find her when she most needed him. Although they were both discovering new lives and finding themselves, nothing would be too hard so long as they were together.

  “Let’s get inside, Duchess. There’s a huge ass sunken tub with your name on it.”

  “Sounds like we can come up with some ideas for that. Are you going to soap me up and wash me?”

  A guttural sound rumbled in the back of Flux’s throat. “Don’t tempt me with a good time. It’ll give me an opportunity to get reacquainted with every square inch of you. A sight I’ll never get sick of, that’s for fucking sure.”

  “Mmm,” Maggie smiled and nuzzled back into his chest. “You treat me like a queen, you know that?”

  “You deserve every second and more, woman. You’re the reason real men are born, bred, and raised, and I intend to be everything you need me to be, is that clear?”

  “As crystal.” Maggie looked down as another annoying blush flooded into her cheeks at his words. “Who’d ever think a big, bad biker would be waxing poetic?”

  “What? You think I’ve lost all my edge because I’m so infatuated with you, Duchess?”

  “Something like that,” she teased. He scooped her up into his arms, holding her as if she weighed nothing at all. “What’re you doing?”

  “Going for round two, and then the bath. Clearly I wasn’t rough enough the first time to satisfy your cravings, and this big, bad biker wants you to be so satisfied that you can’t remember your damn name in the morning. I’m more than up for putting in the fuckin’ work.”

  And that was the beauty of their relationship, wasn’t it? In the end, it wasn’t work nor would it ever be anything like it. Maggie flung her head back and laughed as Flux slipped them through the balcony doors into the chill, crisp air of their hot
el room.

  She had a feeling nothing about her life would ever be planned again, and she was more than down for the ride.

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  Notes from Chiah

  As always, I have a team behind me making sure I shine and continue on my writing journey. It is their support, encouragement, and dedication that pushes me further in my writing journey. And then, it is my wonderful readers who have supported me, laughed, cried, and understood how these outlaw men live and love in their dark and gritty world. Without you—the readers—an author’s words are just letters on a page. The emotions you take away from the words breathe life into the story.

  Thank you to my amazing Personal Assistant Natalie Weston. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your patience, calmness, and insights are always appreciated. Thank you for stepping in when I’m holed up tapping away on the computer, oblivious to the world. You make my writing journey that much smoother. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me! I’m so lucky on my team!

  Thank you to my editor Lisa Cullian, for all your insightful edits and making my story a better one. You definitely made this book shine. As always, a HUGE thank you for your patience and flexibility with accepting my book in pieces. I never could have hit the Publish button without you. You’re the best!

  Thank you to my wonderful beta readers Natalie Weston, Sue Anne Binder, Darlene Perry, and Maryann Reed. You rock! Your enthusiasm and suggestions for Forgiveness: Nomad Biker Romance Series were spot on and helped me to put out a stronger, cleaner novel.