by Emma Ashwood
Jacob seemed to nearly choke on his pie. Swallowing it down quickly and coughing, he wiped his mouth as he spoke. 'I thought you would like to stay in the smaller room tonight. It's much more comfortable and I have to be up very early, so I thought it best not to disturb you.'
'Yes, thank you. That's...very considerate of you.' She breathed out in relief. At least there would be an opportunity to get to know him first. But at the same time, she was worried. Did he really want a real romance?
Jacob finished his food quickly after that and left her with a formal 'Goodnight,' as if he were talking to a town official rather than his new wife.
Tally took herself to her room with a heavy heart, and when she saw the night gown laid out across her bed, tears rolled down her cheeks unbidden as she packed it away. In many ways she was glad, but for some reason still the tears flowed. Putting on her everyday cotton gown, she put out her lamp and got into bed without even bothering to unpin her hair. She pulled the eiderdown around her and squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears, thinking that she had never felt so lonely.
She was oblivious to how Jacob, alone in his room a corridor away, tossed and turned as he fought his demons. That and the urge to knock on his new bride’s door and sweep her into his arms.
CHAPTER FIVE
Chapter 4
Tally came down to breakfast the next day with no surprise at Jacob’s lack of presence. She had spent the night in a broken sleep, feeling the loneliness of having spent her wedding night by herself and found that underneath the pain, her determination to woo Jacob round only grew.
He had desired her yesterday; she was sure of that, and so whatever was holding him back from building a connection with her could be broken down. There was a softer side to him, she could sense it, and Tally wasn’t going to let his aloofness and quite frankly rudeness put her off getting to the bottom of it. No, she had determined, she would find out what made her new husband tick.
She had requested Pete take her and Ellie into town so that she could replenish the larder’s dwindling stores. That and going through the ledgers would keep her busy for a few days and would help her plan for her short-term goal: Christmas.
Everybody loved Christmas, didn’t they? So Ellie planned to make the holidays at the Tucker ranch as festive and family-like as possible. Perhaps, she had mused to herself as she dressed that morning, Jacob had never known how to be a part of a family. She knew little about him really, but she knew he was an orphan with no siblings and had been alone building his business for a long time. Perhaps he thought building a family with her would be a distraction. Well, she would show him it was possible to have both.
In any case, looking to the future with the hope of salvaging her plans for romance and children in this marriage was preferable to dwelling on the alternative; that her days in Cedar Fields would stretch on like this, virtually ignored by her new husband. Anything’s possible if you put your mind to it, her father had always told her, and she would put his advice to good effect.
Also Tally was eager to look around her new town which she had caught barely a glimpse of yesterday, and to get to know the locals and start to make friends. She wasn’t going to be left alone in the big ranch house to wither away her beauty and her years.
Outside, Pete helped her and Ellie onto the cart and Tally noticed that the girl seemed to struggle climbing up, pressing one hand to her lower back as if in pain.
‘Why, is everything all right?’ Tally asked in alarm as Ellie paled before her eyes. Ellie nodded, waving away Tally’s outstretched hand.
‘I’m fine, Miss, honestly, just a little twinge.’ She looked embarrassed and so Tally dropped her inquiry, but she scanned the girl as she sat down, hoping Ellie wasn’t going to get ill. Medical supplies could be lacking in a small Western town such as this and she thought it may take an age to get a doctor out. Ellie was carrying a little extra weight, she noticed, and she wondered if it was putting a strain on her small-boned frame. Still, it would only embarrass the girl to mention it, especially in front of her father.
Pete seemed concerned too, looking back at his daughter with fatherly care and a touch of worry. ‘You stay in the cart, lass; I’ll see Mrs. Tucker around. Better yet, stay here.’
‘Yes, you get some rest, Ellie,’ Tally reassured her, but the girl shook her head.
‘No, Mister Jacob will only think I’m slacking.’
Tally went to insist that Jacob wouldn’t mind at all, but then realized she knew far too little about him to make that comment. Was he a terrible boss then, as harsh to his workers as he was aloof to his wife? If so, Tally would have a harder job than she thought breaking through that icy exterior. Somehow, for all his offhand treatment of her, she had imagined him to be a good man and beneficent employer.
What if I’m wrong? The thought scurried around in her mind, and he really is just mean? But no, she was firm with herself; she would not allow herself to believe that.
In truth she could not, if she was to hold on to any last vestige of hope that this marriage could still turn out to be as she had dreamed.
Tally turned her attention back to the present and pulled her cloak tighter around herself; the winter wind was cutting today, even with the promise of snow to come, and she again though about Christmas.
‘I thought I would like to see about supplies for Christmas,’ she said, and wondered if she imagined the look of consternation that passed between Pete and Ellie as the man climbed onto the front of the cart and took hold of the reins.
‘Let’s be going then,’ he said, and Tally nodded, sighing inwardly. Why was everyone and everything here so mysterious?
After a time of muddy roads and a harsh landscape she saw the town approaching. A few collections of houses here and there, at least two salons, the church and Sheriff’s office and a row of shops made up Cedar Fields; it could hardly even be called a town. Even so it was pretty, she thought as Pete helped her down, and there were a good few people bustling around its narrow streets.
‘Would you like to see the fabric store and the dressmakers, Miss?’ Ellie asked her, pointing across the road. Tally nodded, feeling a little excitement beginning to grow in her stomach. She was a married woman now, with means – well, Jacob’s means – and a few new winter dresses would be lovely. She envisaged herself in rich rubies and greens to match the season and allowed herself to imagine Jacob looking at her in her new finery with the same heat in his eyes that she had seen in them yesterday.
Tally was disappointed then when the drapers had little more than serviceable fabrics, created for hardiness rather than vanity. She ordered two new gowns nevertheless but couldn’t help feeling a little deflated. Still she was a rancher’s wife after all, not some high society bride. This was the life she had chosen for herself.
The dressmaker, who Ellie referred to as Mags, cast an eye over Ellie as they were leaving with the same air of concern Tally had seen in Pete’s face.
‘Everything all right with you, girl? Eating well, are you?’ the old woman asked sharply. Ellie blushed and nodded quickly. ‘Yes, yes.’ Mags gave a little shake of her head after them.
‘She seemed…concerned?’ Tally asked, wondering why she had asked Ellie if she was eating when the girl looked well fed enough. Ellie nodded.
‘Oh, she fancies herself as a bit of a medicine woman, is all, and some of the townspeople go to her for herbs and things. The doctor, Mr. Phelps, hates her and calls her a witch, but I think he’s just mad because he’s always losing custom to her.’
Tally shuddered at the word ‘witch’, though in truth a part of her couldn’t help wondering if the old woman knew a thing or two about love spells. Sending up a quick prayer of forgiveness for her blasphemous thoughts, Tally hurried after Ellie to find the mercantile.
‘I took the new Mrs. Tucker around the town today. Think the locals took a shine to her,’ Pete said later to Jacob. Jacob nodded, his thoughts elsewhere.
‘Good, that’s good. She see
ms to be settling in well. Asking for the stores inventories and ledgers already; she was a good choice.’
‘You make her sound like a prize heifer,’ Pete said, and though he stood looking out over the horizon, his face impassive, Jacob bristled at the undercurrent in his tone.
‘Something to say, Pete?’ he said softly. The other man shrugged.
‘Nothing of any merit. Though I did notice when Ellie went to attend to her this morning that she was still down the other end of the house.’
Jacob felt a familiar anger rising. ‘You sound like a gossiping old woman, Pete,’ he snapped. ‘The girl’s only just arrived; I thought it best not to overwhelm her.’
Pete nodded, his attention still in the distance. ‘That’s very gentlemanly of you, son. But I’m wondering, did you tell her that? Otherwise she might be left feeling mighty lonely. A beautiful young girl like her, she might have been expecting a little more of her handsome new husband.’
‘Pete,’ Jacob said in a low, controlled voice that came out almost like a growl, ‘I’d thank you to keep your opinions to yourself. And I’m not your ‘son’, I’m your employer. You might do well to remember that, ay?’ Jacob strode off, wishing he hadn’t seen the look of shock and hurt on the older man’s face.
He was still feeling angry as he strode into dinner, and with guilt at the way he had spoken to Pete on top. The man had been around since he was a boy, not only his father’s most trusted worker but also his confidante, and so Pete had always been far more than just another ranch hand, senior or otherwise. He was really the only person left living that Jacob could trust, and he had all but threatened his livelihood and his home. He was going to have to apologize, his conscience told him, but at the same time he was still enraged at the man’s presumption to poke his nose into affairs that didn’t concern him. If he wanted marriage guidance he would go to the pastor. And he hadn’t had anything but the briefest of conversations with the pastor since Elsa had died.
The sight of Tally momentarily distracted him. She was dressed plainly enough in light blue with her hair pinned back, but the simplicity only made her look more beautiful. She beamed at him as he sat down, but he was astute enough to see the nervousness in her demeanor and he sighed. It seemed his foul mood was affecting everyone.
Tally served up the best-looking stew and dumplings he had ever set his eyes on, and he nodded in appreciation.
‘You’re a great cook,’ he said, and she flushed with pride.
‘My grandmother, mostly. While my parents were busy at the store, I’d be round her ankles in the kitchen. We had some bad winters, and she always said with a few vegetables, broth and greens you could eat like a king if you knew what you were doing.’
‘She was right,’ Jacob gave his approval.
‘I went into town today; thought I would order some stocks for the winter; some dresses too; I think most of what I have brought will be too flimsy for the winds here. I hope that wasn’t too forward of me?’ she looked nervous. Jacob smiled to reassure her.
‘Not at all; you’re obviously very capable. Get what you – we- need. I trust you to deal with it.’
Tally looked delighted at that and they ate in a companionable silence, Jacob glancing at the girl now and then and taking in the almost perfect curve of her cheeks and throat. She was beautiful.
But then he remembered Elsa, and their infant daughter, and his hands tightened around his knife and fork. No, he couldn’t afford for that to happen again. He wouldn’t take that risk; of bringing a new life into the world only to lose it before its first breath. Still, maybe he and Tally could be friends of a sort. Companions.
Then she spoke again, and Jacob felt himself shut down; felt that carefully constructed wall in his psyche, which for just a moment he had allowed himself to think of dismantling, reinforce itself to keep out the rest of the world. To keep out love.
‘I was thinking we need to start planning for Christmas; it’s only a few weeks away. Do you usually invite the ranch hands in for dinner? Because I was thinking I have this recipe…’
Jacob banged his knife down, and Tally jumped, looking at him with sudden fear, but Jacob was too caught up in the tumult of pain and rage to mind her feelings. The very mention of Christmas took him back five years, to the day when all his reasons for celebrating had died. He sucked in his breath as the pain hit him afresh as though a scab had been pulled off an old wound.
‘No,’ he said harshly, getting to his feet. ‘I don’t celebrate Christmas. Not this year, not any year.’
He strode out, leaving a distraught Tally behind him.
CHAPTER SIX
Chapter 5
The next few days were a blur for Tally. She worked hard in the house; taking inventory, cleaning, cooking and going through ledgers and accounts, but her enjoyment of her new responsibilities as mistress of this beautiful place was dampened by the stinging pain of Jacob's rejection.
Her initial determination to keep trying with him, to convince him this marriage could be a loving one, had been smashed to pieces after Jacob's curt refusal to discuss Christmas. In that rejection of her plans, she had heard the underlying, biggest rejection; he didn't want to celebrate Christmas with her. His so-called wife. And so her role here was really nothing more than that of housekeeper, and she could see no other way forward than to resign herself to it. During the day it was easy enough to keep busy, and Ellie was a Godsend, giving her needed company and help around the house, but at night more often than not Tally cried herself to sleep, bitterly homesick.
Although Jacob joined her most nights for dinner, their conversations were stinted, and there was no more hint of the interest she had seen in his eyes previously. Since the mention of Christmas he had become even more aloof, if not in fact completely cold. She had not even written to her parents as yet, even though she knew they would want to hear all about the wedding, because she did not want to lie to them but could not bear to reveal how miserable she really was. Sitting at the kitchen table, watching the early morning sun make patterns in the frost on the window; she waited for Ellie and tried to concentrate on the tasks she had set herself for the day. Tally feared if she allowed herself to ruminate on her situation too much she would go insane.
Ellie looked in the glass of the one mirror she possessed and sighed. Her dress would need taking out again, she knew, even though it would only be for a few weeks. She caught Pete's eye in the mirror and saw the worry in his face.
'We have to tell him, Pa.'
'I'll tell him,' Pete nodded resolutely. For Ellie was right; they couldn't hide her condition any more. She was slight enough and had put little enough weight on that, with the help of the dressmaker woman in town, they had kept it secret until now, but a baby was going to be a lot more noticeable than a big tummy.
'Will he kick us out?' Ellie’s eyes were wide and fearful, and Pete felt a surge of both fear and anger. Fear that he didn't know how he would provide for his daughter and grandchild if Jacob didn't allow them to stay, and anger that he even had to worry about it. Jacob had always been a hard worker, devoted to the ranch, but he had been a kind boy too, certainly not one to turn out his oldest friend and his dependents. But now? After the thinly veiled threat the other day, Pete had realized he didn't really know Jacob Tucker at all any more. Grief had hardened him into a shadow of his former self and although Pete had always believed the compassionate young man he had once known was still in there, underneath, he was beginning to wonder if he had been too generous. He had expected – or at least hoped – that this new wife would ease some of the man's burden and bring him back to life, but if anything, her presence had made him even colder and harder. Pete had to admit the truth to himself – Jacob was more employer now than friend and he had no idea how he would react to the idea of Ellie bearing a baby out of wedlock and raising it on the ranch. The ranch and its reputation were important to him, and Pete suspected that these days it was the only thing that was important to him.
'I hope not, lass. I'll talk to him; we've got a few weeks yet. But it’s a difficult time; he's always harder around this time of year'. There were no Christmas celebrations on the Tucker ranch anymore; Jacob wouldn't even hear mention of it.