by Emma Ashwood
'Well I can't tell the baby to wait until he's in a better mood,' Ellie retorted and Pete suppressed a smile. It had been a while since he had heard Ellie talk that way; she had been so quiet and low since she had found out about the baby and young Joe had taken off in the night instead of doing the decent thing and marrying her.... Pete felt his blood heat his face. If he could get his hands on that boy.... He had sweet-talked Ellie, told her he loved her, and then took off as soon as he realized there were going to be consequences. He didn't blame Ellie; she was a sweet girl and too naive, and if he hadn't been working so hard – another thing he was angry at Jacob for – perhaps he would have noticed what was brewing between his daughter and the young ranch hand.
No, Pete blamed himself. He had done his best to raise her alone after his beloved Elizabeth had died but it hadn't been enough. A young girl needed a mother and a woman's touch, and Pete had tried too hard to protect her from the world instead of teaching her about it. He should have taken a second wife himself; someone to mother Ellie the way she had needed. Now here she was, pregnant out of wedlock with a ruined reputation and a mouth to feed with no extra funds. There was barely enough space for the two of them in their small house. The idea of throwing themselves on young Jacob Tucker’s mercy infuriated Pete. It was not just that he was a proud man, but he had lost hope that Jacob would show the mercy they needed.
Ellie was still gazing at him in the mirror, waiting for his reassurance.
'It will be all right, won't it?' She had her hands protectively on her stomach, without even realizing, he thought.
He nodded, but he couldn't meet her eyes and he knew Ellie knew he was lying. 'Of course it will be, lass; don't you worry. Run along now; I'm sure the new Mistress will be wondering where you are.'
Ellie nodded and grabbed her bonnet, biting at her lip in worry as she tied it on. Pete watched her go and then crumpled into his chair at the table, praying his words would somehow turn out to be truth.
Tally May creased her eyes in concern as Ellie came into the kitchen. She looked pale again.
'Are you all right, Ellie? You haven't looked well...' her voice trailed off as Ellie winced in pain and pressed a hand to her lower back, which made her dress gather around her front, revealing the hard roundness of her tummy. Tally sucked her breath in in surprise, taking in the girl's plumpness around her face and middle with a new eye.
'Ellie, you're....' she rushed around and pulled out a chair, guiding Ellie to sit down, '...pregnant?'
She whispered the last word and the younger girl flushed scarlet, clasping her hands in her lap and looking down in shame. Feeling a warm rush of compassion for the young girl who had been her only companion for the last week, Tally knelt in front of her and took her hands in her own.
'Ellie it’s okay. Does your father know?'
Ellie nodded. 'Yes; I told him a few months ago. It was Joe – he used to work for Mr. Tucker. He told me we would get married, then he just disappeared, and we can't find him. I was so stupid. Pa told me not to tell Mr. Tucker; he'll be angry and Pa's worried he will throw us out. But now the baby's due in a few weeks and we won't have anywhere to go.' Ellie burst into tears and Tally put her arms around her and stroked her hair, trying to conceal her shock that this gentle young girl was about to become a mother. And an unmarried mother at that.
If Jacob were to let them go, Pete would struggle to get another position with a girl and illegitimate child in tow. Tally could understand the girl's fear; indeed as Ellie sobbed in her arms, releasing months of pent up emotion, it was almost a tangible presence in the room.
'It won't come to that, Ellie, I'm sure it won’t,’ Tally promised, wondering if she could be so sure. She felt intuitively that Jacob wouldn't be capable of such cruelty, but what evidence did she really have to support that? Although he had shown her no cruelty, he had shown precious little kindness, and she admitted to herself she didn't really know him.
She couldn't let it happen; she told herself as she cradled the girl and the blossoming new life inside her, feeling instinctively protective. Tally longed so much for a family and a baby of her own and hated to see the girl in such distress at the thought that the little one may be in danger. She would do everything she could to protect them both, whether Jacob Tucker liked it or not.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Chapter 6
Jacob noted Tally’s look of surprise as he entered the kitchen. He only usually saw her for the evening meal, eating breakfast with the men in the barn when he bothered to have it. He had been up for hours, in the wind and rain, and had felt the need for her soft smile, as much as he hated to admit that to himself. The fact that smile was now accompanied by the bitter disappointment in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed either. Jacob wished he had it in him to reach out to Tally and start building bridges, but every time he thought about it that wall of hardened grief went up, paralyzing him. This morning though he was tired and worried and in need of comfort he already knew he wouldn’t allow her to offer him.
‘Is everything all right?’ Tally asked, pushing a plate of bread and cheese over to him. Jacob rubbed his jaw.
‘There’s a fierce storm coming, by the looks of things, and one of my heifers is about to calf and it’s looking like we might lose her – calf’s the wrong way around. And the veterinarian won’t come out in this weather; he’s miles away. Not that I’d want the cost anyway.”
Tally looked concerned, but he also thought she seemed distracted, as though her mind was on other things. Well, he supposed he couldn’t expect her to care too much about a cow.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ she asked, surprising him. He shook his head.
‘Not really. You do enough around here; don’t think I haven’t noticed.’ He looked away as he saw her blush, the color accentuating her pretty features.
‘Thank you.’ He knew it wasn’t enough, the meager compliment, and opened his mouth to say more, then closed it again at the hope he saw in her face. He couldn’t lead her on; let her think he cared more than he was able to. Pete might not agree but Jacob thought it would be more cruel to give her false hope than to let her think there was a chance he could ever be anything but what he was now. He felt damaged, an indelible part of him broken, and instead of Tally’s arrival being a comfort it was just reminding him every day of what he had lost and could never afford to have again.
‘Where’s Ellie?’ he said instead, realizing the girl’s absence, ‘Doesn’t she help you out in the morning?’
Tally went red and looked away, and Jacob wondered what he had said wrong. ‘She’s ill,’ Tally said, in a firm voice that invited no questioning.
Jacob shrugged. Women’s matters, maybe. Ellie was a woman now after all, even if he did still tend to think of her as a little girl. He was surprised Pete hadn’t yet thought about getting her married or at least sent somewhere more suitable for a teenage girl than a ranch full of men.
Another reason why having Tally here made practical sense; it gave Ellie a role at the ranch.
‘So what will you do about the calf?’ Tally asked, and Jacob got the impression she was deliberately changing the subject. Still he answered her, surprised at how much he enjoyed her interest.
‘Might be nothing we can do. It’s a blow to lose both of them.’ Jacob fell quiet. He may have a reputation for being cold and hard – he wasn’t stupid, he knew what Pete and some of the ranch hands thought – but his cattle were more to him than mere commodities. He helped tend them every day, after all, and watching the beautiful animal in pain as they had attempted to turn the calf this morning had made his heart ache. Funny how it was easier to feel for the animals than for people these days, he thought with a sigh, before looking up to see Tally gazing at him. For a moment their eyes met, and a look passed between them that Jacob couldn’t name but that felt like longing. He turned away, almost having to wrench his eyes from hers, and rammed some bread into his mouth. What was wrong with him? He admonished himself. Coming acro
ss to the house this morning had been a mistake; he was letting this girl make him soft, and he couldn’t allow that. Soft was no good. Soft brought pain.
He finished his food so quickly his digestion would pay for it later, then tipped his hat at Tally and left for another day’s working. Hard labor he could deal with but trying to confront the tangled knot of feelings that grew ever more prominent with every day Tally was here was beyond him.
Tally watched him go, her stomach fizzing with nerves, hoping he hadn’t picked up from her that there was anything wrong with Ellie. Tally had spent the last few days helping the girl and reassuring her as much as she could, but the girl and her father’s worry was starting to rub off on Tally herself. Still, after seeing Jacob’s obvious concern for a laboring cow, she couldn’t believe he would be as hardhearted towards Ellie’s position as Pete thought. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part. She was so desperate to see the good in Jacob, to cling on to any last bit of hope that something could still be made of this marriage, that she wondered not for the first time if she was seeing good where there was none. Tally had been here for two weeks now and he showed no sign of softening towards her. Though he was polite enough there was no affection or any real attention from him.
Two weeks married, Tally was beginning to wonder if he simply didn’t find her attractive; if he had been expecting something more and had been disappointed upon her arrival. The look he had given her at the wedding and the spark that had passed between them when his lips brushed hers seemed a vague dream, something she had imagined. At least, until the sudden longing she had seen in his eyes a few minutes before. It had seemed to be something strange, a deep yearning for something she couldn’t name. Once again, she was struck by the deep sadness that seemed to surround him, even though she couldn’t if asked articulate why she thought that or how she instinctively knew it to be true.
Tally tried to push Jacob out of her mind as she hurried over to Pete and Ellie’s small house, just past the barn. She was carrying a basket of bread, cheese and the last of the apples from the fall. She was worried about the girl, who seemed to grow paler every day. As her stomach dropped in preparation for the baby’s imminent arrival, her condition was suddenly more apparent, and Tally was glad she had made Ellie stay at home today lest Jacob had seen just exactly what was wrong with her.
Ellie was at home alone with Pete out on the ranch as usual and had a small but warm fire in the grate that Tally, stepping out of a biting wind, was immediately thankful for. It did feel like there was a storm on the way; she would have to make sure their own fire was well stocked up with logs.
‘How are you feeling, Ellie?’ she asked, waving the girl back into her chair. ‘No; don’t wait on me. You need to rest.’
Ellie smiled gratefully. ‘Thank you, Miss., I’m not so bad, just my back has been aching something terrible all night, on and off. I couldn’t keep still in bed; I was tossing and turning so much I reckon I woke Pa.’
In spite of the girl’s obvious pain and discomfort – not to mention the enormity of her situation – Tally felt a stab of envy. If things continued the way they were between her and Jacob, she would never get to experience what Ellie described. Never get to bear and love her own child. The thought made her heart ache and she turned away from Ellie, blinking back tears.
Ellie peered at her. ‘Is it Mr. Jacob, Miss?’ she blurted out, and then her hand flew to her mouth. ‘Forgive me, I didn’t mean to be so presumptuous.’
Tally smiled and went to sit down next to her. ‘Don’t worry. Yes, you’re right,’ she admitted, a wave of grief washing over her, ‘It is. I’m trying so hard to be a good wife, a good housekeeper, and although he told me this morning he appreciates that he’s, well, he’s more like an employer than a husband.’
‘I understand’ Ellie replied quietly. Tally thought wryly how absurd it was that this young girl knew more about the ways of men and the world than she, a supposedly married woman and mistress of her own home, did. In some ways compared to Ellie she felt like a child. Her eyes fell to Ellie’s stomach, feeling uncharitable for her envious thoughts. As much as she wanted a family of her own, she wouldn’t swap her situation with Ellie’s right now; the girl had every reason to be terrified. It was so wrong that she had been left to deal with this alone.
‘Have you tried to find the father?’
‘Yes; Pa did, but it’s probably best for Joe that he didn’t. I’ve never seen Pa mad before, but I hate to think what he would have done to Joe if he had laid his hands on him. I know he says he doesn’t blame me for it, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes when he looks at me, Miss; I’ve ruined things for us all.’
‘No Ellie!’ Tally exclaimed, taking the girl’s hands in hers. ‘Pete loves you through and through. And you must not blame yourself; you won’t be the first girl that’s fallen prey to a handsome young man who doesn’t follow through on his promises, I’m sure.’ She felt angry at the thought of anyone leaving poor Ellie in the lurch like this.
“How am I going to look after this baby? I have no one to guide me.’ Ellie was growing visibly distressed and Tally stroked her hands trying to comfort her, noticing how warm the girl’s skin had become. Suddenly Ellie gasped and laid a hand on her stomach.
‘Oh, it hurts!’ she exclaimed, and got to her feet. Tally tried to remember the things she had heard her mother say to her cousins when they had been bearing.
‘Walk around, Ellie; it might help the cramps. It’s normal for this to happen near the end, I think. Your body’s practicing for the birth.’ She thought that sounded right.
Ellie paced up and down inside the small room while Tally made herself busy preparing the girl some food, trying to ignore the flutter of panic inside her. This couldn’t be kept from Jacob for much longer, she thought; the girl was in pain and might need the doctor sooner than they thought. Outside, the wind had doubled its howling and Tally shuddered, hoping the storm would pass before the baby decided to put in an appearance.
She turned at a sudden shriek from Ellie to see the girl clutching her stomach and looking down in horror. Tally followed her gaze to the small puddle at the girl’s feet, and then their eyes met in a shared understanding.
‘Miss, I don’t think it’s practicing,’ Ellie said in a shaky voice. ‘I think the baby’s coming.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
Chapter 7
Lost in thought, Jacob clenched his fists at his sides as the veterinarian shook his head sadly.
'Both gone, I'm afraid. The calf was just too big for her pelvis. Shame; she was a beautiful heifer.'
Jacob nodded grimly. He felt exhausted; he had been up since the early hours, trying to deliver the calf himself while they had waited for the veterinarian, and he could feel the looks of approval on the face of his men. He had never been afraid to get his hands dirty; it was one of the reasons the ranch had done so well, because Jacob had poured so much of himself into it. To lose one of his prize cattle like this, and just before what looked set to be a rough season, was a blow, but ultimately the ranch would be fine. It was just a cow.
Yet Jacob knew the fight to save the animal and her calf had reminded him yet again of things he tried so hard to not remember; at least not in the sense of allowing himself to feel the pain that accompanied the memories. He shook his head; he couldn't afford to start getting emotional over an animal. He was a rancher; he knew better than anyone that life could be hard and often cruel.
'Aye well; we'll get a good price for the meat.' Next to him Pete nodded. Pete had been with him most of the morning, although Jacob had noticed the older man seemed distracted. He wondered if Ellie was still ill and there was indeed something wrong there. He felt a stab of annoyance; with this loss of stock and a tough winter coming he couldn't afford to be keeping Ellie if she was too ill to work. Though at least they had Tally now; she seemed more than capable of keeping things going. At the thought of Tally, remembering the look that had passed between them that morn
ing, he felt his face burn. She had an uncommon effect on him; one no woman had sparked in him since he had lost Elsa, even though every man in town with an eligible daughter had tried to push them on him the minute he had become a widower.
Tally confused him; and now when he did think of Elsa late at night when he was half asleep and his carefully constructed guard was down, more often than not their faces became mixed up and he wasn't sure which woman it was that was haunting his dreams. It made him feel guilty, that Tally had invaded even his memories of Elsa, and almost angry at the young woman who had so suddenly invaded his life. He had invited her here, but he had not expected the feelings on his part that accompanied her arrival. How could he? Five years of being alone, of failing to be stirred by even the most beautiful women, had left him certain that his mail order bride would be just that – a matter of convenience, arranged without fanfare, to help keep the more domestic matters of life on the ranch in order. So far of course she was doing a grand job of that, and even if he had it in him he would find no cause to send her away. No, this was a weakness in him, something he would have to try harder to fight.