The Stolen Breath

by L. G. Davis

  I sneak out of my own cabin and tiptoe to the living room.

  I only have a few minutes before he comes out of the bathroom, so I hurry to his laptop. As I had hoped, he’s logged into his Facebook account. He usually only logs out when he’s about to give it to me to use, or if he won’t be using it for a while. I figured if he’s taking a trip to the toilet, he won’t feel the need to sign out, especially since he knows I won’t leave my cabin until at least eight.

  I go straight to his Facebook messages. A quick search of his conversations will prove whether he communicated with Anita.

  He did.

  The moment I type in her name, strings of conversations pop up. When the toilet flushes, I take a quick photo with my phone.

  The door to the bathroom is already being opened. I won’t make it to my cabin without bumping into him, so I head to the galley and pour myself a glass of water. As soon as I walk out, we see each other.

  “Hey, you.” He stretches his arms above his head. “You’re up early.”

  I tighten my fingers around the cool glass. “I just needed some water. I’m going back to bed, if you don’t mind. I have a terrible headache.”

  “Sure. Get as much rest as you need.” He squeezes my shoulder and I walk away, my phone burning a hole in the pocket of my morning robe.

  As soon as I lock the door behind me, I take a gulp of water to calm my nerves. Then I switch on my phone to read a conversation between my best friend and Clayton.

  I’m disappointed to find that I took the photo in such a hurry that I can’t make out the words. The more I zoom in, the blurrier it gets. I wasted my time.

  No, I didn’t. I know something I didn’t know before, and it makes my stomach quiver with unease.

  Clayton lied to me.

  A soft knock on my door startles me so much I drop my phone to the floor. I pick it up and delete the photo before shoving the phone under the pillow.

  When I open the door, I’m finding it hard to look into Clayton’s eyes.

  “I’m sorry to disturb you,” he says. “I wanted to ask if you need a painkiller for your headache.”

  “Ummm...No. I just need to sleep.”

  “Okay.” He stares at me a little too long, which causes my scalp to prickle. Does he know what I was up to?

  I fake a yawn. “I should really get back to bed.”

  “Sure. I’ll see you when you wake up. I’m here if you need to talk.”

  “Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

  Talking to him is the last thing on my mind. I don’t even know if I trust him right now. I don’t even trust my best friend. I’ve never felt more alone.

  He finally leaves me alone. I don’t leave my cabin for the rest of the day.

  I spend the time trying to figure out what’s going on between Anita and Clayton and how it affects me. I don’t have a good feeling.

  As the sun sets, he returns to invite me to the kitchen for dinner. I join him at the kitchen island. It’s hard to pretend I don’t know anything.

  “Since you’ve been in your cabin all day, how about we watch something together? I was thinking a few episodes of Friends might help. Still a fan?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I can’t focus on anything right now.” I feel almost insulted that he would suggest we watch TV while my life is a horror movie.

  “That’s fine. I understand.” He studies my face for a while. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  I feel a burning in my throat. “Of course not, Clayton. How could I be?”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. Get some rest. If we don’t hear about an arrest tomorrow, maybe we should take matters into our own hands.”

  Inside my cabin, I double over with pain that feels almost physical. How could he stand there and talk normally to me as if he hasn’t lied to me? What’s he hiding?

  There’s something going on and I’m determined to find out what it is. I reach under my pillow for my phone to see if Miranda responded to my email.

  I can’t find my phone. I don’t remember taking it to the kitchen, but I go to check anyway.

  “Looking for something?” Clayton asks behind me.

  “Yes.” I continue to scan every surface. “My phone. I can’t find it,”

  “Oh, sorry about that. I forgot to tell you.”

  I stop in my tracks. “To tell me what?”

  “I got rid of your phones.”

  “Both of them?” My mouth drops open. “Why would you do that?”

  “To keep you safe. I was afraid you might try to contact Miranda even though I told you not to.” The intense look on his face makes me think he knows I already did.

  I wrap a hand around the edge of the table for support. “You had no right to get rid of my stuff, Clayton.” I feel myself sway slightly. At first, I think it’s a dizzy spell, but when I look out the window, I notice that the boat is moving.

  I rush to the window in time to see it gliding away from the dock.

  I turn on him. “Where are we going?” And who is sailing the boat when Clayton is here with me?

  “It’s safer out on the water. A couple of hours ago, I saw a police car not too far from the boat.”

  “I don’t care.” I clench my fists. “I can’t be on the water while Miranda is out there with my child.”

  “And if you end up in prison, you won’t be able to find your daughter.”

  “Tell whoever is sailing this boat to turn back, Clayton.” If I could swim, I’d have jumped into the ocean to get myself back to solid ground.

  “What’s going on?” He takes a step toward me. I take a step back. “Why are you acting strange?”

  “Because you’re the only person I can trust, but right now, you’re giving me a reason not to. Take me back...please.” Being in the middle of the ocean makes me feel even more helpless.

  “I can’t do that. You asked for my help and I’m giving it to you. As long as you’re on this boat, you’re my responsibility. I need to make sure you’re safe. I won’t be able to live with myself if they lock you up for crimes you didn’t commit.”

  “I feel sick being on the ocean.” I lay a hand on my upset stomach. “If you want to help me, please take me back.”

  He shoves a hand through his hair. “Fine. If that’s what you really want, I’ll tell the captain to turn back.”

  “Thank you. I’ll see you later. I need to be alone.” I walk away from him and shut myself inside my cabin. I’m unable to stop the tears.

  In the silence between my sobs, I wonder who the captain is, and whether he or she knows I’m on the boat.

  It’s okay, I tell myself. Once we get back on land, everything will be fine. I’ll take back control of my life. I’ll come up with a plan.

  I sit on the bed, staring at my cabin door, as if expecting Clayton to walk right through it. He doesn’t.

  He’s watching TV. Through the walls, I can make out the Friends theme song. It is one of the TV shows we watched together sometimes when he visited me at my house, in between doing homework. At the start we were only friends. There was nothing more between us. I didn’t want anything more. I didn’t think he did either.

  I stumble into the bathroom to splash water on my heated face and give my bladder a break.

  When I walk back into my cabin, I stumble back in surprise.

  Clayton is in my cabin, sitting on the bed, his hands resting on his knees. “Sorry to startle you.”

  “How did you get in here?” I lift my chin, pretending I’m not shaken.

  “I used the hidden door.” He points to a door that’s so well hidden it looks like part of the wall.

  My eyes are burning when I look back at him. “What do you want, Clayton? I think you should leave.” I tighten my arms around my body.

  He gets to his feet and comes close to me. I back away until I meet the wall. “What are you doing?” My mouth is dry now, my pulse racing.

  He lets out a breath that warms my skin. “Did I
misread the signs? I thought you changed your mind.”

  “Changed my mind about what?” I want to move away from him, but he has placed his hands on both sides of my body.

  “About us.”

  Memories from the past come rushing back.

  Three days after the transplant, I found Clayton sitting by my bed. He vowed to be there for me.

  Even though he was also recovering from surgery, he took care of me during the days and weeks of my recovery. He cooked for me, ran errands, and sat by my side as we watched reruns of Friends. He nursed me back to health. I accepted his help because I had no one. All my so-called friends had disappeared after Tina’s death.

  Then, a month after the surgery, he showed up with an engagement ring and asked me to marry him.

  Shocked by his proposal, I rejected him. He said he wanted to be more than friends. I didn’t. Up to that point, I hadn’t even known he had feelings for me.

  I left town soon after. We had to go our separate ways.

  A few months before I married Andrew, he called and begged me to reconsider. I rejected him yet again and told him I was engaged. He told me he was happy for me and wished me well.

  Then I reached out to him out of the blue asking for help.

  It all makes sense now. Clayton is still obsessed with me.

  After all these years, he still held on to hope. That’s why he dropped everything to be there for me, going above and beyond. Even sacrificing time with his family.

  “Clayton, I didn’t change my mind. I’m so sorry.”

  “I see.” He steps back, touching his cheek as if I had struck it. His hand is still on his cheek when he sways toward the door.

  Before he disappears through the secret opening, we lock eyes. Both our eyes are damp. The wounds have been torn open.

  Chapter 25

  Sometimes we make decisions that may seem harmless, but the consequences can be devastating. They have the power to rock the affected person’s life for years, even when we don’t stay long enough to witness it in person.

  How could I have guessed that the answer I gave Clayton when he proposed to me would come back to haunt me? How could I have known that while I lived my life, he was holding on to the pain of rejection?

  I thought of him over the years. I wondered how he was doing. We were friends after all, and he had saved my life. But the thought that he was still pining for me had never crossed my mind.

  I chew a corner of my lip, wondering what I could have done differently. If I could turn back time, could I have hurt him any less?

  I had no romantic love for him. I felt the kind of love for him that I imagined one might have for a sibling.

  My mother once asked me if there was something between me and Clayton because we spent so much time together. I had laughed it off and made it clear to her that we were good friends and nothing more. She never pursued the topic, and I never gave it a second thought. Until Clayton proposed.

  It would have been cruel to say yes to his proposal. As devastating as the consequences are now, they would have been worse if I had lied to him.

  I take a deep, pained breath and close my eyes tightly, listening to the sounds outside my cabin—the whoosh of the water as the boat glides over it, the sounds of doors opening and closing.

  He’s now pacing outside my door. His footsteps get louder as he nears it and fade when he walks away, over and over again. Every time he walks by the door, I cringe up inside. What would stop him from walking in again? It’s his boat and he has already proven that he doesn’t respect my privacy.

  I push myself to my feet and take a few steps toward the sliding glass doors that lead out onto the balcony, the balcony I have not yet set foot upon because it would bring me closer to the water.

  I stare at the ocean. The inky black water glistening in the moonlight only brings me anxiety. My stomach rolls and my head spins so fast I have to go back inside and sit down again before I faint.

  I stumble back toward the bed until the backs of my legs touch the edge. I lose my balance and sink onto the comforter.

  Sitting with my back ramrod straight, I think about how I’ll survive all the waiting.

  As soon as we reach land, I have to get off the boat. It’s another decision that could end up hurting my friendship with Clayton, but there’s no other way for me to get out of this mess.

  I need to get as far away from him and his obsession as possible. Until I can, I will remain inside my cabin. I cannot look him in the eye knowing that I am going to hurt him again. And it’s not like I have a choice. My feelings for him have not changed, and I won’t lie to him.

  I don’t regret rejecting his proposal, but I regret getting in touch and asking him for help again. If he claims to still be in love with me, it can only mean he’s not in love with his wife.

  He tried to move on with his life and I came back to disrupt it.

  Now I find it hard to believe that his wife was okay with him visiting me on the boat, day after day. Maybe the reason she left town was because she found out about his obsession with me. It could also be that Clayton kept me a secret and she didn’t even know he was keeping me on the boat.

  I can no longer bear the tension. The wait is torturing me. Being in Clayton’s presence is making me claustrophobic.

  I return to the balcony doors, bringing my face close to the glass, my hands on both sides as I squint into the distance.

  At least half an hour has gone by and there’s still no sign of land. I find it strange since it wasn’t long after the boat started moving that I’d demanded we turn back.

  My stomach rolls. There’s only one explanation. We’re going deeper into the ocean.

  I brace myself and approach the cabin door.

  Facing Clayton is the last thing I want to do, but I don’t have much of a choice. I turn the doorknob with my sweaty hands. I almost collide with him.

  He looks as startled as I am.

  A few heartbeats pass with us staring at each other. The space between us is thick with questions, wrapped in a blanket of discomfort.

  “I was meaning to talk to you,” he says, his tongue darting out to touch his lips. “I want to apologize.”

  I widen my stance, ready to defend myself. “It was not right of you to invade my privacy, Clayton. You made me really uncomfortable.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “You’re right. It won’t.” I thrust out my chest to fake confidence. “I told you I want to get back to land. Why are we still so far away from the shore?”

  “Please, Delia.” He moves closer, erasing the distance between us. When he reaches out to touch my hand, I take a step back.

  “Don’t do that,” I say between clenched teeth.

  He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Let’s talk. Let me explain.”

  “All I need to hear from you is that you’re taking me back to land so I can go and find my child.”

  “You’re making a mistake.” To my surprise, he turns to walk away.

  “Clayton, please let me go.” I’m starting to feel like his prisoner. “You can’t keep me here.” I won’t allow him to keep me away from Lea.

  I follow him into the kitchen, where he clutches the edge of the island, his back turned to me. His shoulders look tense underneath his shirt. They look like they’re about to snap as they rise and fall like the waves outside.

  When he turns to face me, his face is pale. “I’m confused. You were the one who called me. You reached out to me out of the blue. I thought you wanted us to be together.”

  “I know. I’m sorry if I gave you false hope. I lost my child and I needed someone I could trust to help me find her.”

  “I thought you changed your mind.” A slow, sad smile builds on his lips. “I hoped that enough time had passed for you to realize we belong together.”

  I lower myself onto a stool and drop my head into my hands, my throat thick with tears. I don’t know how to make it
clear to him that there will never be an “us”. I’m grateful for the kidney he gave me, but I can’t repay him in the way he wants me to. What will another rejection do to him?

  “You can’t run from us, Delia. We’re only complete when we’re together. You have one kidney and I have the other. They will continue to draw us back to each other like magnets. It was not a coincidence that you called me when you needed help. You know I’ll do anything for you.”

  I look back at him. He’s rubbing a hand roughly up and down his arm. He used to do that in school whenever he was anxious.

  “I’m so sorry, Clayton, but you’re wrong. I really don’t want to hurt you. You saved my life, but I can’t repay you in the way you want me to.”

  “Don’t do this.” He brings his hands together, begging like a little boy.

  When I don’t react, the begging stops, and his fists clench. His eyes now look like two pools of boiling lava.

  “I saved your life so you can spend it with me. But instead you went to start a life with someone else. You cheated on me, Delia. This time, I won’t let you walk away with a piece of me.”

  Chapter 26

  Iknow what I want, and it’s not to be with Clayton. I also know that breaking his heart the way I did back then could destroy him beyond repair. He’s clearly damaged, and he’s not thinking straight. In his mind, I belong to him.

  He saved me when I almost died. How could I have said no to a lifesaving kidney when he offered it to me? How could anyone say no?

  I didn’t know the price I would have to pay back then. I thought the kidney came with no strings attached. I was wrong.

  Now as I stare into his broken, grieving eyes, it hits me that nothing comes for free. How far will he go to keep me in his life?

  If I want to free myself from the chains of his obsession, I need a plan. I need to be both careful and smart. I have been stupid for long enough. The longer I’m on his boat, the longer it will take for me to find my child.

  What if it was him? What if he took Lea?

  No. My gut tells me that he really wanted to help me find Lea, but only because he wanted to look like a hero in my eyes, my knight in shining armor. The ultimate declaration of love. To him it might feel like giving me a kidney all over again.