by Marie Hall
She wouldn't believe it, she wouldn't. If Xavier was that kind of man she'd have seen it before now. Would she not have gained a clue to such a nature from the men that served him? Perhaps she should write to Jon and Gerald, ask for advice. What advice could she seek? She didn't even know what situation she faced.
Io gave herself a shake. She was getting ahead of herself, focusing on worry when she didn't know for a fact any of what she suspected was a real problem. Yes, today was a bitter thing to swallow and she couldn't yet account for Xavier's actions. He put her in an impossible predicament. But if she was reconciled to not want anything she couldn't gain on her own, he wouldn't be able to do it again.
Oh what was she doing now? Was she trying to excuse his behavior? What was the matter with her mind? This was too much. As the tears started to fall, Io put her head down, leaned into the tree and willed the arguments in her head to go silent.
She wanted this day to be over forever. She wanted to go on with what she still had here. She wanted to know the peace she knew for more than a year. All she got though was the increasing wind carrying the rich scents from the very place she most wanted to be, and a creeping feeling of dread crawling over and into her.
Chapter Ten
Xavier rubbed the tired from his eyes and stretched in the saddle. It'd be dawn in a few more hours and he'd not get any sleep. The festival ended only hours ago. People milled about, most in a very drunken state. His party, which included a very awake Lady Sabrina, was almost ready to make their way home.
He couldn't honestly claim it wasn't a good night. Certainly he enjoyed many aspects. But every time he started to find something especially enjoyable he instinctively sought out Io in the crowd. To tell her to join him in the activity only to be reminded it wasn't Io beside him this day.
Lady Sabrina was a poor substitute, though he could fault her nothing. She was gracious to all the people. She partnered him gracefully in the dances where he was forced by his status to give a showing. And she stood by him at the feast while he gave a blessing and spoke to the hope spring would bring good things to his lands and people.
As she'd been from the moment she'd arrived, she was gentle and soft spoken. Her manners never in doubt. She was nothing like his wife. And while he couldn't say she wasn't pretty with her lighter blonde hair and her dark blue eyes, he couldn't find anything about her desirable. In truth, she bored him. She was like every woman he encountered at court. She was, he shuddered a bit, like his own mother. He was certain, given time and the right circumstances, she'd be his mother.
This could be why his mother liked her. They were similar in likes, and taste and experiences. Io was nothing like anyone Xavier knew. She was direct and whimsical. She was prone to bad temper tantrums. She had a foul tongue which, while she tried to keep still, sometimes lashed out in the vilest way. But she cared for those around her. She was selfless, never made demands. She didn't find happiness in material things but in accomplishments.
Xavier scrubbed his hands over his face. He still couldn't understand why she behaved the way she had. What was hard about completing her lessons? How could she, knowing the penalty, not make an effort to complete them? She'd so wanted to attend this event. She spoke of it for months. It would've been another first for her and he'd have loved to share that with her more than anyone else. So many things in her life were first and because of their conflicting duties he missed most of them. Now he missed this and the sequence of events brought down a hurt on his wife she managed to avoid for a very long time.
He didn't expect her to be in a kind mood when he returned to the house. She tended to be distant for a day or two when he was especially harsh. Xavier hoped he might move her into a better mood with a reminder there'd be another chance at attending a festival. There'd be one when winter came, although it would be different, and of course she could attend this one next year. But he also knew the next festival would be just that the next festival, not the first one. With a sigh he took up the reins. He wanted to be home and as everyone lined up on the road and began moving, what he most wanted was to sit down with his wife and figure out how to prevent such a thing from ever happening again.
Somehow though his wife managed to completely avoid him for eight entire days and nights and given the reports he received about her from his men, he could only hope this wasn't going to be something that drove her completely from him.
* * *
Xavier stood perfectly still and waited for Io to get far enough from the door and gates she couldn't turn and run. Not that she was running from him these last several days. In fact, this was the first time he set eyes on her since he left her crying in the entrance of the house. He learned the hard way how Io lived unnoticed by those responsible for her. When she didn't want to be found, she simply couldn't be found. He couldn't even catch her at night when it was time to retire. He'd no idea where she went but she didn't return to his bed and he missed her. He ached for her. The longer he went without her, the more frustrated he became. The more mistakes he made in his own duties. Today, he was going to catch her. Today, he knew she'd come into this space where she was creating a garden. Although it couldn't have been harder to learn she'd be here. She was here now, headed to the far side and he'd have her trapped.
He refused to feel guilt for using this tactic. Not when one of Io's guards came to him last evening and told him twice on the way back from a village, after speaking with several of the leaders, Io broke down in tears. Sobbing so hard she couldn't stay on her horse, but refusing to say what was wrong. He wouldn't allow her to keep things hurting her to herself. If he had to use his skills as a mercenary and treat her for the moment as an enemy combatant, he would. He'd have it out of her what this great burden was weighing on her heart. He'd have the matter between them settled and he'd have her back in his bed this night.
He watched her as she slowly, almost sadly took a seat on the wall. His eyes went down her legs to her feet and sure enough she was without shoes. A smile tugged at his lips. What was he going to do about her? There was no breaking some habits, but most were harmless. Xavier sighed, most of them, not this avoidance of him. He stepped out of the shadows and because she wasn't looking in his direction he managed to get close before she turned to look at him.
Surprise quickly turned to something he hadn't seen since the very first day he set eyes on her. In the space of a heartbeat Xavier went from hopeful he'd resolve this to wondering if he somehow lost Io. Because he knew right then she hated him. She stared at him a moment more before looking away and Xavier swallowed hard before moving closer. She didn't move. She said nothing and she didn't look at him again. He waited hoping she'd look up and he'd find he was mistaken and his wife didn't hate him.
"Io?" He took another step towards her. "Io?" He cleared his throat but she didn't react. "My lady?" That got her, he saw her stiffen. "We have to speak." She continued looking away but he could see her bottom lip between her teeth. A sign she wasn't sure of herself or the situation. He sat down on the wall next to her, not too close. She shifted giving him her back but she didn't leave her perch. Xavier took a moment to consider his words. He wanted to know what had her sobbing on the road as much as he wanted to resolve the matter wedged between them. The problem was he didn't know what caused either.
"Io, I spoke with Kiev. He said something in the village upset you." He was hopeful as she'd yet to try and escape him. "Might you tell me the matter?" He stopped speaking and waited. He waited and waited and Io made not one sound. Except for the rise and fall of her shoulders indicating she still breathed she didn't move. "Io, I would know what happened. I would know so I can correct it and put you at ease." Again he waited and again Io said nothing, did nothing. "Io, I am at the end of my patience. You have been purposefully avoiding me. You will not respond now and I cannot make things better if I do not know what is wrong." He slid off the wall and moved to stand in front of her. Rather than make an overt movement she simply dropped her head and lo
oked down. "Io, enough," Xavier snapped and grabbed her.
She came alive then, slapping at him until he backed away and let go. She jumped from the wall and made to walk past him. Xavier grabbed her again and this time held on when she began slapping at him again. From that point Xavier wasn't sure what happened. All he knew was several seconds later he'd a bloody lip and a sharp pain in his left leg. Io struggled wildly beneath him on the grass in the middle of the yard. His whole body lay on top of hers and he couldn't help savoring the feel. But she struggled not just against his hold but to breathe as he crushed her with his weight. He sought out her hands and once he had them, he lifted them over her head, pinning them. He shifted his knees to either side of her torso and when he lifted up, Io took a deep breath and resumed her fight to dislodge him. But she made no sound.
"Io, enough," Xavier ground out as she bucked upwards and nearly toppled him. "Enough." This time he lifted her hands then slammed them back into the grass. It was enough to startle her into stillness. "That is enough," he repeated as he secured his hold. "We will settle all of this now." Again he caught a glimpse of her expression before she looked away and again he was filled with the dreaded knowledge she hated him. So be it, she hated him before, she moved past it. She would again. But this situation wasn't ideal for resolving things. Xavier rocked back and landed on his arse sitting between her legs. Her dress caught under him. She couldn't get way even if he let go of her hands. He pulled her up by the shoulders until she, too, sat in the grass. Then he took her face in his hand and forced her eyes to his.
"Io, speak now I or will take your silence as a deception, as some lie and I will punish you as I said I would." He held his breath. The last thing he wanted to do was take the cane to her for a full eighteen strokes. He wasn't even sure he could. Happiness not more pain was the goal.
She pulled back, leaning as far away as she could. "You cared not to hear from me at all for two days. I care not to speak to you now. Let me go and stay away from me." She shoved him back but he was prepared and he caught himself. Her skirts, pinned as they were, kept her in place.
"What do you mean I cared not to hear from you for two days? Io, I have not laid eyes on you in a week. When did I not want to hear from you?" He didn't know why her expression crumpled but with a sob she drove both her small fists into his chest.
"I hate you. I hate you. Let me go, I do not want to be here any longer. Let me go."
The way she sobbed he didn't think she meant let her escape the current hold he had. She sounded more as if she meant he should let her go from him totally. God in heaven what had caused this? It couldn't possibly be that she missed that damn festival or he heated her arse for being uncooperative when he ordered her back to the house. She stopped pounding on his chest and buried her face in her hands, crying like her heart was breaking. He put his arms around her and pulled her close.
"Io, I do not know what has you so distraught. Whatever you think I have done, sweetheart, I swear I—"
"No," Io screamed out and again he was caught up in a fight to still her wild struggles. He managed again to restrain her only to have her shriek so loud he thought his ears may never stop ringing. She screamed again. Xavier was glad almost everyone from the house trained in a far field.
"Io, stop." He shook her. And when he stopped, Io went limp. He forced her upright and then twisted so he looked her in the eyes. "You have no choice, Io, speak now or I will beat you."
"I hate you," she whispered.
"Yes I gathered that. You will tell me why." She was quiet a long while Xavier gave her the time she needed. What she said ripped at his very soul.
* * *
Io knew she had to speak to him. She did her best to avoid this moment. Now it was here. She had to find the strength to get through. Then find more to walk away from the life he promised her and back to the life she trusted in.
"You set this all in motion. You have done nothing but lie to me from the very moment we met. I hate you." She rushed through, sucking in several quick breaths ignoring the spin in her head. "I told you, you would find the one you wanted and need to be rid of me. All you had to do was tell me I shamed you. That you could not bear to be seen with me. I told you it would come to this. You did not have to be so cruel in your actions that everyone would know how you suffer with me for a wife."
She tried again to twist free. She wanted to be away from him because the need to seek comfort was overwhelming. She'd take it from him if he offered it. He wouldn't now. Not when she revealed she knew what he was about with the Lady Sabrina. He'd no reason to continue with the pretense. She found him out and she'd wait for whoever might come and take her someplace where again her life would be her own responsibility.
She suddenly found herself free of his hold. Just like that, she told him she knew and he abandoned her. The sobs racked her body. She never should've hoped she might find a lasting happiness. She never should've dared to dream of a home.
"It does not exist," she told herself. "It is a fable, a myth."
Her head spun and her chest tightened. She felt herself lifted into the air and wondered if perhaps she died after her last words to Xavier. What did it matter, except she'd thought death would end the pain? A moment more and the pain was gone as everything went dark.
* * *
Xavier rushed down the hall. He was never as terrified as he was with Io completely limp in his arms. He still wasn't sure about anything she said. None of it was rational. Most he wasn't sure he heard correctly and then she fainted. Io, who was strong beyond what was possible for any human, had taken one last deep breath and simply went slack. For a heart beat Xavier thought she'd died. His hand slammed down on her chest seeking out her heartbeat. Finding it, he almost wept with relief. Sweeping her up, he ran to the house. He was up the stairs headed to their chamber as quick as possible. He was almost to their private apartments when his squire Landon happened in his path.
"God help us," the man breathed. "Sir, what happened?" He opened the door to the chamber. As soon as Xavier passed through, he came in rushed passed and opened the door to the bed chamber.
"Go find Sarah," Xavier said as he laid Io on the bed. His squire wet a cloth and brought it over.
"Mistress Sarah is still away with Sir Lucas." Landon put the cloth on Io's forehead then rushed back to the table and poured a cup of wine. Xavier put an arm under Io's shoulders and lifted her. Taking the cup from the squire he tipped it against Io's lips. He couldn't tell if she got any until she coughed and gasped for breath. He pressed the rim to her lips again and tipped in more. She swallowed instinctively so she could breathe and then choked again. "Sir?" Landon sounded as panicked as Xavier felt.
"Go to the kitchen. Fetch some of Io's apple drink." He set the wine aside and climbed on the bed behind her. "Go," he yelled when the squire was slow to do his bidding. The man turned and ran from the room. Xavier settled Io against him in a semi sitting position. He found the damp cloth that fell from her forehead and began to stroke it over her face. "Io, please," he whispered wiping the cloth over her brow, down her cheek and then across her neck. "Io?"
It couldn't have been very long but it was the longest few minutes of his life before Io moaned and her eyes fluttered open. She blinked, blinked again with purpose and then her face screwed up and she again burst into tears.
"Io, hush. Hush, oh my sweet," Xavier soothed as he rocked with her. "Settle yourself before you become ill." Xavier shifted to a more comfortable position. Io began to shake, her teeth clattering together loudly. He jerked the covers over her tucking them in. Still she shook. He wrapped his arms around her and held on.
Landon came back through the door as he was starting to lose hope Io would recover. He carried a cup but his expression was grim. "Your Grace, the kitchens no longer make the cider." He brought the cup up to the bed. "May haps she will like this."
"Since when?" He knew. Since his mother took over the kitchens. Xavier sniffed the cup. Smelling mint, he placed
it to Io's lips urging her to drink. Forcing her to when she tried to resist. He got one sip in and then another. Io took a deep breath giving him the impression she was calming. "Drink a little more, Io," he urged noticing the squire returning with a fresh cloth. He nodded towards the bedside table and the efficient man set it there it took only a second nod and the man left without question. Xavier almost issued a warning but his man wouldn't gossip. Turning his attention back to Io, he again tried to get her to drink. He only managed to get one more sip in her. He set the cup aside and took the cloth and laid it open in his palm he wiped her whole face with one sweep. She seemed alert and completely withdrawn.
He could feel her distance. Even with her in his arms she wasn't with him. He knew from experience she was in her own head. She was working through something. She would, he knew, be more willing to speak once she had some time. As long as she wasn't fighting to be away from him physically he could allow her however much time she needed.
Xavier felt an ache in his back and shoulders growing. The sunlight streaming in through the windows crept across the floor and faded and still he sat on the bed with Io in his arms. Shadows slipped up behind the sun beams and the room darkened.
He'd have to light a few candles. This wasn't what he had in mind when he set out to make sure Io was in his bed this night. But he at least had her where he wanted her. Now if he could understand what she told him before she fainted.
"Io," he said against her temple. "I need to light the room a little or we will be completely in the dark. Stay here in the covers." He placed a light kiss in her hair and then slid out from behind her. He put several cushions in place and eased her back.
He found the flint and tried to strike it to the candle wick only to find his hands shook too much to complete the task. Xavier took a deep calming breath and will himself to regain control. Io wasn't hurt. She wasn't in some kind of mortal danger. She was angry and upset, more than he ever knew her to be. But they'd yet to come to an impasse they couldn't get through if they worked together. He again struck the flint and the little candle flickered to life. He used that one to light several more then returned to the bed.