Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

“Monsterphilia, huh? Ganesha sure listens to the Guild a lot more than I do.”

  A yearly event would start a few days from now.

  Under the sharp eyes of the Guild regulations, Ganesha Familia would use all of its resources to put on a show for the citizens of Orario. Brave tamers would attempt to bend dangerous monsters from the Dungeon to their will at the city’s Coliseum.

  “While we’re on the subject, Loki…”

  “Oh?”

  Dionysus wore the same innocent smile as he glanced in Loki’s direction.

  “Do you plan on attending the Monsterphilia yourself?”

  “Hnnn…”

  It’s only once a year, she thought to herself.

  It might be a good opportunity to take one of her cute children to watch the tamers in action…She had her answer for Dionysus.

  “Was considerin’ it, but why ya wanna know?”

  “Oh no, are you serious? Are you going to cause a ruckus again?”

  “Hey, what’s that mean?”

  “Please, hear me out! You’ve never shown any interest in the Monsterphilia before, Loki. I know some of the havoc you wrought while in Tenkai, so I may have gotten the wrong idea. I apologize if I stepped over a line.”

  “Ya tryin’a piss me off…?”

  Loki didn’t try to deny anything that Dionysus said, despite her anger.

  It was true that, while in Tenkai, Loki was a prankster who enjoyed causing confusion whenever possible. She’d changed quite a bit after starting her own familia, but Dionysus’s reaction was understandable.

  There was a twinge of sadness in Loki’s gaze as her vermilion eyes looked upon the blond god.

  “What about yerself? Ya goin’?”

  “…Good question. I don’t think I shall attend. My schedule for that day is already quite full, you see.”

  Dionysus maintained the same innocent smile as he spoke.

  “’Kay, then,” said a disinterested Loki. She broke off eye contact and started looking for another waiter with the tray of wineglasses to sample, when she caught a glimpse of something interesting. “Oohh?”

  A crimson-haired goddess was standing next to a silver-haired goddess, and between them was a black-haired deity with twin ponytails.

  Her lips curled up. Loki chugged the last few gulps of wine in her glass before quickly wiping her mouth on her bare arm.

  “Well, then, Dionysus, Demeter. Thanks for chattin’. Later!”

  “Sure, I bid you farewell.”

  “Fu-fu, until next time, Loki.”

  Turning her back to them, Loki took off toward her target.

  “Hey! Fei-Fei! Freya! Itty-Bitty!!”

  “…”

  Dionysus watched in silence as Loki disappeared as into the crowd.

  He didn’t take his eyes off her until the goddess had disappeared behind another group of deities.

  “Planning a ruckus again?”

  Came a female voice from beside him.

  Demeter was smirking. Dionysus turned his shoulders to face her. The innocent smile was gone, replaced by something a little more forced.

  “You seem to have gotten the wrong idea, Demeter. When have I ever caused problems?”

  His words only served to deepen Demeter’s grin.

  “Oh really? Something always happens when you smile like that, Dionysus.”

  “—GAAA!”

  A powerful strike split a gun liberla in half.

  The large dragonfly monster was slain with a rapier. Even as her foe dissolved into ash, Aiz had already plunged the sword into her next two targets using one hand.

  She was confronting a swarm of gun liberla. She’d aimed for their magic stones with strikes so precise she could’ve threaded a needle. Two more clouds of ash fell to the ground.

  Aiz pressed forward.

  Bursting through clouds of ash, she charged the remaining monsters.

  “AaAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO!”

  A bugbear was waiting for her, thick arms opened wide as it howled. The beast’s thick fur rippled as it took a swing at Aiz’s head.

  The human girl didn’t try to dodge the sharp claws—her sword was faster. The rapier flashed, moving at almost triple the speed of the bugbear’s attack. Suddenly, the entire arm spun into the air without its body.

  Aiz moved in to deliver the final blow before the beast could recover from the shock. Her blade seemed to dance through the air before plunging straight in.

  “—”

  The rapier pierced the beast through the chest, the tip of the blade penetrating through to the other side.

  The bugbear instantly turned pale. It couldn’t even let out a dying roar of pain before collapsing to the ground in a pile of ash.

  Aiz whipped the blade around her body a few times before letting the cutting edge rest on the ground. The swarm of monsters was nowhere to be seen; only piles of ash lay at her feet.

  She was on the twentieth floor.

  It looked like an incredibly dense forest. The texture of the ceiling and walls resembled tree bark, and they were covered in random patches of greenish “moss.” Aiz was alone in this huge overgrown treelike labyrinth.

  Almost four days had passed since the night at the bar. Aiz had realized how much time she’d wasted before Tiona and the others cheered her up, and she was desperate to make up for it.

  It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that spending her free time in the Dungeon was her hobby. She was used to roaming the Middle Levels as a solo adventurer.

  Satisfied with her jaunt through the Dungeon, she was on her way home.

  …Still not used to it.

  Aiz brought the replacement rapier up to eye level.

  There was no denying its high quality. However, the blade was shorter and heavier than her favorite saber, Desperate. Aiz was used to a long, thin blade that required precision in battle. This weapon required more arm movements to be used effectively.

  “Broaden your horizons.” She could hear Goibniu’s gruff voice in the back of her mind.

  …It should be ready.

  Returning the still-shiny rapier to its sheath, Aiz set to work collecting the drop items scattered on the ground.

  After she’d spent a full day in the Dungeon, the pouch tied to her waist was already bursting at the seams with magic stones. Even the backpack she brought with her was almost full. She’d collected so much loot that she started aiming for magic stones while in battle so that she wouldn’t have to collect them later.

  Leaving extra items scattered on the ground was generally frowned upon. Adventurers wanted to earn their loot rather than leech off others. Also, uncollected items on the ground served as a warning—something bad happened here, bad enough the items couldn’t be collected. Aiz retrieved her backpack from behind a fallen log and did her best to find enough space to put in a bugbear claw.

  It was times like this when Aiz truly appreciated her supporters. She might be used to these solo adventures, but the extra weight on her shoulder always reminded her of how hard the supporters worked.

  “…”

  The twentieth floor was so quiet that her footsteps seemed to echo endlessly.

  Monsters were one thing, but encountering other adventurers in the Middle Levels was much rarer than the Upper Levels. For the most part, adventurers needed to be Level 2 at least to make it below the thirteenth floor. That meant that more than half of Orario’s adventurers, lower-class adventurers, couldn’t make it this far down. As a solo adventurer, the only company she had was the far-off howls of lurking monsters. It was extremely rare for her to hear a clash of metal that wasn’t her own.

  Aiz traveled through the narrow hallway, luminescent moss lighting the way.

  “…?”

  She spotted something new after defeating several more swarms of monsters.

  A party of adventurers emerged from a different path a little ways in front of her.

  Each and every one of them wore full body armor as they dragged a large cargo box on wheels thr
ough the Dungeon hall. Aiz could tell they were strong just by looking at their equipment.

  Ganesha Familia…

  An elephant emblem was engraved into their armor, which also hinted at the contents of the cargo.

  The Monsterphilia was tomorrow. They had come here to capture monsters to be tamed.

  Everything was going to happen at the Coliseum. Once a year, Ganesha Familia’s tamers would face a monster brought out of the Dungeon. However, they weren’t going to slay it—the beast’s destiny was now to become a spectacle for the masses.

  There were many who doubted the Guild’s wisdom in setting up this event. They were bringing live, dangerous monsters from deep within the Dungeon directly into the city. Some people scoffed at the whole idea, believing this was the Guild’s strategy to increase its popularity.

  Aiz didn’t have any strong feelings toward the Monsterphilia one way or the other.

  She recognized there was a danger that ordinary citizens would be exposed to monsters. On the other hand, she knew that many people looked forward to this event and thoroughly enjoyed it.

  Adventurers didn’t have the best reputation. In fact, most were considered to be bloodthirsty bar brawlers at best. Therefore, this kind of bloodless entertainment—taming—was good for their image among the people. The Guild was forced to cover for adventurers when they caused problems on the surface, in order to continue reaping the benefits of the Dungeon. It was in their best interest to make adventurers look good whenever possible.

  Whether Ganesha was just a fan of the event or he truly wanted to make the “children” happy, his familia offered their full support in organizing the Monsterphilia. The festival had become famous enough for people around the world to travel to Orario just to see it.

  Sure, there were a few problems, but as an adventurer, Aiz thought it was a little too hasty to say it was all bad—not without doing more research.

  “…”

  RATTLE-RATTLE. The cargo box violently shook back and forth.

  Aiz decided to take another route back to the surface, to avoid getting in the way.

  It was already late at night by the time Aiz returned home.

  She gave a quick nod to the guards as she went through the gate and into the front tower.

  Everyone had finished eating a long time ago. Paying careful attention to her surroundings—the same way she would in the Dungeon—Aiz stayed clear of the other Loki Familia members as she made her way through the building.

  Careful not to make a sound, she changed course the moment she sensed someone’s presence. Narrowly dodging a slightly confused Lefiya, the blond girl made her way up the tower toward her own room.

  “Aiz.”

  A shiver ran down her spine.

  Sure enough, Riveria was standing there, as if she’d been expecting Aiz to pass this way. The girl slowly turned around and met the elf’s perturbed gaze.

  “I would ask where you have been…but I think that’s obvious.”

  “…”

  Her jade eyes locked onto Aiz’s battle armor and the weapon strapped to her waist.

  Aiz considered making a break for it but thought better of it. What would happen next was horrifying.

  Riveria followed Aiz’s train of thought by the expression on her face and sighed.

  “I won’t tell you not to venture into the Dungeon. However, our expedition has only just concluded. All of us need to rest, including you.”

  “…Okay.”

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better, but this is too much.”

  “…Sorry.”

  Aiz was a little shocked by her tone.

  Riveria sounded like a mother scolding her daughter for staying out past curfew. Aiz pulled in her shoulders out of reflex, making her body as small as possible.

  It was easy to see who was in charge.

  “Uuu-hic…Wass iss? Aizuu an’ Riveria, wha’cha up ta……uugh-hic.”

  Loki happened to wander into the hallway while Riveria was giving Aiz a chance to reflect on her actions.

  Her steps were as uneven as a seasick sailor’s, and her face didn’t look much better. Even worse, a cloud of alcoholic vapor hovered around her, stinking to high heaven.

  Riveria, who treated herself to wine only on special occasions, looked at her goddess with a mix of disappointment and confusion.

  “I could ask you the very same thing—Wait, don’t come near me. Stay over there!”

  “Juss came—hic—ta get some water…Aaaa, my head!……Inside voices, ’kay? Nice an’ quiet…”

  Loki had been like this ever since she came back from the Banquet of the Gods.

  Completely ignoring the protests of Finn and other members of the familia, she had been drowning her sorrows nonstop for three days. Apparently, she had been outdone by the very goddess she had gone there to torment. Crawling inside a bottle was the only way she knew to hide from the shame.

  Aiz did her best to avoid the vapor cloud as Loki looked up at Riveria.

  “So, what’s up?”

  “…Aiz entered the Dungeon today, returning home at this late hour.”

  “Ahhh…hic……I see wass goin’ on.”

  The goddess nearly lost her balance as she shifted her attention to the blond girl.

  Vermilion and gold eyes stared at each other for a moment before Loki showed a familiar grin.

  “Allll right then, Aizuu da troublemaker. I’m sentencin’ ya to join me tomorrow as punishment for makin’ everybody worry!”

  “…?”

  “Monsterphilia. We’re goin’ on a date!”

  Loki grinned again, her body swaying back and forth as she spoke.

  Aiz blinked over and over, trying to figure out how to avoid this fate. “Ah-ah-ah, no refusin’!” Loki saw right through her and put an end to that train of thought.

  “Good chance ta relax, rest up a bit. I was gonna go anyway. Hic. Works out perfectly! Wanna join us, Riveria?”

  “…I must respectfully decline. The energy in the air at these kinds of events makes me unwell.”

  “That’s too bad. Was lookin’ forward to havin’ a beautiful flower on each arm…Ow-ow-OW, my head.”

  Suddenly remembering why she was there, Loki rubbed her temple and started walking forward again. Aiz looked to Riveria, but the look in the elf’s eyes said to do as she was told for now.

  She had been planning to retrieve Desperate from Goibniu in the morning…but that wasn’t an option anymore. At the same time, she was beginning to understand everything her fellow familia members were doing for her. She couldn’t go off on her own so soon after Riveria’s warning.

  Truly feeling sorry for her actions, she agreed to Loki’s “punishment.”

  “Meet ya in the mornin’, Aizuu. No playin’ hookie, now!”

  “Understood.”

  “I will take my leave now as well…Aiz, allow me to say this at least one more time: pace yourself.”

  “Okay…”

  The three ladies said good night and went their separate ways.

  “Ehhh, you’re going with Loki, Aiz?”

  Next morning.

  Tiona visited Aiz’s room to invite her to the Monsterphilia, only to be completely caught off guard when the blond girl declined.

  “Sorry, Tiona…”

  “Oh well, can’t be helped. She beat me to the punch, got no one to blame but myself. Ahh, to think I’d lose to Loki…”

  The weather was absolutely perfect for a festival. Birds were chirping outside her window, enjoying the warm light of the sun and the morning breeze.

  Tiona quickly recovered from the agony of defeat and flashed a grin.

  “The rest of us are about to leave and go to East Main. Meet up with us if you can!”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  The two shared a brief smile before going downstairs to the cafeteria together.

  Loki was nowhere to be found once they arrived. The girls figured she was still recovering from last night. Aiz saw the group off
as Tiona and the others left.

  Aiz, still in pajamas, went back upstairs to change.

  “…”

  She picked out a sleeveless white top and miniskirt, the clothes that Tiona had bought for her.

  She shyly glanced at herself in the mirror. Aiz didn’t have many occasions to wear clothes like this, so she didn’t want this chance to go to waste.

  Then she strapped her rapier to her belt, just in case of emergencies.

  The weapon looked as out of place as she felt, but it was her duty to carry it. Loki might have been calling this punishment a “date,” but that didn’t change the fact that she’d be Loki’s only line of defense should something go wrong.

  Aiz slipped her feet inside a pair of boots, went down to the front entrance hall, and waited for Loki.

  “Mornin’, Aiz. Sorry ta keep ya waitin’.”

  “It’s fine.”

  Aiz stood up from her chair as Loki stumbled to the entrance hall.

  Despite her wobbly gait, Loki’s face looked considerably better than it had last night.

  “Hnn? Oooh, those clothes…very nice!! Really cute! Never thought I’d see you wearin’ anything this charmin’!”

  “…Thank you.”

  “Ya all dolled up just for li’l old me?! YaWHOO! Those look so good on ya I gotta get a closer look!”

  Loki dove at Aiz with her arms wide open and a ravenous twinkle in her eye. However, the blond girl ducked out of the way and pushed Loki past her with incredible speed. THUD. The goddess slammed headfirst into the wall behind her. A quiet squeaking sound could be heard throughout the entrance hall as she slid to the floor.

  Loki pulled her head off the floor with both hands, cracked her neck a few times, and popped up to her feet as if nothing had happened.

  “Yep, everything’s good under yer skirt, too. We’re good to go.”

  “…You looked?”

  “Huh? Nope, I ain’t looked at nothin’. Didn’t see yer new white panties or anything! Nooooothin’ at all!”

  A slap echoed through the entrance hall, followed by silence.

  Finally, a dizzy Loki led Aiz out of Twilight Manor, on the way to the Monsterphilia.

  “Aiz, sorry ta ask ya, but I got a place ta go first. Could ya come with?”