Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  Slithering in the darkness.

  Consciousness returning, instincts burned bright within the thing’s mind. There were no coherent thoughts, only desires.

  Movement.

  Following the sounds, moving through the darkness.

  Moving up, moving out, toward the sounds of other creatures.

  To the surface.

  “Oh no, it’s startin’!” Loki exclaimed as she suddenly noticed the noises coming out of the Coliseum.

  “Are you sure this is the right street?”

  “You bet it is! The main street is bustin’ at the seams. This is a shortcut!”

  She’d lost track of time exploring the street stands and shops.

  The two women raced through the backstreets in an effort to catch what was left of the main event of the Monsterphilia.

  It was true, there was almost no one in their way. Without a map, Loki and Aiz made their way toward the Coliseum on pure guesswork. The backstreets were narrow and lined with two- and three-story buildings, covering their route in shade. Magic-stone lamps dotted the walls along the way, but none of them was turned on.

  Catching glimpses of their destination through the small spaces between the buildings, Aiz and Loki adjusted their course accordingly.

  “…?”

  Aiz frowned.

  Her ears caught the faintest monster’s howl in the distance.

  She tried to convince herself that was just a tamer fighting with a monster in the Coliseum, but for some reason she couldn’t shake the dread bubbling up within her.

  At long last, Aiz and Loki emerged from the backstreet. The Coliseum stood right in front of them.

  “Don’t like runnin’, makes me tired…Uunnn? Whassup with them?”

  Loki tried her best to catch her breath. That’s when she noticed something strange about how the event staff was behaving.

  The Guild employees stationed at this entrance for the festival looked anxious and twitchy, jumping at the slightest sounds. With the crowd roaring in the stands behind them, there was a surprising level of confusion outside the entrance.

  But the fact that Ganesha Familia members were arming themselves for combat was the most telling clue that something was wrong.

  Aiz and Loki exchanged glances before nodding at each other and approaching the Coliseum’s south entrance. Finding a group of Guild employees standing in a circle, Aiz walked up to them to find out what was wrong.

  “…Excuse me. What’s happened?”

  All of the employees spun around in an instant, their eyes flying open.

  “A-Aiz Wallenstein…”

  They were awestruck. Suddenly, one of the men jumped toward her and explained the situation as fast as he could.

  Apparently, some of the monsters captured for the festival had escaped from the east gate. It was an emergency situation.

  Their theory was that someone had set the monsters free. All of the Guild employees and Ganesha Familia members stationed on that side for security had been found in some kind of trance. It was almost as if their souls had been sucked out of their bodies. They wouldn’t be much help in the foreseeable future.

  “We don’t have enough forces to contain the monsters. I beg of you, help us…!”

  Aiz had no reason to refuse.

  She looked back over her shoulder toward her goddess.

  “Loki.”

  “Yeah, I heard. Can’t be on a date at a time like this. I’ll let Ganesha borrow ya for a bit.”

  The Guild employees then informed Aiz and Loki about the number of monsters, their types, and the forces available.

  Now wasn’t the time to worry about how the monsters escaped.

  Aiz took hold of the hilt of her rapier and dashed toward the east gate in hopes of saving the lives of any citizens who got caught up in this mess.

  CHAPTER 5

  TO BATTLE

  A roar of applause swept through the crowd.

  One of Ganesha Familia’s tamers had just issued a command and a once-uncontrollable monster took a seat on the arena floor.

  The Coliseum, located in eastern Orario, stood high above the surrounding buildings. Energy swirled within its walls, threatening to bubble out over the top.

  “Gotta hand it to Ganesha’s guys, that was amazing! That one made taming look simple. I could never pull that off.”

  “Very much so. The chances of successfully taming a monster are extremely slim, and yet he pulled it off in front of a large audience…”

  “It’s all part of the show. Not only did he tame the monster, he pulled off all those flashy moves at the same time to up the entertainment value. I’d pay to see something like this any day.”

  Tiona, Lefiya, and Tione had come to the Coliseum to see the main event of the Monsterphilia. Arriving early in the morning, the three girls had claimed very good seats in the stands. Thoroughly impressed by the best that Ganesha Familia had to offer, they talked among themselves and the crowd.

  The very colorfully dressed tamer took a bow and was received by another round of enthusiastic applause. The tiger monster looked like nothing more than a well-trained house cat as the man guided it out of the arena. Once they were clear, the arena’s eastern gate flung open to reveal a very masculine tamer and a dragon standing over seven meders tall.

  “They caught something that big in the Dungeon and dragged it all the way up here?”

  “Of course they didn’t. They tracked one down outside the city. Most monsters born outside the Dungeon are much weaker, but dragons are always powerful.”

  The three girls had a great view of the arena from their seats, a couple of rows back from the front.

  All of the applause was suddenly replaced by thousands of gasps in unison. “Uaahhh!” Tiona tilted her head to the side, squeezing one eye closed. Lefiya covered her ears and took in a deep breath.

  “Wait, don’t you think this is a little strange? Look at that creature. Wouldn’t it make more sense for it to be the grand finale?”

  Somehow the elf’s voice was loud enough to be heard by her friends. Tiona straightened her head and blinked a few times before taking a closer look at the monster.

  It was by far the most powerful and intimidating monster they’d seen today. The festival was scheduled to continue for a few more hours, so there was no reason for it to take the place of other monsters. The more Tiona thought about it, the stranger this timing seemed to her.

  In that case, there was a reason for the organizers to change the order—as in the next monsters couldn’t make it to the arena.

  “Also…don’t the Ganesha Familia adventurers look a bit anxious?”

  “Ah, you noticed that, too?”

  The Amazonian twins scanned the crowd. Sure enough, many people wearing Ganesha Familia’s emblem were running in and out of a private box on the top lip of the Coliseum. Most likely, their god, Ganesha, was inside. Other members of the familia were working their way through the crowd, talking with anyone who looked strong. Their body language told the girls that they were asking for something.

  Tiona and the others couldn’t help but feel that something bad was going on. The anxiety on the Ganesha Familia members’ faces was impossible to miss.

  “What shall we do?”

  “…We could go and ask?”

  Tione answered Lefiya’s question as she stood up from her seat.

  The three girls squeezed their way past other people seated in their row and ran up the aisle to the exit.

  “What’re Ganesha’s kiddos doin’, Misha?”

  “Ehh, um, well, they’re moving to protect the people. They’re working with us to evacuate the east block.”

  “Hrrrm…Can’t expect much out of ’em in that case. Best ta leave the monsters ta Aiz.”

  Loki talked to a very nervous Guild employee as she looked around the area.

  Order had been restored to the courtyard surrounding the Coliseum. Guild employees wearing black suits rushed into position as Ganesha Familia adven
turers formed battle parties. A few adventurers had been pulled from the crowd inside to help; they stood in an unorganized group, waiting for orders. Finally, a Guild employee directed them to join other groups as needed.

  Monster roars could be heard echoing from behind the buildings in the distance.

  “Loki!”

  “Huh?”

  Loki spun around after hearing her name. She waved both arms when she recognized three of her own coming toward her.

  They had been unsuccessful at getting any real answers from Guild employees, so the three girls came to her for more detailed information.

  “To be blunt, some monsters escaped. I hear they’re still nearby.”

  “Wha?! That’s bad, really bad!”

  “Yep, sure is.”

  Tiona’s sudden surprised outburst had no effect on Loki’s calm demeanor.

  The girls bombarded her with questions. Loki just smiled and began to issue orders.

  “Would the three of ya mind cleanin’ up if one of the monsters gets away from Aiz? Oh yeah, it’d be better if we had a good view. I’m goin’ up; y’all should, too.”

  “Miss Aiz is already engaging the monsters in battle?”

  “Nah, not yet.”

  “Haah? Okay, then where is she?”

  Loki answered Lefiya’s and Tione’s questions with one finger.

  She pointed to the upper rim of the Coliseum.

  “Up there.”

  Her hair rustled in the wind.

  Aiz surveyed the city from the top of the Coliseum, blond hair dancing behind her.

  She had been granted special access to the roof of the building. Without question, this spot was the best vantage point in the area. She had a clear view straight down East Main and could easily see the places people were running away from at the same time.

  She could’ve charged out after the monsters roaming the city right away, but this was a battle against the clock.

  —Get a bird’s-eye view and snipe them from afar.

  Those were Loki’s instructions.

  “…There.”

  While she could see them, Aiz had another ace up her sleeve. There was no wind in the Dungeon, but it could flow freely on the surface. Her Magic, Airiel, gave her a wide spatial sense as the breeze spread out throughout the area. She could find monsters in the blink of an eye.

  There were eight beasts in her general vicinity. The Guild’s report said that nine had escaped. She couldn’t sense the last one.

  But there was no time. Aiz drew the rapier from its sheath at her waist.

  “Awaken, Tempest.”

  Wind swirled around her.

  The crowd erupted in cheers once again behind her. Taking a step forward, she leaned over the edge.

  Lightly pushing off, the wind’s support made her float next to the man-made structure for a few seconds.

  Her golden eyes locked onto the closest monster. She didn’t blink.

  She’d take it down at full speed.

  “Lil Rafaga.”

  She kicked off the wall.

  Aiz careened toward her target like a spear shot out of a cannon.

  “?!”

  “The hell is that?!”

  Impact.

  She pierced through the back of her target, a troll in the middle of a backstreet. A group of adventurers had been preparing to take it head-on and had a clear view of her approach. They stood there in awe and surprise as the townspeople who hadn’t evacuated yet dove for cover.

  One!

  The troll erupted in a burst of ash. Aiz landed on the stone surface of the street with a huge impact, spun around, and dashed toward an intersection—slicing in half the monster standing there.

  “—GaAHHH?!”

  Two!

  No stopping.

  Jumping to the top of a three-story building, Aiz ran from rooftop to rooftop in pursuit of her next target. She jumped down the moment her eyes caught a glimpse of the beast. She traced its shadow, her rapier piercing the moving target between its shoulder blades.

  Three!

  The time spent on top of the Coliseum had paid off by dramatically reducing time between kills. Aiz was moving so fast and efficiently that she was reaching the monsters before the other groups dispatched to take care of them even had a chance. All they felt was a gusting breeze before the monster in front of them exploded in a mixture of blood and ash.

  Even the robust four-legged deer monster Sword Stag burst into chunks of flesh as she ran by.

  Four!

  A blond typhoon whipped its way around the city.

  “Please evacuate in an orderly fashion! There are no monsters in the area, remain calm!”

  “My daughter, she’s gone! We got separated, and…AND…!”

  “Ma’am, take a deep breath. Now, what color clothing is your daughter wearing?”

  Guild employees did their best to control the chaos in the East Block residential area. With the help of adventurers, they guided the panicking and angry townspeople to safety.

  Loki witnessed a conversation between a half-elf in a black suit and an animal person get interrupted by the dying roar of a monster in the distance. She looked in that direction.

  “Tough luck, girls, looks like Aiz is gonna finish ’em off…”

  Loki muttered to herself from her perch on top of a bell tower.

  Her eyes caught gold and silver streaks racing across the horizon before disappearing behind a building.

  Another roar of pain rang out a moment later before being instantly silenced.

  “But…somethin’ seems fishy about all this.”

  There had been no civilian casualties thanks to the quick reaction of the Guild and Ganesha Familia. Judging by the conversations going on beneath her, the evacuation was now complete. What’s more, no one was injured.

  The Guild and Ganesha Familia should be commended for their bravery, but Loki had a different theory.

  No one dead or bleedin’…This is too perfect to be a fluke…No monster would pass up a chance to snack on a kiddo.

  Loki had seen several monsters come within striking distance of screaming demi-humans but didn’t even take a swing. All they did was look around the street, like they were searching for something in particular. There was the occasional outburst of anger as they crushed objects in their way, but not a single one went after the easy targets.

  “No tellin’ what’s gonna happen next…”

  Aiz finished off another monster down the street.

  The only being with the ability to pull off something like this—a navy-blue hood, a lock of silver hair, and a broken smile immediately came to her mind.

  “—Hnn?”

  Loki looked at her feet.

  The bricks groaned and shifted.

  She hadn’t imagined it—the bell tower was swaying.

  Loki grabbed hold of the windowsill and looked around outside.

  “An earthquake…?”

  “Ah-ha-ha, looks like we won’t get a turn.”

  Tiona grumbled as the three girls came to a stop. They had been jumping from rooftop to rooftop through the residential district in pursuit of the monsters, but Aiz always got there first.

  At this rate, none of them would get away from her, and the girls’ presence here would be meaningless.

  Aiz took off again in another direction. The girl’s hair and clothes danced in her wake.

  “Feels like we were offered candy but someone else ate it…”

  “Oh? You, too?”

  “…U-umm, neither of you have weapons or armor. I’m amazed you can say things like that.”

  In fact, none of them had any of their equipment at all. Large blades and a staff would only block their view in the stands, and Tione didn’t want to accidentally sit on one of her knives. Wearing armor to the festival would have been just as uncomfortable.

  But little details like that didn’t bother the Amazonian twins. They were confident in their ability to fight as long as they could clench thei
r fists, but Lefiya couldn’t even fathom the idea.

  “…?”

  “Tiona?”

  “Is something the matter?”

  The girl was frowning, senses on high alert. Hunched over and looking left and right, she looked like an alley cat trying to figure out if she should fight or flee.

  She looked at her sister and said:

  “Is the ground shaking?”

  “…Now that you mention it, yes.”

  “Perhaps it’s just…an earthquake?”

  But all of them knew that the shaking was much too local to be an earthquake. Only the houses in this area were quivering. Babel Tower was steady as a rock in Central Park. The girls knew something was very wrong.

  Their senses had been sharpened from years of Dungeon crawling. Hearing an unexpected sound was a sign of things to come.

  Then.

  An explosion erupted from street level the moment the girls braced themselves.

  “?!”

  All three turned in that direction and saw a pyre of smoke rising to the sky less than a block away.

  “​E​E​-​E​E​E​E​E​E​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​K​!​!”

  A woman’s scream cut through the air.

  The smoke and dust wavered as it started to clear. That’s when a long, snakelike monster came into view. Its tail was still emerging from between the stones of the broken pavement.

  The three girls felt chills run down their spines.

  All of their faces turned a shade paler.

  “Tione, this one means business!!”

  “Our turn.”

  The twins sprinted forward.

  Lefiya took off just behind them. The girls raced across the rooftops, jumped, and landed in front of the beast.

  “What corner of the Dungeon did Ganesha’s guys drag this thing out of…?”

  “Is this a new species…?”

  The snake’s lump of a “head” leaned forward as the last of the smoke cleared.

  Pale-green smooth skin covered its long, thin body. The lump at the front of its body didn’t have a mouth or eyes or anything else to identify it as a head. In fact, it was shaped more like a sunflower seed. It “looked” at the girls, but they didn’t know how it could see them.