The Way Back

by Melissa Toppen

  “I'm gonna order some Chinese. You want some?” she asks, still standing in my doorway.

  “Yeah sure, whatever is fine.” I try to sound casual as I continue to pull things from my last box. I don't hear Emma walk away, but when I finally turn she's no longer there.

  I busy myself breaking down boxes and then pile them in the hallway before taking a look at my finished product. My bed is now dressed in gray sheets and a deep purple comforter. Matching sheer curtains line the windows. There are a few framed pictures on my dresser; one of my mom and dad, one of me and my brothers when we were young, and then one of me, Emma, and Carver on campus sophomore year. And then of course, the one of me and Kyle on my bedside table. It isn't much more than when I started, but it's something.

  For now, it's home.

  I spend the remainder of the evening curled up in the living room with Emma, eating extremely too much fried rice and watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory. Carver finally gets home from work a little after eight and after a quick fifteen minute catchup on our week apart, we settle into a comfortable silence. Emma sprawled out on the end of the couch, me curled into Carver's side, all three of us laughing constantly over the ridiculousness of the show and the funny banter between Leonard and Sheldon.

  I take a moment to appreciate the simplicity of it all. Of how uncomplicated and easy the relationship is between the three of us and how there aren't two other people on the planet that I feel more comfortable with.

  While I had a lot of reservations about coming to New York, I’m quickly realizing that this might be the best decision I have ever made. No one gets me like Emma. No one makes me laugh like Carver and I have the comfort of knowing that Alec is only a few miles away.

  In a city of millions, I can be anyone I want to be.

  Maybe, just maybe, I'll learn how to be me again.

  Chapter Four

  MY FIRST WEEK IN THE city goes by in a blur. There are so many things to see and places to visit that I feel like I will never get to it all. While the main point of my exploring has been to drop off my manuscript to some local agencies, I couldn't resist the temptation to see my new home.

  While I hope to make a living writing novels, I know what a slow process that can be, and deciding I really need an income while I wait, I decide to stop at a small little bar a block away from my apartment with a 'Now Hiring' sign hanging in the front window before heading home.

  Vitos is what Emma would call a dive bar. Not that I have ever really understood what qualifies a bar as dive or normal, but this place certainly is nothing fancy. The establishment resides in a run down, three story brick building. I can't be sure but it looks like the top two floors act as apartments or maybe even office space, though I can't imagine why anyone would want to live or work above a bar.

  When I push my way through the heavy wood door, I’m greeted by an old musty smell. The lights are so dim it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. The space is small, not tiny, but certainly not spacious. There's a carpeted area at the front that houses several round top tables and bar stools. Past that, there is a tiled dance floor and a small stage that sits along the back. The walls are draped in deep red fabric and random framed posters are scattered throughout the space. There's definitely a rock edge to it and it reminds me of some of the bars I have ventured to in the past. The kind where the really good underground rock bands play.

  I make my way to the left where a long bar stretches the length of the room. Sliding onto one of the stools, I’m greeted immediately by a bartender.

  “What can I get you?” His deep voice invades my ears and I'm so busy taking in the scenery, for a moment I completely forget why I'm even here. He's attractive. Maybe late twenties with dark spiked hair and sky blue eyes. His toned arms are sleeved in various tattoos and he's dressed casually in a black t-shirt and faded jeans.

  “I... I wanted to inquire about a job,” I manage to stutter out.

  He cocks his head to the side and gives me a wide smile revealing two matching dimples that really make him drool worthy, as if he weren’t already. I mean, he's not even close to my type but that doesn't mean I'm blind.

  “Server job has been filled,” he answers, his voice laced with apology. “Unless you play.”

  “Play?” I question, having no idea what he's referring to.

  “Yeah, as in music.” He gestures toward the stage. “We're looking for someone to play Sunday through Wednesday nights.”

  I peer over at the stage then back to the bartender. Days ago I wouldn't even be considering this but right now, I can't help but feel excited about the idea of playing music for real. I have been doing it for years. Of course, that's always been behind closed doors and never in front of a real audience. I wouldn't say I have stage fright, but my music has always been about me, not about performing for other people. That's more Emma's style.

  “So do you?” he asks, his eyebrow shooting up in question.

  “I do actually,” I answer. “Guitar.”

  “You sing?” he asks, resting his elbows against the bar.

  “I do. I'm not the best at it but I can carry a decent tune.”

  “Sweet. Well, auditions are Sunday afternoon. Be here by one and you'll need to bring your own equipment and have two songs prepared. I'm Jake, by the way.” He reaches his hand across the bar. I take it, giving it a light shake before answering.

  “Grace.”

  “Well, Grace, I hope to see you Sunday.” He releases my hand, nodding at a nearby customer holding up an empty glass.

  I nod and he gives me another dimple filled smile before turning his attention to the impatient man at the end of the bar. I walk out of Vitos feeling a little lightheaded. I don't know what is going on with me, but there is something about this city that makes me want to do things I've never wanted to do before.

  Coming here, I promised myself that I would take more risks. That I would live my life for me and no one else. Well, what better way to do just that than to put myself out there in ways that I never have before.

  I don't even make it to my apartment before I realize that I don't have a guitar. I have no idea what instrument prices are here, but I very much doubt that I can spare the money to buy one. Having just over three thousand dollars saved from working at the bookstore in Oxford, my can spend fund is pretty much nonexistent.

  Pulling out my iPhone, I click on my contacts and hit Alec's name. While I hate asking anyone for money, Alec is the one person that I know will loan it to me, no questions asked. The line rings several times before his voicemail picks up.

  “Hey Alec, it's me. I have a favor. Call me when you have a minute to talk,” I say before ending the call.

  I round the corner to my apartment building, my head swimming with new possibilities and adventures that I barely have time to react when I almost collide into someone coming the opposite direction around the corner.

  “Sorry.” I skid to the side just in time to miss the collision. I flick my eyes upward, expecting to find a complete stranger staring back at me. What I don't expect to see is Zayne staring at me wide eyed and clearly caught off guard with a little blonde bimbo attached to his side.

  My stomach twists and I feel like my heart is in my throat. What are the odds in a city this large that I would run into him, in front of my apartment of all places? I'm starting to believe that I have really pissed someone off somewhere in the universe.

  “Oh hey,” I breathe out, trying to seem as casual as possible, feeling anything but.

  This man is so beautiful. It damn near hurts to look at him. He looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine, dressed in a black suit with a blazing blue tie that pulls out the color in his eyes. I'm not used to seeing him dressed so professionally and I have to admit, it's more than I can bear.

  My god, was this man created in a factory? Real people do not look like this. Real people are full of imperfections and flaws, but not Zayne. Everything about him is perfect and as much as I want tha
t to irritate me, it doesn't. It only makes me want him more.

  My eyes travel to the woman with a death grip on his arm. She gives me a tight smile and tosses her perfect blonde locks over her shoulder. She's exactly what I would expect to see Zayne with. Tall, curvy but not too curvy, long shiny blonde hair, fake boobs, and high heels that are so tall it's a wonder she can even stand in them. Tack on the little red dress that barely covers a quarter of her body and she just about sums up the definition of a floozy. Hell, she might as well have 'tramp' stamped across her forehead.

  “Grace. What are you doing here?” He seems just as surprised to see me as I do him. The bimbo on his arm huffs, clearly annoyed that I’m interrupting whatever it is they were doing.

  “I live here.” I point to the ten story brick building feet from where we’re standing. He opens his mouth like he's going to say something else but my cell phone rings, cutting him off.

  I look at the screen before turning my attention back to him. “Sorry, it’s Alec. I gotta get this. It was good to see you.” I quickly walk away with a small wave. I don't look back at him as I hightail it up the stairs to the main entrance of my apartment building and hit answer on the incoming call.

  “Alec. Hey,” I get out, already breathing a little heavy as I truck up another flight of stairs. Our apartment is on the fifth floor, and while there is an elevator, I prefer the stairs. At least that way I can get a tiny bit of exercise on a daily basis. Lord knows I don't run and I have never been to a gym a day in my life.

  “Hey, baby girl. You all settled?” he asks, the familiar fatherly tone in his voice making me smile.

  “I am. Everything is going well. Look, the reason I called is because I need to buy something but I'm a little short on funds at the moment. You know how much I hate to ask, but I was hoping you could loan me a little money, just for a few weeks until I can start working.” I climb the last flight of stairs.

  “You know that no explanation is needed, Gracie. If you need something, it's yours. Besides, I have been looking for an excuse to take you to lunch.”

  “You do realize you don't actually need an excuse, right?” I needlessly point out, pushing my way into my apartment.

  The lights are off and it doesn't appear that anyone is home. Being just after five on a Friday, I expect Carver is still at work. Emma on the other hand, I'm not sure. I know she had some things she needed to do before her big audition on Monday, so she's probably out doing whatever that is.

  “When do you need the money by?” he asks, bringing me back to the conversation.

  “Well, that's the thing. I kind of need it like now. Would lunch tomorrow be too short of notice?” I ask on a laugh.

  “No, I have some work to get done but I can squeeze you in. Do you need me to pick you up?”

  “No, I can drive there. Text me the address and time and I will see you then.”

  “Okay, baby girl. I'll see you tomorrow.” He ends the call without saying goodbye, something he has always done that drives me absolutely insane. Who does that?

  I sigh, locking my phone before tossing it onto my bedside table. I flop down on my bed, the mattress protesting under the sudden weight.

  My phone conversation with Alec gave me a few minutes of distraction from my unexpected run in with Zayne, but now the entire encounter is playing over and over again in my mind. Why is it that the one person I want to avoid more than anyone else is the one person I happen to run into within a week of being in one of the largest cities in the world?

  I have rotten ass luck.

  Then tack on the blonde bimbo and I officially feel like I have been sucker punched directly in the gut. I can only imagine where they are headed. If I had to guess, I would say that he will be taking her up against a wall somewhere in the very near future and she will probably keep those damn heels on the entire time.

  The thought makes me more than a little nauseous and I search for a way to distract myself. I grab my phone and start scrolling through my music playlists. I need to figure out what songs to play for my audition on Sunday. I still can't believe I’m even considering this but given my need for money and my apartment’s close proximity to the bar, I don't really have much of a choice.

  Besides, it seems like a pretty quiet place and I can't see it getting too much business on weeknights. And if I get the job, I definitely will not be telling anyone that I will be singing there. It's one thing to sing in front of complete strangers, most of which I will never see again. Singing in front of people I know, well that's a different story entirely.

  I am perfectly aware that when I play music, my emotions bleed through every note I play. I can't hide the rawness of my feelings. I live through the music, I don't know any other way. Why I don't want to share that with the people I love but don't mind sharing it with complete strangers is beyond me. Either way, this opportunity is something I feel like I need. I need to take the next step in moving on with my life. I lost myself when I lost Kyle, but I'm still here. I'm still alive. It's about time I start acting like it.

  FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS in Alec's text message, I arrive at Russo's just before one. Not knowing my way around the city and still trying to get used to the crazy way people drive, I half expect to be really late for my lunch date with Alec, but instead I arrive with ten minutes to spare.

  I pull into the valet station and hand the older man working the station my keys. I thank him when he hands me my ticket and push my way through the glass revolving doors that lead into one of the fanciest restaurants I have ever been to in my life.

  Everything is bright and airy. A majority of the establishment is made up of windows and the sunlight shining through gives the marbled floor a sparkling effect. The restaurant is large but still has an intimate feel. Each table is lined in white linens and fresh flowers are peppered throughout the space.

  I straighten my black, knee length, sleeveless dress, very thankful that Alec gave me a heads up that this place requires a fancier attire than most everyday restaurants. I kept my makeup light and left my hair down, my long waves flowing freely along my back.

  I borrowed the dress, along with a pair of two inch black heels from Emma, not actually owning anything that would be appropriate. While Emma is all about fashion and style, I’m more for the rocker garb. Most of my wardrobe consists of tattered torn jeans, basic tops with a bit of an edge, and my trusty Converse, none of which would have worked for my lunch date today.

  A beautiful blonde woman greets me with a wide smile as I approach the hostess stand. I tell her who I’m meeting and after checking her table assignment, she indicates for me to follow her.

  She leads me through the sea of round tables to the far back wall that is made up entirely of glass. I spot Alec and give him a bright smile as I approach. It isn't until the hostess steps out of the way that I notice he's not alone.

  Zayne follows Alec's line of sight and his face instantly pales. Clearly he's just as surprised to see me as I am to see him.

  “Hey, baby girl. You look beautiful.” Alec stands to give me a brief hug before pulling out the chair between him and Zayne, gesturing for me to have a seat.

  “You didn't tell me Grace was joining us,” Zayne states casually.

  “We've already discussed everything we need to. I didn't think it would be an issue if she eats with us.”

  “No, it's fine.” Zayne plasters on a smile. “It's good to see you again, Grace.” He glances down at the menu in front of him rather than looking at me.

  “You too.” I clear my throat.

  I can't stop my eyes from traveling the length of him. Like the other day, he's dressed in a black suit. His unruly hair is a little tamer, but still looks like someone just spent the last hour running their hands through it. I try not to stare, but to be honest it's damn near impossible to look away.

  After another blonde takes our drink and food orders, spending entirely too much time flirting with the two men in my company, Alec turns his attention back to me.
“So, you mentioned you needed some money.” He unfolds his napkin, laying his silverware out on the table.

  “I.. um... Well, I want to buy a guitar.” I chew on my lower lip, hoping I don’t sound too pathetic in front of Zayne.

  “I think that's awesome. Have you been playing a lot recently?” He nods to a couple men in suits as they pass by our table.

  “Not really, but I want to and I really can't afford to dip into savings for it. At least not until I have some steady money coming in,” I say, fidgeting with the hem of my dress.

  “Zayne has a friend that owns a shop not too far from here. Maybe he could go with you. I'm sure he could get you a good deal.” He turns his attention to his best friend.

  “I... yeah, sure.” He shrugs. Of course he's not going to voice to Alec that he wants to stay as far away from me as possible. “We could head over after lunch.”

  “Okay. Thank you, Zayne,” I say sincerely. While I don't want his help with anything, I don't see a way to refuse it without raising questions from Alec.

  Lunch goes by without a hitch. Alec seems completely oblivious to the tension soaring between me and Zayne and I’m thankful that if nothing else, we are both extremely good actors.

  By the end of our meal, Alec turns me over to Zayne, saying that he needs to head back to the office. As we exit the restaurant, Alec heads to the valet while Zayne leads me to the left and down the sidewalk.

  “Um, is it okay to leave my car here?” I ask, unsure if there's a rule about how long you can keep your car parked in valet.

  “Yeah, it will be fine. The shop is only about three blocks away, we shouldn't be gone too long,” he says, walking next to me with his eyes facing forward.

  When I feel confident that we are completely out of earshot of anyone else, mainly Alec, I drop the pleasantries. “Listen, I know you don't want to do this so it's really not a big deal if you want to leave. I can tell Alec that you helped me,” I say, trying to give him an out.