“It's not the same as last time. Last time we were playing blindly. Neither of us knew what we wanted or how to handle the situation. But we've come a long way and I feel like I’d be doing a disservice to myself if I don't see this through. Yes, it may blow up in my face and leave me with a hell of a lot of regret, but it could also be the one thing that has the power to free me.” I'm not sure if I’m trying to reassure her or myself.
“You know I won't ask again. I just needed to hear you say it out loud. But if you're sure.”
“I am.” I squeeze her hand. “I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I don't know what it is about him, Bec. He makes me feel alive. Like when I’m with him I’m the real me. He makes me laugh and infuriates me at the same time. He's impossible and yet I can't help but think he's absolutely perfect. And don't even get me started on what that man can do in the bedroom. Seriously. I know I don’t have a lot to compare it to, but holy hell. There is no way that sex is like that for everyone. If it were, no one would ever stop. We would all just drop dead from too much sex.”
Simultaneously, Becca and I both burst into laughter.
“Holy shit. Did you really just say that?” She buckles over in a fit of giggles.
“Well. I mean, it's true.”
“What are you two doing over here?” Jake appears from behind Becca, laying a sweet kiss to her shoulder before pinning his eyes on me.
“Oh you know, just girl talk.” I swipe my hand through the air. This only causes Becca to laugh again, which in turn causes me to laugh again.
Jake shakes his head. “Women.” He drops his arm over Becca's shoulder. “You about ready, babe? I promised Rosie I would stop by Ferro's in the morning to help her with a few things.”
Becca glances my way, making sure our conversation is over before she heads out for the night. I give her a slight nod and then tack on a wink. Her smile goes wide, clearly still laughing internally about my death by sex statement.
DAYS GO BY AND IT'S really starting to feel like Zayne and I have worked out a common ground and found a way to secretly co-exist. He's taken me to the most surreal places. From Chinatown to Times Square, there is very little of New York that I have not had a chance to explore.
While we have both agreed to continue to keep our relationship a secret, mainly from Alec, I have noticed over time that he has become less and less careful. What started out as him not even willing to drop me off outside of my apartment building has morphed into him walking me to the front door and kissing me goodbye before we part.
Every day feels more like a fairytale, and while I find myself wishing and praying for this to never end, I can't help but feel like it's only a matter of time before it does. Call it pessimism or negativity, but deep down in the pit of my stomach I know something is going to happen. Something that is going to rip away the only person who has given me the strength and the courage to actually look forward to the future. A future. My future.
“Hey. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Zayne squeezes my hand, pulling my attention back to the present.
“Sorry. I... Sorry,” I repeat, laughing lightly at myself.
“Everything okay?” he asks, slowing his pace so that he can look at me.
“Yeah. Yeah, everything is great.” I give him a reassuring smile. “Thank you for today. I have been dying to see Em perform. She was brilliant up there.”
My mind immediately flashes back to less than an hour ago when I was watching my best friend prance and sing around the stage in one of the hottest musicals around. She’s shown such growth that the director decided to let her and another girl alternate the lead. I’m sure it’s to prepare her for what’s to come.
Zayne surprised me with the tickets and even managed to get front row seats for the Saturday matinee. Even after thanking him five hundred times, I still don't think he understands how much it meant to me. How much it means to me.
“She’s very talented,” Zayne agrees. “I'm glad you had fun.” He gives me that sweet, lopsided smile that makes my insides turn to mush.
“Fun doesn't even begin to cover it. I can't describe what it felt like. You know, seeing her up there, living her dream. Proud. That's one word. I'm so very proud of her,” I say, realizing just how true my words are. “I can't believe that in the matter of a few days she will be gone. Obviously, I’m thrilled for her. I mean, Broadway on tour, that's huge and such great exposure, but I...”
“You're going to miss her.”
“I am,” I admit, still trying to come to grips with the news that Emma delivered this morning. She will be touring the States, getting to live her dream and experience everything she has ever wanted. Yes, I’m so very happy for her, but a little envious as well.
Things aren't happening the way I had hoped they would with my novel. Not that I have received bad news or anything, but that's just it, I haven't heard anything. Ten different literary agents and not one phone call, not one letter. Nothing. I try to remind myself to be patient, I've done my research and I know how long the process can take, but I have to admit that it's starting to weigh on me a bit.
“Stop worrying.” Zayne seems to be able to read my thoughts. “It'll happen for you.” He bumps his shoulder against mine in a way that has somewhat become our comfort for one another. A silent contact that says, 'everything is going to be okay'. It's strange that as much as we still don't know about one another, somehow we have formed our own silent way to communicate.
“Just one phone call, Grace, and I promise you would be off the ground running,” he says, referring to the offer he made two days ago to call someone he knows in the literary world.
“One, you haven't even read it so how do you know if it's even any good and two, no. I have to do this on my own. It's the only way that I will feel truly good about it.”
“I don't think I like your attitude.” He tips his face upward.
I can't help but laugh at his playfulness. and of course, a smack to the chest is completely warranted in this situation.
“Seriously, Grace,” he says, his laughter falling away. “I may not have read your manuscript, but I know just by speaking to you about it that it's bound to be a massive hit. There's no way that anything you produce would be anything less than spectacular.”
As much as I want to argue his logic, there's something about the way he's looking at me that eliminates my ability to do so. So what if I don't believe a word of it, the fact still remains that he seems very genuine and the thought of him thinking of me in such a way sends my insides swirling.
He believes in me, even if I don't believe in myself.
“Grace?” I hear Alec's voice before I see his face and acting on instinct, I pull my hand away from Zayne's arm at the very moment my eyes land on my brother's face.
“Zayne... What are you two... What's going on?” he asks, his voice pulling tight. I can tell by the expression on his face that he's trying not to jump to any conclusions, but he's struggling to see an alternative explanation.
Zayne speaks first, his voice coming out smooth, his face showing no signs of distress whatsoever. “Hey, man. I was just walking Grace home. I ran into her outside of the Broadway Theater and wanted to make sure she got home safely.” He doesn’t miss a beat.
“Oh Alec, it was amazing. You have to go see Em perform. She's magical.” I jump in as if Zayne has somehow given me a silent cue.
“Yeah, I've been meaning to catch a show. Guess I'll have to wait though, with her going on tour and all.”
How does he know that Emma is leaving town when I only found out hours ago? It’s a question I desperately want to ask but refrain from doing so.
“What are you doing here anyway?” I ask, knowing that it’s very unlike him to show up here without calling.
“I was just in the neighborhood.” He shrugs. “Thought I would see if you and Em wanted to grab some dinner. Celebrate her tour.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
Somethi
ng about him seems off, but deciding my paranoia is getting the better of me, I try to push past it and not overthink things.
“Em won't be home for a couple of hours and I promised to join Carv for a late dinner. But I can cancel if you want.” I try my best to keep it together even though I feel like my insides are trembling uncontrollably.
I pretend that I don't notice the look of distaste that crosses Zayne's face at the mention of Carver. I was so taken aback by him showing up to take me out this afternoon that I completely forgot to mention my dinner plans for the evening.
“No, that's okay.” Alec seems a little uncomfortable which in turn makes me even more paranoid.
“Oh okay. Well I really should get inside. Zayne, thank you for walking me home. It was nice seeing you again.” I throw a friendly nod his way.
“You too, Grace.” His response is immediate but his eyes don't reach my face.
“I'll see you later?” I step in and give Alec a quick hug before making my way up the stairs toward the entrance of my building, taking two steps at a time.
“Bye, guys,” I say on a wave, pushing my way inside. I get to the stairwell before the nerves that were rippling through me outside begin to show.
My hands are trembling uncontrollably and I have to take several deep breaths to try to calm myself. Pulling out my cell, I send Zayne a quick text.
Do you think he suspects anything?
I make my way up the five flights of stairs and have just put my key into the door when my phone signals his response.
No. He seemed distracted but I don't think it was related.
I blow out a deep sigh of relief and push my way inside. While the idea of getting caught by Alec is kind of a rush, like a teenager being caught by their parents, it somehow makes the act so much more thrilling. Yet the fact that he almost did catch us was anything but thrilling. More like downright terrifying. Mostly because I have absolutely no idea how he would react.
I know Alec. Maybe better than I know another living person, besides Emma of course. But even still, I can't begin to imagine how he would react to finding out that his baby sister, who he is very protective over, is seeing his best friend behind his back. A friend who is known to use women and dispose of them like worn clothing. Or that said friend slept with his baby sister and then proceeded to sleep with another woman right under her nose.
Yeah, I don't think any of this would go over well with him. But then again, finding out about me and Zayne doesn't mean he would need the whole story. Maybe it would be enough for him if he knew how happy Zayne makes me.
I didn't get to kiss you goodbye:(
I laugh at my ridiculousness but hit the send button anyways.
Within seconds my phone buzzes a response just as a knock sounds at the door.
Well now, that simply cannot happen.
I’m still reading the message as I pull the door open to see Zayne standing in my doorway.
“What...” I start, but then his lips crash down on mine and every word, every thought, loses any relevance and simply floats away.
Chapter Fifteen
“YOU REALIZE THAT IF you don't start calling more often, Mom is gonna think you’ve disowned her.” Ian jokes on the other end of the phone.
“Oh shut up and let me talk to her. I called for her, not you.” I purposely jab at him. Serves him right for trying to make me feel guilty.
“She's not here.”
“Bullshit, Ian. Now let me talk to her,” I say, exasperated.
“No seriously, Gracie. She's not here. Rob took her to Pigeon Forge for the week. I'm house sitting. Hence, why I’m answering the house phone.”
A flash of guilt floods my body and suddenly Ian's words sound far from playful. He's right about me not calling enough. How is it that my mother and step dad are on vacation and I had no clue they even had anything planned? How horrible I must seem to them. How self-absorbed.
“Gracie, you still there?” Ian's voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Yeah sorry. What?”
“I asked if there was something you needed,” he says, laughter evident in his voice. “Man, has New York fried your brain or something?”
“Oh shut up.” I sigh. “I was calling to let her know that Emma is leaving to go on tour tomorrow and she has a show in Colorado Springs at the end of next month.”
“No shit? That’s awesome. Century Theater I'm assuming?”
“That's the one. Anyway, I thought maybe you guys could go, you know, show your support. I'm sure being away from everyone and out on the road is going to be overwhelming for her. I think it will be good for her to see you and mom. I’m sure her parents will be there too.”
“Mom wouldn't miss it. I'll give her the message, or you could just call her cell and tell her yourself.”
“I don't want to disturb her and Rob's trip. Just pass the message along and tell her I will call her soon. And you'll go too, right?”
“What? And miss the chance of seeing Emma up on stage in all her hotness. No way am I missing out on that.” He chuckles.
“You're a pig. You realize this right?” I deadpan.
“No, I'm a man who appreciates a woman gifted by god.”
“I repeat... Pig.”
“You seem good, Grace,” Ian says through the laughter in his voice.
“I am good,” I say, still smiling even though the conversation has turned more serious. “Really good actually.” I smile at how true the words are. “Hey listen, I gotta go. I have a best friend who owes her last night in town to me and I need to find out where the hell she is.”
“Yeah, yeah. I'll talk to you later. Have fun and tell Em I said congrats.”
“I will. Love you.” I quickly end the call and immediately dial Emma's number.
It goes straight to voicemail for the fifth time in the last hour and honestly, I'm starting to worry.
Now I understand what I put her through when she would try to get a hold of me when I would up and disappear with Zayne for two days. Deciding to shoot her a quick text, I pull up my messages and start typing, but before I have a chance to press send, I hear keys and then a red faced Emma pushes her way inside the apartment.
“Em!” I exclaim, pushing up from my seat on the couch. “Where have you been?”
“Sorry, Gracie. Just a few people I needed to say goodbye to before tomorrow. My phone died.” She tosses her keys and dead cell phone on the island before making her way into the living room. Plopping down on the opposite end of the couch, she lets out a long sigh.
I settle back into my seat and turn my attention to her. I can tell immediately that something is off. While her appearance is crisp and perfect as usual, there's something not quite right. I can feel it in my gut. Whether it's intuition or the simple fact that I have known her my whole life and can read her like a book. Either way, I know.
“Everything okay?” I ask, shifting to face her.
“Yeah... Fine.” She props her feet on the coffee table. “This whole thing is exhausting. I didn't realize how much goes into touring.” She runs her hands through her long, light brown hair.
“I know I will only be gone for a few months, but leaving... I don't know, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.” She turns her eyes on me and only then do I see the tears welling behind them.
“Emma Davenport.” I scoot next to her on the couch, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. “You were born to do this. You’re going to go out there and experience everything life has to offer. You’re going to see the country and meet fans. You’re going to live your dream. And you will have so much fun doing it, by the time it's over, you're not going to want to come back.”
“I know. But leaving you... You came here for me, Grace, and now I’m leaving you here alone.” She says, a slight tremor in her voice. While I don't doubt she will miss me, this isn't typical Emma behavior and I can't help but feel like this isn't only about me.
“I'm not alone. I have Carver and Alec and Becca
and Jake. And...”
“Zayne?”
“Yes,” I answer confidently. “And Zayne. And I’m going to be just fine. Of course I will miss the hell out of you, but Carver has been well trained and I think he will be able to keep me from pulling my hair out or jumping off of a building.”
Emma's eyes immediately go wide. “Don't say things like that, Grace. It's not funny.”
“I never said it was funny. But that's the point, isn't it? To find humor where there is none? Besides, you know what I mean. Carver will keep me safe, grounded. I'm in good hands.” I pause. “Is there something else bothering you?” I can't help but voice the question even though I know that she won't give me anything unless she really wants to.
“No. I'm just stressed is all.” She blows off my question which is a telltale sign that something is most definitely off. I choose not to push it. If there's one thing you can say about people who have known each other their whole lives, it's that we know when to push and when to let things go.
“Well, shake it off, sister, because tonight we are sending you off in style.” I push up off the couch, holding my hands out for her. “Come on. Let's go get all dolled up and drink the night away,” I say, pulling her up when she takes my hands.
“So let me get this straight. We have Carver, an extremely hot and easily distracted man acting as our chaperone, while we venture the streets of New York City and drink all our cares away?” She lifts an eyebrow for added effect. “And none of this has bad idea written all over it for you?”
“Oh please. It's the Morgan and Davenport show.” I wrap my arm around her as we walk toward her bedroom. “The way I see it, if something doesn't go wrong, then there's a problem.” I drop my arm from her shoulder and spin to face her in the hallway. “You are my sister, you know that, right. No matter what happens or how famous you become, you will always be my sister and I will always be here for you. You know that, don't you?”
The Way Back Page 25