Tears well behind her eyes and within seconds they are streaming down her face.
“Em...” She holds her hand up to stop me from hugging her.
“I'm okay. Happy tears.” She gestures to her face. “And you are my sister too, Gracie. Always and forever.”
“Now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, I say you dress me in whatever ridiculous outfit you will end up forcing me to wear anyway and we go out and live it up.” I give her a wide smile.
“Wait, you're going to wear whatever I pick without a fight?” She steps back, a look of sheer disbelief widening her soft brown eyes.
“It's the last time I'm going to see you for months. I prefer not to waste my evening fighting the inevitable. Go ahead, Em, do your worst.” I hold my arms out to my sides in surrender.
“Ahhh!” Emma squeals, grabbing my hands and pulling me into her bedroom. “Oh my god, this is awesome,” she sings, making her way across the small space. “Remember, no arguing.” She reemerges from her closet in ten seconds flat, an article of clothing hiding behind her back.
“Em?” I question, suddenly very nervous.
“You trust me, right?” she asks, a slow smile falling into place.
“Yessssss,” I drag out.
“Tada!” she exclaims, pulling out a tiny red number that makes all the other dresses she's put me in seem modest in comparison.
“Oh Em, I don't know.” I stop when her expression clearly tells me not to argue. “Fine.” I sigh, grabbing the red dress from her. “A deal is a deal.”
“This is going to be so much fun.” She skips back toward the closet, pulling out an equally skimpy looking silver number. “Go get changed and meet me in the bathroom in fifteen. Hair and makeup is on me tonight!” she calls after me as I exit the bedroom.
Holding up the scrap of material in front of me, I realize that the only option I have is to embrace it. Besides, Emma has never steered me wrong before, even when I’ve been convinced she has lost her mind.
I shoot Carver a quick text to let him know we will be ready in about an hour and quickly slip into the red dress that hugs tight along my bust and then flows free, landing a few inches above my knee. It's not as revealing as I originally thought and has a lot of give in the material so it doesn't feel like it's painted on my body.
The straps are about an inch thick and the neckline plunges dangerously low. Making a mental note to be mindful that my girls don't come toppling out at some point during the night, I quickly make my way to the bathroom where Emma has already begun primping and teasing away at her own hair.
Approximately ninety minutes later, we are dressed and following a very handsome, suit wearing Carver out of our apartment. I can't remember a time when I was so excited to go out with my friends. To live and laugh and just be twenty-two.
If nothing else, Zayne has given me this. The ability to experience life as it’s meant to be experienced. As I climb into the car behind my two best friends, I can't help but feel anything other than extremely blessed.
THE LIGHTS FLASH AND the music pulsates around me, sending thumping vibrations through every inch of my body. You would think that after four different bars and crashing a wine tasting party, we would be on our way home by now, but Emma was hearing nothing of it.
“We are here to celebrate and damn it, celebrate is what we are going to do,” she had slurred at me well over an hour ago as we were ushered inside of Serenity. How Carver managed to get us in on such short notice is beyond me, but apparently his uncle's contact is proving more than a little useful. Especially when in a bind and dealing with a drunk princess who insisted that this is where we needed to end our night. I nearly bowed over in relief when the bouncer raised the red rope and let us pass.
At this point, my buzz is fleeting and my feet feel like I have spent the last four hours dancing on broken glass. Of course, that's what I get for thinking four inch heels were a good idea for a night of bar hopping.
“Bathroom,” Emma yells to me over the roaring music. I nod and proceed to follow her through the sea of people crowding the dance floor, reaching out to grab the back of her dress a couple of times when I’m almost certain that she is going to take a nosedive into the floor.
Somehow we manage to make it to the back of the establishment and down the hall to the restrooms with no real injuries to report, though Emma is swaying and nearly falls into the stall when I hold the door open for her.
I knew better than to let her drink this much, but once she has her mind set on something, there is very little one can do to change it.
“You okay in there, Em?” I ask through the shiny silver stall door when she falls silent. She gives me a grunt before saying she’ll be right out. If I didn't know any better, I would say she just dozed off in there. Fat chance she would admit to it even if I called her out on it.
I step to the sink and peer at my reflection in one of the long rectangle mirrors that line the back wall. My face is flushed, all but my eye makeup is long gone. My hair has held up pretty well, though a good portion of the front is matted and stuck to my sweaty forehead.
I hear a sob rip from Emma's stall and panic floods through me.
“Em. Em, open up. Are you okay?” I cross the small space in the matter of seconds and practically beat down the door.
She sobs louder, sinking onto the floor. I can tell because I can see her feet sticking out of the side of the stall.
“Em? What's wrong? Open the door,” I plead, completely taken aback by my friend's sudden and seemingly out of nowhere breakdown.
“How can he do that? How can he act like that when I told him... when I told him?” she cuts off, losing herself in her tears.
“Em, who are you talking about? Did someone hurt you?” I ask, trying to keep the panic from my voice.
Confusion mingles with the aftereffects of way too much alcohol and I suddenly feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Everything feels masked and unclear and it's extremely unsettling and yet, I can't shake it.
“Em,” I say softly through the door when her sobs lighten to a soft sniffling. “Em, open the door.”
“Shit, Grace. I knew better. This is my fault. I did this,” she says, finally reaching up to unlock the door before shoving it open.
I step back to allow it to open completely and am not at all surprised by the sight before me. My beautiful, firecracker best friend, dressed to kill in what has to be one of the sexiest dresses ever made, sprawled out on a dirty bathroom floor with black streaks of mascara running down her face.
I shake my head sadly at her and do what any true friend would do. I slide down against the stall wall and take a seat next to her on the floor of a public bathroom. Draping my arm over her shoulder, I pull her into my side.
“Em. What's all this about?” I ask, not trying to hide my confusion. It would appear as though she is very upset about a guy, yet I had no idea she was even talking to anyone, let alone involved enough to be this upset over them.
As if just realizing that I’m here, she lifts her head from my shoulder, her eyes going wide the moment she registers my face. Body stiffening, she pulls out of my embrace and quickly pushes herself off the floor.
Stepping over my legs, she stumbles to the mirror and begins wiping away the black streaks from her cheeks with a wet paper towel, her body swaying from side to side, showing clear signs of her intoxication.
I shift my weight and pull up on the side bar to lift myself back into a standing position, my feet protesting the second they meet the floor. Mindful of the pain now radiating from my feet, I slowly make my way toward the sinks and step next to Emma.
“Em,” I say, reaching out hesitantly to touch her arm. She jumps at the contact and then seems to calm down. “You okay?” I ask.
She takes a deep breath and studies herself in the mirror for a few seconds before responding. “Grace, I'm in love with Alec.” The words come out of her mouth so quickly, I swear I must have heard her wrong.
“What?” I don't try to hide my confusion.
“Don't act like you didn't hear me, Grace!” she bites at me, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror before she turns to face me. “I. Am. In. Love. With. Alec.” She stops between each word as if saying it this way will somehow make me believe her. As if I wouldn't believe her if she had spit it out like a normal person.
“I'm sorry. I don't understand. When have you spent any time with Alec that would lead to such feelings?” I ask, trying very hard to reel in the claws and not be a total bitch to my very best friend and approach this rationally.
“Oh my god, Grace. You aren't the only person that exists in this world, you realize that right? I talk to other people, hang out, have friends. Just because you're not around enough to notice, doesn't mean I don't.” Her hand flies to her hip as she gives me the famous Davenport attitude.
“Of course. Of course I know that, Em. I didn't mean...” I stumble on my words. Stopping, I take a deep breath and then continue. “I wasn't implying that you don't have friends, I just didn't realize that Alec was one of them,” I say, apologetic. “When did this happen?”
“It's been happening since the first night you disappeared. You know, the time you were with Zayne but lied to everyone, including me about it?” She throws me a vicious look and then continues. “I called Alec looking for you. We ended up talking, started hanging out, and now... Well, now I'm leaving and the asshole doesn't even care.”
“Em, I'm sure he cares,” I start, but she holds her hand up to cut me off.
“No,” she says, so seriously my body literally freezes. I am fearful to move, hell to even breathe for that matter. This is a side to Em that I have seen only one other time and it was shortly after I returned from my three day stay in the psychiatric ward after attempting to take my own life. She was so upset with me, I thought I had lost her forever over that.
But I didn't. Somehow she stuck by me through it all and I will never take that for granted. I know how extremely lucky I am to have her in my life and if right now she needs to yell and be angry, then I’m more than happy to be her punching bag.
“I told him, Grace. I told him I love him and you want to know what he said to me?” she asks, new tears now rolling down her cheeks. “He said that I don't really love him. That I’m young and emotional because I’m leaving and pretty much implied that I don't even know what love is. But I do know what love is. I know it because of him. Because of how he makes me feel. And he loves me too, Grace.” She pauses in an effort to calm herself. “He loves me. I can tell by the way he looks at me. Even if he won't admit it. I know there is only one reason that he is pushing me away and it's you.” She locks her brown eyes on me. “He won't be with me because it's not fair to you! Can you believe that bullshit? You! The person who has been fucking his best friend for weeks behind his back. You, Grace!” she screams, her finger flying up to point in my face. “And I can't even fucking tell him!”
Instinctively, I take a few steps back to put some space in between us.
“I accepted long ago that you would always outshine me in every way possible and you know what, I was okay with that. Because I love you and I wanted so desperately for you to be happy. I was okay being Grace Morgan's best friend. Grace Morgan, the girl whose boyfriend practically died in her arms. The girl who was so brokenhearted she tried to take her own life. The beauty, the pain. The one and only, Grace Morgan.” Her words drip like acid and now it's my turn to let the tears fall.
I have no idea why she is doing this but pretending her words are not cutting me like a knife is impossible. I swipe at my tears and meet her eyes.
“What the hell are you talking about, Em? What have I done to you that is so horrible?” I ask, taking a step closer but stopping when she takes a step back.
“Don't you see? Ever since Kyle died, you have been everyone's priority. Everyone has to tiptoe around Grace and make sure she doesn't get too sad. Well, no more! What about me, Grace? When is it my turn to be happy? When is everyone going to finally tell you to put your big girl panties on and suck it the fuck up?” She rounds on me. “Kyle is dead, Grace! He's dead. He's been dead for five years! You need to move on. You need to let the people who love you be free.”
“I... I...” I stammer out, unable to form words in the current situation.
I know that she's drunk and she's upset so she's lashing out at me, but a big part of me can't help but feel like she is finally telling me how she really feels for the first time in a very long time.
“You what, Grace? You're sorry? Don't you get it? I don't need your apology, I need you to stop getting in my fucking way!” she screams in my face just as the bathroom door swings open.
“Enough!” Alec's voice is harsh and demanding and Emma physically shrinks in his presence. “Zayne get her the hell out of here,” he bites, gesturing toward me.
I don't even see Zayne until he's right in front of me, throwing an arm around my shoulder and leading me from the bathroom. As soon as we enter the darkened hall, I push at him, wanting to go back in there with Em, but Zayne's grip holds tight.
“There's nothing you can do, Grace. She had too much to drink. I'm sure she didn't mean it,” he says, leading me through the sea of people still tightly packed together on the dance floor. As soon as we exit into the cool night air, I turn on him.
“You heard?” I ask in disbelief, my hands still trembling.
“Only the last part.” He nods. “Emma called Alec a few minutes ago, I don't know what she said but he insisted we come here.”
“Did you know?” I ask, my voice tight with emotion.
“Did I know what?” he asks, his forehead scrunching together in confusion.
“Did you know that Emma and Alec were seeing each other?” I question, watching his expression tighten with my words.
“Grace, I... It wasn't my place.” He reaches for me.
I smack his hand away and take a step backward, my back coming to rest against the cool brick of the wall behind me.
“Grace, please. I was trying to give him the same respect that he gives everyone else by not getting involved in his business. It wasn't my place. Besides, look at us,” he says, reaching out and trailing the back of his hand down my bare arm. “We are in no place to pass judgment, or to be hurt by the secrets others choose to keep. If not for Emma, Alec would have figured us out by now. But he's been distracted and he's not looking as closely as he normally would. Or maybe he sees it but he's choosing to ignore it because he's too preoccupied with whatever is up with him and Emma.”
His words calm me, oddly enough. I guess when I really step back and think about it, he's right. I am in no place to judge and even though having my best friend and my brother become a couple has never been something that I wanted to have happen, I can't control the way they feel for each other, any more than I can control the way I feel for Zayne.
It's not a matter of wanting them or not wanting them together. I just never wanted them to hurt each other and put me in the middle, but then isn't that the problem? That it always somehow seems to come back to me and what's best for me?
“She's right, you know?” I reach for Zayne's hand, letting him lead me down the sidewalk. “Everyone who cares for me puts my happiness, my feelings, before their own. Of course she resents me. She has had to stand by and watch people literally tiptoe around me and then step directly across her.” I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head in the fresh night air. “Ever since Kyle died, everyone has treated me like some fragile thing that will break the moment anything causes her pain. Everyone but you.” I stop, turning toward him. “You don't treat me like the Grace from five years ago. You treat me like the Grace that I am now,” I say, suddenly very sure of my feelings for him and the reason why I fell for him so hard, so fast.
“Because this is you,” he says, tipping my chin back with his hand so that I’m looking up at that amazingly handsome face of his. Leaning down, he places the briefest kiss across my lips bef
ore pulling back. “Come on, I promised Alec I would take you straight home.” He pulls me further down the sidewalk.
“Wait! What about Carver?” I ask, panicked that up until this moment I had completely forgotten about him.
“We caught him on the way in. He's sober and good to drive himself home,” he says, trying to hide his irritation. Even after all this time, I know it still eats at him that I live with another man. Not to mention, Carver is pretty good looking. I can't imagine most people would want the girl they’re seeing being around him, let alone living with him.
“Okay.” I nod, allowing him to lead me to the edge of the curb where he hails a taxi, not letting go of my hand until he opens the door and ushers me into the backseat.
“Do you think Em will be okay?” I ask, snuggling into Zayne's side as the city lights pass by us in a blur outside of the cab window.
“I think she will be just fine,” he says, squeezing me tightly.
“How can you be so sure?” I ask, my eyes falling closed, suddenly feeling as heavy as cinder blocks.
“Because Alec cares for her. He may not have admitted it yet, even to himself, but I can tell. I know what it's like.” He trails his hand lightly up and down my arm.
I feel the heavy drowsiness pulling me under, my mind giving away to exhaustion but I try to fight it.
“You know what what’s like?” I manage to grumble out in my near sleep state.
“To be completely consumed by a woman, no matter how hard you fight it. To crave her touch and want nothing more than to see her smile. Because her smile is the most beautiful thing in the world and can make even the worst day seem like the best.”
His words bang around my head and even though I know this is big, I can't quite seem to make a connection to what he's saying.
“Uh huh.” I yawn, nuzzling deeper into his side.
“I think he's in love with her,” he says, his voice dropping lighter. “Now I know what that feels like too,” he whispers into my hair, just as sleep takes me under.
The Way Back Page 26