Love is Darkness
Page 12
Chapter 8
London, England
That evening, Val was fed up with her dark thoughts and being stuck indoors so she headed outside. Lucas could find her if it was so important. She didn't go towards the Heath at this time of night, since it was supposed to be a gay meeting point and the last thing she needed was to stumble upon two men shagging in the bushes.
The small streets leading to Hampstead Village seemed like the safest choice. Inside the purple bricked mansions were people with families having dinner. Smoke came out of the chimneys tinging the cold air with the smell of fire. Normal life.
Sure she was looking in on normal life from the outside, but so what. So what! Don't think about how quickly everything is going down the crapper and what you may not have. Val didn't know if she wanted kids. In theory they were fine, sweet and little but the reality contained more snot and naughtiness then she felt she could handle.
She tried to imagine having children and a husband. An image of Jack laughing and happy came to her. No! No more would she think of Jack when she thought of the future. Jack didn't want happiness. She thought about Ian instead. He had asked her to stay over for Christmas and be with his family. How sweet was that?
Oh God, Ian. She had to cut him out of her life. Being around her wasn't safe and she'd have to change everything.
Get rid of everyone.
Be alone again.
In danger again.
Her mind rebelled, looking for alternatives.
Could she confine Lucas in any way? Find some way to make him let her live a normal life? No, because she had nothing to bargain with. She was the pawn. Val kicked a pebble down the street dispiritedly.