by Khadijah J
“AJ,” my voice cracked. He looked at me with this scared look in his eyes, as he took his last breath. It was a look I’d never forget.
“You okay, Yanni?” Someone asked.
“Where’s Marleigh? MARLEIGH!” Someone else yelled. But I held AJ’s hand, I refused to let go.
“What’s going on? Lee, are you alright?” I heard my mother yell, making her way through the crowd.
“This is so sad,” I heard.
“Mommy,” I barely got out, staring at my brother.
“NOT MY BABY! MY SON! OH NO, PLEASE, LORD, NO! GOD, HELP ME!” My mother screamed. I sat there still in shock. My big brother was gone, his blood was splattered all over me. I was drenched in AJ’s blood. AJ was my best friend, my big brother, the only one who understood my nerdy quirky ways. But AJ was gone, and never coming back. I would never be the same.
TWO
KENTRELL ARMON ROCKWELL
“Alright, Trell, I’m headed out. Love you, son, goodnight.” My pops dapped me up and headed out the door. I nodded and returned his dap. He was headed out to go work like a fucking dog once again. I got in the shower and handled my business before getting in the bed.
I was knocked the fuck out when I woke up out my sleep, thirsty as hell, and I had to pee. I went across the hall to the bathroom to relieve my bladder, then went downstairs to grab some water out the fridge. I drank that shit and then grabbed another one to take my room. When I headed up the steps, some white man came out my momma’s room, putting his shirt on, smoking a cigarette, and zipping his pants up. He didn’t even notice me as he doubled back, and I watched him kiss my mother on the lips. I walked in my room unnoticed and closed my door back. I sat on my bed stuck on stupid. My momma was cheating on my pops with a white man. I thought I was tweaking when I would hear moans and shit at odd hours. I would roll the fuck over, thinking I was tripping, but nah, my momma was out here being a hoe.
The next morning, I woke up trying to continue my day like normal. I got up, threw on some fresh shit for school, and blasted my music, but I couldn’t get that shit out my head. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door with so much shit on my mind. I walked downstairs to make me a quick Toaster Strudel, and head to school. As my shit came out the toaster, my mother rounded the corner with a huge smile, and I instantly was disgusted. My mother stayed at home, while my father slaved every got damn day so she could lay up with this white man. My pops always told me a man is supposed to take care of his house. But to see the shit I saw last night, man, I was through with my momma, and I couldn’t believe she would do that to my pops. He was a solid dude.
“Good morning, handsome.” She went to touch my face, but I stepped back, took care of my plate, and strolled out the front door. She stood in the doorway yelling at me.
“You don’t need me to take you to school?” She asked.
“Nah, Bri gon’ take me.” I responded walking out the door and climbed in Briana’s whip.
“Hey, baby.” She smiled at me brightly. I pecked her on the lips and smirked.
Briana was a year and a half older than a nigga, but she loved the hell outta me, and I loved her fine ass too. Briana was the baddest female at my school. She was a senior this year, light skinned with these pink heart shaped lips, that aided her in sucking the soul out a nigga. She was tall and slim thick, with a handful of titties, hips, and ass. I was a big nigga, so her being tall didn’t mean shit, but we were gonna have some tall ass kids.
We pulled up to the school, and I got out, opening her door as usual. We walked in hand and hand, walking to her locker. I kissed her on the lips and stared down at her beautiful brown eyes. She gave me a smile.
“Why you looking at me like that? You’ve been acting weird all morning actually.”
“No reason at all, baby. Did you do your homework last night?” I asked her.
“Bae, I didn’t feel like it. I actually fell asleep.” She whined.
“I told you that shit ain’t cute. You think the principal playing with yo ass? Briana, if you don’t pass your classes this semester, you not graduating on time.” I told her, and she got pissed.
“Could you keep your voice down. Damn, I don’t need you lecturing me. I have my mother for that. Ugh, I’ll see you at lunch.” She snapped and walked off. I shook my head and headed to my first hour.
That was the only thing about Briana, she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. At first, I thought she was just doing that shit to look cute, but she was really on some other shit. She was still my baby though, but she needed to pass her classes, and I wasn’t gon’ do the shit for her.
The day flew by, and it wasn’t long before I was back home after football practice. I walked in, and instantly went to the kitchen. My mom’s ain’t cook shit, as usual, but she ordered two pizzas. I warmed up my plate and smashed that shit. She walked in and was all done up. I looked her up and down and shook my head.
“Why was you acting strange this morning? I went to touch you and you just walked out. I usually drop you off.” She started.
“Ma, you ain’t dropped me off in a while. I been catching rides if Dad ain’t here to let me drive his car.” I told her.
“Well, that still doesn’t explain why you were being shady, but whatever.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed her car keys.
“Where you going? And where’s my dad at?” I asked her.
“To mind my business, and in his damn skin.” She walked outside, and I just shook my head.
I took a shower, did my homework, and watched Sports Center until I fell asleep. The next few days flew by, and it was Friday before I finally seen my pops. He was coming in from work, and wanted to drop me off at school. I didn’t have the heart to tell this man what I saw, but this was my pops, man. I had no choice. He pulled up to the school and parked so I could get out.
“Aye, Dad I don’t know how to say this.”
“What I tell you? Just say the shit, be a man, don’t beat around the bush.”
“I saw Momma kissing a white man a couple nights ago. He was coming out the room putting his clothes on and shit.” I told him. He exhaled loudly, flaring his nostrils.
“Did they know you saw them?”
“Nah, they ain’t see me.”
“Alright, go ahead and go be productive.” He told me.
“Pops-” I started.
“What the fuck I just tell you?” He snapped at me, but the look in my pops’ eyes was a look I never wanted to have in life.
“Alright. Love you, Pops.” I told him.
“Love you too, son.” He said.
I went through the rest of the day on fucking edge. I was hoping my pops ain’t go back to prison. He told me how he used to run the streets, until he caught a charge, and they made him sit his black ass down for a year. He told me that was the worse year of his life, and he’d rather die, then go back.
“Nigga, what’s good?” Zell came and said to me.
“Not shit, nigga, you tell me.” I slapped fives with him.
“Not a damn thing. Ready to get out this bitch. I’m sick of Mr. Miller breathing down my neck. ‘Zell and Kenzo, you guys come to my class every morning smelling like marijuana.’ I gotta blow one just to deal with that nigga and his toupee every fucking morning.” He joked. I started cracking the fuck up. Between him, and my other brother, Kenzo, these niggas stayed having me cracking the fuck up.
“Speaking of Zo, where the fuck that nigga at?” I asked.
“I was gon’ ask you, but that nigga texted me last night talking about he got suspended for some shit.” He shrugged. I shook my head.
“That nigga, he don’t get it.” I told him. He started laughing.
“He said you was gon’ say that.” Zell laughed.
“Fuck y’all niggas, man.” I chuckled and we walked off to class.
Zell and Kenzo were my day one right- and left-hand niggas. Funny story on how we met, them niggas jumped me when we stayed in the same neighborhood. Shit was funny
now, but it wasn’t back then, that shit had me thirty-eight hot. But growing up together and shit, we ain’t have no choice but to interact, and we somehow became the closest thing to brothers.
The day flew by, and since Zell had his momma’s whip for the day, we went to grab some food before they dropped me the fuck off. I walked in, and I heard my parents going at it before I even stepped foot through the door.
“Repeat what the fuck you just told me.” My pops snapped, as I shut the front door.
“You heard me, Kendall. I’ve tried and tried.” My mother told him.
“Oh, that’s how you gon’ do me?” My pops yelled.
“Look, it’s just not working out, Kendall, I don’t know what you want me to say.” She shrugged, then lit her cigarette. I shook my head, she was heartless, bruh.
“I did all this shit for you. I work sixteen-hour shifts, six days a week, I’ve slaved, got you this fucking house, did everything and anything you wanted me to do, and you tell me I gotta go? Bitch, I ain’t going nowhere,” he yelled. I just sat there watching it all, I shook my head, cause I knew this wasn’t going to end well.
“What more do you want me to say, Kendall?” My mother asked.
“Who is it? It’s that nigga at the job?” My father asked.
“You’re insane.” My mother yelled. The doorbell rang, and my dad quickly came out the room to answer it.
“Who the fuck is this?” My pops asked.
“Kendall!” My mother yelled, as my father answered the door. It was some white motherfucker in a blue police uniform.
“How can I help you officer?” My pops asked.
“We got a complaint from the neighbors, about the noise.” He stepped in the crib and looked at my mom. I frowned, instantly peeping it was old dude from the other night. Before I could put my pops on game, my mom blew her own spot up.
“Drew, I told you. I have it under control.” She put her head down.
“Drew?” My father shrieked? The cop smirked at him.
“This is Drew?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m Drew. Let’s get this over with. I’m going to be around for a long time, me and Kathy plan on getting married, so just get over it, buddy.” Drew stepped in.
“What the fuck? Kathy, you better make sense of this shit right now.” My pops yelled.
“Kendall, I told you I wasn’t happy. Drew makes me happy, I don’t want to be with you anymore.” She told him, with her head down.
“So, you kicking me and my son out, for this white motherfucka?” My dad asked.
“I just, I’m so sorry, Kendall.” My mother cried. Man, this shit was too much to watch, my pops was genuinely hurt. He loved the fuck outta my moms, and she did this to him.
“I never wanted it to happen this way.” She wept. My pops clenched his jaw, and I shook my head. This shit was sad, my momma was some bullshit for this.
“You a sorry ass, bitch, Kathy.” My pops started.
“Hey!” Drew yelled.
“Fuck you, white motherfucker. Yo pussy ass came over here in uniform just to make sure I didn’t beat yo ass, knowing you was the law, but I’mma catch yo ass slipping! Believe that!” He yelled at him. My pops rushed to their room, packing all his shit in a garbage bag, and I followed behind him. Looking up at him, he stared down at me with a scowl.
“Sorry, Trell, I ain’t been here like I was supposed to. But I’mma make up for it.” He looked me in the eye.
“As soon as I get on my feet, I’mma come back for you.” He assured, and I shook my head no.
“Kentrell.” He started.
“Nah, hand me a trash bag, Dad. I’m rolling with you. I’m not about to stay here with her and him.” I told him. He stood there like he was thinking on it for a while, before we packed all our shit and put it in his car. I ain’t know what was gon’ happen from here, but whatever life brought my way, I was more than ready for that shit.
THREE
ALIYANNA
Burying my brother had changed me. I shut the whole world out, not talking to anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone but Ali Junior. If it wasn’t him, then there was no need in talking. I conversed with people, but it wasn’t the same. Everyone was worried about me, because I had yet to shed a tear, or break down, but people grieve differently, right? It had been a year since I buried my brother, and to me, it still felt like yesterday. To me, it all felt like a dream. I knew it had to be a dream, or maybe a nightmare, and I was going to wake up any day and AJ would walk through the front door with his beautiful smile lighting up the room. Yeah, it had to be a nightmare.
“Lee, Momma said to make sure you take out the hamburger meat to thaw,” my little sister, Mylo, said. I nodded and continued to write my essay. I was just finishing up, it was an essay for my scholarship. I closed my laptop and went to take the meat out before making my way outside. Sitting on the steps, I just sat there, thinking about my brother.
“Bruh, you got glasses? Ahh, hell no!” AJ’s friend teased me, after coming from the optometrist with my mom.
“Watch your mouth in my house, Todd!” My mother yelled, walking upstairs.
“Yeah, Todd, and nigga, leave my little sister alone. You look beautiful Iman.” AJ assured me.
It wasn’t long before my close friend Taylynn came and sat on the steps with me bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Hey, Lee,” Taylynn greeted.
“Hey.”
“What you doing out here, all alone?” She asked.
“Nothing, just thinking.” I told her.
“Well, what you thinking about, boo?” She popped a squat next to me.
“Nothing,” I told her.
“Mhmm, well, guess what?” She asked, smiling.
“What now, Taylynn?” I asked, already knowing.
“So, there’s this guy,” she grinned.
“Who? Last time I checked, Taylynn made a vow to focus on herself this year, to finish our last semester strong, so we could go to college together,” I cracked.
“Oh, hush, four eyes, but for real. I met him not too long ago. You ‘member that party you were supposed to come to with me?” She asked.
“I’m sorry, I don’t recall,” I frowned.
“You know, Jareema’s party?” She started again.
“Yeah, I somewhat recall you mentioning it,” I lied.
“Hers, he’s a little older. But that’s just what I need,” She smiled, and did a little dance. I shook my head.
“Older as in one, two, years?” I started. The look she gave me told me otherwise.
“Older as in, like nine, ten years,” she smiled, awkwardly.
“What is wrong with you, Tay, twenty-eight? He’s almost thirty, what does he want with a eighteen year old senior in high school?” I asked. She frowned.
“You know what? I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I knew you were going to react like this, I knew it,” she started.
“What? You should know me by now, Tay. I only want the best for you, and dating some old freaky perv is obviously not the best for you,” I told her.
“How would you know what’s best for me, Lee? Everyone’s not perfect like you! We don’t all not make mistakes, and live life like princesses, some of us-” she started, but I quickly stood up.
“Some of us what? Because last time I checked, I live in the same projects, across from you, that took my fucking heart from me. You think my life is perfect?” I frowned, staring down at her. She instantly looked at me remorseful.
“I wasn’t even thinking, Aliyanna, I’m sorry,” she put her head down. I just turned on my heels to go in the house. Barging in the front door, I ignored everyone in our living room, and made my way to my room, shutting and locking my door. I lifted my glasses, wiping my tears that wouldn’t stop falling. I flopped on my bed, peeking at the photo on my wall of me and my brother. That only brought more sadness and caused me to silently cry myself to sleep.
“Yanni, open this damn door,” my mother’s voice stirred me ou
t of my sleep.
“Aliyanna Iman! Open this fucking door, now,” my mother yelled. I hopped up quickly, unlocking my bedroom door. She just stared at me, walking in, and shutting the door behind her.
“What’s wrong with you, Yanni?” My mother asked.
“Nothing, just miss AJ,” I put my head down. She gave me a small smile.
“I miss him too, baby girl. But he’s in a better place than we could ever imagine,” she sipped from her cup. I rested my head on her shoulder.
“He’s looking down on you smiling, I know it’s hard, but you’re strong, Yanni. You can do whatever you put your mind to, baby girl,” she kissed my forehead.
My mother used to be the epitome of a strong black woman. Single mother, raising three kids, one which was taken away from her too soon. My mother bent over backwards for us, since the day we were born. My mother was the head of the house, letting local dope boys stash their product here, cooking up for them, opening her legs for them. Whatever my mother had to do to pay the bills, that’s what she did, and she never sugar coated nothing. That’s what I admired the most about her. But ever since AJ left, she had been drinking, smoking, popping pills, anything to numb the pain. I couldn’t blame her honestly, but I just wanted my old mother back. I felt like she was slowly, but surely, losing herself.
“I know,” I told her.
“But that doesn’t make it any easier. My brother was taken away from me, gunned down, acted as my human shield. I sometimes can’t help but to blame mys-” I rambled, but my mother quickly cut me off.
“Don’t. Don’t do that, Yanni. Everything happened just how it was supposed to. He was just a boy, my baby boy, in a grown man’s game. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but that’s what it was,” she shrugged. I stared at the floor, letting her words penetrate my brain.
“That’s why God gave me you. My special child,” she smiled at me, and I looked in her eyes, noticing the redness.
“Stop, Ma,” I whined.
“I’m serious, you’re not this beautiful, intelligent, and mature for no reason. You’re special, your destined for greatness, and I can’t wait to witness it all,” she cheesed.