Empty Net (Madison Howlers Book 3)

by Camellia Tate

  But Ryan didn’t. Whatever reason was going through his head, it apparently wasn’t something he wanted Naomi to know.

  Instead, he pushed his chair back from the table, putting more distance between them. “You’ll find someone you’re more compatible with,” he promised her. “I just know it isn’t me.”

  That still made no sense! Naomi frowned. She wanted to understand. More than that, she wanted to figure out how they could fix this. But Ryan didn’t sound like he was interested in fixing things.

  “You’ve made your mind up,” Naomi observed. It hurt badly. To know that not only was he doing this but that he had planned this. Except, Naomi didn’t even know when he had planned it for. She’d been the one to bring it up. Had Ryan wanted to break up with her for the past two weeks?

  That hurt, too.

  “How can you be so sure?” Naomi asked. How could he be so sure? Naomi had thought that maybe they might be a soulmate match. Her soulmark, which she only really thought about on the mornings she had to reapply her sticker, said ‘Ryan’. She had met many Ryans before and it had never mattered.

  This one? He mattered. But maybe Ryan’s soulmark didn’t read Naomi’s name and that was how he was so certain. “Is there someone else?” she asked. She wasn’t sure she actually wanted to hear the answer.

  “No, of course not,” Ryan answered immediately. It didn’t help. If anything, it just made Naomi feel worse. If there was no one else, then Ryan had just decided that Naomi wasn’t what he was looking for. But she had been so sure that they worked well together.

  Ryan was obviously struggling to decide what to say. Naomi heard him start a few different words, without ever getting any of them out completely.

  “I’m sorry.” He sounded both genuine and sad. It only made Naomi feel more confused. “I haven’t said anything, because I could never figure out what to say. I still can’t. I just - I just know.”

  That hurt. Maybe even more than anything else Ryan had said so far.

  He just knew.

  He just knew that he didn’t want to be with Naomi. That they didn’t fit. Apparently. Naomi didn’t get it. But she also wasn’t sure how she could fight it. There was no way she could force Ryan to be with her, nor would she want to.

  It didn’t do anything to stop the tears from coming to her eyes. She hated that, too. The idea of crying over a man was just awful, yet the rejection stung badly. More than that, the thought of not having Ryan in her life truly hurt.

  Like she had said, though, Ryan had made his mind up.

  “I think you should leave,” Naomi said.

  Ryan swallowed, getting slowly to his feet. “Yeah,” he agreed. He didn’t immediately move. The stillness seemed to last for ages, everything frozen in place. Until Dougie whined, and Ryan suddenly cleared his throat.

  “Is there - Are you -” Naomi had to bring a hand up to wipe away the tears.

  “Will you be alright?” Ryan asked.

  No, she wanted to scream. No, she wouldn’t be okay because she wanted Ryan to stay. She wanted him to let her figure out what had gone wrong. They had been happy, Naomi was so sure of it. Yet here he was, telling her they didn’t fit, telling her they should break up.

  She didn’t want to let him go. Once Ryan left, that’d be it, right? It ached inside her, the loss of what her and Ryan had. The tears didn’t seem to want to stop either. Naomi didn’t want Ryan to feel sorry for her.

  “I’ll be fine,” she said not trusting herself to say anything else.

  Naomi patted her leg, so Dougie would come over. He nuzzled his nose against her palm like he knew Naomi needed the support.

  “Okay.” Naomi couldn’t tell if she was imagining the reluctance in Ryan’s voice. She must be. He was the one saying that they didn’t work together, that he knew.

  “I’m -” He shifted, almost coming closer, then stilled. “I’ll just go.”

  Naomi had to bite her lip to stop herself from calling after him, from calling Ryan back. She didn’t want to know whether or not he would have come.

  The front door closed behind Ryan’s fading footsteps. Dougie whined again.

  “I know, baby,” Naomi said patting the dog’s head. He missed Ryan as instantly as she did. Unlike when Ryan normally left, he wouldn’t be coming back.

  Naomi felt... shock. Her body almost trembled as a sob worked its way up and through her. She didn’t want Ryan to break up with her. It just made no sense why he thought they didn’t fit, why...

  Tears fell fast and hot from Naomi’s eyes, a hand coming up to brush them away. She felt helpless, like she couldn’t change this.

  It figured, of course.

  The moment Naomi knew she was in love with Ryan was the day he decided to break her heart.

  In the days following, Naomi had hoped things would start to make more sense. Like maybe if she thought it all over with a clear head she could see whatever it was that Ryan saw. Or didn’t see, as the case might be.

  That didn’t seem to happen.

  Naomi’s heart ached more painfully than any breakup had ever left her feeling. She missed Ryan so much. It didn’t help that her bed smelled of him or that Dougie spent a great deal of time looking for Ryan. It broke Naomi’s heart into even tinier pieces.

  Finally, Naomi had started gathering all of Ryan’s things together. There weren’t a lot of them, but it was still enough to fill a box. Partially - a large part - it was that she wanted to see him again. Naomi wanted to talk to Ryan. She needed to just... figure out what had gone wrong.

  She’d spoken to her dad about it. Or rather, she had cried as he’d poured her wine and patted her back soothingly. Sadly, he had been unable to offer any more of an explanation. It was sweet the way he’d assured her it wasn’t her fault. She knew that. Naomi was certain that she hadn’t done anything to make Ryan unhappy.

  Somewhat sweetly, her dad had even offered to stop supporting the Howlers, as a sign of solidarity. Through tears, she’d laughed at that. He’d supported the Howlers for longer than Ryan had even played hockey. And yet Naomi hadn’t for a moment doubted that he meant it. She had promised him that it was okay to support the Howlers.

  It wasn’t the team’s fault that Ryan was acting like an asshole.

  And he really was, too.

  Naomi had tried calling him, but every time it had gone almost instantly to voicemail. She’d tried texting him, yet her messages went unanswered. It made it pretty clear that Ryan was avoiding her. Naomi was no clearer about why. Or, frankly, why he couldn’t act like an adult.

  In the end, Naomi was left with no choice but to take Ryan’s things over to the Howler’s ice rink. Dougie came with her. Naomi wasn’t sure she could do this on her own. Setting the box on the table at the reception, Naomi waited for the woman there to ring whoever she had to ring to get Ryan to come see Naomi.

  After what felt like forever, the woman finally set the phone down. “I’m very sorry, Ms. Stone, but Mr. Newell isn’t available to see you,” she said. They both knew that was bullshit.

  This wasn’t an office. If Ryan was ‘unavailable’ to see Naomi it was because he actively had chosen not to see her. That stung, too.

  But Naomi was also starting to get angry.

  It was a dick move on Ryan’s part. It made her feel stupid, like she was being unreasonable for wanting to see him, for wanting to give him his stuff back.

  “Right, of course,” she said rolling her eyes. Naomi moved to take the box, so she could ask the woman to just give it to Ryan. In her annoyance, she overestimated how far the box was. One arm sent it tumbling down onto the floor. Naomi couldn’t see the mess it had caused, but she could hear the things spilling out. “Well, fuck,” she breathed. Dougie barked like he agreed.

  “What’s going on here?” a man’s voice asked. Naomi vaguely recognized it as one of Ryan’s teammates, but she couldn’t quite place it.

  Her frustration spiked even more. Naomi didn’t want this to feed back to Ryan. The last thing
she needed was for him to hear about how she’d caused chaos at the front desk because he refused to see her.

  “I just dropped a box,” she said.

  “Ms. Stone brought some things for Mr. Newell but he...” The way the woman paused meant Naomi could tell that she knew Ryan had refused to see Naomi, rather than being too busy to.

  “Right,” the guy said. Naomi could hear him bend down to throw the things back in the box. It didn’t take him very long to pack it back and set it down on the desk. “Can you take it, Ellie? Give it to Ryan when he’s leaving?” he asked.

  The woman confirmed she could, which Naomi supposed was her cue to leave. Except the guy then spoke again. “I’m James. We met one of the times Ryan brought you to the bar with us after a game,” he said. Now that Naomi heard his name, she could place his voice much more easily. “Are you free now? Like for a coffee or something?”

  Naomi must have looked confused by the question because James added, “I’d like to talk to you. I’ll give you a ride home after?”

  There was a small ball of anxiety in Naomi’s stomach at the idea that James wanted to talk to her about how she needed to stop contacting Ryan, how she was being too much. But Naomi didn’t think she was. Maybe... maybe James could explain things to her where Ryan hadn’t even tried.

  “Alright,” she nodded. “But Dougie will probably get dog hair on your seats,” she warned. Dougie barked, mostly at the mention of his name but also because he would.

  James didn’t seem bothered by that, just laughing. “That’s cool. You good to go now?” he asked. Naomi nodded.

  “Sure.”

  She had no idea what this was about. At least she’d be out of the ice rink before Ryan actually did show up to accuse her of being a stalker or something. Naomi let James lead her and Dougie to his car and drive to whatever nearby cafe he liked best.

  It didn’t take them very long to get there. On the way, James made some small talk, asking Naomi more about the Foundation and how it had started. It was something that Naomi was used to talking about. Even if she wasn’t feeling great about everything else, she could easily talk about that.

  “Thanks for agreeing to come get a coffee with me,” James said once they were inside, seated in a quiet corner of the cafe. Dougie was under the table, softly snoring next to Naomi’s leg.

  “That’s... fine, I guess?” Naomi shrugged. She still wasn’t all that sure what this was about. She really hoped it wasn’t so James could tell her to stop trying to contact Ryan.

  “Obviously, I wanted to talk to you about Ryan,” he said and Naomi nodded.

  “Obviously,” she agreed. The bluntness of that seemed to startle a small laugh from James. Naomi heard amusement in his tone when he spoke again.

  “I can see why Ryan likes you,” he said, making Naomi’s stomach ache unexpectedly.

  “Liked,” Naomi corrected. “I’m sure you’re aware he broke up with me.”

  It had been a few days. Naomi was certain the word had gotten around. The silence from James seemed to confirm it pretty well. Naomi couldn’t see his expression but she could almost feel the awkwardness roll off him.

  “That’s kind of what I wanted to speak to you about,” James said. Naomi’s anxiety spiked again.

  “I know that Ryan doesn’t want to talk to me. He’s made that pretty clear. I thought if I brought his things back, he’d at least see me, but obviously not,” she began before James could tell her off. “I get it. I’ll stop.” And yeah, that really hurt, but Naomi didn’t want to be the crazy ex who just didn’t stop trying.

  “No, that’s not...” James started. He was interrupted by the arrival of the waitress. He stopped talking until she’d set their drinks down. Once the woman left again, James carried on. “Sorry, I think you’ve misunderstood. This isn’t me trying to convince you to stop trying,” he said. Naomi had to frown.

  Quite honestly, Naomi wasn’t sure what this was.

  “I’m not setting this up very well,” James sighed. “Sorry. I just... I’ve known Ryan for a long time. Even before he played for the Howlers. We played in juniors together, then against each other and now he’s been with the Howlers for a few years.” Naomi still wasn’t sure where this was going. She stayed quiet.

  “Anyway, my point is that... Ryan’s never really been happy. He loves the team and like, he loves the game. But apart from that, he’s never looked very… satisfied.” Naomi wasn’t sure what to make of that. Her heart ached a little bit at the idea that Ryan wasn’t happy. Despite everything, she wanted him happy.

  James seemed to sense that, too. When he spoke again, Naomi could hear the smile in his voice. “You make him happy,” he said. Naomi opened her mouth to object, because Ryan had been the one to break up with her. “He’s scared. Trust me, I... I know.”

  The words certainly seemed sincere. Naomi wasn’t quite certain she got how this all related to James. What she did get, though, was why Ryan might be scared. Their relationship had moved pretty fast and pretty steadily. Despite what Ryan had said, they had fit.

  “I don’t know how I can change that when he won’t even talk to me,” Naomi commented. Frankly, she wasn’t sure how she could change that even if Ryan did talk to her.

  “Don’t stop trying,” James said, surprising Naomi. It was the exact opposite of what she had assumed this would be about. “I know it sucks. And Ryan’s being a dick, but... Just give him a chance? Even if he doesn’t deserve one, probably.”

  Naomi so desperately wanted to give Ryan a chance that hearing James tell her to felt almost bizarre. Not to mention that she wasn’t sure what else she could do. “It’s hard to give him a chance when he won’t even read my texts.”

  James sighed. His frustration was clearly directed at Ryan rather than at Naomi. “I get that,” he nodded. “But... there’s a charity thing he’s doing for you, right? For the Foundation?”

  And yeah, he was. Or well, Naomi assumed he might be. The charity event had been planned months before Ryan had even gotten involved with the Foundation. Naomi couldn’t deny that the promise of his presence - and that of the rest of the Howlers - was a huge attraction. Naomi had feared that they might cancel because of what had happened between her and Ryan. When they hadn’t, she thought Ryan might just not come.

  It would be shitty for the charity, of course, but... Naomi didn’t really feel like she could predict what Ryan was going to do.

  She said as much to James. “Yeah, I guess that’s fair,” he shrugged. “But he will come. And the team will come. So... maybe we could help you talk to him then?” he offered.

  “What like... lock us in a room together?” Naomi asked suspiciously. That seemed precisely the sort of dumb thing that a bunch of hockey players would come up with. “Wait, is this all of you? The team. It’s not just you.”

  The way James paused, Naomi could tell that she had guessed correctly. On both accounts. A bunch of NHL players had gotten together and decided that Ryan and Naomi needed to be locked in a room together until everything was fixed.

  It was kind of sweet, she supposed. It showed that they cared.

  “I’ll try to talk to him at the event,” Naomi promised. “But please don’t lock us in a room together. If he wants to leave... I can’t force him.” Nor did Naomi want to. She’d try, she really would. At the end of the day, it’d still be Ryan’s decision.

  “Yeah, okay. Unless absolutely necessary, we won’t lock you in a room together,” James confirmed. Naomi supposed that was the best she was going to get out of this.

  It gave her hope.

  If Ryan’s team thought Naomi had a chance, then maybe she did. She knew how much the team meant to Ryan. If he meant as much to them, well...

  Naomi still didn’t want to be locked into a room.

  At least the good intention was there.

  Now all she needed was to convince Ryan of it, too.

  Chapter Nine

  A charity dinner for Sunshine’s Guide Dog Foundation w
as just about the last place Ryan wanted to be. It had been hard enough to stay strong when he didn’t have to see Naomi. Every time she’d called, every message she’d sent, Ryan had felt like he was experiencing the break-up all over again.

  He hadn’t stopped loving her. That was why he’d been able to ignore her calls. Naomi needed to get over him so that she could meet someone who deserved the happy future that Ryan was sure she was going to have. To do that, she needed to stop thinking about Ryan. That was why he’d refused to see her. Definitely not because he was worried that one look at her would crumble his resolve into a thousand tiny pieces.

  At least, that was what Ryan told himself.

  He’d been miserable without her. He knew his game was affected. Luckily, the Howlers were doing a great job of covering for him.

  Even so, Ryan had thought the pain of his crushed heart would go away. It hadn’t. He’d refused to talk to the Howlers about it, had refused to explain to his family why he and Naomi had broken up.

  He’d needed to talk to someone. So Ryan had done what he never thought he would: he’d googled support groups for the unmarked. Ryan couldn’t go in person, not without the risk of it getting into the papers. But he could read about others like him. People who were doomed to go their whole lives without ever meeting a person they were destined to be with.

  Ryan had thought it would make him feel worse. At times, it definitely had. There was something about reading people talk it through in black and white which made it all so much more real. Ryan was never going to have the kind of bond his mom did with Jack. He might meet someone he liked - even someone he loved - but he’d always know he wasn’t the best person for them. Good enough, maybe. But there would always be someone better.

  It wasn’t a truth Ryan had really accepted. He’d preferred not to think about it. It was not thinking about it that had gotten him into this situation. Not thinking about it had meant lying to Naomi, leading her on with the unspoken belief that they might be soulmates.