by I J Shur
He planned on going to visit his parents later in the afternoon. His mother had called a few days earlier and told him how difficult it had become to care for his father. She’d said, “I spoke to some of my girlfriends, and they recommended that I hire a private nurse to help me. They told me that Filipino women have a good reputation as excellent caregivers.”
Udi wanted to take control of the situation and called Orit, his older sister. She had always maintained a safe distance in matters having to do with their parents. Her meetings with their father were few and far between, and their phone conversations were short and distant. Still, he felt she ought to be consulted.
“I trust you, and I’ll back up any decision that you make,” she said. “Just find a realistic and affordable solution that we’ll be able to manage.”
Every time she met with their father, he had always been overjoyed. “It’s not the amount, it’s the quality,” she had said.
Udi caustically replied, “One day Dad will die, and you’ll be consumed with guilt.”
“If that happens, I’ll deal with it. Why do I have to worry about it already? If seeing him makes you feel good, see him as much as you want, and leave us out of it.”
When she said “us,” she included both her husband and Udi’s younger brother, Ethan, who was also married and similarly showed no interest at all in their father’s condition. He always kept a safe distance. “I don’t know what to make of him,” he said to Udi. “I want to see him, I really do, but I don’t know what to say to him. The whole scene is repulsive to me. The food that is always falling on the floor, the dirty clothes, the unshaven face, the fingernails…it’s hard for me to look at that.”
“You’ll grow old one day, and then you’ll look like that,” said Udi.
“Don’t be condescending to me,” rebuked Ethan. “You need to take a good look at yourself. What does your life look like?”
Ethan’s place as the younger brother made him lash out each time he felt that somebody was belittling him. Udi let it go. The tone was familiar, and he realized that Ethan would get up at any minute, turn his back, and leave afterward. Udi usually needed his mother’s arbitration to reopen lines of communication. He didn’t need that extra stress at the moment. Udi’s relationship with his brother frustrated him, and their father’s situation created tension and conflict between them instead of bringing them closer.
We’ve got to get Dad a nurse, Udi thought. David, Udi’s friend from the club, had said that his mother’s nurse was available.
Udi called her and set an appointment for the following day.
Chapter 48
“Simha,” she said when they met. “My name is Simha.” She was very slender, and her face was furrowed with deep wrinkles. She wore red, cracked nail polish that had seen better days, and her hair was pulled back in a tight, short ponytail. Udi marveled at how not a single hair seemed to move; even the ponytail itself seemed to be immovable. He and Simha spoke for the better part of an hour, and Udi found her to be charming and empathetic. I wouldn’t mind being taken care of by her. My father will probably like her too.
“Your father will really like me,” she said, seeming to read his thoughts. “I give massages. They really need them, you know!” She looked into Udi’s eyes.
“I think that you will be fine together. My father is a very interesting man. You’ll like him.”
Simha pushed a thick folder toward him. Inside it were many certificates and letters of recommendation.
“You can start working. I’ll read the recommendations later.” They shook hands. “I need to present this whole matter to our mother, so I’ll call you to finalize details later.”
Chapter 49
Udi’s mother sounded pleased to hear from him when he called her. “I met a wonderful nurse. I’m sure Dad will like her.”
“You know that your father is a proud man, and he is likely to get rid of her after one minute.”
“No! I’m sure he’ll like her.”
“I hope, for his sake, that she stays with him. I can see that you’re determined, but don’t forget that I need this too. I need someone who can take control of things. I’m counting on you.”
“Let’s just look at it as a trial period,” Udi said. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll find someone else.”
Chapter 50
Just as he was about to walk out the door, the sound of an incoming text message broke the silence.
Rona had written, Meet me at one at our coffee shop.
Udi replied, Is anything wrong?
She quickly responded, Just come, no questions.
He typed, I’ll be there.
Chapter 51
A million scenarios ran through his head during the hours preceding their date, and none of them ended well. His disquiet grew and grew as the hands of the clock approached the designated hour. When he parked his car near the coffee shop, he looked around until he spotted Rona’s car. She wasn’t in it, so he went inside to find her. Her red eyes and the pile of tissues on the table were evidence of the fact that she had been crying. She looked tenderly into his eyes. “Is there a chance that you’d marry me?” she asked.
His heart skipped a beat. He took a deep breath, and even before he could get a word out, she said, “Okay, I see that isn’t happening.”
Udi squirmed for a moment before replying. “I can’t bring myself to consider leaving my wife or my family, the same way that I can’t bring myself to consider leaving you.”
Her eyes stayed fixed to his. She said, “I had an unbearable night. My husband gave me an ultimatum: to stop what I’m doing immediately, or else he’ll go to your house and tell your wife everything. The only thing that’s stopping him from doing that is the fact that he knows he’d lose me if he did. I doubt he would dare!”
Rona looked at Udi and her body trembled. Large teardrops collected in the corners of her eyes. “The thought of breaking up with you makes it hard for me to breathe, and I don’t like it at all. It’s a horrible thought, but I suppose that I’ll have to go home today and let him know it’s over. That would be the only way for me to make peace with him.”
“I don’t have a single way to make you feel better about this,” Udi said. “I love you. You’re in my heart, and you’re intertwined with every fiber in my body. I don’t have the strength to pull you out of me. The very thought of breaking up with you is earth shattering. I see nothing but darkness ahead without you. I’ll make it easy for you, though—if you ask, I won’t initiate any contact.”
Rona could not control her emotions, and her cheeks were wet with tears. Udi sat across from her, holding both of her hands tightly. Once in a while, he’d let go to dry her tears.
“Why does this hurt so much?” she demanded.
Udi took a deep breath and wanted to reply, but she held a finger to her lips. He realized that she was not really expecting a reply.
The emotional storm that tore through his soul was visible on his face. The thought of leaving his wife and family gave him a heavy heart. He looked into her eyes and knew that in another moment or two, they would have to leave the coffee shop and she wouldn’t be a part of his life anymore. He knew that one of them would have to take the initiative to put into words that which was painfully clear to both of them. All the words of all the sad love songs he knew were running through his head.
Rona noticed his glassy-eyed expression. “Where are you?” she asked.
“It’s hard for me to speak. I’m playing songs in my head. It’s beating the crap out of me.”
“Can you share?” She sniffed.
Udi paused, and then began to recite. “And the smile that is still attached to your face slowly peels off, separating for good. This is the end of the story.”
This was too much for Rona. She started bawling, and then she spotted a woman who was sitting alone, watching them. “What are you looki
ng at?” Rona snapped through her tears.
“I was there,” said the woman in a low cracked voice. “I am sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. I’ve been there.” She paused, and then added, “I understand you. I understand the pain. Don’t fight it.” She stole a look at Udi before continuing. “Give yourself some days, maybe weeks, to take a break from each other. It’ll do you good. You’ll be able to analyze your relationship from a different perspective. Don’t fight your love. Give it a place, give it some space, give it some depth. Find your feet, in more ways than one. Give each other a hug, look deep into each other’s eyes, declare your love to each other, and go your separate ways. What needs to be, will be.” She fixed her gaze on Rona’s glimmering eyes.
“What is amazing,” Rona said, “is that despite the ‘end of the world’ that I’m experiencing at this moment, I’m beginning to see the logic in your words. Where did you come from, anyway?”
“I’m Hannah. A year ago, at the very same table where you now sit, I was with my partner in basically the same situation that you two are facing. Time after time, I’d come back to this table, drink coffee, and sink deep into thoughts and memories—and it did me good. I hope that I won’t make the sin of cheapening this moment for you if I tell you that you’re not the first couple experiencing moments like these that I’ve watched from this seat.” She winked. “But certainly, you’re the most beautiful.”
“So what happened with your relationship, and why did you break up with your partner?” Rona wanted to know.
“I’d be glad to tell you, but another time. It’s out of context now. I wish you both much happiness in your lives.”
Rona looked down for a moment, and when she lifted her gaze, the woman was already standing at the coffee shop door.
“Hug me!” Rona said to Udi.
They hugged for a long time, and Udi felt that they were separating with acceptance and understanding. He wanted to say something, but Rona put her hand over his lips and said, “We’ve said everything. There’s no need for more words.”
Chapter 52
Udi woke the next day with a heavy feeling of sadness and loss. The knowledge that he wouldn’t see Rona anymore weighed on him. He did a quick calculation that if he left home at ten minutes past seven, he might meet her at an intersection she passed through after dropping her kids off at school. Yes! I could see her face at the intersection, give her a smile, and see the light in her eyes.
In answer to his wife’s question as to why he wasn’t finishing his coffee, he replied that he was running late for a meeting. He left home, driving too fast. He carelessly passed a slower car, and honked at the driver in front of him when he didn’t accelerate fast enough as a traffic light changed. He reached the intersection and scanned the lanes in his vicinity. There was no sign of Rona, and Udi’s heart pounded. He drove slowly ahead when the light changed, and then, in a split-second decision, he made a U-turn and went back the way he had come. Again, he drove too fast, quickly arriving at an intersection where he could turn around and head back to the one he had just gone through. Again, he scanned all of the cars in the vicinity, but to no avail.
He looked for the numbers 921, which were part of her license plate. To his disappointment, he couldn’t find her. He looked in the rearview mirror in the desperate hope that he might see her from behind—but again, nothing.
He continued on his way to work feeling frustrated and sad. He didn’t know how he would get through his day, or how he would be able to concentrate in the meetings that were on his busy schedule. All day, he was startled each time the phone rang. He knew that at three o’clock, Rona would leave work to pick up her kids, and he knew she’d be on the road for about forty minutes. He kept all of his afternoon phone calls to a bare minimum so that his line would be free in case she dialed him while driving. His disappointment was unbearable as the minutes ticked by and the call never arrived.
He spent the next several hours in deep thought, slowly driving from one of his building sites to another. He arrived home early, and as he walked through the door, he called out a brief “hello” to his wife.
“I’m taking Mooshie for a walk,” he said.
“What is this spirit of volunteering that has come over you?” Varda asked. “You already took her out this morning.”
He left his briefcase in his study, gathered his cell phone from the kitchen counter, and clipped the leash to Mooshie’s collar.
“What secret conversation are you going to have?” Varda insisted.
“You’re welcome to join me on my walk,” replied Udi.
“There’s no need, just tell me.”
“I’m waiting to hear word confirming a meeting I’ve been trying to set up, and I just want to be available when the call comes. If you like, you can check my call log,” he said, knowing Varda would never touch his phone without his permission.
“No need,” she said. “Have fun.”
He hurried to leave the house with Mooshie since he knew that Rona always walked her white German shepherd between quarter to eight and eight o’clock, right after dinner but before putting her kids to bed. He lifted his eyes to the skies. Bright stars twinkled above the full moon, which shed its light on the playground in the park opposite his house.
Mooshie pulled the leash strongly in the direction of the oleander bushes, and Udi pulled Mooshie with a kind of strength that surprised him. He approached the dog and petted her, trying to find a look of forgiveness in her eyes, but she looked at him with mistrust, afraid of another strong pull. His phone rang and his heart pounded, but it was only Varda.
“Come home,” his wife scolded. “The kids want a hug and a kiss good night.”
The frustration in her voice troubled him. He knew she’d called to check if he was talking to someone else. “I’ll be right back,” he said, glad that the line had been free. He lifted his gaze to the skies again. Our father in heaven, he prayed. Send me a sign—even the smallest one—before I open the door.
He was moody and disappointed when he got home, and it was hard to hide it from his family. He spent the night staring at the ceiling until his wife’s breathing became rhythmic and heavy. She slept so lightly that he had to be careful not to move. Then he realized that he didn’t even have a picture of Rona, and if their breakup persisted, he would never again have the opportunity to see her face. His wife’s breasts rose and dropped, and he aimed his gaze at the window, trying to focus on far-off stars. Dogs barked in the distance.
Udi imagined a big, black dog sitting in its master’s yard, tied to a chain and baring its teeth at some imaginary burglar. From the neighbor’s yard there rose a lengthy wail, similar to a baby’s. Udi realized it was a cat in heat that was probably inviting all of the neighborhood’s male cats to fight for her favors. Something in the wailing bothered him, and he wished that it would stop. Sometimes he’d stuck his head out of the window and barked like a dog in order to scare off the horny cats that prevented him from sleeping. Sometimes he’d thrown small rocks at them.
He turned his glance to the clock and was disappointed to discover that the red, flashing numbers read 2 a.m. Rona, he was sure, was also tossing and turning in bed, keeping a distance from her husband and looking out of her window at the shimmering moon. Why can’t her husband and my wife sleep together? Then I could sleep with her! What a pleasurable thought!
Chapter 53
The first rays of the warm morning sun broke through the slats of the window shades, and Udi opened his eyes. A heavy dreariness pervaded his heart and staked a claim in his soul. Why was I in such a hurry to wake up? he wondered. I could have put off the depression by staying asleep for a little while longer. He stared at the ceiling.
Varda turned over and spoke, her voice thick with sleep. “You were tossing and turning all night. What’s bothering you? You’re so transparent. I feel like something is wrong with you
.”
“You slept all night long, so how do you know that I didn’t sleep?”
“I feel you,” said Varda. “I know that something is going on with you lately. I want you to know that I’m here for you. If you ever decide to share with me, I’ll listen to you.”
A choking feeling in his throat kept him silent until it passed.
“Thank you,” he blurted. He wondered if she suspected something.
Udi tried to get out of the house as fast as possible and prayed that the family would leave him alone.
His cell phone rang. On the screen flashed the name of Moshe the appraiser. “Anything important?” he asked with haste.
“Wait,” said Moshe. “Don’t go anywhere. Listen to what I have to say to you.”
“I hope only good news,” Udi replied. “I don’t have any time for bad news this morning.”
“When was the last time you spoke to Oded?” asked Moshe.
“He’s avoiding me,” Udi said.
“Last night I went to the law offices of Cohen and Goldberg.”
“They’re competitors of Rona’s office.” Udi cut him off.
“Wait until I’m finished. Through the glass, I saw Oded sitting in Haim Cohen’s office. When he left, I went into Haim’s office, and he confirmed that Oded had signed a deal with Benny Sadon over the old-age home.”
Udi found this hard to digest because Benny Sadon competed with him for every single deal that he’d ever made. Benny’s crooked business dealings had caused Udi to become metaphorically allergic to even the mention of his name. The fact that Oded, who had so easily succeeded in gaining Udi’s trust, had signed with him put Udi into a state of total shock.
“Thanks, Moshe. I think I’m going to need a couple of moments to digest this information. We’ll talk soon.” Udi hung up.
He’d seen the old-age home deal as an important springboard to the coming year’s business activities for his company. Losing the project was a tough one. He wanted to call Rona’s partners and bark at them to find out how they’d managed to let the deal slip through their fingers so quickly. He tried to figure out his next move and wondered if there was any way to torpedo the deal, but he couldn’t find the energy to delve deeper into the convoluted possibilities that were before him. He took it personally that Oded had turned his back on him—after all, Udi had opened the door to friendship, and they had just sat together a few nights earlier, drinking beers.