The Change Up

by Quinn, Meghan

  And I know she loves me.

  So before she can start apologizing, I say, “Please just check with me. I want you to be able to treat my apartment as yours and I get you’re a social person, but just check with me so I can prepare myself. Okay?”

  She nods and when she goes to hug me I stop her. Her frightened face stares up at me as I grip her chin with my forefinger and thumb. Softly, I say, “I don’t want to make this a thing. I don’t want to spend the night with you apologizing to me, because I know that’s what you will do.”

  She swallows hard. “Okay.”

  “Long fucking day. It’s late. I think we should take Herman out and then go to bed.”

  “You want to take Herman out?”

  “I don’t want you doing it yourself. This is a nice neighborhood, but still, making you walk a dog by yourself in the evening, is not something I’m about to do.”

  I walk over to the entryway, grab his leash, and hand it to her. She calls Herman over, I snag the keys, and we walk out of the apartment and lock up.

  The mood has shifted. She’s somber, upset, probably feeling a whole lot guilty. I want us to be able to have fun, so I can fucking flirt with this girl.

  We hop in the elevator and on the way down, I nudge her with my foot and say, “Are you going to have a sour look on your face for the rest of the night?”

  Her eyes shoot up to mine. “I don’t have a sour look on my face.”

  “You do. Your lips are pursed like you just had a bad lemon.” I impersonate the look and she quickly nudges me back.

  “I do not look like that.”

  “You totally do.” I keep doing the face and she laughs while playfully pushing me.

  “I do not have that face.”

  The elevator dings and opens, we both walk into the lobby of the building and then out to the quiet streets. I reach down and take her hand in mine and start to walk her around the block along with Herman.

  “Your hand is clammy,” I say, shaking it away and rubbing my hand on my thigh.

  “It is not.” She laughs and reaches for my hand.

  “No way.” I step away from her. “I don’t want your clam hand getting my palm all sweaty and gross.”

  Her eyes widen and a smirk crosses over her features. “I do not have clam hands.”

  “The clammiest hands if I ever did feel them. Didn’t think someone could sweat that much out of their hands, but you proved me wrong.”

  “You think you’re really funny, don’t you?” she asks as Herman stops to sniff a wad of gum on the sidewalk. “If you really want to hit me where it hurts, why don’t you tell me I smell like dog?”

  “I mean, now that you brought it up . . .”

  “Maddox,” she says sternly, causing me to roar with laughter as we continue down the sidewalk.

  “Come on, Kinny. Lighten up, babe. We’re cool, okay? I want to see that smile. Things have been . . . intense lately, and I just want to fucking have fun with you.”

  “Okay, but can I at least apologize first?”

  She pleads with me, those pitifully apologetic eyes of hers staring up at me. “You have five seconds.”

  She grabs me by the hand, stops me from moving, and offers me a one-armed hug. I return it.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t consider your need for privacy. I respect that. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “You’re forgiven. Now, let’s move on.” I wrap my arm around her and we start walking down the block again, Herman sniffing everything on the way. “So you watched the game?”

  “Yeah, bits and pieces. I wasn’t glued to it.”

  “You weren’t waiting to catch me on camera, hoping and praying I graced the television screen?”

  “Please. I have to look at you every night, you think I want to look at you on the television too?” she teases and I start to relax, knowing that everything will be okay, even though I lectured her back at the apartment.

  “You think I don’t know?”

  “Don’t know what?” she asks as Herman finds a patch of grass fitting to make his nightly deposit on.

  “Your obsession. I saw the inside flap of your suitcase, all the cut-out pictures of me with giant hearts around my head. Your secret is out, Kin.”

  She laughs so hard that it almost hurts my pride. Is it that preposterous to have a crush on me? I mean, I’m not full of myself by any means, but I’ve seen the way she’s looked at my body, how other women have looked at me. I’m a good-looking guy, not a hardship to ogle.

  “You know, the heavy laughter is hurting my man feelings.”

  She laughs even harder. And when Herman finishes his business, she cleans up after him and tosses away the evidence—one compromise I made with her, no dog shit in the apartment. So she uses biodegradable bags and takes care of the poop outside. Thankfully. For all I know, she’d want to start her own manure company with Herman as the face of the brand.

  As we walk back, she settles down and finally says, “I think your man feelings can survive.”

  I don’t think they can.

  We make it back to the apartment and get Herman settled before heading into the bedroom. Kinsley gets ready first, shutting the bathroom door behind her as I sit on my bed and stare at my phone.

  Debating if I should text for some advice or not, I cave in and shoot Cory a text.

  Maddox: Dude, I’m crashing and burning over here.

  Thankfully he texts back quickly.

  Cory: LOL. Sorry, but that’s funny.

  Maddox: Not helpful. She laughed really fucking hard when I teased about her having an obsession with me. That’s not a good sign.

  Cory: Laughing can be a good sign, because it could be a coverup for her actual feelings.

  Maddox: I don’t know. I feel like I’m pushing my luck here.

  Cory: Up to you, but remember when you told me I just need to fucking go for it with Natalie? I think it’s your turn, buddy.

  Maddox: I’m so not good at this shit. When I want to make a move, I make a move, but easing into it, so much fucking harder.

  Cory: I don’t envy you. Good luck.

  Maddox: That’s it? That’s all the advice you’re going to give me?

  Cory: Natalie is in lingerie, stroking my thigh. Yeah, that’s it. Night, man.

  I drop my phone on my nightstand and mutter, “Lucky bastard.”

  I could only imagine what I would do if Kinsley walked out of the bathroom in lingerie and started stroking my thigh. Pretty sure my head would pop off my neck while I aggressively shouted “Awooooga.”

  The door to the bathroom opens and I hopelessly hold my breath as she walks out in a pair of shorts and tank top, her regular nighttime garb, and even though I’ve seen the outfit many times, I will say this: it doesn’t get old to look at how tight her top clings to her torso and chest.

  “All yours, big guy. Or should I say . . . my obsession?” She laughs some more and I just roll my eyes, as I go to the bathroom to get ready. While brushing my teeth, I think about how I can make a small step tonight, how I can switch up the friend-zone routine that I’m currently stuck in.

  Holding hands and facing each other, that’s a change I can make, especially since Cory thought it was definite friend-zone material. Nerves bloom in my stomach from the thought of it, of spooning her, holding her close to me all night and breathing in her scent, soaking up her warmth, living in a world where I can hold her like that without any repercussions.

  But what if she pulls away?

  Do I fake insanity and go sleep with Herman?

  I guess there’s only one way to find out.

  I turn out the bathroom light, toss my clothes in the hamper, and head to the bed where Kinsley’s getting comfortable. I slip under the covers and gather courage as I turn toward her. She’s facing her nightstand, messing with her alarm on her phone. I prepare to make the move.

  Before she can turn over, that’s my window.

  She sets her phone on the nightstand—that’s it, move man,
move—I sweep in behind her, loop my arm around her waist, and pull her into my chest.

  She startles, going stiff, and I hold my breath for what she’s going to say, for the rejection.

  It seems like minutes tick by as I wait for a response, and just when I’m about to release her because I’m afraid she’s catatonic, her body relaxes and she melts into me.

  Holy fuck.

  Cautiously, I let her settle in before I shift. She rests her head on her pillow and wiggles a little closer until her ass is pressed against my pelvis.

  Shit, maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

  I bite on my bottom lip as my neck strains, my mind going anywhere else but the feel of her soft butt cheeks sliding over my crotch.

  I take a few deep breaths and when I feel that I have things under control, I snuggle in closer, moving my head to hers where I breathe in her scent. Fucking delicious. I want this. More than anything. I want this.

  I hold back the sigh of relief and instead, clutch her tighter.

  She grips tightly to my arm wrapped around her and she quietly says, “Okay, if you spoon me like this, I might very well become obsessed with you.”

  I know exactly what I’ll be doing every fucking night.

  “Good night, babe.” I kiss the side of her head.

  She sighs and says, “Good night, Maddox.”

  * * *

  “These late-night games are really cutting in on my time with you,” Kinsley says while sitting on my kitchen counter, sharing a bowl of popcorn with me.

  “Missing me, Kinny?”

  She shrugs. “Miss your grunting around the apartment. Complaining about something I changed.” She nods toward the sink. “You didn’t even notice the new dish soap I got you.”

  “Yeah, not something I would notice. Let me guess, it’s saving the world?”

  She nods. “The last dish soap you will ever use.”

  “Figures.”

  In the locker room, Cory asked me how last night went and when I told him I spooned with success, he laughed, gave me a high five, and said keep going. I have momentum, and I have to run with it. So that’s what I’m trying to do.

  She’s sitting on the counter, I’m standing right next to her, I could easily slip between her legs and hold her, but I have to figure out how to get there.

  “How was your day?”

  “Good. The rowdy bloodhounds are starting to cause a commotion. I’m glad Herman’s not there. I think he’d be a nervous wreck if he was. I keep him in my office and take him out for walks, away from the loud ones. He seems content.”

  “I hope you’re not falling for him.”

  “Me? Falling for an animal? Pishh.” She waves her hand in front of her but I know better.

  Standing tall, I hold my breath as I slowly reach out and part her legs, only to slide in between her at the counter. My hands fall to her waist and because of the counter height, we’re eye to eye, so I watch intently as she has a sharp inhale from my touch . . . but doesn’t move away.

  I’m in.

  Looking her in the eyes, I say, “It’s funny how you think you can lie to me. You once fell in love with a frog we found outside, and then you cried for days because you couldn’t find him again.”

  “Mr. Toady was a gentle soul. I didn’t want him to get hurt.”

  “It was a tiny frog, not a toad. You should know better, Kinny.”

  She rolls her eyes and then glances toward Herman. “He’s a good dog. I feel sad for him that he lost his best friend and has no idea why. I tell him all the time, but I know he doesn’t get it.”

  “Isn’t that how it is with all of the animals?” I ask, moving my hands to her thighs where my thumbs make gentle passes over her skin.

  She glances up at me through her lashes, and I can see the question in her eyes, wondering what I’m doing. But she doesn’t ask. She brings her attention back to her connected hands. “Herman is a little different. He was found four years ago, on the streets. His leg was all mangled, he was flea ridden, and was deathly skinny. His owner took him in, took him to a vet where they amputated his leg and brought him back to life. It was a long road of recovery, but he made it and he bonded with Mr. Klawson. He was the only human he ever trusted, and then four years later, his security blanket was taken away.” She shyly shrugs. “I have a heart for Herman.”

  Hell, after that story, I might have a heart for the dog as well.

  “It’s one of the reasons why I like you, Kin. You have such a beautiful soul for those who need it. Me being one of them.” I slide my thumbs under her shirt and tense, waiting for a reaction, but she doesn’t give me one. She reaches up and tugs on the brim of my hat before twisting it around so it’s backwards.

  “You act like I saved you, but I didn’t. Without you, I would have been lost through our childhood.”

  The pads of my thumbs caress her soft skin, and I feel myself getting lost in the smoothness, the motion of my touch, the way her breath catches when my thumbs run inward toward her navel. “You had Bradley there for a while,” I say, speaking of her high school boyfriend, who I couldn’t stand and who couldn’t stand me.

  Kinsley rolls her eyes and places her hands on my shoulders, slowly moving them closer and closer to my neck. “You and Bradley never got along, which I’m pretty sure is the reason he broke up with me.”

  I take a small step closer, my heart pounding so hard as her thumbs start to rub along my neck, gently, like she’s trying to slow down my pulse with the lightest of grazes. Little does she know, she’s making it skyrocket with every stroke.

  She’s touching me, she’s not backing away, she’s letting me feel her more intimately, and it’s causing my head to swim with hope, causing me to feel lightheaded with need. I want more.

  I want to reach all the way up her shirt, bring her head closer to mine, and taste her lips. That brief swipe of her lips against mine didn’t give me time to taste her, and God, I want to taste her. Everywhere.

  With her legs still spread, I pull her closer across the counter so she’s right up against my chest, our heads only a few inches apart. Her hands curl up so the curve of her thumb and forefinger cup the lobes of my ears and her fingers curl into the short strands of my hair. Slowly, the tips of her fingers massage the base of my head where my neck connects with my skull, and I swear to fuck, I could beat my leg up and down like a dog it feels so good.

  Licking my lips, I stare her down and say, “He broke up with you because he was intimidated by me.”

  “You’re so full of yourself.” She rolls her eyes but keeps her hands where they are, her legs wrapping around my waist where her heels rest just above my ass.

  Fuck, her warmth eats me whole as I try to think what to do next, how to get even closer, how to move this along without breaking the spell we have floating around us.

  “I’m not. He cornered me one day in the halls, two days before he broke up with you.” I slide my hands to her back where my fingers play dangerously with the waistband of her shorts. I stroke just above the band, painfully inching lower with each stroke but never crossing over.

  “What? Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “We were already fighting because you didn’t like that I wasn’t getting along with him, and I didn’t think that would help the case.”

  She looks to the side, realization falling over her features. “I remember that. Bradley was the cause of one of our first big fights. What did he say to you?”

  “That he didn’t appreciate how close I was to you. He didn’t like that I would hug you, touch you. He thought I should back away, and I told them there was no way in fuck I was going to do that, and he could learn to deal with the fact that we are best friends. Apparently, he didn’t want to deal with it.”

  “Oh my God, you totally made him break up with me.”

  I shrug and move my fingers just under her waistband. “Not even fucking sorry about it.”

  She gives me a sly smile and pulls me in clo
ser with her legs. “Jamie had a similar conversation with me. Cornered me our senior year in your house, told me to leave you alone or else she was going to break up with you.”

  I think back to my senior year, how Kinsley distanced herself, putting in a lot of work at the shelter rather than hang out with me as much.

  “You listened to her?”

  She nods. “Unlike you, you relationship ruiner, I stepped back, gave you guys your space.”

  I shake my head and softly say, “You should have stood your ground.”

  “I realize that now.” She rubs her thumb over my cheek. “Do you ever miss her?”

  “No,” I answer, looking her dead in the eyes. “I realized quickly she wasn’t genuine with me and that’s not someone I want to be with.” Slowly I move my hands back up her waist so they connect with her ribs. “I want someone who can be real with me, someone I don’t have to hide myself with.” I glide my hands even higher, pulling her shirt with me as she loops her arms around my neck, growing so close that I can feel the air supply shrink between us. My need for her is so damn strong that I’m moments from claiming her mouth. A few inches separate us from crossing that final line, and I’m desperate to make the leap even though my body vibrates with nerves. Nerves that creep up the back of your neck, sending your heart into a frenzy of panic.

  Looking between my eyes, she says, “I think you’ll find her one day. I just know it.”

  Mother.

  Fucker.

  My heart plummets. Doesn’t she get it?

  She’s the one I want, the girl that’s right for me.

  I can be myself with her. She cares for me on a deeper level, she gets me, and she understands my mood swings. I don’t have to reiterate my past with her, because she lived it, and I don’t have to play the get-to-know-me game because I’m pretty sure she knows more about me than I know about myself.

  Leaning forward, she places a chaste kiss on my cheek, and then detangles herself from me. She hops down from the counter and heads to the entryway, hooking Herman up to his leash.