Burnout

by Stacia Leigh

  The void grew, this time between him and her, a distance he wasn’t prepared for or necessarily liked very much. The last thing his mom had said to him rang in his ears…Go find— It was right before Owen saved his baby-butt. Will had wanted the sentence finished. Find what, Mom? Tell me! But now, he knew what she meant.

  Go find a life. Time was elusive. There was too much on one side and not enough on the other. Find acceptance. Find solace. If it was finding love, it might be standing right in front of him. How would he know unless he moved forward? He tried again. “Miki—”

  KA-BOOM!

  Holy, mother of… A gasp left Will’s lips, and his eyebrows flew up into his hairline. What the hell? He crouched and searched out Miki’s hand with his own while looking to his dad. The look on Dad’s face meant the gunshot was unexpected. No…the timing wasn’t right. Wrong again, his face held the look of harnessed excitement. This was the Hides of Hell way.

  “Go!” Dad hissed at Owen. “Mile marker eight. White truck. Don’t stop for anything!”

  Owen didn’t question it; the plan had been set and agreed upon. The parties who needed to know had been informed. He ran to Will and Miki, bouncing on his boot soles. “Come on!” he shouted in Will’s face. He grabbed Miki’s other hand and tugged her into motion before dropping his grip and jaunting into the trees. He didn’t look back, and he didn’t have to. Will felt Miki loosen her fingers from around his, so he let go, and they crashed through the underbrush, following in Owen’s wake.

  * * *

  Two idiots. Jackasses. Honestly, with no hydration and no sustenance in her stomach, how did they expect her to keep up? Bastards.

  “I want my paracord back, too, Will.” Miki huffed and puffed glaring holes into his butt cheeks. She’d been pissed off for a full hour, but it didn’t mean she was above appreciating the swell and swish of his Ghetto Gramps. She was in the back of the line as usual, so might as well make the best of it even though she was getting the hangry shakes from lack of food. She hadn’t eaten since dinner yesterday.

  “You should carry a dog bone. You know how you get when you’re hungry.” Owen tossed over his shoulder smugly. His tone seemed smug to her, anyway.

  “‘Shut up, or I’ll kill you myself,’” she mimicked her brother with a deep doofus-sounding voice.

  “What a little ingrate.” Owen had picked up a branch and was snapping it into pieces as they trudged along a deer trail they happened across. Maybe they were heading down to a meadow or a lake. “Here, I’m saving you like the big stud I am, and what do I get? A bunch of lip. Wait ’til Mom hears about this. Her little Miki-Lou—”

  “She’ll be on my side. She always is.” She hadn’t called her mom in days! She was probably worried sick.

  “Can we play the silent game for a while?” Will muttered to Owen’s back. “You two are driving me crazy.”

  Miki pursed her lips. Where was Dad, the great Leo the Lion? Why hadn’t he come to save her or to see if she were all right? Bill had been in a life or death situation, escaped it, and immediately made his way into a dangerous predicament to reach his son. He even included Will in the group hug with Flossy and her own brother while she’d stood off to the side, ignored. They joked about saving Baby Boy…but what about her? What was she…chopped liver? Seriously.

  She wasn’t jealous of Will. Not at all, and she wasn’t jealous of Owen. Not anymore. Not really. He was the son of a hardened biker. He knew the life and had made the choice to live it. Not to mention, he had one thing she never would…a penis. She would never be a part of her dad’s world no matter what she looked like, what words she said, or what she did. It all boiled down to her not being a boy. She didn’t have a P-card. In her dad’s eyes, she would remain the sweet little thing that belonged in her mother’s arms. Kisses on rosy cheeks, nibbling baked goods, and staying clear of the Hides of Hell way.

  But, really, it didn’t sound all that bad. Why had she been fighting it all this time? All those things sounded wonderful! Hugs and kisses from Mom, a cinnamon roll swimming in butter, and no men.

  “Now you’re being too quiet. You’re not plotting to kill me, are you?” Will turned to look over his shoulder. “I’ve got your paracord in my pocket, if you’re worried about it. I’ll give it to you later when I’m sure you won’t use it as a garrote to strangle me.” He laughed softly and kept walking.

  “Yeah.” She tried to match his happy sound but couldn’t. Will teasing her only made her think about the Law of Least Effort. It reminded her of being too fast, wanting too much, and getting nothing in return. If her father were any indication, then she was a girl easily dismissed.

  But she didn’t feel that way! Why couldn’t she be herself and like the girly things as well as the dirt and the grit? What was it Valentina told her in the campground bathroom so many days ago? Something to the effect of accepting what you can’t change. But Miki had always liked the other side of the phrase better: change what you can’t accept. Hiding in the middle was the answer to true happiness. It had to be in there somewhere.

  She trudged along behind Will, lost in her own thoughts as coarse grass blades brushed against her jeans. The trail opened into a carpet of green, a meadow dappled with white foxgloves and pink bee balm. It was so vivid it took her breath away. A perfect pitstop.

  “Wow. Look at all those flowers. My mom would’ve loved this place,” Will said wistfully.

  “This isn’t a Sunday drive. Shorty’s meeting us, so keep walking.” Owen slapped at a mosquito on his neck and flicked the black speck off his fingers. “Skeeters are out. Must be getting close to dinnertime.”

  Miki’s stomach growled low and mournful like a mama bear who’d lost her cubs. She dropped her head weakly. “Don’t remind me,” she groaned.

  “I wonder how the guys are doing? You think everyone’s okay?” Will asked Owen’s back as he fell into line.

  “Sure.” Owen dismissed him with a wave. “Don’t worry about it, Gadget. It was a regular day at the office, and now, the guys are having happy hour, off cracking peanuts, slamming beers, and making P-Scum jokes. It’s all good.”

  “How would you know?” Miki felt the sting of a mosquito biting her forehead. Damned bugs!

  “I’m connected, Mik. What are you?”

  Disconnected. She scratched her temple and smeared a blood sucker down her face. Very disconnected.

  CHAPTER 20: Unspoken

  Miki blinked hard at the mile marker. It said seven, right? She dragged her sorry butt closer and focused on it to make sure the universe wasn’t playing some miserable joke on her. Don’t you dare change back to a six. Once she passed the road sign, she breathed a sigh of relief. One more mile to go until they were picked up. So why did her feet suddenly feel like they were bagged in road tar? NOOooo! She wanted to shake her fist at the sky as each step became more and more difficult.

  “You’re P-Skull bait,” Owen said, griping at her for walking on the side of the road while he was busy trailblazing through the gully grass in the ditch. With an empty fuel tank and zero energy, she needed a flat plane to walk on, a painted white line to follow, so her mind could wander with the breeze. No one was around. No traffic…no cars…no motorcycles. According to Owen, the bikers were done duking it out, and each side was probably off celebrating battle stories. Besides, Will was behind her. She could hear his boots hitting the asphalt. If he wasn’t thinking about the P-Skulls and being bait, why should she?

  What was on his mind, anyway? Was he as tired as she felt? Did his spleen hurt—or his broken arm? Was he staring at the white line, too…letting his thoughts drift? Where were his eyes right now? Maybe they were glued to her rear-end the way hers had been to his earlier. Was taking a sneak peek back at him considered an effort?

  Probably.

  Maybe it was better to not know. After all, she’d been tossed around in the muck and the mud, and if he were checking out her denim stitching, maybe it wasn’t because he found her attractive but because there wa
s a slimy wet leaf clinging to her butt. Ew.

  God! She rolled her eyes. Who cared? If being dirty was a deal breaker after what she’d been through, then so be it. Consider the deal broken, Will. Talk about shallow! She could do so much better—

  Her stomach twisted painfully with hunger, and she scowled—Men!—then brushed her hands over her back pockets in case there were any hang-ons. Surely, mile marker eight was around the next bend. One more step. Come on, girl…one more step.

  Tail lights glowed ahead, and as she dragged herself closer, she could make out a white tailgate, which morphed into a truck with a monster bike tethered in the bed. I love you, Shorty! I really, really do.

  “We made it, Miki.” Will’s good arm came around her waist, and he swept her along with him, whispering, “My God, we freakin’ made it. Can you believe it? I can’t believe it. Uncle Shorty!” He let go of her and jogged to the passenger side of the truck. “Aunt K! What are you doing here?”

  “We’re here for Cindy’s memorial, Will. When it’s done, you’re coming home with us. Uncle Shorty brought his bike but will most likely—”

  “I’ve changed my mind.” Shorty interjected from the driver’s side of the cab. “My knee feels fine.”

  “Okay, for all intents and purposes, he’s riding to the rally, but after what’s happened, I strongly encourage you and Miki to come home with me.”

  Miki leaned on the back fender and nodded. Yeah. She was ready to go home.

  “No.” Will frowned and shook his head. “There’s not going to be another memorial. Mom’s ashes were nabbed by some Pulver Skull, and there’s no more apple pie.” Will held his palms out like there was nothing else to say.

  “Who took ‘em?” Shorty demanded.

  “Some young guy…a kid. His name is Smiley. He went straight for ‘em—”

  “Hey…it’s okay, Willy Boy,” Shorty’s voice drifted through the window.

  “Your uncle’s right. We don’t need those things to remember her. Physically, she’s gone, but her energy, her spirit, it’s in you and Liam. Okay? You’re both a part of her. You look like her, and just imagine when you have kids of your own, you’ll see her all over again. She’ll always be with you, Will. Come here.”

  The passenger door swung open, and Karen slid out, wearing lavender Capri pants with bright canvas shoes. Her pewter curls swung above her shoulders as she rolled up on tippy-toes to bend Will like a reed into her embrace. Miki watched, feeling like a bystander.

  “We’re not saying goodbye, honey. We’re celebrating the good she gave us. The way she made us feel. The love, okay?”

  Will didn’t verbally respond, but his eyes closed, and his cheeks warmed as he absorbed her sentiments and motherly comfort.

  The tiniest trickle of jealousy poked at Miki’s heart. She could really use a hug like that.

  Owen appeared and slung his heavy arm across her bone-weary shoulders. He leaned down. “Nice day for a hike, huh?” and thunked her on the back, aiming for playful, maybe even affectionate. He missed the mark by a long shot. Miki swallowed hard against the disappointment.

  “I haven’t had that much fun in a long time,” Owen said with a grin.

  “Fun,” she said in a bland voice. What was she missing? The whole day hadn’t been fun. It had been harrowing! She could practically hear her dad say, Toughen up! Unfortunately, the tough stuff had been tapped, and she needed something more right now; she needed her mom.

  Miki turned away from her clueless brother and sought Will…Karen. Someone who could replenish her positive energy.

  Karen patted Will’s cheek like only an aunt could before turning to face Miki. She pushed up her glasses and gasped.

  “Oh, my gosh, look at you!” She pulled Miki into her floral t-shirt and murmured, “You poor thing.”

  Miki melted into Karen’s protective arms, feeling like a mangy mutt. Take me home with you, nice lady…take me home. She slowly inhaled and was immediately rewarded with the sweet fragrance that had her picturing lemon pound cake covered lavishly with buttercream frosting…and sprinkles. Lots and lots of sprinkles.

  Miki’s stomach practically barked with angry hunger pangs. It was embarrassing, but she laughed and murmured into Karen’s soft shirt, “I don’t know what I need more, this hug, my mom, or a gigantic drink with a hamburger slathered in ketchup and mustard…” Karen made humming mama noises in her chest but didn’t let go. “…and cheese. Lots and lots of cheese.”

  “Oh, dude…” Will rested his green cast against his big hoodie pocket. “I cannot un-see the billboard for Diablo’s. A fat bean burrito, blowing up with carne asada—”

  The truck’s horn blared.

  “Cogitating about food can happen on the road,” Shorty hollered impatiently from behind the wheel. “Get in.”

  Miki squeezed into the back of the cab, knocking shoulders with Will and Owen. Shorty gunned it, churning loose gravel under the tires.

  “You need to call Mom,” Owen murmured to her but was probably checking out his reflection in the tinted glass since he didn’t look her way. “I texted her, but she wants to hear your voice.”

  “I don’t have my cell.”

  “I know. Safety last. Right, Mik?” Owen casually dropped his in her lap. “Throw in a good word for me, will ya?”

  She tapped the phone screen, and the moment Mom answered, Miki sagged, all her muscle tension releasing at once. Mom’s voice gushed with love and worry, and it spoke to Miki’s heart. While she’d been chasing Dad’s elusive and mythical love, her mom stayed in the background as solid as a rock. Miki’s anger and resentment at nearly everything dissipated. Of course, seeing the sign “Burger Barn Drive Thru, Next Exit” helped a lot. “I love you, too, Mom,” Miki said and felt revived. She swiped at a tear before handing the phone back to Owen.

  Once at Burger Barn, they placed their orders, then pulled into the parking lot to wolf down their bounty: large sodas, burgers with bacon, tomato, cheese, and bags of salty fries. When she finished, Miki crinkled up her hamburger wrapper and tossed it into the bag. Her eyelids suddenly weighed a ton. When Shorty pulled back onto the road, her head bobbed like it sat on a spring. Will patted his bicep, and she fell limply against his side, grateful for the offer. She knew her lips were hanging slack, but she didn’t care.

  A warm hand touched the side of her face. Mom…no, it didn’t feel quite right. Then, a roughened thumb slid along the slope of her nose. It was a man’s hand, gentle, but the nose thing wasn’t her dad’s style. Miki’s lashes fluttered open, and Will’s grin filled her world. Even through the darkness of the cab, she could make out his lips, teeth, and the beauty mark on his cheek. He had a baby face, but a smattering of whiskers poked out along his chin and jaw. It was dark outside, late. What time was it? She pulled back and wiped a hand across her mouth.

  “Sorry. I think I slobbered on you,” she said hoarsely and blinked, trying to get oriented. She craned her neck to look out the side window. Where were they?

  “We’re alone,” Will said. His mouth opened like he had something more to say, then closed it. Whatever was on his mind was left unspoken. Instead, he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his hair and leaned into the corner of the backseat to watch her.

  The waking-up process was proving to be quite a show. His brown eyes followed her movements as she swiped under her lashes, combed chipped nails through her hair, and licked her dry lips. Not quite human, but getting there.

  “You were so far gone…no one wanted to wake you. We had a whole conversation about—you didn’t hear any of it? Amazing. Even with the truck doors slamming and the guys over there…” Will gave a nod to the back window. “I’ve never seen anyone sleep so hard.”

  “I have,” she said. “You.” She rolled her aching shoulders in an attempt to shake off the fog. The outside noises began to permeate—tinny music from a speaker, a crackling fire, deep-voiced murmurs.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  “Ready for what?”
<
br />   “Anything,” he said and looked away. He pushed the seat forward and reached for the handle on the passenger door. It opened, and he slipped into the night. He was gone but not for long. Fingers, palm-side up and jutting out of a green cast, entered the beam of overhead light. A dirty, broken arm beckoned her. “Let’s go. Everyone’s been waiting.”

  Waiting for what?

  She placed her hand in his and let him play the gentleman card. He tightened his fingers and helped her out of the truck, which was a refreshing change from the time her dad forgot about her sitting in the back and nearly shut the door in her face. She shook her head, not in disbelief because it had been on her birthday but because it seemed like such a long time ago.

  Will’s hand fell away and rested on her back as he propelled her toward a substantial bonfire snapping and crackling in the fire pit. Tents, motorbikes, and beer coolers made up the outer ring, evidence that some of the guys had been here long enough to set up camp. The inner ring consisted of twenty to thirty Hides of Hell guys from the Overdale chapter. They were her guys, the ones she recognized. She easily picked out her favorites: Trip—a hottie who gave great advice, Flossy—a savvy mechanic who took the time to show her the ropes, her brother—nothing new to report there, and Liam—always ready to help.

  Will left her to go have a hug-out with his brother on the other side of the fire. Will was tall and lanky like a rockstar—she could totally see him wearing a black, studded belt—where Liam had more of an athletic build. Seeing the Sullivan brothers together and laughing almost brought another tear to her eye. Will deserved to be happy. He really did.

  On the other hand, she felt tired and scruffy and out of it. She needed two things to happen immediately: a volcanic hot shower and a lofty cloud to sleep on for the next five years. Was that too much to ask for?