My jaw drops. Oh Christ, and I’ve got him paused topless on my TV screen too. I’m going to look a right pervert!
‘How did you get in?’
‘I came up the fire escape and the door was unlocked.’
‘It was?’ I stick my head out and peer down the corridor in surprise. ‘Really? It must have been open all day. I came up through the shop.’
‘Oh well, I’ve locked it now. You going to let me in or what?’ Picking up his holdall, he steps towards me.
‘Sorry!’ Flustered, I step aside to let him in. ‘I was expecting the landlord actually. I phoned him before.’
‘Good. Do you think he’ll come?’
I don’t answer immediately. I’m too busy staring at his bags. Why has he got all his stuff with him?
His holdall lands with a thud behind my sofa and he lays his suit carrier over the back of the cushions. I scratch my head with the TV remote. ‘Oh!’ he says with a grin, stopping to stare at my TV screen. ‘Are you watching my documentaries?’
My heart jerks and I laugh, going red. ‘Yes! Trust you to walk in at this bit. I can’t believe you’re actually going to jump into a river with alligators in it!’
‘Nah, it was pretty safe really.’
I shut the door and go into the kitchen to hide my hot cheeks. ‘I’ve got some stir fry left if you want to finish it off?’
‘Yes please, I’m starving! I just got back from seeing my family off at the airport.’
‘Oh, that’s nice.’
‘Yeah, Mum cried as usual but I think that was more fear of flying than anything else.’
‘Aww. Was she there last night? I didn’t see anyone I thought could be your mum.’
‘Yes, she was there, and my dad. They were lurking at the back somewhere with my brother and his family.’
‘I didn’t even know you had a brother.’
‘Yeah, you did.’ He sits down on my sofa and points again at the TV. ‘I can’t watch myself, by the way. Hate it. Do you mind if I switch it off?’
‘Okay.’ I carry his plate over, still confused about him having a brother. ‘You’re very good on camera. Very natural. I can see why you made number fifty on the sexiest men list.’
He goes bright red, making me laugh. ‘Oh God, that! It’s so ridiculous. I wanted to die with embarrassment when I heard about that.’
‘Why? It’s great. And quite right too. Obviously, I think you’re sexy. Well, used to anyway,’ I add hastily as he raises an eyebrow at me. Now it’s my turn to blush. He laughs as he takes the plate and cutlery I’m holding out to him.
‘Thank you for this. I was only joking about dinner. I’d have gone to the chippy or somewhere.’
‘No, it’s no problem. It’ll only go to waste if you don’t eat it.’ I sit down next to him, my eyes drawn to the suit carrier resting on the back of the sofa.
‘So, you brought your stuff …?’
‘Yeah, thanks for letting me stay. It’s really kind of you.’ He points the fork at the food as he chews. ‘Wow, this is really good.’
‘It was only thrown together quickly.’
‘Well, it’s lovely. Thanks. I was starving. I got a cab back from the airport and got stuck in traffic for ages.’
‘Oh dear.’
‘Mmm,’ he nods, chewing another mouthful.
‘About you staying,’ I start, falteringly. ‘I don’t recall you actually saying you were coming to stay?’
‘Oh? Really?’ He swallows the mouthful he’s chewing and wipes the side of his mouth with his hand. ‘It was when I was moaning about your flat last night. You said “you won’t want to stay then” and I said “yes, I would, thank you”.’
‘And you thought that was me inviting you to stay?’ I blink at him.
‘Well, yeah.’ He shrugs. ‘We haven’t seen each other in five years, I thought it would be nice for us to spend some time together.’
I hesitate, recognising this as my chance to tell him that I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to spend time together. But now he’s here, all long-limbed and gorgeous with his dark floppy hair and big green eyes, I realise the temptation to keep him here is too great. ‘Of course, you can stay, but I’m not sure where you’ll actually sleep?’ I look around my little flat as my heart flutters like a bird in the cage of my chest. ‘I suppose you could sleep on the sofa but it’s not very comfortable.’
‘I don’t care. I’ll sleep on the floor. I’ve brought my sleeping bag.’
‘You have?’
‘Sure. I always have my sleeping bag.’
‘But weren’t you booked into a hotel?’
‘For a few days, yeah, but I knew I was staying for a bit after so I thought I’d be able to crash at my mates. I still can if you don’t want me here?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want you here, it’s just I don’t know how it will look to James …’
‘Ah, your new boyfriend.’ Realisation dawns on his face. ‘Is he coming tonight?’
‘No, not tonight. He’s never actually been here before so him finding you here isn’t really a problem.’
‘So, what is the problem?’
‘I don’t know. It’s just, how’s it going to look if he finds out you’re staying here?’
‘Why? I’m just an old friend crashing on your floor for a few days. What’s wrong with that?’
‘Well, nothing when you put it like that, but …’ My voice trails off.
‘You still fancy me?’ He laughs wickedly.
‘Aiden!’ My heart bungees to my feet and back up.
‘Well, what’s a guy to think? I am number fifty on a list of the world’s sexiest men. And I just found you watching me shirtless on TV!’ He runs his tongue round his cheek, obviously enjoying himself.
‘Hey!’ I splutter. ‘You turned up at the wrong time, that’s all. It’s the first time I’ve seen it.’
‘Likely story. You could have been watching it over and over again for months for all I know!’ Aiden laughs as he forks up the last of his dinner.
‘Oh ha ha! Very funny,’ I say, resorting to sarcasm in the absence of any other sort of defence. I can’t believe how different he seems from last night. Did I imagine his anger and resentment? ‘Besides, you’re the one who chased me onto a train.’
‘That’s true,’ he concedes, leaning forward to slide his empty plate onto the coffee table. ‘And I just turned up at your flat and invited myself to stay.’ He shrugs and stands up. ‘You know me, always chancing my hand. Well, thanks for dinner. I’ll go to Ben’s. He said I could stay with him.’
‘Oh! No! You don’t have to go!’ I stand up with him, suddenly so terrified at the thought of him leaving that I almost put my hands on him and drag him back down onto the sofa. ‘You can stay. It’s no problem.’
‘Yeah?’ His eyebrows lift. ‘What about James?’
I shrug. ‘Like you say, you’re just an old friend crashing at my place for a few days. Besides, he doesn’t need to know.’
Aiden pauses, considering. ‘Well, if you’re sure?’
‘Of course, I’m sure. It will be good to spend some time together. Besides, the weather’s awful. You don’t want to have to go back out in that.’
He shrugs and sits back down. ‘Okay, thanks.’
‘I didn’t get you a drink. What do you want? Beer? Water? Tea?’
‘I’ll have tea, please.’
I go to make it, wondering what the hell I’m doing. My heart is hammering and I feel sweaty with panic. I should have let him go to his friend’s. I can’t afford to let him back in. But I felt bad about not making him feel welcome, and now he’s here, I don’t want him to go. My stomach’s full of butterflies and my hands tremble as I fill the kettle from the tap. I wash up while I’m waiting for it to boil, relieved to have something to distract me from Aiden’s disturbing presence. I glance at him every now and again, but he’s texting on his phone, a slight frown on his face as he taps out his message with his thumb. I want to ask wh
o he’s texting, but it’s none of my business, so I turn my back and get on with making the tea.
‘Shall I hang your suit up in my wardrobe?’ I say, placing a steaming mug down in front of him. ‘Save it getting crumpled?’
‘Sure, if you have room?’
‘I’ll make room. It’s fine. Do you have anything else in your bag that needs hanging?’
‘Nah, it’s fine. I need to wash most of it anyway. Did I see a launderette up the road?’
‘Yes, that’s the one I use.’
‘I might go tomorrow morning.’ He presses Send on his text message and leans forward for his tea. ‘Thanks for the tea.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Picking up the black suit carrier, I take it into my bedroom and hang it in my wardrobe. It gives me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach to see something of Aiden’s hanging next to my clothes. I stare at it for a moment before closing the wardrobe door. Rain runs in rivulets down my tiny bedroom window, and I shut my curtains to block it out.
‘So did your landlord say he’d come to look at your damp?’ Aiden asks when I go back into the lounge.
‘Oh, I didn’t get to speak to him. I just left a message.’ I go back and sit next to him, tucking my feet beneath me. ‘Was it sad saying goodbye to your family?’
‘A bit, but I know I’ll be seeing them again in a couple of weeks.’ He scratches his head and yawns. ‘When are you seeing James next? Tomorrow night?’
‘No, he’s in Manchester this weekend. I’m meeting him for a drink on Tuesday night. We were supposed to be going out tonight but he had to work late.’
Aiden frowns. ‘Are you sure he’s not married?’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Well, he’s never been here, you’ve never been to his, he’s cancelling dates then away all weekend.’
‘We’re taking it slow. Nothing wrong with that.’
‘No, of course not.’
‘Not everyone’s like you, you know?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ He looks at me sharply and I feel a stab of alarm. Let’s not have another argument, please.
‘After I met you, you just kept turning up at my flat, and then after that we spent every spare minute together.’
‘Well, I was interested in your welfare at first. You had just injured yourself. And then you wanted to see the otters, so …’ He shrugs. ‘It’s not like we had sex straight away.’
‘No, I know.’ I feel my cheeks grow hot and I shift uncomfortably on the sofa, pulling my pyjama sleeves down over my hands. ‘But we were always together.’
‘Well, we were mates,’ he says, as he reads a message that’s just pinged onto his phone. ‘I liked your company.’
I hide my smile behind my mug, remembering all the hours we spent together, laughing and talking until late into the night. ‘Who’s your message from?’
‘Mum. They’ve landed safe and are waiting to be picked up from the airport. She’s glad to get her feet on firm ground.’
‘She must be terrified to think of you flying all around the world.’
‘Yes, she is, bless her. I don’t usually tell her when I’m flying though. I just let her know where I am when I land.’
‘Via a postcard?’
‘Usually email, actually.’
‘No, well, I don’t suppose she’d find out very much from one of your postcards. It’s not like you write anything on them.’
‘What do you want me to say?’ He chuckles.
‘I don’t know, tell me how you are and what you’ve been doing, that kind of thing?’
‘But you didn’t want any of that, remember? No contact, you said.’
‘You still sent the cards. You may as well have made use of the space.’
He shrugs. ‘They were just to let you know I was thinking of you.’
My stomach tightens and I push my hand into my hair, gripping it firmly at the roots to relieve some of the tension I’m feeling. ‘That’s sweet. Thank you.’
‘And to make sure you didn’t forget me.’
I laugh. ‘How could I forget the man dressed in full camouflage who scared me so much I fell and twisted my ankle?’
Aiden chuckles as he sips his tea. ‘Not my finest hour.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. You looked after me pretty well.’
‘It was the least I could do.’
‘You were great. You did more than most men would.’
He shrugs and then looks directly into my eyes, making my stomach lurch. ‘We had a pretty good time, didn’t we?’
‘Yep. Pretty good.’ I smile at him, then look away as I lean over to place my mug on the coffee table. ‘You’ll have to tell me all about your travels.’
He laughs and puts his head back. ‘That’ll take a while.’
‘Well, how long are you staying for? We might have a few evenings to fill.’
He shrugs. ‘I don’t expect you to put me up for the whole two weeks. I’ll be at my friend’s house photographing foxes for some of the time anyway.’
‘You can stay as long as you like,’ I hear myself say. ‘I’ll get you the spare key, so you can let yourself in.’
He smiles. ‘Thanks, Orla. I really appreciate you letting me stay, you know.’
‘It’s no problem. I just hope you’ll be comfortable, that’s all.’
‘Don’t worry about me.’ He settles back against the sofa, looking up at the ceiling. Tucking my legs beneath me, I turn to face him, studying his profile. He looks older, more manly than he used to. His skin’s tanned from the sun and there’s a fan of fine lines around his eyes. His shoulders are broader, his body harder. I want to touch him, but I know I can’t. He’s out of my reach now.
He turns his head and looks at me. ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘You look different.’
‘Me? How?’
‘Just older. Harder. More together. More like a man, I suppose.’
He narrows his eyes and laughs. ‘I was 28 when you met me. I should have looked like a man then.’
‘Yeah, I know, but you still had something of a boy about you back then. And you were so wild-looking. You were all over the place. It was quite a shock when I first saw you at your exhibition, in your suit and with your hair all tidy.’
He laughs softly. ‘Those things are just an illusion. I can still look just as scruffy and wild, believe me. I’m still the same guy that doesn’t know what day of the week it is half the time.’
‘Should have got yourself some days of the week underpants like me,’ I say, then blush as I realise I shouldn’t be talking about my knickers with him these days.
Aiden laughs. ‘They were funny. I still can’t believe you had them.’ Pushing up the sleeve of his top, he scratches his sinewy forearm. His nails ruffle the dark hairs and leave white streaks on his tanned skin. ‘How are your family?’
My stomach drops slightly and I tense. My father died last year, and I’m not sure I want to discuss it with Aiden. It’s still too raw. ‘Mum and Ray are fine. Keeley, my sister, is 15 now and is getting a bit of a handful so Mum just moans about her when I speak to her. She’s fine though. Just a typical teenager. Do you remember Katie who lived upstairs?’
‘Of course.’
‘Yes, well, she’s married with a baby now.’
‘Did she marry the lad she was with when I was around?’
‘Yeah, that’s the one. They live on one of the new-build housing estates on the outskirts of Hawksley. She’s really happy, bless her.’
‘Good. Has she got a boy or a girl?’
‘A girl. Amy. She’s so gorgeous. I want to cry when I hold her. She’s all warm and soft and perfect and has tiny hands with tiny, tiny fingers.’
‘As babies generally do.’
‘Well, yes, but she is exceptionally cute. She’s coming up to six months now. I’ll have to go and see her soon to get my cuddles.’
Aiden cocks an eyebrow. ‘Somebody’s broody.’
‘Who, m
e? No! I like to be able to give her back,’ I lie, then wonder why I’m even bothering.
‘So, you’re still all about your career?’
His words sting, and I’m momentarily thrown. I suppose he’s right though, so I just nod. Aiden tilts his head, watching me curiously.
‘You don’t look too sure about that,’ he says.
‘Don’t I?’ I laugh and lean forward to get my tea again.
‘Could you be starting to see a future that’s not just about your career?’
I frown. ‘I don’t think I ever saw a future that was just about my career.’ I say, crossly. ‘It was only a five-year plan I made, remember. You were the one who said you don’t do relationships and never, ever want children.’
‘Did I say that?’ He blinks like he’s surprised.
‘Yes, you did.’
‘Oh.’
‘Have you changed your mind?’
‘Maybe.’
‘On what? A relationship or the children? Or both?’
He pulls a face. ‘Both, I suppose. If I met the right woman.’
‘Wow! You’d change your stance on not having children?’ I gaze at him in wonder. ‘But you said the world was full enough without you adding to it. What’s changed your mind?’
He shrugs. ‘Just getting older, I guess. Besides, my brother and his wife are going through IVF at the moment. Hearing them talk about it and seeing how much it means to them, and my parents too, has kind of changed my perspective. I don’t know why really. We’ll see, I guess. It’s not like it’s on the cards, is it? I’m not even with anyone. And I’m not thinking yes, I want kids, I’m just a bit more open to the possibility to having kids one day in the future. Maybe. If the circumstances are right.’ He shrugs again and laughs.
I’m reeling from this revelation that he might consider having children. Not that it makes any difference to me, of course. Why should it? We’re not together anymore and he’s only here for a measly two weeks. He’s not going to be having babies with me, is he?
I think about Katie, in her neat little house with its neat little garden and feel a pang in my stomach. She must spend her life cleaning because everything seems to sparkle. The taps, the worktop, the bathroom. The scent of new carpets and paint still linger in the air, mingling with the fragrance of baby lotion and nappies. It’s a world away from my dark mouldy flat; it’s a sunshine-filled home, full of love and hope and happiness. I love visiting her. Love seeing her so happy. It’s the life she always dreamed of and I’m so glad it worked out for her. It’s funny, but I used to feel a little bit sorry for her. All those boyfriends seemed like such hard work and it exhausted me just watching her go off on her dates. But looking at how happy she is now, I wonder if I should have spent more time searching for Mr Right, instead of focusing all my attention on my career.
The Five-Year Plan: The utterly heart-warming and feel good rom com of 2020 Page 22