Of course, it could be argued that I did find my Mr Right. That summer I spent with Aiden was pretty much perfect. I wonder where we’d be now if I had have gone with him to India. Would we have made it? I tell myself we wouldn’t, but who knows what could have been.
‘What are you thinking?’ Aiden asks.
‘Oh, nothing.’ I laugh as I brush the question off. ‘Just Katie and how happy she is now.’
‘You’re clucking about that baby, aren’t you?’
‘No!’ I laugh. ‘Well, maybe a little. To be honest, it’s surprising how long it’s taken me to feel this broody. I was 12 when my sister was born and I was obsessed by her. She made everything better. I couldn’t wait to get home from school so I could hold her and give her a bottle. My mum was even worried I’d go off and get pregnant so I could have my own baby. I had to sit through so many lectures about teenage pregnancy and how it could affect my education and job prospects.’ I shake my head, remembering. ‘She needn’t have worried though. The love triangle between her, my dad and my stepdad was enough to put me off men for life!’ I look at him and laugh. ‘Well, not quite for life, but you know, until I met you.’ I suddenly realise what I’ve said and go bright red. ‘Anyway, would you like another drink?’
‘Yes, please. But surely James isn’t your first boyfriend since me?’
‘No, no, I’ve had a couple,’ I say, going into the kitchen and rinsing the mugs. ‘No one serious though.’
‘No? How come?’
‘Oh, err, I don’t know, really.’ I squirm, uncomfortable to be discussing this with Aiden. ‘I just haven’t met anyone I’ve really clicked with. James is nice though. Anyway, I’m not sure I want to discuss this with you, Aiden.’
‘Why not? We’re adults, aren’t we? I haven’t seen you for five years, I want to know what’s going on in your life. I’ve had sex with women since you, I don’t see why you shouldn’t have.’
I go hot then cold as I turn away to boil the kettle. I’m filled with sick, impotent jealousy, which I know I have no business to be feeling. Of course, he’s had sex in the past five years. He’s a guy. He’s on TV. He’s on a list of the world’s sexiest men! Everyone wants to sleep with him now. Even Emma.
‘Not many, of course. There’s a limit to how many women you meet on top of a mountain or in the middle of a rainforest. But I’ve had the odd hook-up.’
I struggle to control my emotions as I noisily get the teabags out of the cupboard. ‘I bet you’re getting more offers since you’ve been on TV!’ I say, pleased that my voice sounds reasonable and steady, even though I’m screaming internally. ‘I bet you’re fighting them off. Actually, I’d have thought you’d have met someone working in the same field as you, by now.’
‘Nah.’ He picks up a magazine from the coffee table and starts flicking through it. ‘Just crap one-night stands, mostly. Waking up feeling awful the next morning.’ He exhales long and deep. ‘I’m surprised no one’s snapped you up though.’
‘Snapped me up?’ I force a laugh. ‘Like I’m on offer in a supermarket or something?’
‘No, I just mean you’re gorgeous and lovely and any man would be lucky to have you.’
I blush, feeling a bit better, but then he adds, ‘Or are you still hung up on your mum and dad’s divorce?’
‘Hung up?’ I say, surprised. ‘Is hung up really the right term?’ The kettle comes to the boil and I pour it into the mugs.
‘I’d say so, yes.’
‘I wouldn’t.’ I frown as I stir the teabags round, watching the water turn amber. ‘It made me careful, that’s all, and there’s nothing wrong with careful.’
He laughs, and I hear a note of sarcasm in there. ‘Maybe.’
I pour the milk before carrying the mugs over to the sofa and sitting back down. Aiden’s flicking through an old issue of Woman and Home magazine, which I buy so I can look at the nice homely interiors and dream about what my life could have been like if I’d been less careful. I’m surprised Aiden’s interested in it, although from the speed he’s flicking through I doubt he’s taking anything in. His hands are shaking slightly, and I wonder if our conversation is making him as uncomfortable as it is me.
‘So, has there really been no one?’
I shrug. ‘Well, I’m seeing James.’
‘Ah yes, the guy who you’ve been dating for a couple of months but who you haven’t brought back to your flat? I’m guessing you haven’t had sex with him yet?’
I blow the steam rising from my mug of tea. ‘I could have been back to his.’
‘True. Though from the way you said it’s very early days I’m guessing you haven’t.’
‘We could have been having sex in other places, you know. Public toilets and car parks and bus shelters. That kind of thing.’
Aiden visibly flinches. ‘I don’t see you doing that kind of thing, Orla. Although, thinking about it, you did have sex with me in the back of a truck so …’
‘Hey!’ I slap his thigh, almost spilling my tea, and he laughs. ‘It was beautiful and romantic, beneath a star-studded sky with the sound of the ocean in the background.’
Aiden’s laughing and I feel like it’s the most genuine laugh I’ve heard from him since he’s been back. ‘Well, I’m glad you remember it like that.’
‘It’s important that I do, thank you.’
‘Okay, sorry.’ He stops laughing, but his grin still stretches from ear to ear. ‘So, the, err, bus shelters and public toilets?’
I wrinkle my nose. ‘No. You’re right, I haven’t slept with James yet. We’re not anywhere near that stage to be honest.’
‘Really? Wow, the guy doesn’t move fast, does he?’
‘No, but he’s sweet and he’s nice to have a drink with.’
‘Christ! Sounds like you’ve friend-zoned him already.’
‘Friend-zoned?’
‘Yeah, maybe I should have a word with him, give him some pointers on how to escape the friend-zone.’
‘Don’t be naughty! I haven’t friend-zoned him at all. We were friends. You were definitely friend-zoned at the beginning.’
‘No, I’m not having that! You always fancied me.’
‘I did not!’
‘Yeah you did. Admit it.’
‘I did not!’ I laugh, incredulously. ‘I thought you were scruffy and … you lived in a tent, for goodness’ sake!’
‘What’s wrong with that? I’m an outdoorsy kind of guy. An adventurer. I’d rather sleep under the stars any day than sleep under a mouldy roof.’ He casts a disapproving eye towards my damp patch.
‘Feel free to go and sleep outside,’ I say, as a particularly vicious gust of wind splatters rain against the window. ‘It’s lovely and quiet in the yard behind the shops, and I’m sure there’ll be a handy cardboard box around.’
‘Oh no, Orla,’ he says, innocently with a glance towards the window. ‘I’d love to but I’ve said I’ll stay with you now and I know how fond of me you are. I don’t want to disappoint you.’
‘No, no, Aiden. You must do what’s best for you. If you’d rather sleep under the stars, then that’s what you must do.’
‘No, Orla.’ He puts his arm around my shoulder, drawing me against him. ‘It’ll be hard, but I’ve said I’ll spend this time with you, and that’s what I’ll do.’
‘You’re so selfless, Aiden!’ I flutter my eyelashes and clutch my heart. ‘I can’t thank you enough for coming to stay in my flat with me.’
‘I know. That’s just the kind of guy I am!’ He laughs and ruffles my hair, and I sit back up straight, laughing. ‘Seriously, though, do you think you should call your landlord again?’
‘No, I left a message. I don’t want to hassle him on a Friday evening.’
‘What the hell, Orla! Are you a newspaper reporter or what? I thought you guys were meant to be like a pack of rabid hounds!’
‘Ah, I am when it’s a story, but less so when it comes to hounding my landlord. Besides, I know it’s going to be a nuisan
ce when he actually comes to fix it. I’ll have workmen in and I won’t be able to sit down and relax.’
‘You could always visit someone. Your mum, perhaps, or me?’
‘You?’
‘Yeah, why not?’
‘And stay where? In your tent?’
‘You loved my tent!’
‘In the summer, perhaps.’
‘Well, maybe sweet James will have escaped from the friend-zone by then and you’ll be able to stay at his.’
‘Hmmm.’
‘You don’t sound very thrilled by that?’ He tips his head to one side. ‘You don’t seem very thrilled by anything, in fact. What’s the matter? It’s like you’ve given up on life.’
‘I have not given up on life!’ I elbow him in the side. ‘Cheeky sod! I just don’t want the hassle of having my flat invaded by workmen.’
‘You’d rather live with the mould?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, if it’s here to stay, maybe you should name it like a pet, or something.’ He closes one eyes as he peers up at the dark, spreading stain. ‘What do you reckon? Maurice?’
‘Maurice? Why Maurice?’
‘Mouldy Maurice?’
‘Damp Dwayne?’ I wrinkle my nose. ‘No, it’s no good. I’m not naming it. It’s too depressing.’
‘Well, if you’re going to live with it you may as well make a friend out of it.’
‘You’re such a strange man.’ I give him a sidelong look. ‘You’ve not even been drinking.’
‘No, I know. But at least you’ve acknowledged that the damp is depressing. Especially when you’ve got this, showing you how lovely your home could be.’ He flaps the magazine at me.
‘If I had the money, time or inclination.’
‘Why did you buy the magazine then? Did you think a few scatter cushions and a scented candle would make the damp magically disappear?’
I sigh. ‘No. I realised that a long time ago. I just like looking at the pictures of other people’s cosy homes.’
‘That’s sad, Orla.’
‘I know. I’m a sad case, it seems. But, you know, it’s all fine. I’m in London and I love my job.’
Aiden curls his lip. ‘But where you live is rubbish!’
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll just work my way up and get more money somehow, then I can get a better place.’
‘And what about all those babies you want?’
I puff out my cheeks and shrug. ‘I’ll just play with Katie’s. All my friends seem to be getting married and settling down these days so there’ll be plenty to go round soon, I should think. Maybe Keeley will have one, then I can be Auntie Orla.’
‘Would that be enough?’
‘Yes, I suppose so.’
‘Really? Jesus Christ, Orla. How about we draw up a plan for you that includes getting a life?’
‘Thanks very much! I have a life already, I’ll have you know. Just because it’s not how you thought my life would be doesn’t make it any less good or rewarding. Besides, having babies is very much dependent on finding a decent man that wants to have babies with me. I have yet to find such a man.’
Aiden laughs. ‘But you have James now. Your plan could be to seduce James and get pregnant, then trap him into marrying you. Does he earn a lot of money?’
‘I think so. Maybe.’
‘There you go then. You could have a nice house too.’
‘And what if I don’t love James or he doesn’t love me?’
‘Bah well, we’ll worry about the fine details later.’
‘This is all very devious, Aiden. I really can’t approve. And I can’t believe you’d suggest I’d get pregnant just to trap a man into marriage. Besides, this isn’t the early twentieth century, you know. He wouldn’t have to marry me. It’s more likely I’d end up raising the child on my own, stuck in this flat with mouldy Maurice for the rest of my life.’
‘Bloody hell, that’s a depressing thought. God, I hate that James! Fancy getting you pregnant and not marrying you? That bastard! I’ll kill him when I get my hands on him.’
‘Aiden!’ I laugh.
‘Hey, I’m just being a good friend here. I’ll always have your back, you know that, right? I’ll come and visit you and the baby. Bring you food parcels and give you money for when you can’t afford the electricity. And I’ll get my mum to knit you woolly jumpers to keep you warm when mouldy Maurice spreads all over the ceiling and all over the walls.’
‘Stop, Aiden!’ I groan. ‘It’s too depressing!’
‘Yeah, it is.’ He looks grimly up at the corner of the room again. ‘You need to find somewhere else to live.’
‘I know.’
‘I mean it.’ He looks at me, and even though he’s trying to be disapproving, my stomach tightens with desire. I want to feel his arms around me, to feel him kissing me and holding me tight. I want …
‘Another cup of tea?’ I offer, getting up to go to the kitchen.
‘Jesus, Orla, I’m still drinking the last one. I’ll have a beer if you have one though.’
‘Okay.’
‘I’ll go to the shop and replace what I drink.’
‘No need. I mostly drink wine or gin these days, and they’ve been in there for ages. I’m glad to be rid of them.’
‘Do I need to check the expiry date?’
‘Maybe.’ I laugh as I go to get one from the fridge. ‘Oh no, they’re still in date. You’re okay. So, what have you got planned while you’re here then?’ I ask when I sit back down next to him. ‘I know you said about your friend and his fox family, but is there anything else?’
‘I’ve got an interview on a radio station, a meeting with my producer about a documentary on recycling, and I want to look around some of the local parks for birds.’
‘Will there be any in winter? I thought they’d have all flown south.’
‘No, some birds come to us to winter. I’m hoping to see a waxwing or fieldfare. Do you want to come with me tomorrow?’
‘Yes, I’ll come with you,’ I say, excited in spite of the wind howling outside and the rain hammering on the roof. I’m not even sure I’ve got a coat waterproof enough to be out in a park all day. Maybe I could buy one from somewhere on the way. ‘When are you going fox watching?’
‘Tomorrow night, probably.’
‘So you come and stay with me, but leave me all alone on a Saturday night?’
‘I thought you’d be out with James,’ he says apologetically. ‘I didn’t want to make a nuisance of myself.’
I hide my smile behind my hand, amused by the irony of him not wanting to be a nuisance, even after he’s invited himself to stay in my flat.
‘I can cancel if you prefer?’
‘No, it’s fine. I’m used to spending Saturday nights alone.’
‘Don’t you usually go out on a Saturday?’
‘Not really. Not often, anyway.’
‘What does James do?’
‘Like I said, I’ve only known him a few weeks, and he’s actually had things on the past few weekends. He’s had stag weekends and family birthday parties and he’s been away with work.’
‘Well, for the record, when I was with you, I never wanted to be anywhere else other than by your side.’
‘Aww, Aiden. That’s sweet.’ I want to add something sarcastic about when he went off to India, but I know it’s true, we really did want to spend every minute of every day together. I’ve never felt that way about anybody since. For one horrible moment, I think I’m going to cry, but I manage to hold it together as I give him a rather wobbly smile. ‘I still can’t believe you’re here, you know. It feels like a dream.’
‘A dream or a nightmare?’ he laughs lightly. ‘It’s really good to see you again, Orla.’
‘It’s good to see you, too.’
We smile at each other, and suddenly the air feels electric. I see the amber flecks in his eyes and have a strong urge to push back the hair that’s fallen over his brow. His gaze drops to my mouth and the butterfl
ies in my stomach take flight.
‘I’m just going to the loo,’ I say, not trusting myself to sit next to him any longer. My legs feel rubbery as I cross the room to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I lean against the door for a moment, my eyes screwed tightly shut. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel his lips on mine. But what if he had? Two weeks and he’d be gone again, and I’d be right back to square one.
Not to mention the fact I’m seeing James.
I try to summon up an image of James in an effort to ward off my feelings for Aiden, but I can’t even picture him. I can only visualise pieces of him, like some kind of jigsaw puzzle I can’t fit together. Blond hair, blue eyes, round face. How does he smile? What are his teeth like? Aiden’s smile floats into my mind and I draw in a deep shaking breath. This isn’t helping.
Giving myself a shake, I use the toilet and wash my hands.
‘Is it really eleven o’clock?’ I say, when I go back out and catch a glimpse of the time on the oven clock. ‘How did it get so late?’
‘Eleven o’clock! Oh no! Is that way past your bedtime?’ Aiden laughs as he puts the bottle of beer to his lips. ‘It is a Friday, you know.’
‘I know. I just meant that it feels like you’ve only been here a few minutes, that’s all.’
‘Well, time flies when you’re having fun.’
He smiles, and the butterflies take flight again. Do I trust myself to sit back next to him?
‘I am quite tired, though,’ I hear myself say. ‘I really ought to go to bed.’
‘Okay, I suppose we had a pretty late one last night. I’m tired too, actually.’
Getting to his feet, he stretches and I can’t help my eyes wandering over his body. The side of his top lifts slightly, exposing a couple of inches of the smooth, taut flesh above his hip.
The Five-Year Plan: The utterly heart-warming and feel good rom com of 2020 Page 23