by Ashlee Price
"And you didn't tell me."
"I didn't know I was supposed to tell you everything."
"Not everything. But this is Liam we're talking about, the guy I had to warn to stay away from you. What is he doing here?"
"Like I said, he's a patient."
"Is this why you've been worried? Why you've been in a bad mood?"
"Dustin..."
The other doctor clears her throat.
Marian draws a deep breath. "Go home. We'll talk later."
"No." I shake my head.
Her eyes grow wide. "No?"
"I'll wait for you in the garden. Come see me as soon as you have time."
I leave her gazing at me in disbelief and take the stairs down to the garden. When I pass by a trashcan, I toss the flowers in.
Liam is here. Marian isn't acting like her usual self. The two have to be connected.
And I'm not leaving until I figure out exactly how.
~
Marian shows up an hour later. Her hands are tucked into the pockets of her blazer. Neither a smile nor a frown graces her face.
A poker face.
I'll just have to find out what's going on behind it.
"Sit." I pat the space next to me on the bench.
Marian sits down and turns her body towards me. "Why are you here, Dustin?"
"Why do you keep asking me why?" I ask her in turn. "It's like you don't want me to do things for you all of a sudden, like you don't want to see me. Are you avoiding me? If you are, you have to give me a reason."
"I'm not avoiding you," she says.
"Then what is all this about? Is this about Liam?"
"It's not about Liam."
"Why is he here? How long has he been here?"
"I said it's not about him."
"Then why won't you talk about him?"
She raises her voice slightly. "Because it's not about him!"
A woman in a wheelchair turns her head.
Marian lets out a deep breath as she sits back. "Liam is a patient here. He tried to kill himself. I stitched him up and sent him to the Psych Ward. He's under observation. But this is not about him."
I take a moment to digest all that information, then look at her. "So you don't feel guilty that he tried to kill himself?"
"Why would I? If I blame myself for every person who dies because I failed to do something, I'll go mad."
I nod. "What is this about, then?"
Marian sighs. "Nothing."
"Don't give me that. I don't believe it."
She turns her head and looks into my eyes. "Why do you care so much?"
This time, I sigh. "Like I said, what's with the why's?"
"Why can't you just answer the question?"
She looks completely serious, so I give in.
"Fine. I care so much because I don't like seeing you like this."
"So you're just being selfish? It's only for your own peace of mind?"
I frown. "Because I said that as your husband, I'd take care of you and make you happy."
"But only for a year, right?"
My eyebrows furrow. "I believe that's what we agreed upon before we started living together."
"And nothing has changed since then, right? You're only doing as you said you would?"
I don't understand her question.
"What happens after a year, Dustin?" Marian asks next.
"We get a divorce," I answer. "We part ways, but hopefully as friends."
"And we give the house back to Candace, right, and you'll keep the dogs?"
"I thought so. Unless you've changed your mind about them. We can talk about that."
She looks away. "You'll walk away, I guess, without a backward glance, without a tinge of regret, just like you did the first time."
I feel more confused. "The first time?"
Marian gives a hollow chuckle. "Of course you don't remember. And in a few years, you'll no doubt forget me again. Am I right?"
"I don't think I'll forget you easily."
"Ha."
She falls silent, deep in thought once more. After a moment, a tear trickles down her cheek.
I reach for her hand. "Marian..."
"Do you love me, Dustin?" she suddenly asks as she holds my gaze.
My eyes grow wide at the unexpected question. "What?"
"Do you love me?" she repeats clearly.
Ah. Now I understand why she's been acting strange. It seems we've reached that point - the point where things stop being fun and start to get serious. The point where women become trouble.
And here I thought we could just get along and have fun.
"We got married by mistake, Marian," I remind her. "By accident. We didn't even know each other. Yet we agreed we'd try it for a year, just enjoy each other's company, learn from each other. We'd be partners."
"You mean we're not supposed to fall for each other, right?"
I nod slowly. "Right."
"Right."
Marian turns away. She closes her eyes and another tear trickles down her cheek.
I frown. I still don't know why she's crying. All I know is I hate seeing it.
"If I've hurt you in any way - "
"I love you, Dustin," Marian blurts out.
The words make me go still. My heart stops. My breath catches. Even my brain takes a moment to process what Marian just said.
Three simple words. Yet they weigh so heavily on my chest.
"Marian..."
"I've fallen for you even though I didn't intend to," she goes on. "Candace is right. I get attached easily."
"Are you sure?"
She glances at me and gives a sound between a sob and a laugh. "Am I sure?"
Marian shakes her head.
"Oh, Dustin, I wish I wasn't. I wish I didn't feel this way at all. But I do. I love you."
To be able to say it again, it must be true.
No. It is true. I believe it. And I wish I could tell Marian the same, even if just to keep more of her tears from falling.
"But..."
"But you don't love me," she finishes my sentence for me.
I sigh. "You know I don't do love, Marian. I don't do relationships or dates."
"You don't do commitments," Marian sums it up for me. "Because you're afraid to lose yourself for something that may not be worth it."
I don't answer, because I realize it's true.
Her glistening eyes look into mine. "Am I not worth it, Dustin?"
I swallow the lump in my throat. "You're amazing, Marian, but - "
"But you don't love me," she repeats as more tears brim in her eyes. "Not because you can't love me but because you won't allow yourself to love me."
I say nothing. Marian sighs.
"You're a coward, Dustin. And a fool. You don't want to lose yourself. Fine. But you can't have me. In fact, you've just lost me."
She stands up and starts to walk away.
I get off the bench as well. "What do you mean?"
Marian stops and turns. "Send me the divorce papers and I'll sign. But I won't pay you any money. I don't owe you anything. If I've given you everything and you throw it away, that's not my fault."
With that, she continues to walk away. I simply watch her fade from view. As much as I'd like to go after her, I can't.
Because I can't say the words she wants to hear.
I sit on the bench, bury my face in my hands and grip my hair in frustration.
She's right, Dustin. You're a coward.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Marian
I blow my nose into yet another bunch of tissue and toss it into the pile at my feet. Thank goodness there are plenty of tissue rolls here in the supply closet. Otherwise, I'd be using the bed sheets by now.
Maybe it's because of my pregnancy, but my tear ducts are overreacting. Somehow, the tears won't stop coming. And because of that, my nose is running, too.
I gaze up at the ceiling with my fists on my lap. Why won't they stop? Why won't th
e pain that's flooding my chest all the way up to my neck recede? Why won't my heart stop shattering into pieces?
Strange. When I broke up with Liam, I didn't feel like this at all. I felt sad, yes, because I was letting go of something, but I also felt relieved that it was over.
Ah. It's because I no longer loved Liam. And right now, this - this is what it feels like to have to let go of someone you do still love.
More tears trickle down my cheeks.
I love Dustin. I'm more sure of that now that I've lost him.
But he doesn't love me, and as much as it hurts to acknowledge it, there's nothing I can do about that.
You can't change the mind of someone who doesn't love you, because love is a matter of the heart. I know it's strange for me to say that when I'm a surgeon and I've seen the heart and know its functions, but it's true.
I'm about to get more tissue when the door to the supply closet opens. And who finds me? Kelly.
"Oh," she mutters in surprise when she sees me.
She steps back and starts to close the door, but then she stops. When she continues to close it, she does it from the inside and then leans against it.
"Are you okay?" she asks me.
I get more tissue and blow my nose. "Do I look like I'm okay?"
Kelly frowns, but the next thing I know, she's hugging me. And somehow, that - the feeling of someone's arms around me, of knowing someone cares how I feel - unleashes a fresh flood of tears from my eyes. From a silent cry, I break into a sob as I clutch her blazer with shaking hands. She strokes my back as I weep like a child.
Eventually, my tears begin to fade. My shoulders stop trembling. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose. Kelly sits down beside me.
"Sorry," I tell her when I see the tear stains on her blazer. "And thank you."
She shakes her head. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"
I do. I tell her everything - my marriage to the patient from Room 2412, which makes her eyes grow wide, and the things I did with him after that, including all the sex, the pregnancy and then the recent breakup.
When I'm done, her eyebrows arch. "Wow. A lot has happened to you, huh?"
Then she sighs.
"I guess we're both unlucky when it comes to love."
"Well, now that you mention it..." I say. "Remember the party at Dr. Waverley's?"
"Yes."
"After you left me at the balcony, I saw Ned slip into the garden with... with someone." Even after all this time, I still can't say it. "That's why I tried to stop what was happening between the two of you."
Kelly nods. "With Dr. Hansen, right?"
My sore eyes grow wide. She knows?
"I just found out yesterday," she informs me. "Although Ned and I weren't really taking off anyway, which turns out to be a good thing."
I place my hand over hers. "I'm sorry, Kelly."
Kelly shakes her head. "I'm sorry that I didn't hear you out. I should have. I should have listened to you because you're my best friend."
I smile as I put my arm around her. "I'm so glad I got my best friend back."
She squeezes my hand. "Me too."
At least I don't feel alone anymore.
"So, what are you going to do?" Kelly asks me.
I turn to her with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I mean are you really just going to end things between you and Dustin?"
"I have no choice," I answer. "Dustin doesn't love me."
"You're sure?"
"I asked him and he said so."
"Maybe he just doesn't know it yet."
I snort. "I've heard that one before."
"What about the baby? Have you told him?"
I shake my head. "I don't want him to stay just for the baby. And maybe that's selfish, but this is my baby. He - or she - needs me. I need to be a good mother. I can't do that when I'm constantly nursing a broken heart."
"Hmm." Kelly frowns. "So you're planning on doing this all on your own?"
"Well, now I've got you," I tell her. "You'll be my child's godmother, right?"
Her eyebrows crease. "Sure you don't want someone older?"
"Sure."
"Okay. I can't do magic, but I'll do my best."
I rest my head on her shoulder. "Thanks, Kel."
She pats my hand. "It's not going to be easy, especially with you being a resident and all."
"I know that."
"But we'll get through this." She squeezes my hand. "We're stronger than we think."
"I know that, too."
I glance down at my belly and place my hand over it. Whatever the challenges, this baby will be my strength.
Kelly lets out a sigh. "Still, to think this all started when I told you to take a peek at that patient."
"Yeah." I nod. "It's your fault."
She chuckles. "I bet he was good in bed."
"He was," I admit.
Too bad that's not enough.
"I heard Liam's here," Kelly says. "Did he - ?"
She doesn't finish, because the supply closet suddenly starts quaking as a deafening boom echoes through the air.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Dustin
I hear nothing but the sound of the water in the pool splashing against my ears as I go for another lap. It glides over my body as my legs propel me forward, following the path carved by my hands. I will it to wash my worries away, but it won't.
When I reach the other end and my feet touch the bottom, my worries are still there. The words Marian said in our final conversation play again in my mind. The memory of tears streaking down her cheeks renews the ache in my chest.
She loves me, huh?
I guess she does fall in love easily. But to think she had to tell me that with tears in her eyes. She knew I didn't love her. And she still told me.
She didn't ask me to love her back. She didn't ask me for anything at all. So why am I still troubled? Why does it... hurt?
I frown as I pull myself out of the water.
This confusion. This pain. This is why I don't do relationships.
I walk over to my towel and dry off. As I try to wring the drops of water from my hair, my gaze falls on my phone.
I pick it up and look at the screen. It tells me I have three missed calls from Candace, calls I didn't hear because I was busy swimming.
What does she want now?
The phone rings again in my hand. At first I don't answer it, but the ringing continues and I finally sigh and press the button to receive the call.
"Candace, now isn't - "
"Is Marian at work? Tell me she isn't."
My eyebrows furrow as I wipe my neck. "What do you mean?"
"Is she at the hospital?"
"She was last time I saw her."
"When?"
"Over an hour ago."
"Have you talked to her since?"
"No. Why?"
"You haven't seen the news?"
My body tenses as a bad feeling climbs up my spine. My fingers tighten around my towel and the phone.
"What news?"
"There was an explosion at the hospital."
The towel drops from my hand as my breath leaves me.
No.
~
"We don't know what caused the explosion yet," a cop tells me outside the hospital. "But we're doing everything we can to find out and to make sure no more explosions will occur. Until then, we can't risk going in for a rescue."
Doing everything they can? That's not good enough. Not when I'm afraid that Marian could be seriously hurt.
I look across the street at the hospital. Some parts of it have been reduced to rubble; some parts are in flames.
Marian is in there. I know it because I last saw her there and because she's not answering her phone. I can't just stand here and wait like all of the other people around me. I can't just do nothing when she could be dying.
And I won't.
As I glance at the SWAT truck, an idea comes to my mind, one that sen
ds me running to my car and driving back home as fast as I can.
~
As soon as I get home, I go straight to my office and fetch the box where my prototype is. I turn it on to make sure it's working, then run back to the car.
On my way there, Cop stands in my way. Truff is right behind him, wagging his tail.
And that gives me another idea.
"Come on, boys. Let's get to work."
~
"You want to do what, Mr. Montgomery?" The head of the SWAT team, Lt. Jackson, looks at me in disbelief.
"I have equipment," I tell him. "Stuff that I invented for the military for detecting explosives. If you want, I can give you a number to call to confirm it, but I'd rather we not waste precious time."
"What kind of equipment?"
"A pair of machines built to detect landmines. But they can also detect other explosives. And they can be controlled remotely."
He takes a peek into the box I'm carrying. "If you're talking about a tactical robot, we have one."
"I know, but I assure you that this is more advanced. It's easier to control. Actually, you don't have to control it much, because it's got some pretty cutting-edge AI. And it works faster."
He says nothing.
"It's been proven to work and save lives. They wouldn't have paid me so much for it if it didn't."
Lt. Jackson scratches his chin as he tries to make up his mind.
Suddenly, though, the ground shakes with another explosion.
"Fuck!" he curses as he turns towards the hospital.
I turn, too, swallowing the lump in my throat and forcing myself to calm down as I hope that Marian didn't get caught up in that one.
Lt. Jackson turns back to me. "Fine. If you think you know what you're doing, it's worth a try."
"Thank you." I let out a breath of relief. "And I know what I'm doing."
"Well, let's get you set up. Follow me."
I start to do that, but stop when I hear a bark in the distance.
"One more thing, Lt. Jackson?"
He glances at me. "What?"
"Once we know what's causing the explosions and where the hot spots are, I'm going in to rescue my wife."
"Oh, are you?"
I nod.
I'm not asking for permission to save the woman who means more than anyone to me right now.
Lt. Jackson sighs. "And how do you plan on finding her in all that rubble? You got a machine for that, too?"
"No," I answer. "But I've got dogs."