Can't Say No

by Bette Ford

Ralph frowned, realizing that to her, his anger might have seemed sudden. In truth, it had building for weeks. He was tired of waiting, living on hope, wondering when she was going to take it into her head to put him out of his misery and walk.

  “I need answers. I need to understand why you picked me. Yes, we were thrown together because of Brynne and Devin’s wedding. But that doesn’t explain why you asked me to be your lover? Or why you didn’t bother to tell me you were a virgin? What? You didn’t think I would notice?”

  Vanessa stared at him wide-eyed, then she turned away. She took the visitor’s chair in front of the desk. She did everything but answer his question!

  The small measure of cool he’d regained vanished in that instant. “It was a mistake from the start. I was insane to have ever touched you. I gave you my love while you gave me friendship. Hell, I asked you to be my wife, not once but twice.

  “My guess would be, you don’t even remember your response.” He didn’t wait for an answer, but rushed ahead, saying, “At least, the first time, you were courteous enough to answer…thanks but no. Lady, the last time you didn’t even bother to give me an answer. And to think, you claim you don’t get it. Let me break it down for you. I’ve had enough. My part in this pathetic guessing game is over.”

  Pushing away from the doorframe, he picked up his briefcase. “I will be out of town for at least a week. By then, I’m sure the news that Cummingham is dropping the case will be out, and you should be able to go home.” He hesitated long enough to jot down a note. “This is the code to the alarm. I’ll leave an extra set of keys on the hall table. You can give them to Anna when you’re ready to leave.”

  Vanessa jumped to her feet. “Ralph, please! Don’t leave like this. You don’t understand! At least stay long enough so that I can explain. I deserve that much.”

  He gestured impatiently. “Go ahead. This should be good.”

  “Yes, you told me you loved me. Yes, you asked me to marry you twice. And yes, I did refuse the first time. But, Ralph, you know why. How can you act as if you don’t know why? I explained it to you.”

  He quirked a skeptical brow.

  “I told you,” she insisted. “You just didn’t take it seriously. That’s not my fault. What woman wants to marry a man because he pities her? Not me! And don’t act as if you don’t know what I mean!” She hissed at him. “That proposal didn’t have a thing to do with love. It was your way of fixing my problems with Cummingham.”

  He came back with, “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.”

  “Oh, you meant it. You meant to save me from the big bad wolf. In my case, Cummingham was the monster. The second time, I didn’t think you took that proposal seriously, so why should I.”

  He was so angry, he didn’t trust himself to speak.

  “What? Nothing to say?” she challenged.

  “Why bother? You were right. We were a gigantic mistake from day one. We made much better friends than lovers. That should make you happy.”

  “Will you stop? You act like I wanted us to fail. And that’s just not true. You claimed you loved me. But how could I take you seriously? I had no idea your so-called love would last.”

  “So-called!” he snarled.

  “That’s what I said! You are not exactly a one-woman kind of man. Like Cummingham, you have your fair share to pick from. You know your history better than I do. Just because you’ve been involved with me longer than anyone else doesn’t mean I can trust you. And I know that because your family told me. According to them, you never bring a woman more than once to Sunday…dinner…that is…”

  “My family has nothing to do with this. I keep Cummingham out of this. I asked you, Vanessa Grant, to marry me because I want you.” He surprised himself when he admitted, “You’re wrong about me. I haven’t been near another woman since we slept together last spring. I’ve given you no reason not to trust me.”

  But Ralph held back. He couldn’t reveal that he hadn’t slept with anyone else since their first dance at Brynne and Devin’s engagement party months earlier. That was information he hadn’t shared with anyone. It was bad enough that he’d left himself wide open…vulnerable to her in a way he’d never even come close to doing with anyone else. But then he wanted her desperately.

  “Don’t lie to me, Ralph!”

  He stared at her. The hurt that she didn’t believe him was incredible. He blinked, refusing to let the crushing weight of it show on his face. Well, she’d just proven him right. There was no longer any doubt that she, alone, had the power to bring him to his knees. And he had been the fool who had placed the weapon in her pretty hands.

  “Believe what you like. I won’t stand here arguing with you.”

  “Ralph, you’re the one who brought that other girl to your family’s Fourth of July party! It’s not a secret. I’m not accusing you of sneaking around. I don’t think you’d sneak for me or anyone else. I don’t think you would bother. You don’t have that much emotion invested in it.”

  “I didn’t sleep with her. I don’t sleep with every woman I take out. And you’re right. I’ve never cared enough to go around trying to hide anything. That’s not my way.”

  “Why did you even bring her? You knew I would be there.”

  “Vanessa, I didn’t know you were coming. Besides, you told me to do whatever I liked. You told me to go out and enjoy myself with whomever. You said you didn’t care!”

  “I know.”

  “I hope so. Because I cared enough about you to ask you to be my wife. I won’t ask again,” he said, unaware his voice was edged with bitterness.

  “You don’t have to throw it in my face. I get it! You’re asking a lot, for a man I can trust about as far as I can throw him! I don’t want that kind of marriage. And you’re not a forever kind of man.”

  Ralph dropped his lids, determined to protect himself from further hurt and pain. When his cousins talked about love, no one mentioned this excruciating pain tearing at his heart. He’d done it. He had put himself out there, and he had asked that all-important question. And her answer made it clear that she cared for him, but she was not in love with him.

  “Ralph!”

  He didn’t look at her, he couldn’t. He had to concentrate on numbing the pain. “I’m waiting for you to say what you need to say.”

  “So you can leave?”

  “That’s right. Are you done?”

  “Completely!” She gestured wildly. “Talking to you right now is about as easy as trying to talk to that wall!”

  “Then we’re done,” he said, case in hand. “If you need more than a week, let my housekeeper or secretary know. They know how to reach me. Bye.”

  Ralph stayed long enough to place a call to his pilot and pack an overnight case. He passed Vanessa’s door without slowing down. He’d already said too much. Evidently, the only woman that mattered didn’t trust him enough to take the risk. It was a shame he hadn’t followed his instincts when she’d asked him to become her lover. He should have said no. That error in judgment had cost him. Whoever said love and friendship don’t mix hadn’t lied. He’d found out the hard way. He’d lost both, his friend and his love.

  Blinded by tears, Vanessa sat at her desk, trying to make out the figures on her computer screen. She repeatedly wiped at the tears blurring her vision. It was Thursday. The reporters were gone. Her family had been home for two days.

  The kids had enjoyed themselves so much at Ralph’s place, they’d come up with one excuse after another not to leave. As much as they loved the high-tech toys and gadgets Ralph had acquired over the years, it was the man they missed and asked about. They’d grown tired of her answer that he was away working. And they were not pleased when she told them they could not call him, period. It had not been easy to stick to it, but she had not backed down. Her nerves were stretched to the limit, and she was nearing the point where she was ready to go after whoever was unlucky enough to say his name with her grandmother’s cast-iron skillet.

  L
ife wasn’t fair. She’d spent the entire summer trying to take care of everyone else. Now that the kids were in school, it was her turn to concentrate on herself. Yet all she could think about was that she’d blown it. She had missed her chance at happiness. Ralph not only didn’t want her gratitude, he didn’t want her.

  The press had finally moved on once Sheila Cummingham had made public her intentions of suing her husband for divorce. There was no longer a custody question. Greg Cummingham had bigger concerns from back child-support payments, past lovers’ claims of personal damage and upcoming paternity tests, plus there were rumors that Cummingham had gone into the marriage without a prenuptial.

  There was no question that the twins were all hers. More important, Vanessa was relieved that Curtis and Courtney were not negatively affected by the experience of getting to know their father. Unfortunately for him, he’d made no lasting impression on the twins.

  Vanessa made a point of starting the steps to adopt the twins. She was not going to repeat the mistake of leaving it to chance.

  Ralph was the one who’d lingered in their thoughts. And she had no idea how to fix it. She’d put off telling her family that he was no longer a part of their lives. Instead of celebrating that the stress and worries of the summer were gone, she was walking around pretending she’d not lost her best friend, and her heart wasn’t broken. Her fantasy man…her dream lover…the man she loved was gone. What they shared was over. And there was no hope of him coming back.

  It was time for her to pull herself together and get on with her life. After blowing her nose and drying her eyes, she let out an exhausted sigh. She wasn’t getting any work done here. She would be better off at home. The house would be quiet. Maybe she could take a nap, get some sleep. She hadn’t slept an entire night since the argument with Ralph.

  Mind made up, Vanessa turned off the computer, straightened her desk, and grabbed her purse from the bottom drawer. Judging by the wonderful smells coming from the kitchen, Anna was baking.

  As she passed through, Vanessa said, “I’m leaving early, Anna. Tell Gavin I will make up the time tomorrow. Bye.”

  “Not so fast,” Anna looked up from the scale she was been using to measure flour. Grabbing a damp dishcloth, she cleaned her hands. “What’s wrong?”

  Trying not to look as pitiful as she felt, Vanessa forced a smile. “What makes you think something is wrong?”

  “That’s a joke, right?” Anna teased.

  “No!” Vanessa was genuinely offended. “I’m serious.”

  “Girl, you didn’t even put a brush through that hair this morning. You never wear bleach-spotted, faded jeans and a plain white T-shirt to work, It’s not your style. You seemed fine at dinner on Sunday, but you’ve been down in the mouth all week.”

  “I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well,” Vanessa admitted reluctantly.

  Anna smiled, playfully. “Maybe you’re just missing Ralph? He should be home by next Tuesday.”

  The mention of his name caused her eyes to fill with tears, and a sob of anguish escaped, despite her best efforts to hold it inside.

  “What did I say?” Anna asked with concern.

  “His name,” Vanessa mumbled in misery. Wiping her eyes, she managed to get out, “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’d better be getting home.”

  “Not so fast. Come on, sit down so we can talk.” Anna was not about to accept no. Taking Vanessa’s arm, she urged her to the kitchen table. Once they were seated, Anna said, “Okay, what did he do? And don’t tell me nothing because I know better. Don’t forget I grew up with him. My cousin can be just as stubborn as the other Prescott males.”

  “We had a fight. There’s no point in going into all the gory details. It’s over between us. He wanted out. There is nothing left to say!”

  “That makes no sense. You two were perfectly happy on Sunday.” Anna asked, “What set him off?”

  Rattled, Vanessa said, “He asked me not to, but I did it anyway.”

  “Did what?”

  “I thanked him for all that he’s done to help hold my family together,” she confessed.

  Baffled, Anna quizzed, “Are you telling me my cousin was angry enough to end your relationship because you thanked him? Come on, Vanessa, that doesn’t make sense.”

  “Ralph warned me not to do it. He was tired of hearing about how much I appreciate all he’s done for me. He has been so sweet to me. You wouldn’t believe all the things he’s done to make life easier for me and the kids, especially after Cummingham decided to sue for custody. He’s been there for me, from finding the best lawyer, willing to pay the legal bills, to taking a genuine interest in my family. If you told me what a nice guy he was before Brynne’s engagement to Devin, I wouldn’t have believed it. I had all these preconceived ideas about him, and most of them, I learned later, were wrong.”

  “So you two broke up because you thanked him? There has to be some other reason,” Anna persisted.

  “That was a big part of it. He deserved my thanks. He deserved a lot more than my thanks,” Vanessa confessed.

  “He asked me to marry him twice. I refused.”

  Incredulous, Anna repeated, “My cousin asked you to marry him, and you turned him down?”

  Vanessa nodded. “He even told me he loved me.”

  “Ralph?”

  “Yes. Shocking, isn’t it?”

  Anna laughed. “Incredible. So why aren’t you designing your wedding dress?”

  “We’re talking about Ralph. I’d be out of my mind not to have serious doubts about his ability to commit. The first time he asked was because I was in serious trouble. I needed a lawyer and money, and lots of it.” Vanessa paused before she explained, “He knew I would never take money from a man. So he proposed, and I refused. It couldn’t work under those circumstances. The second time, I didn’t even answer the question. I didn’t see the point. He was still trying to solve my problems with a marriage proposal.”

  “Vanessa, you may not believe this, but Ralph wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t care about you. He has been happily single for a long time. He wasn’t looking to change that. It’s you that made the difference for him.” Anna went on to say, “No woman has even come close to getting a marriage proposal out of him. Ralph likes the chase. If he asked you to marry him, believe it, he’s serious and has deep feelings for you.”

  Vanessa hesitated for a long moment, before she revealed, “Anna, I know he cares for me. He’s told me he’s in love with me.”

  “So what’s the problem? Tell me why we’re not planning a wedding?”

  “Because I don’t trust him enough to marry him. You know as well as I do he’s a player. How long do you think he can remain faithful? A year? Maybe two, if I’m lucky? Besides, Anna, I have more than myself to consider. I don’t want the kids to become more involved with him. Anna, they already adore him. I can’t take that risk it might not work. It wouldn’t be fair to them or me if he messes up.”

  Anna took Vanessa’s hands and squeezed. “I’m not defending Ralph because he is my family, and I love him. Everything you said is true. I’ve known him longer and maybe better in some ways. Right?”

  Vanessa nodded. “True.”

  “Then you’ll try to listen with an open mind?” Anna waited for her answer.

  “I’ll try,” Vanessa promised.

  “Ralph was twelve when he first came to live with us. I was around ten and not thrilled to have yet another big brother. I already had two. Mama was expecting, and I was hoping for a baby sister, but no one bothered to ask me.” Anna smiled before she sobered, and said, “Ralph was devastated by the loss of his parents. He was an only child, and, through no fault of his own, he was living in a new house, with a new family. At least he knew us because we spent part of every summer down South, but that wasn’t the same. It was hard for him, and my folks did everything they could to let him know he was loved and wanted. Despite the fact my folks treated him as if he were one of the
ir own, Ralph wasn’t having it. He kept to himself even though he and Devin were the same age, and the three older boys shared a big room. This was back before Wesley made it into the pros, and we lived in a three-bedroom house.

  “Anyway, it took most of that year before that stubborn boy let us into his heart. It took a major fight with kids in a neighborhood gang before Ralph believed we were his family. My parents didn’t give up on him, any more than they would give up on any of us,” Anna insisted, and added, “Ralph hasn’t changed. He is still as mule-headed as he was as a kid. If he decided he wants to marry you and help you raise those kids, then that’s what he intends to do if you give him the chance. He doesn’t make promises lightly.”

  Vanessa shook her head. “I know that’s what you believe, but Anna, it may only be wishful thinking on your part.” She held up her hand, “No, Anna. Let me finish.” Vanessa waited until the other woman nodded her agreement. “I, also, know how devastating it is to lose a parent. None of that means Ralph is ready for marriage.

  “I’ve never seen him so angry. Ralph told me that I’m treating him as if he’s no different than Greg Cummingham, which is a terrible thing to say, especially considering how I feel about the twins’ father.” Vanessa said sadly, “At first, I did compare the two men.”

  “Well, Vanessa, if you truly believe Ralph is no different than Greg Cummingham, then you’re correct to protect yourself. You should keep on walking and never look back.”

  Stunned, Vanessa felt an overwhelming need to defend Ralph. “No, you don’t understand! Ralph isn’t cruel, and he’s not out to hurt anyone. His ladies all know that he’s not looking for love. Of course, that doesn’t stop the ladies from going after him. What I meant, they are both womanizers, and I can’t forget that. Ralph has enjoyed years of going from female to female. And he gets away with it because he’s gorgeous and irresistible.”

  Anna laughed, “If I didn’t know better, I’d wonder if you’re in love with my cousin.”

  Vanessa’s eyes locked with Anna’s. She blinked back tears, as she whispered, “It’s true.”