Hope in Front of Me

by Danny Gokey

  Scan for a sneak peek of new music from Danny.

  Chapter 14

  When Passions Collide

  Leave a legacy by investing in others.

  Life is short. But a life that invests in others lives on forever. Our presence remains long after we leave this earth through the stories shared among those whom we loved and served.

  Sophia’s life was cut short, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t live on in some way. Yes, she would always be present in my heart. Yes, her family and those she loved would never forget her. But what about those people who never had the opportunity to meet her? How would they share in the love and concern she had for others, especially children?

  Sophia and I both had big dreams for what life would be like for us in the future. I wanted a music career. She wanted to finish school and become a full-time teacher. We both thought we had lots of time to figure out the details, and we always assumed we would do it together.

  Dreams are powerful vehicles for discovering our purpose. They reveal part of ourselves that we tend to overlook and confirm things that we hope for but often fail to consider as possible. When we allow our dreams to speak to us, we discover the strength to act in the midst of uncertainty, pain, and doubt.

  Keeping Her Alive

  Shortly after I lost Sophia, the principal where Sophia had worked as a teaching assistant asked me to meet. He explained there was a small health insurance policy through the school that had a death benefit. I wasn’t aware of it, and I don’t think Sophia even knew about it. This was a surprise.

  At first I was offended that some faceless company had reduced my wife to a dollar figure. Then I realized the money would give me an opportunity to honor her in a special way. The craziest part is that Sophia and I had changed to her benefits just a year before she passed away to save money each month. Before that, we were on my health insurance benefits, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t include a death benefit. I took it as a sign that this money meant something bigger.

  The total insurance benefit was $39,000. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot of money, but at the time, I didn’t have an income. I had quit both my jobs. I could have easily justified keeping every dollar of that policy. Instead, I wanted to find a way to make sure Sophia’s heart and passion for helping others lived on forever. People may never get a chance to meet Sophia in person, but I wanted them to be touched by her love just like I was and all the people who knew her. I knew the money wasn’t mine to keep.

  I also wanted to give her family a gift. Her family had welcomed me in. The first time I met her dad, I had just turned seventeen. I had lived nearly half my life knowing and being around Sophia’s family. I knew they were suffering inside from losing a daughter and sister just like I was suffering from losing a spouse. I wanted to do something that ensured Sophia would never be forgotten. Her life on earth may have been cut short because of an unfortunate tragedy, but I was determined that wasn’t going to be the end of her impact on this earth.

  Keeping that insurance benefit never even crossed my mind. It was never a legitimate option for me. I knew I had to use that money to keep Sophia’s legacy alive.

  Carrying Sophia’s Name

  I was given a CD by a nonprofit consultant who suggested I listen to Matthew Barnett’s story. It was a powerful one.

  Matthew has an incredible story of breaking out of the normal flow of his life to follow a dream. He is the son of a well-known and respected pastor in Arizona, Tommy Barnett. Matthew felt called to ministry, but it is a very different ministry from his dad’s. He took over a small church in the hood of Los Angeles. The first day of his ministry at that church, there was a murder on the front steps.

  One day Matthew felt compelled to walk around the community to see what was going on and who lived there. He noticed prostitutes, drug dealers, and addicts. These were the people few people understood or had a desire to reach. But Matthew felt this was his church and these were the people he needed to focus on and help, so he turned his entire attention to building an outreach center of hope for the hopeless.

  Matthew Barnett and the Dream Center have done amazing work in Los Angeles. Today the Dream Center is a thriving organization that has captured the hearts of so many people who desire to lead a life of significance. I only hoped I would be able to do something significant with my life like Matthew has done with his.

  It was not an easy road. For many years, Matthew faced hardship. But he has created something significant and is impacting lives in real and practical ways.

  I had the opportunity to meet Matthew while I was taping American Idol in Los Angeles. I took a cab to see the Dream Center for myself and met Matthew in person. It was unbelievable, and Matthew was so humble and gracious. He became like a big brother to me and some of the other contestants. When we were in town, he would check on us just to make sure we were doing okay.

  After hearing Matthew’s story, I knew I wanted to do something similar. And to ensure Sophia lived on, I wanted something that carried her name. I wanted to be sure the people we helped experienced the love Sophia had for everyone and the kindness with which she treated others.

  A Legacy Preserved

  There is something special about investing in a child. Sophia always saw the potential in the little ones who were drawn to her. She believed that if you put the seed of hope within children when they were young, it would sprout to something beautiful when they got older. Sophia thought a child was a window to heaven.

  The innocence, courage, excitement, and love of a child are contagious. Sophia and I both loved kids and wanted to raise a family together. Unfortunately, we weren’t given that opportunity. Whatever legacy Sophia would have, it had to involve children. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  I never thought I would start a nonprofit, but that seemed like the logical next step. I wanted to create something at the intersection of our passions. We shared those passions together and served alongside each other as we found ways to help and serve others in a variety of ways that included feeding, clothing, and housing the hurting, helpless, and forgotten. I know our focus will diversify in the years to come, but my prayer is that we’ll never forget it’s all about loving others as much as we love ourselves.

  Of course, just because I decided to start an organization doesn’t mean all the details just came together and things started moving forward. There was still a tremendous amount of work to be done before we were an official organization and had a plan of how to accomplish our goals.

  There were two challenges I faced immediately: the paperwork required to become an official nonprofit organization and getting started. On December 3, 2008, we signed the papers for Sophia’s Heart to become an official nonprofit that could receive tax-deductible donations.

  Milwaukee was our home. It’s where Sophia and I were raised, where we were married, and where she died. At first, that is where I wanted to locate Sophia’s Heart, but none of the details fell into place. The doors just weren’t opening.

  Sophia’s sister and brother-in-law had already moved to Nashville to be part of the music scene. I knew I needed help. It wasn’t going to be easy. I also wanted to involve Sophia’s family in this effort because I did this in part as a way to help them through the suffering and see the good that could come from this tragedy. They were happy to help.

  I wanted to lay a solid foundation. All the books I had read on business told me that the most successful organizations are built on a solid foundation. One of the first things I did after paying the lawyers to secure official nonprofit status was hire a consulting firm to help get things moving and build the organization on solid ground.

  Creating Something Positive

  During the initial stages of starting Sophia’s Heart, I was still hurting from the loss of Sophia. It was tough for me emotionally. Every time I told someone about why this organization carried Sophia’s name or how we arrived at focusing on homeless families and children, all the pain rose to the surface.
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  Everyone grieves differently. Some people grieve and withdraw. I was headed there, but I knew that’s not how Sophia wanted me to live. I also knew the unexpected insurance policy gave me the financial capacity to multiply its impact by establishing a legacy that was consistent with the passions Sophia and I shared.

  I felt like sitting in a corner and crying, but I also thought about Matthew Barnett, who believed in his dream so much he was willing to do whatever it took to bring his dream to life. I thought about Jeremy Camp, who in the face of tragedy still believed in himself and worked to transform his pain into helping and serving others.

  I thought about the ordinary people who said yes when the right opportunities came along, and I knew I had to move forward and create something positive in the midst of all this pain and suffering. When you build other people’s dreams, you will build your own. It is strange to think about, but the truth of the matter is we can’t heal ourselves. It’s impossible, and it’s not how we were created.

  It is in our giving that we experience blessing the most.

  It is in our moving forward that we find relief from our grieving.

  It is in our loving that we are made complete.

  It is in our serving that we are healed.

  I wanted to give up and give in to the pain so many times, but I didn’t. I knew the only way to have any kind of peace in the midst of Sophia’s death was to make sure that what excited her the most, what brought her the most pleasure, and what she dreamed about would come into reality. I would have preferred to do this with her, but in a way I feel like I am.

  Sophia’s Heart ensured that her legacy was preserved forever — in the warmth of a blanket, the safety of a home, and the smile and love of a child.

  I thank God for Sophia’s Heart. It gave me something to live for again. Instead of focusing on the darkness of my pain, I was reminded that investing in others brings healing and leaves a legacy for many.

  Power to Influence

  Someone else who has personally inspired me is George Müller, a man who gave his life to helping orphans in England. Even though he lived during the nineteenth century, his legacy was an inspiration to me. His emphasis on orphans and the poor, especially concerning education, was criticized. Yet throughout his life, he housed, fed, and educated thousands of orphans who were once living on the street and ignored by society.

  Like George Müller, I want to spend my life, money, and opportunities helping others rise above their current situations. I truly believe there are no limits that can hold us back when we believe in ourselves and recognize the divine hope and purpose inside of us. If we all did this right where we are with what we have, we could change the world.

  I am not impressed by people with money, power, or positions of authority. Those things are only temporary. I am impressed by ordinary people who attempt to do radical things that change the world in a positive way. When I think about people like that, I think about Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Teresa. These are people who saw an opportunity to help someone else and said yes to the opportunity. We could change our lives if we decided to say yes to opportunities to help others. Most of the time we are focused on what will help us. There is a multiplying factor that comes into play when we give what we have to helping others in need.

  You don’t have to be the president of the United States, a Catholic nun, or a social-movement leader to make a difference. People are easily distracted by the extraordinary. They think that if they can’t do big things, they won’t be able to make a difference. That is not true at all. You don’t need a college degree or infinite resources to make a difference; you just need a willing heart. The most powerful change we can make is when we choose to use our power to influence others, no matter where we do it, in big or small ways. It all rests within our decision to say yes.

  Choose Your Reward

  If your focus is on leaving a lasting legacy, then your purpose is not to win short-term approval but to treat each person as another human being who is in need.

  My reward will be in a life that has been changed for the good. When I see lives restored, marriages put back together, children discovering joy again, addictions broken, and depression lifted, that’s when I know I am building the right kind of legacy and will earn a reward no human or industry can manufacture.

  Ancient wisdom teaches us that a great name is to be valued among all things in life. I think the clearest path to greatness (which I understand to be significance) is to love the people in your life. Show kindness to those who are like you and who aren’t like you. Give generously of your time and money, even if you don’t think you have a lot to give. Don’t wait for opportunities to come along before you help others; create them. We can all give something no matter where we are in life, even if it’s just a kind word or a smile.

  It’s hard to tell what the future holds. It’s difficult to predict if I will be in the music business for the rest of my life. Only a select few can survive a lifetime in a business that is quick to praise you and even quicker to forget about you.

  I have already had to watch my first love die. If I ever question what’s really important, I don’t have to look too far to be reminded that love is what really matters. When we really love other people, we will give ourselves away. And something strange happens when we give ourselves away again and again and again; we never run out of love to give.

  When you don’t have love and you do good things, your reward is the attention of others, and that never truly helps anyone. When you have love and you invest in the things that last forever, your reward will outlast your days on earth. Leave a lasting legacy by investing in others. Bet on the things in life that are eternal. Love others on purpose. The rest will fade away.

  Chapter 15

  A Relentless Challenge

  If you give up too early, you will forfeit the gift of helping others.

  Obstacles should be welcomed. They clarify our ideas, test our resolve, and focus our efforts. If we do not survive, then we move on. If we choose to continue, then we know it is because we have no other option but to push through whatever is between us and the realization of our deepest desires.

  How many times have we missed the blessing of the moment, person, or experience because we were looking for things to happen our way? There is one thing I can say with certainty: Life is full of obstacles and struggle. What we do when presented with those obstacles is what will determine our experiences in life. Will they be full, or will we leave a part of our divine destiny on the table because the uncertainty, fear, or even our own stubbornness and doubt keeps us from facing anything that seems too big, too scary, or too impossible?

  It isn’t until we choose to act that life begins to support us and carry us forward. The words you need come in the moment. The insight you’re waiting on comes in the moment of decision. The next step becomes clear as we begin to move forward.

  Expect challenges. Anticipate pain. Embrace uncertainty. These are the ingredients to leaving a legacy that will live beyond this present life.

  Come Together

  I wish I could say that when Sophia’s Heart became an official nonprofit at the end of 2008, I waved my hand and — poof — everything came together. Without hesitation, I can tell you it didn’t happen that way. In fact, it was such a slow start that even I began to wonder if all the details would ever come together.

  Everything about the start-up process moved very slowly. There were a lot of details to be covered. And the timing was difficult because I was on American Idol in 2009 and on tour for most of 2010 and 2011. I was certainly supported by a great team, but it’s hard to help others see what’s inside your head when you aren’t physically present most of the time. My brother-in-law did great work, and he did a lot of it while on tour with me. I’m grateful.

  We also had a huge interruption as a result of a natural disaster no one saw coming. We were just getting our music and arts program going when an epic flood hit Nashville
in May 2010. It was downright hell on earth for a few weeks in Nashville, depending on what part of the city you lived in.

  One of the consultants I had originally hired to help with Sophia’s Heart and later brought on staff full-time encouraged me to organize some type of response to the flood. At first I didn’t see how we would be able to do much with what we had at the time. But we didn’t allow our current circumstances and limited resources to stop us from doing something to help.

  We contacted the company Best Buy and were able to use an abandoned store facility for one dollar. People donated thousands of items. It seemed the entire city was in disaster-response mode. It was an unbelievable event to be part of.

  In addition to acquiring food, clothes, cleanup kits, furniture, and essential supplies, we set up a makeshift computer lab that had Internet connection so people could connect with family members. More important, they could also begin the application process through FEMA for financial assistance. Near the facility was a well-known homeless community called tent city. We made sure their needs were taken care of too. All in all, we were able to help 450 families through this effort and operated out of that building for almost four months.

  I learned a valuable lesson through all of this: Never wait for the perfect time to help others. That time usually doesn’t come. Start where you are and take a step of faith that the details will be worked out as you go. Sometimes all you need is an idea.

  My goal was not to do this so I could get recognition; I wanted this to be about Sophia’s Heart. The circumstances were devastating. However, our quick response did bring an awareness among the city’s nonprofit and business leadership that would likely have taken years. Good things can come even in the midst of the worst circumstances. When your efforts are focused on others, the light sometimes gets shined on you. And that’s what happened for Sophia’s Heart.