Hope in Front of Me

by Danny Gokey

  I finished up a few last-minute moving errands and went back to Sophia’s Heart. When I returned, Leyicet had started blowing up the new air mattress. I noticed it was really dirty and looked used. It also had a patch on the underside. It dawned on me that someone had returned a used air mattress in a brand-new box and kept the new one. I wanted to take it back immediately, but Leyicet was exhausted, so we threw a blanket over it and went to sleep.

  Only an hour after falling asleep, we woke up yet again to the air mattress sinking. Leyicet wanted to blow it back up and return it in the morning, but I insisted we get up, drive to the store, and return it right then. At that point, I was even more determined and frustrated. So we set out for the store, which was open twenty-four hours. By this time, it was two or three in the morning. I was blurry-eyed and apparently drove through a stop sign.

  The magical blue lights pulsated behind our car. As soon as I saw the lights, it dawned on me that this is what it must feel like to the families that stay at Sophia’s Heart. One thing after another comes at them until they are frustrated and feel defeated.

  Leyicet and I grabbed hands and prayed a small prayer asking God to help us bear the burdens these homeless and struggling families must feel. We also vowed at that moment to do whatever it takes to make their stay at Sophia’s Heart as comfortable and beneficial as possible.

  It’s a funny story looking back, but in the moment, it really opened my eyes to what our residents go through. It gave me perspective.

  That is certainly a strange way to spend eight weeks of your first year of marriage, but I have to give it up to Leyicet. She never complained. If anything, I was the one who found myself complaining. It made me even more resolved to make sure our facility was not just a warm, dry place for families. I wanted our facility to be a place they could be proud of and a place we could call home.

  Even today, Leyicet continues to join me for family night every Tuesday when I am in town. It means so much to me that we can share a passion for the same things in life. It begins with two hearts that are attuned with one another and see life through similar eyes. I am constantly impressed by Leyicet’s character, which allows her to be fully involved as a volunteer at Sophia’s Heart. She is not caught in Sophia’s shadow. Leyicet embraces her calling there and carries herself like the loving servant she is. She has brought me so much joy. And the best is yet to come.

  Two Become Three

  I had secretly hoped the little guy would come on January 8. It was a few weeks before the baby was expected to come, but for me eight is a lucky number of sorts. Many special events in my life are connected to the number eight. My appearance on American Idol was on its eighth season, and my first tryout was on 8-8-2008.

  However, that didn’t happen. The anticipation was eating away at us. When you first learn you are going to have a baby, there is a great deal of excitement about what is ahead. If your wife has a relatively normal pregnancy, as Leyicet did, then you enjoy the time of preparation. But then there comes a time when you are ready for the baby to arrive.

  That’s where we were the entire month of January 2013. We were already past the middle of the month. Our anticipation had almost turned into frustration. We kept wondering when the baby was going to get here.

  Not thinking anything about it, we went to a charity event the night before the baby was due. Leyicet and I were having great time, when she thought she was starting to have contractions. If you’ve ever been through this before, you know about Braxton Hicks contractions. They aren’t real, but you think they are real. The doctor explained it was nature’s way of preparing the body for labor and delivery.

  It wasn’t long before the real thing started. We went to the hospital (but not before stopping by McDonald’s). It was early in the morning. It wasn’t the best food choice I could have made, but I knew this was likely going to take a while. I had to eat something. I was hungry, and we didn’t even have to get out of the car.

  Leyicet was in labor most of the day and into the evening. Then the moment we had all been waiting for was finally about to happen. It seemed like seconds, and then we heard the cry of Baby Danny for the first time. It was the most unbelievable experience.

  Daniel Emanuel Gokey was born on January 20, 2013, at 8:52 p.m. (CST). He weighed eight pounds and eleven ounces. He had ten fingers and ten toes. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen.

  Time stopped. It felt as if we were floating through another dimension. Nothing mattered but my baby boy.

  I couldn’t wait to hold him, feed him, and just love him. I knew I would likely have to change diapers, listen to him cry, and set aside my normal sleeping habits, but I tried not to think about those things too much. For me, I couldn’t believe this dream had finally come true. I had every reason to believe this would never happen, yet it did.

  That day, Leyicet and I became more than just a couple in love with each other. Our family of two has now become a family of three. It is no longer just about our needs, wants, and desires. We no longer have the ability to go to sleep when we are tired, eat when we are hungry, and go wherever and do whatever we feel like in the moment. We are now responsible for the newest member of our family: Baby Danny.

  This is a new beginning for both of us. We’ve never been down this path before. We are absolutely certain we have no idea what we just got ourselves into, but it hasn’t kept us from enjoying every little smile, every little movement, every little thing about this guy.

  It’s also a new beginning for Baby Danny. All he has known up to this point is what it’s like to be inside the belly of Leyicet. Now he gets to discover a whole new world. And we’re going to be there with him every step of the way.

  On that special day, I realized a dream I’ve had for most of my life: to be a father and have a family of my own.

  The Guessing Game

  It is an overwhelming responsibility to become a parent, especially with your first one. You’re never really quite sure if what your baby is doing is what he is supposed to be doing and if what you’re doing is what you’re supposed to be doing. It’s the ongoing, never-ending guessing game called parenthood. I suspect it will be that way until he can learn to tell us what he feels.

  I feel helpless at times. I want to satisfy his every need so he doesn’t cry, but I don’t know he is in need until he cries. I want to feed him when he is hungry, but I can’t tell sometimes if his cry is because he is hungry or needs a new diaper or if he just wants to belt it out for a few minutes.

  Baby Danny is so delicate. I want to wrap my arms around him and make sure he never experiences pain, never experiences regret, and never experiences loss. I know he will one day, but I want to do everything within my power to prevent, or at least delay, those experiences in his life.

  One day I am going to teach my son the things dads teach their sons. Unfortunately, I’m not much of a mechanic or ballplayer. I can teach him enough of both to be dangerous.

  Of course I am going to teach him about music and singing. But I also want to teach him what I’ve learned about life: things like loving the people around you because you never know how much time you’ll have to do that, things like believing in yourself and your dreams even if everyone else tells you they are crazy, things like pushing forward toward realizing your dreams even if you don’t feel like it sometimes. I’m going to use my words to encourage him, just like my dad did with me.

  I want Baby Danny to live life with the eyes of his heart and the arms of his faith wide open so he can embrace the hope that is before him. There is a reason he is alive. It will be years before he discovers that for himself, but I want to be right there when he does.

  There is something exciting and fulfilling to watch a dream you’ve had be shattered and then brought back to life. When Sophia died, I thought it was all over. I didn’t think I had the strength to love again. I didn’t know if I would ever be a dad, yet here I am holding Baby Danny in my arms. Thrilled doesn’t begin to describe what I am feel
ing inside.

  More to Come

  The ancients believed that the birth of a child was a signal that new things were about to happen. Baby Danny is a reminder that my destiny is not complete. In fact, I have yet to fully uncover all that is ahead of me. I believe that is just as true for you as it is for me.

  I believe your best days are ahead of you.

  I believe abundance is coming your way.

  I believe fulfillment is within your reach.

  I believe your new beginning starts today.

  I believe because I know that hope is right in front of you. You will be able to see it too if you are bold enough to open the eyes of your heart and the arms of your faith.

  There is so much more to come. Don’t give up too soon.

  Whatever it is that you are going through, I want you to know it won’t last forever.

  Whatever it is that is heavy on your heart, I want you to know that the pain will go away.

  Whatever it is that is troubling you, I want you to know that better days are ahead.

  Had I given up, I never would have found Leyicet and been able to love again. I might never have become a father.

  There is no amount of success, money, power, or position that can replace love. It is the foundation of our hope and the strength in our resolve to continue to move toward our purpose in life. When you believe, you will find the strength to exchange anxiety for faith, regret for new beginnings, and addiction for victory. Your life is not finished. Love is not impossible. You have yet to accomplish all you were designed to accomplish. Something better is always ahead of you. Even in the darkest moments, new life is being created and spoken into reality through your faith and trust that hope remains always in front of you.

  Chapter 17

  Hope in Front of You

  Faith spins not by what you see but by what you believe.

  If you get nothing else from my story, I want you to remember that whatever obstacles you face, whatever roadblocks you encounter, whatever failures you experience, it’s not the end of the road. Rather, it is life’s way of preparing you and conditioning you for what’s still to come. I would not be who I am had I not gone through everything I’ve been through. The same is true for you, too. It’s part of what makes you unique and set apart to accomplish your divine destiny.

  You have been created for something special. You have a purpose. You were not placed on this earth to just go through the motions. Our time on earth is too short to not find significance, purpose, and meaning through how we live and the things in which we choose to invest.

  You have been gifted in a unique way. That doesn’t mean you’re going to become a celebrity, well known, popular, or famous. None of that stuff matters because it doesn’t last anyway. What matters is that we live out the story God has written for our lives and also do something with the opportunities we’ve been given to impact the lives of the people around us. All we have to do is say yes to the needs around us. They are many, and they are great. You have the capacity to respond.

  You have been positioned to make a difference. You have been placed where you are for a reason. It doesn’t mean you’re going to stay there. It doesn’t mean it is forever. It doesn’t mean you can’t rise above it. But right now you are where you are. Start there. Look around. Discover how you can be you and help others experience abundance and blessing.

  You have been empowered to act. The time to put the words we speak into motion is now. Change is not created by sitting around and waiting for the perfect opportunity. Change happens when we make a decision to act. If I hadn’t decided to get out of debt, I would still be there. If I hadn’t married Sophia, I would have missed God’s gift to me through her living — and her dying. If I hadn’t tried out for American Idol, I would have missed an opportunity to influence others for good. If I hadn’t started Sophia’s Heart, families would be on the street with no safe place to stay.

  You have everything you need to take the next step. That’s right. Don’t wait until you have more money, more time, or more of whatever you think you need. You have all you need to take the next step right now.

  The Challenge

  It is an interesting notion to consider that life would come without challenges, yet we are surprised when the challenges come. We spend the first years of our lives overcoming impossible things. During that time, we learn how to walk, talk, and eat solid food. We don’t know enough to complain about how impossible those tasks are when we begin life, so we try, try, and try again until we are able to do them.

  My challenge to you is to let go of your preconceived ideas about life. The idea that life should be anything less than a series of obstacles and overcoming those obstacles. The greater our elevation in life, the bigger the obstacles. Our goal should be to gain confidence and perspective along the way that gives us courage and perseverance through those difficult moments.

  We cross a line when we think we deserve something. That doesn’t mean we can’t anticipate good things; it simply means we shouldn’t expect the details to always work themselves out. Life is a verb, just like love. Until we put what we believe into motion, it won’t reshape the world around us.

  Faith Matters

  There is a reason why the words faith and hope are often used together. They both describe the same thing. It takes faith to practice hope, and to practice hope without faith is impossible. We must believe we are playing out a divine destiny in our lives. Without that, there is nothing pulling us forward through the successes and failures that will absolutely come.

  It’s easy to believe that bad stuff will come. Maybe life has beat you up. Maybe you feel used up, counted out, and finished. But even though it’s harder to believe the good stuff than the bad, faith tells me you are not any of those things.

  My heart was ripped out of my chest when Sophia died. I didn’t want to do anything. I was numb, broken, and beat up. I just wanted to quit. But I didn’t stay there. I forced myself to let go of the pain and allowed myself to believe again.

  You may have been through some dark moments. You may have so much pain in your life right now that you can’t see straight. You may be wondering if life is even worth living. I want to be absolutely clear: Your life is worth living because you matter. You may have to tell yourself that thousands of times before you start to feel it in your gut. But don’t give up and give in.

  Grab on to What Is True

  Faith points us to what is true. For something to be true, it has to be completely true. If there is one truth, then it applies to all people in all places and times. What’s important about that is this: Truth is available to everyone. It doesn’t require a special knowledge, a certain level of income, or even a certain position. Truth is a gift we discover as we believe in hope and act on faith.

  I find the greatest amount of truth when I am serving another person. It could be my wife, my son, or someone I don’t even know. Relationships are heaven’s way of reminding us what life was meant to be about in the first place: people.

  When we serve other people, we recognize that we possess the power to impact the life of someone else in a positive way. If we can impact others in a positive way, we can also impact our lives in a positive way. But we must let go of our illusions so we can be free to grab on to what is true.

  I find the least amount of truth when I am so focused on myself that I don’t see the needs of other people. If your heart is hard, your attitude indifferent, and your posture exclusive, you are likely missing your meaning and purpose in life. It isn’t contained in the obvious things but rather in the form of personal relationships.

  Some of those relationships will be temporary. Some will last forever. Some will simply be in passing. It doesn’t matter. When our hearts are open to what is ahead, we connect with those around us and remember that purpose and meaning are hidden treasures found within the people we choose to love.

  The key to maintaining good relationships is to keep a short memory and forgive quickly, because
forgiveness is always the answer. Holding on to offenses will only keep you bound. Anger only hurts you, not the person you are angry at, whether you feel justified or not. Forgiveness is freedom.

  Hope Is Real

  You might be bitter. You might be spent emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I know what I’ve been through, and I can say with conviction that what pulled me through my darkest moments was the thread of hope I followed. Without that, I don’t think I would be where I am today. In fact, I know I wouldn’t.

  Hope connects us to the eternal life source and becomes a lifeline when tragedy strikes. Hope is what reminds us that life exists beyond what we can see, taste, touch, and feel.

  When you change the words you use to describe your life, you suddenly discover that what seemed like a dead end was really a detour, what felt like a destination was really a delay, and what appeared to be a sign of distress was really an opportunity to discover something new. Hope is always in front of you, but it requires that you look at life through the eyes of your heart. The challenge is to daily protect your heart and not allow deadly emotions to blind you from seeing hope.

  The Unseen

  I believe in unseen things. In a way, you could say I always have. But when you’ve watched people you love dance between the lines of life and death, when you’ve lived on the stage of the world, when you’ve experienced the setbacks and the victories I have, you have no choice but to conclude that something greater than this world can contain exists.