Secrets of Silvergum

by Mandy Magro

  ‘Well, let me see.’ Emma rubbed her chin as though deep in thought. ‘Firstly, it’s illegal, and secondly, it’s not good for you. But most importantly of all, if you get caught you’ll have it on your record and you can kiss any hope of having a good career goodbye.’

  ‘How can they charge me when people use it for medicinal purposes?’ With Emma at a loss for words, Riley shrugged. ‘I’ll just say that’s what it’s for, if I’m unlucky enough to get busted.’

  As serious as this all was, Emma couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Is that what Ben told you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, you’re a fool, listening to what comes out of that bully’s mouth. He only cares about himself and would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if it meant saving himself. As you just witnessed.’

  Unable to fend them off any longer, heavy tears rolled down Riley’s cheeks. As though the wind had been knocked right out of her, she bent and then squatted to her heels, sobbing hard.

  Emma instantly felt terrible. ‘Oh, love, I’m so sorry, I know you truly believe you love him. I just don’t understand why.’

  ‘You wouldn’t understand if I told you.’

  Emma squatted down beside her. ‘Try me.’

  Riley paused, as if debating whether it would be a good idea, but to Emma’s relief, she began to talk. ‘Because I felt like he really cared about me.’ Sniffling, Riley looked to her. ‘And it was nice to think there was a guy in my life who might actually love me for me.’ Her voice was so small, so innocent, it was heart wrenching. ‘But after what he just did, I was obviously very wrong.’

  Her heart hurting like hell, Emma placed her hand on her chest and the other over her quivering mouth. She shook her head and blinked back tears, everything suddenly so crystal clear. ‘Oh, my beautiful girl, you do know your dad loves you, right?’

  ‘If he does, he’s got a really funny way of showing it.’

  ‘I know he can be a tough one to read sometimes, sweetheart, but there’s no shadow of a doubt he loves you very much.’

  ‘I really wish he’d tell me that, instead of constantly telling me what I’m doing wrong. I never feel good enough for him.’ The sadness in Riley’s voice shattered Emma’s already aching heart.

  Emma leapt over the imaginary barrier that had built up between them and helped Riley to stand. Then she tenderly cupped her face. ‘My darling girl, you’re more than good enough. You’re the best daughter anyone could ever wish for.’

  ‘You really mean that?’ Hopeful eyes held Emma’s.

  ‘Of course I mean it. You sometimes make me want to pull my hair out, but you’re beautiful through and through, Riley, and don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum.’ A small smile flittered across Riley’s tear-stained face.

  Emma could feel the defences Riley had put up around herself begin to crumble and fall, leaving her daughter looking so young, so vulnerable, so broken. Her heart tumbling to the ground, she did her best to reel in her anger about the marijuana – they could deal with that later. She pulled Riley to her. ‘I know you’ve been through so much lately, with mine and Dad’s divorce, and Grandad’s passing. Just please know I love you so much, and I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly, but please, please let me help you. I’m not the enemy here.’ She kissed the top of her daughter’s head and stroked her hair. ‘If you could just let me in, we could get through all of this together, I promise.’

  Riley sucked in a shuddering breath. ‘I promise I’ll try really hard, Mum, it’s just, sometimes I’m so angry with you and Dad breaking up that I can’t help what I do or say.’ She wrapped her arms around Emma, rested her head on her shoulder, and held her tight. ‘It hurts so much that sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.’

  ‘Oh, baby girl, please don’t say things like that. Everything’s going to work out just fine, I promise.’

  Riley’s chilling words like daggers to her heart, Emma cradled her daughter to her chest as her own tears gathered and fell. They’d been through so much, and Riley clearly couldn’t take much more, her scars running a whole lot deeper than Emma had thought. She’d have to take her next steps slowly and carefully, or she could risk losing Riley forever, in more ways than one.

  CHAPTER 6

  Tiptoeing down the hallway, the two glasses of red wine she’d enjoyed over dinner now going to her legs, Emma paused by Riley’s room and checked for any light filtering beneath the door. There was none, and there were no sounds either. Fingers crossed, Riley had finally been able to drift off to sleep. Slowing creaking the door open, she crept in. From the glow of the iPhone lying on the pillow Emma could see the scattering of freckles across Riley’s nose and cheeks, and the tinge of red in her chestnut-coloured hair – like mother like daughter. The soft melody of music drifted from the headphones, ones that were almost permanently in Riley’s ears, as Emma slowly pulled the sheet up and over her. Leaning in, she brushed a lock of hair from her daughter’s forehead and gently kissed her goodnight.

  ‘I love you so much, my beautiful girl. Dream sweet,’ she whispered.

  Riley’s eyelids flickered. ‘Love you too, Mum.’ She rolled onto her side, her breathing deep and steady.

  Emma stood for a few moments, her arms wrapped around herself. The love a parent felt for their child could never be measured, or surpassed. It was infinite, endless. She blinked back tears as she quietly made her way out, shut the door, and headed to where Renee was curled up on the couch, a glass of wine in her hands and a fresh bottle of pinot noir just opened.

  Renee looked up. ‘She asleep, hun?’

  ‘Yeah, she is, thank god.’ Emma poured herself another wine, and then taking Renee’s outstretched glass, filled hers up too. ‘Thanks so much for talking to her; it seems to have done the trick.’

  ‘My pleasure, Em, I just hope it helps to bring you two back together again. I hate seeing the people I love most in the world heartbroken – you both deserve to be happy.’

  ‘Awww, thanks, Rennie.’ As the room was a little stuffy, Emma pulled the curtains open, allowing the cool night air to drift in. ‘Should I dare ask what you two spoke about?’ She turned the ceiling fan up. The wine must be making her feel a little flushed, or was it because she was about to divulge a colossal secret?

  Renee flashed her pearly whites. ‘I was sworn to secrecy, so if I tell you I’ll have to kill you.’

  ‘Righto, as much as not knowing is going to drive me nuts, you’re a good godparent. I’ll give you that.’

  ‘She’s such a good kid, Em, just a bit messed up after everything that’s happened, and that’s understandable. She genuinely wants to make things right between you and her, especially now Ben is out of the picture. I truly believe things will improve heaps with him gone.’

  ‘I hope so, Rennie.’

  ‘I know so, Em.’ Renee offered a gentle smile as she watched Emma wandering around the lounge room, tidying things up. ‘You’re really edgy tonight.’

  Emma stopped straightening the stack of CDs atop the TV cabinet. ‘I am, aren’t I?’

  ‘Come, my dearest, most fabulous friend, and tell me all your dirty dark secrets.’ Renee patted the couch. ‘It might help to get them all off your chest.’

  Sucking in a deep breath and then nodding, Emma joined her on the three-seater couch. Curling her legs up beneath her, she got as settled as she could given the circumstances. ‘I honestly don’t know where to begin.’ She sighed, briefly closing her eyes to ward off tears.

  ‘Oh, Em …’ Renee rubbed her back. ‘How about at the beginning?’

  Emma smiled through her unease. ‘Yeah, I reckon that might be a good idea.’ She drew in another deep breath and then slowly blew it away. ‘Right, here we go.’

  For the next hour, Emma felt as if she didn’t draw a breath, everything she’d been dying to share with another living soul pouring from her, along with floods of tears. Other than a few questions along the way, Renee lent her
non-judgemental ear, and the occasional hug, to help ease her through it. ‘I wanted to go to the police, Rennie, I really truly did, but I was terrified that Mario guy would kill me. And then, even when I found out the truth, that Zane’s father wasn’t part of the Mafia, Peter scared me into believing that if I did go to the cops, he’d make damn sure I’d be sent to jail for life.’ Emma sucked in a shaky breath. ‘So no matter which way I turned, I had my back up against the wall.’

  ‘Holy shit, Em. I’m honestly at a loss for words, which is very unlike me.’ Renee offered a gentle smile before sighing and rubbing her face. ‘It’s like something out of a movie, what you’ve been through, only ten million times worse because this is so chillingly real.’

  ‘Sure is, huh.’ Emma tossed her used tissue onto the growing pile on the coffee table.

  Reaching out, Renee gave her hands a squeeze. ‘I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all this, Em, and for all these years too. How you’re still in one piece, I do not know.’ She shook her head. ‘You should’ve told me sooner, so I could’ve been there for you. I feel terrible knowing you’ve been going through all this on your own.’

  Emma placed her hand on Renee’s cheek. ‘I’m so sorry, Rennie, but I couldn’t tell you while Peter was alive. I didn’t want to put you in any danger. Who knew what the bastard would do if he found out I told you, and it’s without a doubt he would’ve followed through with his threats to me, too. I couldn’t risk it. Riley’s my absolute everything.’

  ‘I understand completely,’ Renee said, and then heaved a heavy sigh. ‘On a positive note, we don’t need to worry about all that now he’s gone.’ She grimaced. ‘Sorry to say this, but good riddance to bad bloody rubbish.’

  ‘I totally agree.’ Grabbing her glass from the coffee table, Emma took more of a glug than a sip, and then lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Add all of this to the fact Zane is Riley’s biological father, and with Riley as fragile as she is right now, I’m in a world of trouble.’

  ‘I know you feel like that right now, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m glad Zane is Riley’s father. Although he might be a bit of a player when it comes to women, he’s got a good heart.’

  ‘Yeah, he has.’ Looking down, Emma tried to fight off fresh tears. ‘I just don’t know what the right thing to do is. I know everyone deserves to know the truth, and I can’t go on with the shadow of that night hanging over me the way it does, but I don’t want to risk hurting Riley any more than she already is. I’d never forgive myself if she …’ She couldn’t say the words out loud. Gathering the courage to meet Renee’s gaze, all Emma saw was kindness. It broke her small wall of reserve and she burst into tears.

  ‘Riley’s not going to take her own life, Emma. She’s got too much fire in her belly for that.’ Renee pulled her into her arms. ‘That son of a bitch, no wonder you’re so bloody relieved he’s gone. He’s made your life a living hell, and all for his benefit. The selfish prick.’

  Her sobs easing, Emma sat up and tugged a handful of tissues from the box. ‘That he most certainly was, Rennie, but he’s gone now, and has no power over me anymore. What I choose to do from here on in is entirely up to me.’ She blew her nose and wiped her eyes. ‘Riley is my number one priority, and I just don’t know which way to go about it so I don’t hurt her.’

  ‘I think you need to wait until after the funeral to decide which way to go, and even then, don’t rush it. The universe has funny ways of showing us the right path, as long as we stand still and quiet enough to watch and listen.’

  Renee’s words settling deep down within her, Emma nodded. ‘You know what, you’re so right. I need to stop bashing myself up, and just wait for the right time, for everyone involved.’

  ‘Yes, you do. You’ve waited this long, so what’s a few more weeks, or months, going to hurt, huh?’

  ‘I suppose.’ Emma stared at the curtains fluttering in the breeze. ‘It’s just, I really wanted to look Zane in the eyes when I told him, but maybe it would be best to give him the news when he’s back in America. It’ll give him all the time and space he needs to come to accept it, or not.’

  ‘When do you think you’ll tell Riley? Before or after Zane?’

  ‘Definitely after, because if Zane doesn’t want to accept that he’s her father, I’ll never speak a word of it to her. She doesn’t need to feel that another father figure has rejected her.’ She looked at Renee. ‘And as for Michael, I’ll tell him after Zane and Riley, what do you reckon?’

  ‘I think, whatever feels right for you, is the right way to go about it. Nobody’s walking your path, Em.’ She offered another sympathetic smile. ‘And when you’re ready to go to the police, I’ll be right beside you, holding your hand and helping you through it all. You don’t have to do any of this alone anymore. I got you, okay?’

  Biting her lip to stop from crying again, Emma nodded. ‘Thanks, hun, for everything.’

  ‘Don’t speak of it … it’s what friendship is all about, Em, being there for each other, no matter what.’ Sniffling, she wiped gathering tears away with the back of her hand.

  Emma reached out and gave Renee’s arm a squeeze. ‘I’m sorry, throwing everything on top of you in one go. I know it’s a lot to take in.’

  ‘Don’t you dare apologise, Em. I’ll be right, it’s just going to take a little while for me to filter it all, so it doesn’t feel so surreal.’

  Emma smiled softly. ‘That’s completely understandable.’

  ‘Oh, my beautiful, strong, brave friend, if only I can be half the woman you are, I’ll be happy …’ Renee smiled through her tears, and the women hugged tightly again – it took a few long moments for them to finally untangle. ‘I know you’re going to want to say no, but I’m not going to hear of it – tomorrow night I’m taking you to the pub and Riley can go hang out with Granny for the night.’

  As Renee suspected, Emma went to graciously decline but she shushed her. ‘You need to let your hair down and try to put all of this out of your mind, if only for a few hours. As well as that, it would do Riley the world of good to spend some time with Granny May – those two love each other to absolute death.’

  Emma threw her hands up in defeat. ‘Okay, all right, I’ll come out, but only for a few drinks.’ She followed it up with a groan.

  Renee edged closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. ‘I promise it’ll be just what the doctor ordered.’

  ‘Don’t you mean the nurse, seeing it’s coming from you?’

  ‘Good point, my dear friend.’ Renee grabbed her glass from the table and raised it. ‘To the future, filled with love, laughter, good times, and the cold hard truth.’

  Emma held hers up and they chinked glasses. ‘Cheers to all of that.’

  ‘We got this, girlfriend, you and me, okay?’ Renee said with utmost conviction.

  Emma nodded, feeling so very blessed to have this amazingly supportive woman in her life.

  CHAPTER 7

  It was still pitch black outside when the alarm beeped incessantly from the bedside table. On autopilot, Emma slapped it quiet. Rolling onto her side she groaned and then peeled herself from the bed before she’d even opened her sleep-heavy eyes. It was always the way, to be dead to the world on the one morning she really needed to get a move on. Over their dinner of Riley’s favourite – spaghetti bolognaise – she’d promised to take her into town to pick out a dress for her debutante ball, followed by some lunch at their favourite little cafe, The Mad Hatters. With Riley finally excited to spend time with her in god knew how long, Emma was determined to stick to the plan – which meant getting up earlier than sparrow’s fart to get everything done.

  Willing her body awake, while her mind still lagged behind, she tugged off her singlet and boxer shorts, then rifling through the clothes basket of unfolded laundry, she hauled on a pair of jeans and a shirt that could really benefit from an iron – not that she even knew where hers was. Anything unacceptably crinkled usually got tossed into the dryer for all of five min
utes – worked wonders. Yawning, she shuffled down the hallway towards the bathroom. A splash of cold water, followed by brushing her teeth, dragging her hair into a messy bun and then hunting down a super strong coffee was the norm, before she headed out the door to start her day. Breakfast would have to be something from the fruit bowl – a sugar banana, perhaps. Riley had kindly offered to get up early and help, but Emma wanted her to have a bit of a sleep-in. It would make for a much more enjoyable day if Riley wasn’t tried and grumpy.

  Bathroom duties done, and now feeling alert, the scent of bacon slapped her tastebuds and stopped her in her tracks. Padding down the stairs, she walked into the cottage-style kitchen, blinking both from the brightness of the fluorescent bulb and the fact Riley was standing at the stove, tongs in hand and dressed for a morning of shovelling horse poo. Spotting his master, Tiny leapt from his rug near the back door and like a foal unstable on its long legs, scuttled to her side, clearly excited by the mouth-watering aroma of bacon filling the kitchen as he did donuts around her.

  Giving him a scratch behind his floppy ears, Emma smiled from her soul. ‘Morning, sweetheart.’ Her heart reaching for her daughter’s, she wandered over and pecked her on the cheek. ‘Are you feeling okay, love?’ she said with an affectionate grin. ‘It’s not like you to be up before the sun.’

  ‘Morning, Mum. I woke up about an hour ago and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t.’ She flipped the bacon just as the toaster popped up two slices. ‘And then I thought about the fact I hadn’t made you breakfast in like, forever, so here you go.’ She spiritedly threw her hands in the air. ‘I hope we’ve got time to enjoy it before we head off to sort out the horses and check on the cattle.’

  Emma nodded. ‘Yes, of course we do – four hands are going to make for half the time.’ She wrapped an arm around Riley’s shoulder and gave her a squeeze. ‘Thanks, sweetheart, this is so lovely to wake up to … you and bacon are my favourite things.’