Bottomed Out

by Brooke May

  Then what is it?

  Maybe it has something to do with my lack of motivation?

  “Nah.” Falling back in my seat, I let my head fall back and release a breath of frustration.

  Neela, Mr. Landon’s assistant, is clacking away on her keyboard, typing out God knows what while I wait. It is annoying the piss out of me.

  “He’ll be ready for you in a few minutes, Mr. Hunt.” Neela pops her gum while giving me the same line she has presented to me over the past fifteen minutes. I’m here on time. Why isn’t he?

  “Thank you.” Scrubbing my hands down my face, I release another breath just as the doors open, and my jovial boss’s smiling face greets me.

  “Jax, my boy, come on in!” His belly rolls with laughter. There is no wonder why he donates his time during the holidays to play Santa around the city.

  I move into his office that isn’t much larger than mine. For a man who runs a successful company and has a pretty high wealth rating, Mr. Landon keeps himself humble with his surroundings as well as his overall personality.

  “Thanks for coming up on such short notice. I hope I didn’t pull you away from anything?” He falls into his seat with exhaustion.

  “Not at all, Ern.” I’m mindful to remember he prefers us to call him by his first name. “I have some time with my next event, so I don’t mind being pulled away.” I chuckle as I shift uneasily in my seat. “Truth be told, I’m curious as to why you asked me up here.”

  “I knew you would be.” Grinning, he leans forward in his seat. It protests against his heavy weight. “I’ve heard a rumor going around.”

  “You have?”

  “Oh, yes. Word has it you are thinking about getting back into the racing scene.”

  Shock hits my system. I didn’t realize that the office was talking about me.

  “Well … umm … yes, I’ve been trying to figure some of it out.” I clear my throat, feeling a little on edge now that I’m being put on the spot.

  “Good for you!” He barks with laughter. “I was hoping you would soon realize you could still ride some form of a machine.”

  I’m baffled at my boss’s admission.

  “Double X is going to be one of your main sponsors, of course. I’m sure you have many, many more lined up, but I want you to know that your family here supports what you want to accomplish and will be there for you.”

  “Really?” I’m astonished. “Mr. Landon … erm … Ern, this is wonderful. Thank you so much.” If I could, I would launch myself across the table to shake his hand and maybe hug him as well. I never doubted him and my work family having my back, but hearing him throwing his support behind me is music to my ears.

  “Absolutely, Jax. You have been a wonder here and have done so much for the company, so it’s the least we can do. You will be a great role model for any child out there and even the adults too who don’t think they can do anything just because of their limitations. You’re shoving your own aside and showing the world you can do anything.”

  If someone could see my soul, they would see that it is glowing with his words, giving me so much more than he realizes. I knew I could do this as long as I put my mind to it, but there isn’t anything else to question now. I need to find a quad.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “I’m not in HR, Jax. I can’t just log into personal information and give it to you.” Axle snarls through the line. My ear buzzes.

  “Come on, Axle. It’s just her address. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  “If she wanted you to know where she lived, she would have told you,” he hisses back.

  “Just this once, I’m sure your boss won’t complain about you misusing company files.” I snigger, unable to contain myself. Axle is as strait-laced as they come when it has to do with his job. I’m sure he is jerking his hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down while I talk him through what I would love for him to do.

  “This is why phone books should never go out of style.” Grunting, I can hear the tapping of a keyboard in the background as he looks for Len’s address.

  “Phone books are overrated. Now you can just type in what you want and get it within seconds.”

  “So why don’t you work your magic on your phone, so I don’t have to get my arse in trouble.”

  “No, I would have to pay for that kind of information, and why would I do that when you can do it for me.” Sitting back, I grin to myself. I managed to bring myself to the gym this evening. Since Len isn’t answering any of my calls or returning my messages, I’ve focused on my new workouts and channeling all my frustration, worry, and other mixture of emotions into pushing my body to a whole new high.

  I’ve managed to find a quad that is the right fit for me and figured out a way to modify it so I can shift with my left hand while keeping my throttle on the right. The leaning won’t be too hard since I will have enough strength in the rest of my body with the amount of training I have been subjecting my body to.

  I barely got a chance to talk to Len about it before Owen showed up at my apartment. I’m dying to tell her about what I have going on. The old sponsors have come back to throw in their support, and a number of people are willing to help me get some track time as well as help me rework my quad.

  But I’m also craving her. Not just in the sexual way, but having her with me; laughing and just having her presence around me. I want to know what is going on in her life, and most of all what has caused her to distance herself so much from me without any explanation.

  That doesn’t seem like her.

  “All right, you arsehole, here it is.” Axle snaps me back to the present. “I hope you have a piece of fucking paper.” He doesn’t bother to waste a moment to see if I do and rattles off the address. I’m quick to write it down on a piece of paper that is slightly damp from sitting on my lap for the past fifteen minutes while I convinced Axle to go to the HR department and find Len’s information.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “Yeah, you owe me if I get in trouble for this.”

  “No problem.” He hangs up as I start to laugh. I was lucky to catch him before he left for the day. Back at his old job, he would have been out of there right at the end of the day, but now that he is some where he actually enjoys working, I got lucky he is still there.

  I’m not going to get much more of a workout now that I have something I want. Pushing my way to the exit, I’m glad I brought the van with me tonight rather than wheel my way over. Since I didn’t see Owen, I think it is safe to say that Len and he are still in hiding.

  While I’m loading myself up, I type in her address into my phone, so I can get there as soon as possible.

  My van takes me nearly across town when the voice announces I have five hundred feet to my destination. The cluster of apartments is similar to mine; the difference is that there seems to be two apartments per building instead of four like my own. More duplex than apartments, I guess.

  Nerves and apprehension seizes me the moment I get my wheels on the ground and pointed in the direction of Len’s front door.

  What if Owen is here?

  I push forward. I don’t really care to get into another fight with the man. I never used to be bothered with getting into fights, but something about fighting with my wheelchair makes me feel like a joke.

  Knocking, I’m careful not to be as abrasive as Owen was the other day. If they are in there, I don’t need any tempers to flare up because I’m being too goddamn urgent.

  After three knocks, I pause and move back. I’m unsure which way the door will swing. But when moments go by, and no one answers, I go to push forward to knock once more when the door cracks, and the image that greets me hits me like a train.

  “Oh, Len.” My heart aches to see her usually snowy face is blotted with red marks and her dual-colored eyes are dulled and replaced with redness from what I can only assume is crying.

  “Go away, Jax.” She tries to close the door, and since I can’t hear Owen raging o
n the other side, I know it is safe to put myself in the way of the sealing door.

  “What’s wrong, Len? Please talk to me.” I plea with her through my words, actions, and with my eyes.

  “Jax.” Her voice cracks, and it guts me. Whatever happened has caused her a great deal of pain. She doesn’t fall into me like I wish she would. She stands back, still in the doorway with her arms wrapped around her frail body that is encased in a giant sweater that hangs off one shoulder.

  “What happened?” Reaching out, I run a hand over her one exposed hand. Thankfully, she doesn’t flinch away.

  “It’s Owen.” She wheezes. My stare hasn’t left her face since the moment she opened the door. I can see the tears welling up. “He … He … He tried to …” She gasps, unable to finish.

  “What about Owen?” Dread fills my stomach so much so I can taste the bile trying to work its way up.

  “He tried …” She blows out a breath. “He tried to take his life, Jax.” She falls apart but still doesn’t come to me. “He’s in ICU.” She gasps once more. I allow her to cry it out until she is calm enough to continue. I don’t have any words right now. I can’t even imagine.

  “Mom, Dad, and I have been taking turns sitting with him.”

  “Oh, baby.” Finally, I pull her to me. She curls onto my lap; her entire body trembling. “I’m so sorry.” Rubbing her back, I try to keep my questions to myself. I want to know why she kept this from me. I’m her boyfriend, and I will be here for her whenever she needs me.

  “It’s all my fault.” She sobs. “I shouldn’t have—”

  “This is not your fault, Len.” I cut her off. I don’t really want to get angry with her, but I can’t keep quiet. “This is on Owen. He was selfish for doing that to himself and to your family. And why? Because he got butthurt that you have a boyfriend?”

  She stills, not even a breath escapes her.

  And then she is off my lap, shoving me away.

  “This is why I didn’t call you,” she cries. “You don’t understand.”

  “I understand well enough to know what he is going through, at least physically. Whatever is going on in Owen’s head is something you and your family don’t seem keen on dealing with.”

  Wrong thing to say. Very wrong thing.

  Warning bells are going off in my head as her red eyes widen in disbelief that I breathed the words she doesn’t seem to want to face.

  “Get out!” she screams.

  “Len, I’m sor—”

  “Get. Out!” Picking something up, she hurls it at my head before I have time to duck, and I’m pushed backward out of the door.

  “Come on, Len.” Pleading with the now closed door, I feel like a cold piece of shit. Dropping my head, I find a disc in the case resting on my lap.

  Is this what she hit me with?

  Picking it up, I turn it over and examine it.

  “Holy shit.” Scribbled across it is Jax’s wreck. She found it; she really found it. As I look back up at the door, my mouth hangs open. I have no clue if she is right on the other side listening or even watching me, but I say it anyway. “This isn’t over, baby, but thank you.”

  Deciding on a tactful retreat from this battle to regroup, I back away and head back to my van. I will not give up on her, but I understand now isn’t the time to get through to her with the wound being so fresh.

  Instead, I’m going to call my sister. It’s time to get through to my mom.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Pacing takes on a whole new meaning as I push myself back and forth from one end of Josie’s kitchen to the other. Thank God for the open floor plan. It gives me enough room between the massive dining table and the breakfast bar.

  I’m kind of envious of Josie’s home. Not just because of the space that my apartment lacks but because it has the warmth only a house filled with love can create.

  And my path to having that is all fucked up right now.

  It took a few days for Josie and me to talk to our dad and then make the plan to get Mom over here for what she believes to be a family dinner with Josie, Nolan, and Ruby. She has no idea that I’m hiding away in here, waiting for the right moment to strike.

  In the days that have led up to now, I have watched the video multiple times with Levi so I could see clearly what to point out to my mom to make my case valid. Each time was like watching it for the first time for myself even when Levi grew tired of watching it, and there was no way I would recruit Axle for this. With the odd mood he’s been in, I thought it better than to rope him into watching the video.

  And every time I was done watching it, the video cutting out as whoever recorded it took off in a dead run to try to help all of us in the pileup, I thought about texting Len and thanking her for finding it.

  But I didn’t.

  Even now as I push myself over to the pantry door before turning and heading back toward the refrigerator, I can’t bring myself to fire off a message to her because I know it will go unanswered. I would try calling and leave a message to thank her while at the same time begging for forgiveness, but I don’t even know if she would answer those at the moment either.

  I’m sure she is preoccupied with Owen’s care, and I can’t fault her for that. But her family needs to learn to take a stance on this whole issue of his. Owen obviously has something else wrong other than his lack of mobility. He needs to get some sort of help that gets him away from thinking he needs to kill himself just because his sister has a boyfriend.

  It isn’t right.

  Yet it isn’t my place to say anything, so I’ve turned my entire focus onto something—someone I can help.

  My mother.

  The woman’s mind is going to be changed this evening, and I hope to all things holy that by the end of the night, I will have my mom back.

  “Grammie!” Ruby’s sweet screech finds its way to me, ceasing me to glide to a stop. My mom’s laughter at her grandchild guts me. I miss that laugh, especially when it was directed at me after I’d done something to make her laugh. On purpose or not, I’ve always loved listening to her laughter.

  Sweat beads on my palms, dripping down my fingers and onto my wheels. I’m suddenly struck with doubts.

  What if this doesn’t work?

  What if she slaps me with tears in her eyes and storms out?

  But what if I get my mom back? What if she cries and embraces me for the first time in years?

  Chatter from the living room is white noise as I allow these questions to plague me before I have to make my appearance.

  What if—

  “Jax?” Nolan creeps in like the worse ninja in history. The man has no stealth.

  “Right here.” I wave over from my position on the other side of the breakfast bar.

  “We are almost ready. Ruby has her getting her chips and cheesy chicken.”

  “I’m sure Mom just loves eating in the living room.” Rolling my eyes, I move around the breakfast bar to join his side.

  “She’s a little confused, but Josie told her we are watching a home movie.”

  “I’m sure she is.” Muttering, I run the pad of one of my sweat-soaked thumbs over my bottom lip. Nolan heads to the fridge to pull out the lemonade Ruby helped me make earlier after Nolan and I hid my van in their massive garage.

  “I’m going to go back out, and you come right after me?”

  “Yeah.” Scrubbing my hands down my pants, I get ready to follow him out. Two minutes should be enough time for everyone to get their food and for Josie to make me a plate. I don’t feel much like eating right now. Hell, I might not be able to eat at all, but I’m glad to know my sister will make me a plate no matter what.

  “Who’s the extra plate for, Jos?”

  Taking this open opportunity, I push out into the softly lit living room. “Hi, Mom and Dad.” I nod to my dad. When Josie and I had lunch with him the other day, I was a little surprised at the support he threw my way. He agreed it was time to put a stop to my mom and helped plan what we wer
e going to do over grilled chicken.

  “Jax.” Dad doesn’t fight back a wide smile. He knows this is going to be tough to watch but is proud nevertheless.

  “What is going on here?” Slamming her plate on the long, overflowing coffee table, Mom stands to try to move away from me. She acts like I have the plague or something contagious. “Come on, Joe.”

  “Willa, you are not going anywhere.” My dad blocks the only other exit other than the one behind me. His massive arms cross, and he holds his ground as she tries to get around him. “Turn around, pick your plate back up or don’t, considering what we are about to watch, and pay close attention. This family has had far too much strain in it since Jax’s accident, and we are putting a stop to it tonight.”

  “What?”

  “Sit. Down. Willa,” Dad grinds out. Grabbing her shoulders, he turns her around and doesn’t stop until Mom is back in her spot between Josie and the arm of the couch. She refuses to meet my eyes as I roll into the room to stop in front of the TV.

  “Thank you, everyone, for being here tonight.” I feel awkward. I don’t know how else to start this. “Nolan came up with this idea, so he gets the credit for all of it.” I smile at my brother-in-law who is on the other side of my sister, acting as a dinner tray for my niece. “It took a while to locate this video, but thanks to Len, it was found.”

  Without another word, I make my way over to take my place next to the couch, closest to my mom, accept my plate from Josie, and settle in as Nolan starts the video.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

  Eerie as fuck, aren’t they?

  The light in the room is dimmed so no glares hit the TV. Nolan worked his ass off to make sure nothing would interfere with the view. The volume is cranked up loud enough to be comfortable for Ruby, who is happily munching away on her chicken nachos.

  I have no clue if anyone else is eating other than her. I can see both of my parents in my periphery and their warm plates sit untouched on their laps.