Natural Selection

by Elizabeth Sharp

  I MADE IT down the street before realizing I hadn’t grabbed my coat. The sound of footsteps behind me made me go faster. I didn’t want to talk to Xander. He probably could have caught me if he wanted to, but after a half of a block he stopped. I ignored him when he called my name, and I turned the corner. It wasn’t until I was pounding on Nathanial’s door that I realized I was headed here the whole time. He opened it and eyed me like a stranger for a long moment before jerking a little and staring at my face. I didn’t give him any longer to react as I collapsed into his arms sobbing. He calmly scooped me up and carried me to the sofa. He held me on his lap while I sobbed until I calmed myself to hiccuppy breathing and occasional tears. I moved to the opposite end of the loveseat. Pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, I sat miserably as he stared at me.

  I hadn’t really thought about the fact he hadn’t seen me since I had changed. Trying to study him through my lashes for a clue, I wondered what he thought of the new me, but his expression was unreadable. My snug, hot pink cotton top with beaded embroidery at the neck and a long broom skirt tiered in olive green, denim blue and hot pink was one of the new outfits Sariah had picked out. I laid my chin on my knees and quietly waited. I knew there would be questions, and I wasn’t sure if I had answers.

  “So why are you here?” he asked, surprising me. I hadn’t expected him to gloss over the changes so easily. But it occurred to me it had been three months, and he wasn’t stuck in his house like I was—and he was friends with my brother. I suppose it was natural that it had been mentioned. I opened my mouth to answer, but his cell phone went off. He held up one finger as he flipped it open. “Hello... Dude, calm down. She’s here… No, she’s fine—just a little upset… I don’t think that’s a good idea, Xander. I’ll bring her home later…. I will… Ok, bye.”

  He slid the phone back into his pocket. For some reason, at that moment, it struck me how rarely he wore jeans. I’d always chalked it up to him being a little preppy, but now I knew better. We hadn’t been able to find me any jeans in the stores because of the Lycra and spandex added to them. I’d found a few older pairs of Levis at Goodwill, but mostly what I had were slacks or skirts. That had be why Nate wore a lot of cotton slacks.

  “Now that my life has been threatened if I don’t return you in mint condition,” he said dryly, “what exactly happened?”

  “I just needed to get away. Evelyn and her parents are killing people like us, Nate. I couldn’t handle what she was saying or her dead calm voice as she told me about the slayings.” I swallowed hard, “So I did what I do best, I ran away.”

  “But why here, Lia? What brought you to my door?”

  His eyes sparked with something deep and nearly overpowering. For a prolonged moment I silently studied him until he cocked an eyebrow at me.

  “I guess I didn’t know where else to go,” Suddenly I felt stupid. What was I doing here? Nate was Xander’s friend, not mine. I shook my head “I should probably go home.” I made a move for the door feeling dejected and embarrassed, but he caught my arm and pulled me back onto the couch. He was so close it was hard to breathe or think of anything other than his perfect mouth so close to mine. The warmth from his leg pressing against my own set my entire body on fire until my heart felt like it would burn a hole through my chest. I tried to collect my thoughts, but they slid away like eels.

  Nate cleared his throat, and I wonder if maybe he was having the same problem focusing. He didn’t move away—he hardly even breathed. We were toeing a very thin line, andI had a feeling we both knew it. A single breath in the wrong direction and—

  Suddenly my mind seized on something to break the sudden sexual tension, and I blurted it out. “What really happened the first day of school?” I could have kicked myself once the words were out of my mouth. Why couldn’t I be more coy and flirty like Sariah? Sadly, blunt and sarcastic were kind of my shtick.

  Nate sighed, one of those deep sighs that seemed to come from his toes. “I changed this summer, as I’m sure you noticed, but my… God, it sounds hokey to call them powers, but I guess that’s what they are. Anyway, I’ve been having trouble controlling some of the abilities. I get angry and a tornado appears in my room. I’m sad and it starts to rain in the gym. But nothing prepared me for what I felt when I touched you. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer, but I knew you were already changing, and it affected me more than I was prepared for. Apparently, overwhelming emotion causes me to electrocute girls I have feelings for.” He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists, and I knew he hadn’t meant to say that last bit.

  I smiled a little at what he said, but there was something else there that stood out in my mind. “You knew I was changing already? How?”

  “It’s the weirdness of our kind, Lia.”

  “Why didn’t my parents know? If you could sense it, why couldn’t they?”

  “I think it’s a boy-girl kind of thing.”

  “So you knew they couldn’t sense it? Why didn’t you tell them?”

  “I was afraid if your dad found out he wouldn’t let me be around Xander anymore. I can only sense it when we are close together—like when we’re touching—and he would know that.” He reached out and stroked my cheek as if to demonstrate. “But Xander is all I got, Lia. My aunt is almost never around. I think I weird her out since the change. She’s not gaia, or even Otherworldly. All I have that connects me with what I am is you guys. And believe me, Lia, connection is very important to gaia. We drift towards each other naturally. The day you were rolling around in the grass, I tried to say something to Xander, but I think he took it the wrong way.”

  I remembered Xander getting angry with me and telling me I was killing Nate. “What exactly did you say?”

  Nate looked sheepish. “I believe I said, ‘Dude, you need to take care of your sister. I can’t be around her while she’s like this.’ I might be paraphrasing—or editing.” He smiled at me, and I tried not to let myself melt. His smile always touched me somewhere deep inside, but I wasn’t sure if it was just because he was gaia or because he was Nate.

  “Is it just because I’m like you?” I asked quietly. “Does that have some sort of effect on male Gaias?” Suddenly a horrible thought occurred to me, but I couldn’t say anything to Nate. My cheeks flushed, and I wondered if I could ask my mother. If Gaia were in tune with nature, what was our love life like? The only thing I could think about was a cat going into heat. I had a brief mental image of myself walking around screeching with my rump in the air and the flush spread down my neck. I cleared my throat and looked at Nate only to see his amused grin. I dropped my eyes again. Oh, please tell me he couldn’t read my thoughts! I momentarily wondered if there were people out there who could.

  “Part of our genetic makeup is an attraction to other Gaia.” Nate cleared his throat and put his finger under my chin until I met his eyes. “Amelia, you have to know that if you weren’t my best friend’s little sister, I would have asked you out by now..” He spoke very quietly. I felt a little tingle where he touched me, and I wondered if it was him or me. But when I thought about it, there was a tingle in my toes, too. His mouth slowly began to lower, and I braced myself for my first kiss. A million thoughts ran through my mind, and I didn’t recognize a single one.

  Instead of kissing me, Nate rested his forehead against mine, his hand on my cheek. He sighed, and this time there was no denying the regret. He sat very still for a long moment, and I could almost feel the frustration and desire warring in his mind. I jerked back slightly when I realized I could actually sense his conflict. Was this supposed to be one of my abilities? Mom was teaching me, but she was also setting a slow pace of endless frustration for me. And she wasn’t exactly free with the information. When I asked her why I had to drag everything out of her, she claimed it was because she was worried I would try to do too much too fast. For some reason, I didn’t buy that. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was keeping from me. There had to be a topic she was skirti
ng, trying not to tell me. The end result, though, was that I didn’t know what I could and could not do. Maybe sensing emotions was one of my abilities? I wondered if I could only sense other Gaia, or if it required contact. I moved away so he wasn’t touching me and the feelings went away. Then I moved close again, and I could sense amusement and wonder. I cocked my head, my eyes wide as I looked at him.

  “You just noticed it, didn’t you? You can sense my feelings?” I couldn’t think of a word to say so I just nodded. He smiled, and I realized he had been able to sense my feelings this whole time. Meaning—he knew how he affected me. He felt every spike of emotion, every flash of my hormones. He knew how being close to him made my heart race, and how stupid I felt for it. And he’d never said a word.

  I sincerely hoped he felt my pain and betrayal before I pulled away from him. I felt violated—even though logically it wasn’t something he had control over. Was I over reacting? I came down on the side of “who cares” and just went with it.

  Nate frowned at me and opened his mouth, but I really wasn’t ready for anything he had to say so I spoke first, barely above a whisper. “Maybe you should take me home?” His lips pressed tightly together, but he nodded and stood stiffly.

  We rode in silence for the few minutes it took to get to my house, but as I started to reach for the door handle of the car he grabbed my arm, and I felt his frustration and defensiveness. “It’s not something I had control over, Lia. The first time I noticed it was the first day of school, but it was faint until today, a hint here and there. And it only works when we’re touching. That’s why I tried to keep my distance. I’m sorry if I hurt you, that was never my intention.”

  I looked at him for a long moment and considered his words. I tried not to feel the sincerity and hope he felt, but I couldn’t. If I was being honest with myself, he probably would have known about my feelings whether or not he could sense them. I didn’t have much of a poker face. I didn’t have to tell him I didn’t blame him, he could feel it. He smiled and pulled me closer. His lips slowly lowered towards mine. I could feel his resolve melt away, the resistance to whatever was happening between us collapsing. A giddiness enveloped me, and I had no idea if it came from him or me. I didn’t truly care. His lips brushed mine with a feather light touch, and my brain went silent. Putting my hand behind his neck, I tipped my face up to him. His head lowered again, and my door was pulled open. My eyes went wide, and I only had a moment for a flash of fear before a firm hand wrapped around my arm. With a small yelp, I was yanked to my feet. Suddenly facing my father, I’d never seen him so pissed in my life.