All I Want For Autumn

by Clare Lydon

  Holly nodded.

  “And look at it this way — it’s a new start for you both, plus you get to go to San Francisco for an extended holiday before you jump back on the work treadmill. That’s got to be a good thing, hasn’t it?”

  Holly didn’t respond. “I just feel out of control and I’m not used to that. I’m normally the one doing the driving.”

  “And you’re not now, and you’re thrown.” Sarah gave her a smile. “Shall I tell you a secret I learned while I was recovering from my brain tumour? One that I knew years ago, but kept forgetting?”

  “Go on.”

  “The only thing you can control is yourself. You can’t control the weather, your partner, other people, what happens to you, your job. Nothing. And it’s a depressing thought when you think about it.” Sarah let out a chuckle at that. “But the one thing you can control is you and your response to things. Your accident happened, you dealt with it. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  Holly’s mind was clogged with self-doubt and reproach. After a few seconds, she registered the silence.

  “Were you listening?”

  Holly nodded. “I was.”

  “Don’t worry about your job — you’ll get another one. You’re young, hot and savvy — you’ll be snapped up.”

  Holly spluttered. “What’s hot got to do with it?”

  Sarah raised an eyebrow. “It helps, don’t be naive. As for your girlfriend — she wants to be with you, but it might just mean some time apart now. But you know what they say.”

  “Women are a nightmare?”

  Sarah gave her a look. “If you love someone, set them free. And if she was yours in the first place, she’ll come back to you.”

  “Huh. I have heard people say that.” But it was easier said than done, that much was becoming clear.

  “It’s true. I had to do it with your dad, and I know you probably don’t want to hear that, either. But he came back. And if Tori is the one for you, she will, too. Trust me.”

  “I never thought I would trust you after everything, but somehow, I do.” Holly had never spoken a truer sentence. She’d never been able to speak to either of her parents like this, but Sarah was more of an older sister.

  “I’m glad. My door’s always open.”

  Chapter 18

  “So Tim just gave you a wad of cash? Just like that?”

  Tori was eating a bag of Starburst she’d picked up in the petrol station.

  “Well, not just like that,” Holly replied. “I mean, I have had to work there for the past nearly six years and do a good job.”

  “I know that!” She spoke through a mouthful of chew.

  “He said he’d spoken to some of the other staff and they backed up my story and it made him realise what a tool Gordon was.”

  “Did he say those exact words?”

  “I’m paraphrasing.”

  “About time he realised. Did Tim hire Gordon?”

  “No, his partner did. Tim was always the more reasonable boss. I’d like to think he wouldn’t have hired Gordon, but then, maybe Gordon does a brilliant interview.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Did you say it was down this road?”

  Tori was holding her phone up to the passenger window to get some coverage for the sat nav. It was working sporadically.

  “I think so — screen’s frozen so it’s hard to tell.”

  Holly adjusted her sunglasses and turned left. Even though it had just turned December, the sunlight was dancing around their car like a member of an interpretive dance crew. “Well we’re heading that way now.” Pause. “So yeah, I walk away with good references and nearly a year’s pay. I’d have taken that if you’d offered me it last Friday.”

  “Most people in any job would take that,” Tori said with a grin. “I’d take that!”

  “Yes, but you’re buggering off to San Francisco, aren’t you?” Holly poked her in the ribs.

  “Only with my girlfriend’s blessing,” Tori replied. “I must thank Sarah when I see her for making you see that I’m not abandoning you.”

  “You should send her flowers.”

  “That might give her the wrong impression.”

  “Good point, well made.” Holly had made Tori come good on her word to take her away for the weekend, so they’d hired a car and were driving to the New Forest. “Did I say Tim tried to get me back, by the way? Offered me a new position with more money after he apologised?” Holly moved the sunblind down.

  “No!” Tori said. “But you turned him down, obviously.”

  “I did. I don’t want to work there anymore, Gordon or not, promotion or not. And this gives me time to think about what I want to do. See where things take me.”

  “No plan? That’s not like you.”

  “I’m taking Sarah’s advice and trying not to have the need to be in control of everything, all of the time.” She paused. “And who knows, that lack of a plan might mean I can fly over to California to be with my girlfriend.” Holly put a hand on Tori’s knee and squeezed.

  “Your girlfriend would be more than happy with that outcome,” she replied, putting her hand over Holly’s. “Oh, I think I see it!” Tori shouted, as the stately-home-turned-boutique-hotel they’d booked for the next two nights came into view. “Oh wow, it looks beautiful, even better than on the internet.”

  “It does,” Holly said, as their tyres crunched over the gravel of their temporary home, its front decked out in tasteful festive lights. There was even a light dusting of snow in this part of the world, which rarely hit London. “Looks like we just missed the snow.”

  As they pulled up, Tori let out a squeak of delight. “If it snows this weekend, I might pass out with joy.”

  “We might be stuck here if it does, more like,” Holly replied, applying lip balm and offering it to Tori.

  She shook her head. “And did I happen to mention I’ve booked us into the best room available?”

  “You did.”

  “Nespresso machine, four-poster bed, shower that doubles as a water park.”

  “Four poster bed, huh?” Holly said, blushing despite herself. Images of what she might do to Tori on a four-poster bed flitted through her mind, but she still wasn’t quite sure how to grasp them, hold them in her hand. The images were like sand, slipping through her fingers. “I’ll look forward to it.” Pause. “Fancy a walk while the sun’s still out?”

  Tori nodded as Holly stopped the car outside the hotel and pulled on the handbrake. “Sounds idyllic.”

  ***

  At home over the past few months, Holly had walked around under a dark cloud. Yet now, freed of work constraints and her usual stomping grounds, she was a different person — something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Tori. What also hadn’t gone unnoticed by Tori was the fact they were in a forest full of snow-splashed fir trees. Tori loved Christmas, and this scenario was almost enough to make her implode: it was like being on a Hollywood film set.

  “So you’re feeling okay being here?” Tori asked. “No ‘something terrible’s going to happen because we’ve gone away’ vibes?”

  Holly smiled. “That only applies to trips abroad and Pride — and after this last Pride where you got arrested and I got run over, I think my anxiety was justified. But actually, now it’s disappeared. What could possibly go wrong that hasn’t already? There’s no point being afraid of anything if the worst has already happened, is there?”

  “I guess not,” Tori said, sniffing in the air: her nose was alight with festive spirit.

  “Is this like all your Christmas dreams come true?” Holly asked, changing the subject, before sweeping an arm around the forest.

  “Almost,” Tori replied. “We just have to get Santa to jump out from behind one of the trees, then it would be perfect.”

  “I thought you would have organised that.” Holly stopped and held out a hand. “You feel that?”

  Tori stopped dead and held her breath: she couldn’t feel anything. “What?”

&nbs
p; “Rain.”

  Tori scoffed. “It’s not going to rain — I checked the weather app before we came out. Cloudy, but no rain.”

  “Well I hate to burst your bubble, but I feel rain and we’re about 15 minutes from the hotel.” She paused, holding out her hand. “Shall we make tracks before we’re washed away?”

  Chapter 19

  Half an hour later, having got slightly lost (“on a detour” as Tori put it), they arrived back at the hotel dripping wet. So wet, in fact, Holly limped through the hotel lobby and up the stairs at record speed — she didn’t want to stand still in case she left a lasting puddle. She unlocked their door and held it open for Tori, who slumped through, earlier high spirits somewhat dampened.

  “Whose idea was it to go for a walk again?”

  “Guilty,” Holly said. “But I wanted to see the forest in daylight.” She sighed, went to sit down on the purple chaise longue in the corner of the room, then thought better of it.

  “You know, we are completely wet through, but I can think of a way we can turn this to our advantage, and it involves getting these clothes off before you catch your death.” Tori walked over and draped an arm around Holly’s back, a single eyebrow raised, intent written all over her face. “What do you say?”

  Holly let a lazy grin slip onto her face: she knew exactly what to say, because she was the most relaxed she had been in months, despite the fact her clothes were sticking to her like moist icing. She didn’t have to pause like so often before. She was ready to jump back in with not a single backward glance. “I say, I like your thinking,” she replied, leaning down to kiss Tori.

  Tori didn’t say another word, letting Holly peel off her jumper, before unbuttoning her shirt slowly, surely. Tori’s breathing was weighted and, mixed with her own, it was the only thing Holly could hear, save for the gentle hum of nature seeping in through the open window.

  Tori’s lips connected with her damp stomach and Holly took in a sharp breath. Then her fingers were caressing her breasts, undoing her bra, and finally she was free, standing in front of Tori, an offering just for her.

  “You like what you see?” It was meant to be a line, but there was a hint of need in Holly’s voice. She cursed herself silently: this was important, she didn’t want to mess this up.

  Tori pushed her gently onto the bed, Holly crumpling with ease. “I love what I see — that’s never changed.” Tori pressed her lips to Holly’s, lightly at first, then with increased force.

  If she was trying to make Holly feel loved, it was working. Holly’s eyes flickered open, then shut as she turned her focus to Tori’s lips, Tori’s tongue and the quick movements of both that were making her start to unravel. She could feel it in her pulse, in her stomach, in her heart. That familiar feeling of love, lust and desire beginning to rev in her gut as Tori pushed her onto her back, moving across her inch by inch, like a tide. Holly kissed Tori giddily like she hadn’t in months, revelling in her hot breath, her want, her need. As Tori’s tongue delved into her mouth, she arched involuntarily against her, groaning as she did so.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” Tori said in her ear, and Holly knew she was telling the truth. Tori’s voice was like a low rumble in her ear, pulling her in. When Tori said her name, she made it sound like she was her most valuable possession. As Tori’s mouth licked around Holly’s ear, then her neck, Holly heard the chant in her head spinning round and round: “Holly! Holly! Holly!” She never wanted it to end.

  Her lover turned her attention to her neat, modest breasts, devouring them like they were those of a glamour model: all bulbous curves you could slide down with lipstick-pink frosting. As Tori’s tongue slalomed around her nipple, the room faded in and out for Holly, caught up in the moment. Tori sucked first one, then the other nipple into her mouth, attending to them like they were royalty. And then she was down Holly’s body, licking her stomach, biting her sides, before dipping lower, grazing her navel.

  Holly raised her hips as her trousers and pants were eased off, a light wind freshening her damp body. And then a naked Tori was on top of her, her weight insistent, her face flushed and pupils dark with want.

  “Is this okay? Your leg okay?” Tori’s speech was raspy at best.

  Holly nodded. “I just want you near me, in me.” Even saying those words herself made her gush: she could feel the warmth between her legs.

  Her words had the desired effect on Tori, too, who closed her eyes and blew out a breath. “I want to be in you, too… you’ve no idea.”

  Their eyes locked and the words spun silently in the air above them, the moment moving in slow motion. Tori kissed Holly again, sliding a thigh between her legs. As it connected with Holly, Tori groaned and crushed their lips together harder.

  Holly got lost in the kiss, willing Tori to hurry up. She moved her legs, arched her back, dug her fingers into Tori’s bum. Could women suffer from premature ejaculation? Whatever, she didn’t want to find out.

  Eventually, her intentions were heard, as Tori, with a skilled manoeuvre, slid to Holly’s side, spreading her legs deliciously.

  The anticipation made Holly’s vision go woozy. Here it was, what she’d stopped herself dreaming of for the past few months. Her stomach flip-flopped as Tori’s hand brushed her inner thigh. The moment was blurred at the edges like an old sepia photo, smudged, beautifully out of focus. Nothing was sharp, it was all a haze.

  Until suddenly, Tori’s fingers slipped through her liquid heat and into her, then everything came into sharp focus. And when Tori slid out, then back in, out, then in, colours slid back into Holly’s world, along with shapes, edges and sound. Sonic booms blasted in her ears as Tori climbed back on top of her and began to fuck her like the world was about to end.

  And, oh my, it was glorious. In, out, round and around, Tori was a hive of activity, as Holly knew she would be. She knew her grooves and her rhythms; she hadn’t forgotten. Like muscle memory, her body welcomed Tori back in like she’d never been away. Emotion rippled around her like a warm bath and she submerged herself, happy to be exactly where she was.

  Then, as Tori pressed her thumb onto Holly’s clit, Holly’s emotions let loose, creating an orgasm street party: ‘Welcome Home Tori!’ said the banner, as her senses burst and she began to slowly unravel under Tori’s expert touch.

  Tori’s rhythm increased and her urgency revved, which made Holly’s thoughts scatter like they’d just been ripped out of her hands, caught by a breeze. She was being swept down Orgasm Avenue with force, and if she’d been holding on to anything over the past few months, she was hands-free now, freefalling into the safe catch of her lover.

  As Tori’s skilled fingers curled into her and her thumb gave a final press and flourish, Holly arched her back and came with a throaty roar, her insides clutching Tori’s fingers as she let go of everything that had been holding her back. If it had been with anyone else, this unravelling might have been too much, too revealing. But Holly didn’t feel anything but exhilarated and safe with Tori. Because the person loving her was the person she loved most in the world.

  Damn, she was going to miss her.

  But she put that thought on hold. Because she was about to come again and that needed all of her attention. Holly squeezed her eyes tight shut as Tori fucked her hard again and she came again, all over her lover’s hand, her juices dripping down her, onto the bed, but she didn’t care. And then within seconds, she came again, and with that explosion, she let out a laugh and pulled Tori’s mouth to hers, crushing her lips against her lover, claiming her as her own. She slipped a tongue inside Tori’s mouth, and in return, Tori pressed into Holly, still inside her.

  Holly opened an eye and smiled. “Are you trying show me you’ve got the upper hand?” she asked, her voice like gravel.

  “Would I be wrong?”

  Holly couldn’t answer, her senses still shredded. Her skin buzzed and her bones hummed; her thoughts chased themselves around in hot, sweaty circles. But inside, she was calm, jubilant. It was a
s if the core of her had melted, then reset itself into a new, more comfortable shape. A more familiar shape: a pre-accident shape. She was so glad of Tori’s solid form on top of her: solidity was exactly what she needed in a world where everything was hanging by a thread.

  “Welcome home, gorgeous.” Holly had never meant three words quite so much as those: they tasted sweet, juicy, tempting.

  “It’s great to be back.”

  She was still inside her. Holly never wanted her to leave. She squeezed herself around Tori’s fingers once again, then relaxed. Tori moved, and Holly gasped. She squeezed again, then relaxed. Tori curled, Holly groaned.

  A flicker of recognition lit up Tori’s face, before she opened her eyes and winked.

  “You look very pleased with yourself.” Not that Holly was complaining.

  “I am.”

  “Don’t get too comfortable,” she replied. With Herculean effort, Holly pushed Tori off her, groaning again at the loss of her lover’s fingers, as well as the ache of her entire body. After all, you didn’t just have a victory parade travel up and down your body three times in a row and expect there to be no tyre tracks.

  Holly kissed Tori onto her back, before clambering gingerly off the bed. When she turned back, licking her lips, Tori was staring at her, eyes wide, pupils still the size of spaceships. Yes, Holly could still feel her orgasm coursing through her, but she wanted to do the same to Tori just as much, if not more.

  Much more.

  “What are you doing?” Now it was Tori’s turn for some desperation to creep into her voice.

  “Patience,” Holly replied, bending down and then walking gingerly back to the bed, a shock of white fur flashing before Tori’s eyes.

  “You got them?” A grin sidled onto Tori’s face as realisation dawned.

  “Uh-huh,” Holly said, straddling Tori, giving up a silent vow of thanks for all the hours of physio she’d endured to get her leg to this point. Yes, she could still straddle her girlfriend, which was a cause for celebration. And as she did, Holly rubbed her wet pussy slowly up and down Tori’s exposed belly, which drew a moan. Holly raised a deliberate eyebrow at her. “You know I said I’ve felt out of control with everything in my life, and control is my Achilles heel?”