Every Time I Think of You

by Tracey Garvis Graves

  “You can have two pieces,” I said. “But that’s it.”

  “You got a piece of candy for me?” Shane asked.

  Elliott held his bucket tightly to his chest. “I will check.”

  “Maybe your wife will let you steal a few pieces from her bowl.”

  “You want me to take candy away from a pregnant lady?” Shane’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you insane?”

  “I’ve got an extra bag in the kitchen. I’ll hook you up.”

  “Always looking out for me, aren’t you, Daze?”

  I smiled. “It takes a village.”

  When we got back to Pam and Shane’s, Elliott insisted on dumping out his candy on the living room floor so he could sort it into piles based on the color of the wrapper. Shane sat down beside him while I joined Pam on the front steps to finish handing out candy. By then it was mostly stragglers who hadn’t gotten an early start. A few junior high school kids who hadn’t bothered with a costume slowed down in front of the sidewalk but changed their minds and kept going when Pam glared at them.

  The nighttime temperature was in the low fifties, and I pulled my jacket tighter around me to ward off the chill.

  “Do you think I did the right thing with Brooks?” I asked.

  “Why, are you having second thoughts? Your argument for why a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work made a lot of sense to me.”

  “I don’t know. It’s just that now that a little time has gone by I wonder if my decision was a bit hasty. You know, baby, bathwater, blah, blah, blah. Outside of the whole kissing thing, I felt like we were friends. You can never have too many of those, right?”

  “True. But then again, it’s probably better that you put an end to things before you really fell for him.”

  “Yes, that would be so unfortunate,” I deadpanned.

  Pam looked at me with a sympathetic expression. “Oh, no,” she said. “Really?”

  “Well, it’s just that he’s so…” I made an exasperated sound. “Perfect. He’s perfect, okay?” Pam started to speak, but I held my hands up and said, “You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it. What’s done is done and I’m not going to dwell on it. Besides, I’ve got plenty of things to keep me busy. I’ve started planning your baby shower.”

  “Promise me you won’t melt candy bars in diapers and make us play ‘guess what this is?’”

  “Like you did for my baby shower?”

  “Did I do that?”

  “Yes. And I feel it’s my duty as a friend and a mother to tell you that real baby shit does not look or smell even remotely like a Butterfinger.”

  “How long do think it’ll be before Shane throws up?”

  “He might be okay until the baby starts on solid food. After that he’s on seriously borrowed time.”

  “That’s kinda what I thought.”

  The screen door creaked and Shane said, “Uh, Daisy? Elliott said he doesn’t feel good. I think he ate a few extra pieces of candy when I went to the bathroom.”

  I laughed. “Don’t feel bad. He’s very clever that way.”

  Pam and I followed Shane inside.

  “Elliott? How many pieces of candy did you eat?” I asked when we reached the living room.

  “Two.”

  I counted no fewer than five crumpled-up wrappers on the carpet. “Two, huh? Oh, Halloween,” I said, sighing. “You’re all fun and games until a three-year-old eats himself sick.” I picked up Elliott and rubbed his back, and he laid his head on my shoulder.

  “Thanks for letting us borrow your neighborhood,” I said.

  “You’re more than welcome,” Pam said. She leaned in and gave Elliott a hug. “Bye, sweetie.” She turned back to me. “I wish you’d reconsider Thanksgiving.”

  Pam and Shane were traveling to San Diego to spend the holiday with Pam’s family at her aunt and uncle’s house. Not wanting Elliott and me to be alone, they’d invited us to come with them. In the past, I’d always celebrated the holiday with my grandmother and maybe one or two of the widowed ladies who lived in our building if they didn’t have other plans. Scott had even enjoyed the quiet, low-key gathering, saying it was a nice change from the frantic pace of the restaurant.

  “I appreciate the offer, really I do,” I said. “But I have to work the next day, and with the drive we’d get home pretty late. Elliott and I are going to cook a turkey and relax on the couch. We’ll watch the parade and the dog show and whatever Disney movie he wants to watch. We’ll be fine.” And we would, although someday I hoped to celebrate the holidays with a slightly larger gathering of people.

  “Let me know if you change your mind. You and Elliott are always welcome.”

  I reached out and gave Pam a one-arm hug. “Thanks.” After hoisting Elliott a little higher on my hip I said, “Okay, Batman. Let’s go home.”

  CHAPTER 37

  DAISY

  My feet were dragging when I left work on Friday. The insomnia that had plagued me during the rough times with Scott had returned—though I wasn’t sure why—and my sleep had been coming in fits and starts. Sometimes I dropped off without any trouble but would wake up at three a.m. and never get back to sleep. Sometimes I couldn’t fall asleep until after one, and since my alarm was set to go off at five fifteen, that wasn’t nearly enough time to become fully rested. I was becoming seriously sleep-deprived but was hesitant to employ the use of a sleep aid, fearing that it would make me groggy in the morning or prevent me from hearing Elliott if he needed me during the night. My sleep problems didn’t seem as prevalent on the weekends, so I was looking forward to catching up on my rest a little bit.

  Despite telling Pam I wasn’t going to dwell on my decision not to stay in touch with Brooks, I’d been unable to stop thinking about him. The more I tried to get him off my mind, the more aware I was of the loss of him. I missed his smile and I missed the way I felt when he was around. Earlier in the week, one of the doctors I worked with had asked if I might like to go to dinner some night, and I’d given him my number. He seemed like a nice man, handsome and obviously intelligent, but I didn’t feel the spark I did when Brooks was around. I promised myself I would give it a chance, though. Who knew what might develop after I’d had a chance to get to know him?

  I picked up Elliott at Celine’s and sat him down on my bed with a book while I showered off the hospital germs and slipped into pajama pants and a tank top. Then, after a quick bedtime snack, I tucked him into bed and read to him, blinking to maintain my focus.

  When I yawned, Elliott said, “Mama is tired.”

  “Yes. Mama is tired. And so is Elliott. Time to go to sleep.” I gave him one last kiss and gently closed his bedroom door.

  Lacking the energy to do anything else, I flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. It was 8:04. If I fell asleep this early, I’d regret it later when I was staring at the ceiling at two in the morning, but I was so exhausted I really didn’t care. I’ll just take a short nap, I promised myself.

  When the knock came—three short, rhythmic taps—I thought I’d only been asleep for a few minutes, but one look at the clock told me it was actually eleven thirty.

  Awfully late for a visitor, especially when they were so infrequent.

  An anxious, uneasy feeling spread over me and my heart rate quickened. I had no desire for a repeat of my last conversation with Scott. And what if he wasn’t alone this time?

  The knock came again.

  The TV was still on, so whoever it was would know I was home. My door would hold, I was sure of that, but I picked up my cell phone, thumb poised over the keypad to call 911.

  Silently, I made my way toward the door. I looked through the peephole and then unlocked it and opened it wide.

  “I was nowhere near your neighborhood,” Brooks said.

  CHAPTER 38

  BROOKS

  Daisy’s eyes flew open, but she didn’t have a chance to say anything because I’d already entered her apartment, closed the door, taken her face in my hands, an
d covered her mouth with mine. I kissed Daisy like I was dying of thirst and she was made of water. Maybe she felt the same way, because she clung to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her body against mine, our lips moving together in frantic synchronization. I moved my hands to her hips and drew her closer, losing myself in the smell of her skin.

  When I finally pulled away, she took several deep breaths. “Will you be randomly showing up at my door late at night to kiss the hell out of me?”

  “I’m sorry. I promise not to keep doing that.”

  “I think you should promise never to stop,” she said, looking into my eyes.

  I smiled. “I hope the knock didn’t scare you.”

  “I’m just a little out of it. I fell asleep on the couch and didn’t realize it was so late.”

  “I’m sorry about that, too.”

  She locked the door and turned around. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to your dad?”

  “Everything’s fine.”

  Daisy’s forehead creased in confusion. “Then why are you here?

  “I missed you.”

  Her expression softened. “You drove four hundred miles to tell me you missed me? Why didn’t you just call?”

  “I can’t kiss you over the phone. I can’t touch you.”

  “Brooks,” she whispered.

  “You said a kiss didn’t always have to mean something, but when I kissed you the night my mom died, I know it meant something to you because I could feel it. You said you’d forgotten I’d be leaving. Well, that’s because I didn’t act like someone who would be leaving. When I got home I realized I didn’t have as much to go back to as I thought I did. Nothing in San Francisco makes me feel as good as the way I feel when I’m with you. And every time I think of you, which is roughly every ninety seconds, I remember that you’re here and I’m not. So I got in the car after work and drove here to find out if you’ve been thinking about me as much as I’ve been thinking about you.”

  Her face crumpled. “I think about you all the time. No matter how much I try not to, you’re always in my thoughts,” she said. “You were the best thing to happen to me in a long time.”

  Listening to her say that made me realize there was so much more to life than where I lived it. The only thing that really mattered was who was living it with me.

  “I want to be where you are,” I said.

  “You hate living in Fenton.”

  “You live in Fenton, and you’re not planning on staying here, either. You said you were tired of waiting for your life to start. So let’s start living it. Right now. You and me.”

  “I’m a package deal,” she said, lifting her chin slightly.

  “As far as I’m concerned, that kid of yours is a bonus.”

  She smiled and her eyes filled with tears. Seconds later, she flew into my arms and I pulled her tightly against me. We stayed that way for a while until finally she lifted her head.

  “Don’t break our hearts,” she said.

  “Never,” I promised.

  CHAPTER 39

  BROOKS

  I was done with the talking part of my visit, at least for now. Once again I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers as all the longing that had been pent up inside me came pouring out. I kissed her slow and soft and hard and fast, and each kind was my favorite until we moved on to the next

  At some point, I relocated us to the couch, pulling Daisy onto my lap so that she was straddling me. Reaching up, I released her hair from its ponytail and slid the hair tie onto my wrist, then ran my fingers through the strands, twisting them. Her mouth made a trail from my ear down to my neck and back again. Groaning, I pressed my lips to the hollow at her throat, dipping my tongue into it.

  The concept of time ceased to exist, but after kissing for what felt like hours, I finally broke away. I was breathing hard when I said, “Don’t think for one second that I don’t want you, because, sweetheart, I do. But I didn’t come here tonight to try to convince you to sleep with me.” Sitting on my lap, I knew she could feel my desire for her. But when we slept together for the first time would be her call.

  Daisy struggled to catch her breath. “I want you,” she said. “Soon. But not tonight.” She looked at the clock. “It’s one a.m. You must be tired from the drive. Stay with me. Get some sleep.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  Daisy eased herself off my lap and I went downstairs to retrieve my overnight bag from the car. When I came back, I double-checked that the front door was locked while Daisy looked in on Elliott.

  We took turns in the bathroom and then, in the sliver of light that came in through the window, I stood next to her bed and took off everything but my boxer briefs. Daisy inhaled sharply.

  “I thought you weren’t going to try to convince me to sleep with you,” she said.

  “I’m not. This is me being a gentleman. Usually I sleep naked.” I reached out and untied the drawstring on her pajama pants, watching as they fell to the floor. “There,” I said, running my fingers along the stretch of skin just below the bottom of her tank top. “That’s better.”

  “That’s not even remotely helping,” she said.

  “You have nothing to worry about tonight,” I said. “But next time I won’t be such a gentleman. And you won’t be wearing anything at all.”

  “Stop talking, Brooks. I’m not made of willpower.”

  I laughed softly. Say the word, Daisy, and this is on.

  But she didn’t. She slid under the covers and I settled in beside her, pulling her close so that her head rested on my chest. I tangled my fingers in her hair.

  “I can’t believe you came back,” she said. “It’s like you knew I needed you.”

  “I didn’t come back because you needed me. I came back because I needed you.”

  CHAPTER 40

  BROOKS

  I woke up when Elliott came tearing into the room.

  “Mama. Let’s make pancakes!”

  Daisy muttered something unintelligible as I propped myself up on one arm.

  “Bwooks! Hey! I got new shoes. I’ll be back.”

  His footsteps thundered down the hall as Daisy sat up, rubbed her eyes, and smiled. “This is how we wake up on Saturday mornings.”

  “Should we be wearing pants?”

  “Only if we don’t feel like answering a thousand questions.”

  We threw back the covers and got out of bed. Daisy tossed me my jeans and stepped into her pajama pants. I had just zipped up when Elliott came back wearing his new shoes.

  He stomped across the room and then hopped on both feet. “They wight up! Wook!”

  “Those are really cool,” I said.

  “I know!”

  “Bring it down a bit, Elliott,” Daisy said.

  I picked up my shirt from the floor and put it on.

  “Are you gonna have pancakes wif us, Bwooks?”

  “I’d love to have pancakes with you.”

  “Will you be okay if I take a quick shower?” Daisy asked.

  “Sure. You want me to start some coffee?”

  “Well, now you’re just spoiling me. It’s in the cupboard above the coffeemaker.”

  When Daisy was finished in the bathroom, I handed her a cup of coffee and took a shower. When I came out, hair wet and feet bare, Daisy was flipping pancakes and frying bacon. It had been a while since a woman had slept beside me and then made breakfast. Walking up behind her, I slid my arm around her waist and kissed her temple.

  “I like sleeping with you,” she said. “You don’t snore and you don’t try to steal all the covers.”

  “You do both,” I said.

  She turned around. “What?”

  I kissed her again, this time on the mouth. “I’m kidding.”

  “You better be,” she said, turning around to flip another pancake. “I do not snore.”

  I laughed and wandered out to the living room, sitting down on the couch next to Elliott who was watching TV. “Got big pl
ans for after breakfast?” I asked as I put on my socks and shoes.

  “We are gonna go to the park. You can come.”

  “I wish I could, but I need to go see my dad. Do you remember him? His name is Theo.”

  Elliott nodded. “Feo is gonna take me fishing.”

  “That’s right.”

  “I will probably catch a big one.”

  I laughed. “I’m sure you will.”

  I scrolled through my e-mail and checked my phone for texts, relieved that there was nothing that needed my immediate attention. A few minutes later, Daisy called us to the table. She set down a large plate of pancakes and bacon and helped Elliott with the butter and syrup.

  “Does your dad know you’re here?” Daisy asked.

  I shook my head as Daisy passed me the bacon. “I think it’s safe to say he’ll be as surprised to see me as you were.”

  “He may not give you the same kind of welcome I did, but I’m sure he’ll be very happy.”

  “Oh, the things I’m remembering right now,” I said. Like Daisy sitting on my lap. Daisy kissing my neck. Daisy without any pants on.

  She smiled at me over the rim of her coffee cup. “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

  “No. And I’m lucky nothing too newsworthy has happened since I left San Francisco because I’d have a hard time explaining why I’m four hundred miles away. I’m sorry. I have to head back today.”

  “I understand,” she said. “Just out of curiosity, what exactly is the plan?”

  “Something tells me Paul probably hasn’t filled my position yet, so I’ll drop by the newsroom after I let my dad know that he’s going to have a roommate whether he wants one or not.”

  “I’m sure he won’t mind,” Daisy said.

  “No. I don’t think he will. When I get back to San Francisco, I’ll give my notice at work and arrange to sublet my apartment and put my things in storage. I’ll shoot for being here by Thanksgiving since I planned on coming home then anyway.”