Every Time I Think of You

by Tracey Garvis Graves

  “You can tell me all about it later. Right now this nice paramedic is going to make sure you’re not seeing two of me.”

  “I’m having trouble seeing one of you, Jack.”

  “Exactly.”

  CHAPTER 57

  DAISY

  I was curled into a ball on the top bunk of my cell on Tuesday afternoon, trying to stay warm. I dozed in fits and starts, my body jerking me awake every few minutes. I hadn’t been able to stay asleep long enough to rest sufficiently, and the exhaustion was taking its toll. Brooks had told me to eat, but food was still out of the question.

  My roommate, a middle-aged woman named Polly who had about four teeth and who’d been busted for drug possession, was snoring softly on the bottom bunk. She told me she hadn’t had any meth in over fourteen hours and was going to take a nap while she waited for her boyfriend to scrape up the money to bail her out.

  “Good luck to them guards if they think they can wake me up in the meantime,” she’d said.

  I could have done much worse considering the woman in the next cell hadn’t stopped screaming and swearing since they’d put her in it the night before. She sounded big and she sounded mean, and I was grateful there was a brick wall between us.

  I was waiting for the guard to come get me, which would mean that Nick had heard from the DA’s office. Part of me wanted to see him and part of me didn’t. Until I sat down across the table from him and he told me that I’d officially been charged, I could pretend that this was just a bad dream. Words like murderer and defendant wouldn’t be attached to my name.

  I missed Elliott so much that I ached. I’d have given anything to feel his hand in mine or the weight of his body on my lap. The next time Brooks came, I was going to ask him to bring me a picture of Elliott. Even if they wouldn’t let me keep it, Brooks could hold it up to the glass. Thinking about Elliott and how much I missed him made my eyes fill with tears.

  After today there could be no more crying. I would also need to start sleeping and eating, because once I was charged Nick said they would move me, and it would take strength—both physical and mental—to survive in a women’s prison. I would allow myself to remain here on this bunk, feeling hopeless, until Nick came. Then I would prepare for the fight of my life and hope that justice would be served.

  That didn’t stop the massive jolt of anxiety that caused my heart to start hammering in my chest when the guard appeared twenty minutes later.

  He unlocked the door and said, “Your attorney is here.”

  The guard led me to the small room where Nick and I had conversed last time. Nick gave me a hug.

  “Have the charges been filed?” I asked as I lowered myself into a chair and looked him in the eye.

  Nick smiled and shook his head. “No.”

  There was no reason for Nick to be smiling, unless… “Why not?”

  “On Saturday night the police received a tip via the hotline. Yesterday they acted on it and two suspects were taken into custody. Dale Reber was one of them. The other was a man named Jim Watson.”

  I sat up straight, every nerve in my body on high alert.

  “It took the police most of yesterday and into the night, but the detectives are very good at what they do. In exchange for leniency, Jim Watson finally broke down and gave them a detailed account of what was supposed to happen in the parking garage and why. The police were able to impound the car used in the abduction attempt and a witness has verified that it was the car she saw that night.”

  My hopes soared. “What does this mean, Nick?”

  Nick smiled and nodded. “It means that the DA will not be filing any charges, and as soon as they finish processing your paperwork, you’ll be out of here.”

  In the dark days after the shooting, I had not let myself ponder such a miraculous outcome. Wishful thinking, I’d told myself. Better not get your hopes up. But now I basked in the news Nick had given me, and I cried giant heartfelt tears of gratitude.

  “Brooks played a significant role in all this,” Nick said. “He went to Jim’s house, hoping to be on site when the investigators impounded the car. He got there a little earlier than everyone else and walked into an ambush of sorts when shots were fired.”

  I stood up so fast my thighs banged into the edge of the table. “What? Oh my God, is he okay?”

  Nick reached across the table and placed his hands gently on my shoulders. “He’s fine. He does have two rather impressive black eyes from tussling with Dale, but if Brooks hadn’t gotten there when he did, Dale and Jim would have been long gone and the DA would have filed the charges.”

  “When can I see him?” I asked.

  Nick laughed. “What a coincidence. That’s the same thing he asked me about you.”

  *

  It took two more hours of listening to Polly’s snoring before the guard returned. Two hours of turning over in my mind the fact that I would soon be reunited with Brooks and Elliott. I couldn’t stop smiling.

  This time, the guard led me to a small, windowless room with a lock on the door. “Here are your clothes,” he said, handing me a plastic bag containing the scrubs and shoes I’d been wearing the night of the shooting.”

  I dressed as fast as I could and opened the door. The guard led me to a window where a woman slid several forms toward me, asking me to verify the information on the discharge paperwork and sign my name. She didn’t have to ask me twice.

  A buzzing sound accompanied the opening of a large steel door, and I followed the guard through a hallway that twisted and turned before opening into a large room.

  And then I saw Brooks.

  I’m not sure how he could see me with his eyes almost swollen shut, but he did. Before I even knew what was happening, he’d pulled me into his arms. He didn’t say anything, but he squeezed me so tight I could hardly breathe. Clinging to him, I inhaled the smell of his skin.

  Finally, I pulled away and looked at Brooks’s face. The skin around his eyes was stretched tight and an alarming shade of purple. “Oh, Brooks.”

  “I’m okay. Just let me hold you.” When he finally let me go, he took my hand. “Come on,” he said, leading me toward the door. “I brought you something.”

  Brooks had parked at the far end of the lot where there weren’t many cars. I figured out why when I spotted Theo and Elliott standing beside the Jeep. As we got closer, Elliott recognized me and his face lit up.

  “Go,” Brooks said.

  Theo must have given Elliott the same directive because as I ran toward him—tears streaming down my face—he ran toward me as fast as his little legs would carry him. I scooped him up and squeezed him every bit as tight as Brooks had squeezed me.

  “Mama! Mama! You is back!”

  “I’m back,” I said. “And I’m never going to be away from you again. I’ve missed you so much, Elliott.” I kissed his face and I ran my hands through his hair.

  As I held my child in my arms, I’d never felt so grateful to be alive and free.

  *

  Brooks sat in the backseat with Elliott and me while Theo drove. “Is it okay if we stay at Dad’s?” Brooks asked. “Most of Elliott’s things are there and I thought you might not want to bother with relocating. I went to your apartment and packed a bag for you.”

  “It’s more than okay. As long as I have you and Elliott, I don’t care where we stay.”

  On the way home, I rolled down the window and breathed in the fresh air. If things had worked out differently, it might have been years before I would have ridden in a car again. Known what it was like to do things when I wanted to do them instead of when someone told me to.

  When we got home, I snuggled on the couch with Elliott until I’d had my fill, and then I excused myself to take a shower. I could detect the faint antiseptic smell of the county jail’s soap on my skin and in my hair, and I was eager to wash away all traces of my stay. I found the bag in Brooks’s bedroom that contained the toiletries, clothes, and pajamas he’d retrieved from my apartment.
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br />   In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and then undressed and stepped under the shower spray, adjusting the water temperature until it ran as hot as I could stand. I must have been running on adrenaline because once I started washing my hair, the fatigue set in, and I felt the weariness clear down to my bones. After I rinsed my hair, I flipped open the cap of my shower gel and inhaled the clean scent. Soaping my body from head to toe had never felt so good. Once I’d stepped out of the shower and patted myself dry, I slipped into a pair of leggings and an oversize, long-sleeve T-shirt.

  Brooks was waiting for me in the bedroom. “How do you feel?”

  “I feel incredible. You thought of everything.”

  “You’re missing one thing,” he said. “Turn around.”

  Brooks fastened the necklace he’d given me for Christmas around my neck. I turned back around, clutching the silver heart in my hand. “Do you know how hopeless I felt when they took this away? I was afraid it was a sign that I’d never be with you and Elliott again.”

  I sat down on the edge of the bed and Brooks sat down beside me. I laid my head on his shoulder.

  “I ended someone’s life, Brooks. I always said that if anyone threatened my child I wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. But I wasn’t defending my child. I was only defending myself.”

  “Do you think your life is somehow not as important? A mother can’t protect her child at all if she’s not around.” Brooks put his arm around me and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I can’t tell you how to feel about this, Daisy. I’ll help you get through it any way I can. But if you’re able, I want you to celebrate the fact that you’re alive, and that you’re here with Elliott, and with me. Because I sure as hell am going to.”

  “You’re right. This could have turned out so differently.” I squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes, searching. “Do you believe in miracles?”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t. Not really. But I do now.”

  Later that night, after Pam and Shane had come and gone and I’d eaten two helpings of Thai takeout and read to Elliott and kissed him at least fifty times, I put him to bed and changed into my pajamas.

  Then Brooks put me to bed. He turned down the covers and before I slipped underneath them, he kissed me—a long, lingering kiss. I fell asleep seconds after my head hit the pillow.

  CHAPTER 58

  BROOKS

  Elliott came into the bedroom at eight the next morning. I smiled because he had dressed himself in a red-and-green argyle sweater, which was too small, and a pair of blue athletic shorts that were too big. It was a lot less amusing when I remembered that I was the one who’d packed most of his clothes.

  “I want Mama,” Elliott said.

  As bad as I felt about keeping him from her, I knew Daisy was exhausted and probably needed more sleep. “Let’s let Mama sleep a little longer,” I whispered. “We can go get donuts.”

  “Really?” he said, his eyes growing wide. “Mama said donuts is bad for me.”

  Oh, shit. I am horrible at this.

  “I bet she’d say they’re okay once in a while.”

  Elliott nodded his head and gave me an earnest look. “She would.”

  I grabbed some sweatpants and a T-shirt and hustled him out of the bedroom before our voices woke up Daisy. After brushing our teeth, we went in search of my dad. We found him sitting at the kitchen table.

  “Feo! We is going to get donuts.”

  “Donuts, huh?” Dad pushed his bowl away. “That sounds a lot better than heart-healthy oatmeal. I’m in.”

  “Good,” I said, handing him my keys. I jammed a ball cap onto my head and reached for a pair of sunglasses to cover my blackened eyes. “I still can’t see well enough to drive.”

  After I strapped Elliott into his car seat, Dad drove us to the bakery. Elliott picked out a dozen donuts, all of which were chocolate frosted and covered with sprinkles.

  “Boy likes his chocolate,” my dad said.

  When we got home, my dad poured a fresh cup of coffee, brought it to the table, and sat down. After careful consideration, he selected a donut with rainbow sprinkles.

  I poured Elliott a glass of milk, handed him the box, and said, “Knock yourself out, buddy. But no more than two, okay?”

  Elliott picked up a donut, took a giant bite, and sprayed crumbs all over the table when he said, “Okay.”

  After breakfast, I convinced Elliott that we should lounge on the couch for a little while. I was enjoying the nostalgia of Scooby-Doo when Daisy walked into the room at nine thirty, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

  “I can’t believe I slept so long,” she said, sitting down on my lap. Elliott launched himself at Daisy and she caught him with an “Oompf” and hugged him. “Hi, baby.”

  “I not a baby.”

  “You’ll always be my baby.” She studied him. “What are you wearing? Is that last year’s Christmas sweater?”

  “Bwooks gived me donuts!” Elliott yelled.

  She looked at me and smiled. “That explains a lot.”

  “For distraction purposes only,” I said, putting my arms around her and Elliott to hold them steady on my lap. “I wanted to make sure you got enough sleep.”

  She leaned down to give me a kiss. “I never realized how much I took the simple things for granted. I feel like a new woman.”

  “Good morning, Daisy,” my dad said when he walked into the room.

  “Good morning,” she said, smiling at him.

  “You look like you got a good night’s sleep.”

  “I did. I feel absolutely wonderful.”

  “I promised Elliott we’d go fishing if that’s all right with you. We won’t be gone long. I know you probably want to spend time with him.”

  “Would you like to go fishing with Theo?” Daisy asked Elliott.

  “Yes! Me and Feo is getting really good at it.”

  Daisy sighed dramatically. “I can probably survive without you for a little while.” She pulled Elliott closer and gave him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek. “But I’ll sure miss you while you’re gone.”

  Daisy packed some snacks and drinks for them to take to the lake. We waved good-bye and after they drove away, Daisy and I walked back inside.

  “I need to tell you something,” I said. I hadn’t brought it up yesterday, partly because she was so happy and I didn’t want to take anything away from that, and partly because I knew she was exhausted. We hadn’t had much privacy, either, and this was certainly something I didn’t want to talk about in front of Elliott. If I was being honest with myself, I wasn’t looking forward to telling her what I’d done. But my conscience was screaming at me, and I couldn’t wait any longer.

  She looked up at me, forehead creased. “What is it?”

  I thought it was best to just rip off the Band-Aid. “The state of California tried to give temporary emergency custody of Elliott to Scott.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “What! You have got to be kidding me, Brooks.”

  “Nick said it was Scott’s legal right as a parent. Because you hadn’t terminated his rights, the courts would automatically try to place Elliott with him.”

  Daisy started pacing. “Oh, God. Are you going to tell me Elliott was with Scott while I was in jail?”

  “No, because he wasn’t. But I need to tell you what I did.”

  I started at the beginning. I told her about getting the cash together and how I’d dangled it like a carrot in front of Scott. I told her about Elliott crying and digging his fingernails into my neck, and the sound he made when I put him in his father’s arms and walked away. “It’s a sound I’ll never forget.”

  She sat down on the couch and put her hand over her mouth.

  I took a deep breath. “Are you upset with me?”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. “Of course not.”

  “But what if it caused irreversible damage?”

  Daisy held her hand out to me, and I took it and sat down on the couch beside her.


  “I have no doubt he was terrified, and that’s hard for me to hear.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Really, really hard. But if it meant that he’d be safe, I have to focus on the greater good. As a mother, I would beg, steal, or worse in order to protect my child.” She looked over at me. “That’s what a parent does. The fact that Elliott hasn’t mentioned it to me yet tells me he’s already put it behind him. Children are remarkably resilient. They also know when they’re loved and cared for. That’s all that matters to them.”

  “I found those papers in your file cabinet. The ones you tried to serve Scott with to sever his parental rights. I… coerced him into signing them and then gave them to Nick. I knew all this would be hard on Elliott, and I almost talked myself out of it, but in the end I did what I thought was right.”

  Daisy held my hand tighter. “Everything we do in life requires us to make a choice, Brooks. Scott made his. I love you even more for yours,” she said, sounding choked up. “Elliott is very blessed. Scott may not have been willing to be a part of his life, but there are many other people—wonderful people like you and your dad—who are.”

  “Just remember that I’m still learning. I bribed Elliott with donuts this morning so you could sleep.”

  She smiled. “Now that’s a universally sanctioned parenting move if I ever saw one. Don’t worry. You’ve got this.”

  *

  Daisy’s phone rang as we were getting ready to sit down to dinner. She picked it up and glanced at the screen. “It’s Nick,” she said. She motioned for me to come with her and I followed her out of the kitchen and into the living room.

  “Hi, Nick,” she said.

  We sat down on the couch. After she greeted him, she didn’t say much at all. I assumed he was advising her of any remaining legal red tape she might have to deal with. Statements or depositions she’d have to give.

  After a few more minutes of silence she said, “Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Remember all the evidence the crime scene investigators collected from my grandmother’s apartment?” she asked after she hung up the phone.