by Marie Hall
"I do not even know what happened, Io, your story made no sense. I cannot make anything of what you said and so trying to make a plan to keep you safe will take time."
"You do not know what happened? I told you want happened. Were you not listening… again?"
"I heard every word, Io but your story was—"
"It is not a story," Io almost screamed. "But, of course, you think I made it up."
"All right enough," Mark said and, grabbing Xavier's shirt, pulled him back to his feet. "Go… check your horse." He waved his hand in the general direction of the road and waited until Xavier backed down. It took a moment but he turned and walked away. "Now," Mark said as he took a seat, "You tell me why you question him, challenge his every statement."
"There is no point in saying anything." This was, after all, her husband's man, he was expected to take Xavier's side.
"Io, someone tried to kill you. You believed, believe still, it was Xavier. If he has done things to make such distrust valid, we need to know," Mark said, placing his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye.
"To what end? You are his men."
"Yes, Io, but we are not mindless, blind and deaf. We are loyal to Xavier as our liege and as our friend, but if he is no longer the man we believe him to be, if he has somehow become corrupted, that loyalty and friendship will come to an end. I need you to tell me why he is not worthy of your trust so I might decide if he is or is not still worthy of mine."
Mark's words sobered her. The seriousness of his statement couldn't be missed by anyone and yet no one who listened spoke to counter the claim. Would these men, who'd given up a great deal of their lives in Xavier's service, really denounce him on her word? And if they would, should she speak? She didn't want Xavier ruined because he wanted a different woman, or because he was trying to be a loyal son to his mother. She'd no real proof he was behind any of the other attempts on her life and he'd sworn on the life of his king he wasn't behind the last.
Why was this so hard? Why so complicated? Why didn't he let her be gone and get on with his life? Why did he come after her time and again? Because I had to, Io. I. Had. To. The words echoed in her head. He said them so passionately. He'd said them not like a man committed by duty and bound by contract. He said them like a man with a desire and a need. That flame of hope again flickered and singed the edges of her heart.
"Io, start at the beginning and tell me everything that happened." Mark's voice soothed now and his fingers left her chin to brush at tears slipping down her cheeks. "Help me understand the way you understand, and maybe then we can figure out the solution."
Io sniffed and nodded, took a deep breath and began. She told them all of it. Well, not all of it. She didn't tell them she knew Xavier replaced her in his bedchambers. She didn't have a reason to keep that to herself other than she was simply, unexplainably, shamed by the fact. Shamed too, that she'd gone back to his bed one last time because she couldn't stop herself, even knowing their marriage was over. She hated he made her burn with want and the burn left her weak with the need to have the heat increased with his touch. So she left that out. If what she did say wasn't enough to convince them, then nothing would and she didn't need to shame herself before them for no reason.
Chapter Seven
Xavier turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. He turned back and continued to brush at Cloud's coat. The horse took exception though to the change to short, brisk strokes and reached around to nip at him. Mark wasn't a man he wanted to speak with at the moment. But it didn't look like ignoring him would send him on his way. So giving the animal a few more brushes, he took a breath and turned to face his man.
"Your wife has a good many reasons to distrust you, and more I suspect she has not yet disclosed." Mark's opening line was less than encouraging. "However, it is more a matter I think of you forgetting she understands things differently than most. And she could not reason out either your words or behavior."
"I did not do anything to give her reason to distrust me." Xavier knew he'd be the one needing to defend himself. He gave much thought to the defense he'd use. Now though, he didn't feel like it. If Io hated him, if she couldn't trust him enough to continue on as his wife, he'd give her the freedom she wanted and find a way to keep her within the protections their marriage afforded her.
"I do not think you did any one thing," Mark said taking the brush away and walking over to his own horse. "I honestly do not think you did anything any of us would see as untrustworthy. But Io learned about the world differently. For her, distrust was the best means of surviving. The timing of her trusting and the recent events was no less a discouragement than had you thrashed her brutally for the act."
"I do not know what I might have done different." A sharp pain pinched his chest at those words. Io grew up trusting no one, trusting in no one. He gained that from her through hard work only to have everything undone when his mother arrived. "I …" Shaking his head, he leaned against Cloud and waited for this man to tell him to give up.
"You could have stood beside her and not abandoned her," Mark said, catching his eye and then frowning.
"I did not," Xavier denied. How could they believe he'd abandoned Io? She was the one who left him.
Mark chucked. "You see, that is what you could have done different."
"What?"
"You could have remembered to see things as Io sees them. She named several specific instances where she felt you left her, where you… stepped away and left her alone, defenseless. It was the first time which most set her to start distrusting you."
"And what was the first instance?" If resentment dripped from those words, Xavier didn't care. This entire mess was laid at his feet but Io should be held responsible as well.
"The very moment Io was introduced to Charlotte. Those first few moments they were facing each other." Mark stepped back from his horse and began tossing the brush from one hand to the other.
"I…" Xavier started. What happened in those moments he couldn't recall exactly. His mother did as she normally did, criticized him about everything, but he announced Io was his wife, that it was a royal decision and he was pleased. Again he shook his head.
"Xavier, you stepped away from Io."
"I did not."
Mark laughed out loud this time. "Xavier you did and I know you did because what she described I have seen you do a hundred times. I have seen you do it and I know why, but Io did not know and she started doubting not so much you but herself."
"What do I do? Tell me, because I do not know, honestly."
"Xavier, you stepped away. When Io tried to get closer to you, physically, you stepped away and put distance between you and her. A physical distance. She felt a need to be a little more protected, feel a little safer by your physical presence and you took a step sideways."
"I did?" Why would he do that? If Io wanted to be close, his normal reaction was to pull her even closer than she intended.
"You did, and I know you did because as I said, I have seen you do it," Mark said, going back to brushing the horse. "You do it nearly every time you face someone you distrust and you do not want them to have any understanding of who is close to you, trusted by you, defended by you. Hell, you do it every time you are standing at the king's side and someone steps up to speak. You take a step to the side."
"Because I do not want to be rude and listen in," he grumped.
Mark laughed again. "Stop, you do it because you want to give the illusion the man is not as important to you as he is. You do it so they do not detect your commitment. You do it so they do not know you judge them a threat and they behave naturally." He stopped grooming the horse to look directly at Xavier. "Did you step to the side with Io because you hoped your mother would think her not so important and waste no time tormenting her? Is that why you made seeing to Charlotte's wants a priority?"
It was possible. He'd certainly tried to keep Charlotte's focus on other things. Every time she focused on his w
ife they were both subjected to her vile criticisms and unjust comparisons to Sabrina. If he turned her attentions from Io, he didn't have to listen to either. Simply telling her to shut her mouth wasn't an option at the time and she didn't respond to his politer attempts to stop her tirades. "It was not my intent…"
"I have no doubt, but Io did. It was not what she expected from you in any form. From the start you have been ridged, harsh but extremely predictable. In that moment, you were not—"
"If I cannot have even one small moment of unpredictability in this marriage then it is lost," Xavier said, shoving off his horse.
"No, I think if all the other events had not occurred and gone unanswered or unexplained, she would have dismissed this first time. But as I said, you created a doubt and that put a weakness in her that Charlotte exploited."
"What did I not explain to her?" When had she asked for an explanation?
"You did not explain why you let your mother criticize her or—"
"I told her I told mother to stop."
"Yes, you said you told Charlotte to stop but you did not explain to Io why you let it happen. What did she know of how you reacted to someone defaming her? She knew before you nearly broke the offended in two. So you made her doubt herself, her worth. Io understood what you did, or rather did not do, as a change of how much you valued her. Same when you gave your mother control of the house through the act of letting her control the kitchens."
"I told Charlotte she could write the menus. I told Io it was not a judgment against her."
"You should have known Io considered it that. A judgment against her abilities given Charlotte's criticism. Charlotte said she was incapable and you removed the duty from her. Your actions did not match your words. And as I said, she gave more examples. She thought she could expect you to say and do certain things and you did not and, while at first she only doubted herself, there came a moment where she had nothing left and she started doubting you. And she started doubting you and things began to happen to her. Near deadly things. What Io knew was you were not standing beside her, you did not think her capable as your lady, and someone wanted her gone so much they were willing to kill her."
"God in heaven," Xavier groaned. Was that how this happened? Had it been so simple for his mother to manipulate everything? And had he been that blind to it happening? He'd done as much as he thought possible to bolster Io after his mother's attacks. Or maybe he didn't, in Io's view. He could recall two moments when he'd taken his mother's accounting over Io's. And neither time was there an opportunity to sit Io down and try and rectify what was said and done. Hell, with most of their more seriously conflicts, there was never time to fully settle the matter. The one time he tried, the one time he put great effort into speaking with her, it ended with Io face down getting her arse reddened and a new problem between them.
Mark stepped around and, leaning against Cloud, handed Xavier back the brush. "She mentioned several specific instances, Xavier, but I suspect you do remember most of them now that you know what to search your mind for." All he could do was nod. "And as I said, she still keeps something back, though I am not sure why."
"Something about who attacked her?" He'd have that from her. He needed that to keep her safe.
"No, something else. Something…" Mark shook his head now. "I am not sure. Everything she said I could tell they shattered her confidence, made her question her suitability. I think whatever it is she still holds back, that was what broke her heart."
"I have never been unfaithful to her. I did not encourage Sabrina in any way," Xavier said hotly. There was never anything about that woman his mother preferred that made him even think for a heartbeat she'd be better than Io. No one was better than Io.
"Strange you jump so quick to that. Perhaps you should think about it more using your new found talent of seeing things as Io does." He gave Xavier a pat on the shoulder before turning and walking away. "Give some thought to it; perhaps it will occur to you so that you are ready when she does come out with it. Not like this time where her disclosure nearly wreaked you both. At the least you still owe her an accounting of why you did not do as she might expect."
Xavier took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Mark was correct, he'd left Io vulnerable through ignorance. Either not explaining or not teaching her what to expect. And he did have a habit of using denial rather than trying to explain. What else could he have expected except she'd begin to doubt and distrust him? He was aware of this now and he could correct it. He would correct it. And he knew he'd be better able to keep Io protected. He might not win her back, he might not make her happy as she once was. The fact he came after her was meaningless if she didn't believe in him or in herself. He did owe her an explanation as to why he didn't do more to set those women in their place. Trouble was he didn't have a ready answer.
He was pulled from his musing when the big stallion swung his hindquarters around and nearly toppled him to the ground. Xavier glared at the horse who seemed to mock him. "Keep it up and you will be the first on the table when we get home." The animal snorted and shook his head. "You will at the very least end up with a plow behind you." This time a loud whinny rang out. "Hmm, yes I thought you would find that disagreeable. Stupid horse," Xavier said with a small chuckle as he gave the horse a shove. When had he started talking to the beast? That was something Io did. "Stupid horse," he repeated and then dodged away from snapping teeth. "Cloud, it suits you. All puff and no might. Who names a horse Cloud?" Again Xavier chuckled, his wife, that was who. His direct yet whimsical, temper tantrum throwing, foul mouthed wife who cared about everyone more than herself and wanted animals to be given a name so people knew they were important. His wife, Io. His unique, personal goddess. Io named a battle horse Cloud, and a goat after a Roman emperor. And Xavier knew if he lost this woman, this goddess, he'd never call himself a man again. "I suppose I should go start trying to win her back," he told the horse who oddly began tossing his head up and down as if he understood and agreed. Ridiculous—Io was making him mad, making him lose his mind as fully as he'd lost his heart to her. Strangely though, Xavier didn't care, enjoyed it even. And he wouldn't dare lose her now.
***
Xavier watched another man slip from the camp. That made ten and his four best knights who'd now disappeared into the forest. He'd normally not notice, men slipped in and out of camp all day and night. Those who walked the perimeter made sure only men in his ranks did so.
What had him suspicious was so far no one had returned. His eyes went to Io sleeping curled on a thick pile of surrendered cloaks with several more over her. The plan to move her back to the wagon delayed until after she was thoroughly warm. Lucas sat at her feet but Ian was among those men gone from camp.
Getting to his feet, he made an exaggerated effort to stretch when Lucas looked up. The man hadn't questioned Ian when he abruptly left the fire and Io. If something was happening, he was aware of it and was left with the responsibility of staying near Io.
"You will stay by her?" he asked casually and Lucas nodded. Then he leaned over and tugged the end of the cloak over Io's toes. Xavier chuckled when Io moaned and pushed her toes back out. "Leave it," Xavier said when Lucas made to cover them again. "She always sticks them out. She will pull them in if she feels cold." He was quick to step away.
Again he chuckled. Prior to taking Io as wife he was never questioned by his men. The moment Io came into their lives that changed. Stepping into the dark shadows of the tree line Xavier let his eyes adjust before deciding on a path he hoped would take him to wherever his men disappeared.
It wasn't that he didn't trust them. Or maybe he didn't, at least not as much. Io's fleeing, her accusation he'd tried to kill her, her injuries, all of this set them grumbling. The looks he'd gotten from many of them said they might take their oath of loyalty to Io more seriously than they took their oath to him. Given no choice, they'd choose Io over him. Not that he'd blame them; this group was selected because that was their tendencies.
Still he didn't want to sleep with one eye open until he could manage to convince them Io was in no danger from him.
"…yes, we all agree about that. That is not the question though." Xavier heard Jon say as he closed in on a small clearing.
"Lord Brice was careless, we have established this," Mark added and Xavier felt his face heat. He stepped only a little closer then stayed out of sight to listen. "What was asked is… does anyone, anyone at all among us truly feel he is the danger. Not the cause of it but the actual danger. Does anyone here think Lady Io unsafe in his presence?"
Xavier held his breath, the question was weighty. He couldn't have his men doubting him as their lord but having them doubt him as Io's husband could spell disaster for a reconciliation. There was grumbling and several mummers but as he waited and watched he saw everyone's head shake no.
"No?" Mark asked, then continued, "no, so there is none here who thinks Io needs to be protected from Xavier?" There were a few words about him being less than a good husband during all this, but "no" was the consensus. Xavier felt the air leave his chest and his heart pound a bit harder. Relief and pride mixed knowing he'd not also lost the trust of his men along with the trust of his wife.
"Then we will move forward and return to Bainsport," Jon said.
"What about the man who tried to kill her?" one in the crowd asked.
"Consider Io's continued protection your first duty. There will be enough others who can start the hunt for whoever was responsible. Those here now are the only ones to be trusted to be near our lady until the bastard is caught and no longer in possession of his head. Is that understood?"