by Marie Hall
"I do—"
"You do not. Now listen to me." He held her down but rolled her to her back so she looked straight up at him. "You say I will not be happy if I am not my father's son. I will not be happy if I am not your husband. Io, while it is true I try to make my father proud, the fact is, he is dead. He is dead and I can do nothing that will change the way he may have thought of me when he lived. I understand that. I understand that more because of you. Io, I deeply loved and respected my father. He was a great man. But he is my past. He is my past. You, only you, are my today and my every tomorrow I might be fortunate enough to have left. I did use my father and how he might feel about my actions to dictate my choices. Now it is you I want to make proud. I want you to believe in me. You are my standard. It is for you I make my decisions. I know I do not always make the right one but I know more, Io. I know my weaknesses and I will work to overcome them. Only I have no reason to do so if you are not beside me."
"But—"
"No, no but. Io, let me say it this way. Were God to appear right here." He pointed to the ground next to where they sat. "If God himself came to me this moment to say I will give you back your father that you can hear him say he is proud of you and to see your do good works, but you must set your wife aside," he said and chuckled a bit, "without hesitation, Io, I would say no. I would say no and not have to think about it. And I would never regret saying no. And before you start again about how you are not suitable, I command you ask me again if I would still tell God no after I have reddened your seat for something. Ask me again what choice I would make after you have cursed me, thrown things at me, and left me alone at night. The answer will be the same. I want, I need, no one more than you. I will have no one save you. If I cannot have you, I will go on alone because that is all I could do."
"Xavier, you are sure?" She was about to break apart for how full she was with emotions. "You want me so?"
"I need you so." He sat her up then pulled her back into his lap. "I need you far more than I want you and I want you more every day." He tucked her close and squeezed her until she had to squirm to take a breath. "Io," he said, his grip loosening as he leaned away. "Io, again I am being selfish. I have never asked you. I did not ask when the contract came, or when I took you to the church doors or even this moment. I have never given you the choice you deserve to make." He reached in his shirt and pulled out a chain working it over his head. He found the clasp and the ends fell apart. "Io, let me ask you now. And say what it is you want. I will abide and I will do the same to keep you safe, make you happy and ensure you have what you need and want whichever answer you give me." The chain came free and between his fingers appeared the ring he gave her the day they took their vows. "Io, will you do me the greatest honor, give me the privilege of calling you my wife, my lady? Will you willingly call me husband, even when I do not deserve it? Will you, Io?"
"Xavier," Io gasped. It was hard to breathe. There was no argument, no stance left. He refused every opportunity she tried to give him and as he did, he gave her back everything she thought she'd lost to Sabrina and Charlotte. And while for now she only had his word, she believed, she trusted he'd act as he spoke. She felt it, her instincts told her, this time Xavier wouldn't fail her, wouldn't abandon her. "Xavier." She threw her arms around him and pressed her face into his neck. She had hope, more than hope, she had a belief her life wouldn't end lonely, scared and hurting. She had Xavier, she'd have him until the end and she wanted nothing else.
"Io," he called, rubbing his cheek against hers. She pulled away and the rough brush of his beard. "Io, your answer is needed. Be my wife? Yes? No?"
"Yes. Yes, please." She snuggled against his neck, turning her face so he couldn't keep scratching her cheek.
"Io." He chuckled and pulled her left arm from around his neck. "Not yes please." He took her hand and she watched as he slid the ring back on the third finger. "Let me beg this time, Io. Please be my wife."
"Yes," she said and laughed as the ring slipped on a little too easy and Xavier frowned fiercely.
"Yes, thank you. Thank you, Io. I will not fail you again."
"I believe you. I will be a good wife." She put her arm back around his neck and held on.
"You have always been one, Io." His arms went around her and squeezed. "What say you, we go home and fatten you up?"
"No, I have only just gotten my britches on. Wherever they went to."
His hardy laughter brought down several loads of snow from the tree tops. "Io, I cut those up when I found you." She gasped and thumped her fist on his back which made him laugh more. "I will have more made for you, yes." He hugged her again. "Will that make you happy?"
"I do not know. Mine were very comfortable." She pouted at him as she let him set her away and stand. He reached down, pulling her to her feet then spun her around and landed his hand hard in the center of her arse. "Ooo, Xavier," she whined and rubbed the spot. "You are not going to…" He gave her such a look as to make her flush hot and shiver with a chill at the same time. She never doubted he'd still punish her, was wondering why he hadn't done so after everything she'd done. It was probably coming, maybe now that she gave him her commitment he'd make her know his displeasure. But this reminder started her thinking how to put him off.
He scooped his cloak and pack from the ground and stepped to her side. "Home, Io," he said as he adjusted the items so he'd a free arm to wrap around her waist. He walked her straight up to Cloud, dropped everything, turned her and took hold to lift her up. Then stopped and claimed her lips in a hard kiss.
Io's toes curled in her boots and her body swayed into him. She felt his hands slip around and pass over the swell of her arse pushing her hips against him. His cock, hard and straining pressed against her belly. She did this to him. She filled him with lust, want and need. He wanted her and no other. He wanted her more than he wanted anything else. The knowledge was intoxicating as wine and Io held onto him so she could stand upright. "Perhaps we might ride together in the wagon?" she purred at him when the kiss ended.
He smiled against her check then placed little kisses to her ear. "Home, Io. Home, safe and happy first."
It was an odd response and she didn't have a chance to question him as she was placed on the big stallion to wait while Xavier put his cloak on and arranged the pack. The animal was polite enough but by the time Xavier was mounted, Io again lost her courage. Xavier didn't seem to notice as he bundled her up then positioned her the way he wanted and, even as he urged Cloud forward, he placed the reins in her hands.
"Xavier?"
"You control him for a while," he said as he pressed his front to her back and rested his chin on her shoulder. "You remember how it is done." His breath floated warm across her cheek.
"I cannot," she said trying to hand him back the wide leather bands that were all Xavier needed to make the animal do his bidding.
"You are doing it, Io," he insisted. Io felt a slight surge and the horse's stride picked up pace. Io scrambled to hold the reins better as Xavier showed her all that time ago. "Remember he is big headed; he likes to go where he wants. Control him, Io. He will do your bidding well enough." Xavier's hands dropped away from her arms, where they'd hovered making sure she had the stallion in hand, and settled in her lap.
She felt his fists pressing against her through the furs and smiled. "Do you speak of the beast or…"
Xavier laughed softly. "You figure it out, Io. I will accept whichever conclusion you come to." With that, he pressed their bodies closer and let the easy canter of the destrier rock them until the sunset.
Chapter Fifteen
"Io," Xavier groaned out and gripped her wrist. "Stop. Go to sleep."
"Xavier?" She nearly moaned his name and, until then, he didn't think his cock could get any harder. She strained against his hold which was keeping her hand away from that very part of him that hurt for how much he wanted to be inside her. "Xavier, please."
"Go to sleep, Io. You need to rest." He forced her h
and away then shifted so she lay with her back to his front. His cock throbbed more as it settled against her mid-thigh.
"I thought you said you wa—" her tone became sharp and he was quick to dispel the doubt he could hear.
"Io, I want you so badly I might die with it." He let go of her wrist to grasp her thigh and pull her back as he pushed forward. "Can you not feel what you do to me?"
"Then we—" She shifted wiggling against him so the flames he was burning with licked up even higher.
"Io, we cannot. I cannot take the risk."
"Risk?" She moved enough she was about to turn and look at him. "You cannot 'bed me better?' You cannot make me what you need?"
"Where did you hear that?" Gerald better not said such a thing to her. The man gave her counsel knowing Io took what he said to heart.
"What does it matter? You cannot bed me better I will never be—" Her body sagged and sadness crept into her voice.
"It is not 'bed you better,' Io. It is 'bed it better.' The words reflect making a situation better," he explained, hoping doing so would be more useful than rolling her over and giving her arse a few good smacks to discourage this persistent self-doubt.
She pushed and shoved until she was able to roll to her back and turn her face to his. "What does that mean?" she snapped. "That marriage to me will not be better because—"
"No, Io. No." It was painful to hear her put voice to the demon he created. He thought her confidence would grow the more she learned. He knew now that her confidence relied in part on how he responded to what she did. She wasn't a child needing approval. More she needed to have him confirm she did her share, she contributed and was useful. And he needed to make sure she knew she was useful outside their bedchamber.
"No?"
"Io, I want you. But I know I measured your happiness by what you found in my bed. I know too, you measured your value by what you gave me there. I need you to have no doubt to your usefulness more than in my bed. I will see you so before I again take you." He rolled and placing his forearm down on her other side he dipped his head and brushed his lips over hers. "I did not show it before; I did not say it before…" He brushed her lips again. "If we never shared a bed again, as a man and woman would, you would still be more than useful, you are indispensable."
"Indispensable? In what way?" She sounded a bit intrigued and he knew his answer had to be the best he gave.
"I could think of many ways but maybe the most important way, the one thing you are, the thing you give me that I need is lessons. You teach me things, Io. Things I did not know I needed to learn."
Her laugh didn't convey humor neither did it call him a liar. "What did I teach you? You know numbers and maps and philosophy. I was the one that did not know those things."
"I did not know humility, desperation or courage. I learned patience and kindness from you as well."
"I… I…" She set a hand on his arm and drew her fingers up and down his. The touch, as light and common as it was, sent sparks straight to his groin. "You learned things from me?"
"I am still learning things from you."
She was quiet for some time and Xavier was able to make his body relax enough he no longer feared he'd give up on his personal vow to not make love to his wife. "What happens when I have nothing left to teach you?" she whispered.
"Io, learning happens as long as we live if we are willing to take the lessons. You will always have something I can learn."
Again, she was silent for some time. "Well, then I know I am useful beyond your bed so perhaps we can…" Her hand was around his cock before he could stop her and the stiffness which had only started to slip, came back with her touch.
"Io." He tried to laugh to cover the groan as he pulled her hand away.
"Please, Xavier." The words were almost a purr and she rolled against him and placed her other hand on him. "It has been such a long time."
He groaned again at the understatement. It seemed like forever. As much as he wanted her, he couldn't shake his doubt. The last time he thought he pleased her well enough, that she'd come willingly to his bed, that she wanted what they shared. But she'd use that to get him to change the rules made to protect her and then she ran. And, before that, she'd been explicit in the displeasure she found with him in the bedchamber. With effort, he pulled her hand away and transferred both wrists to one of his hands. He used his free hand to pull her close at the hip. "Io, we will be home soon and—"
She growled and bucked, breaking free to sit up. "Xavier we are days still from home and I have not had… I want, need to feel it again." She flopped back down on her back. "Give me a little, please."
Xavier turned his head and pressed his face into the furs to smoother the laughter. God help him. Could there be a man more fortunate than he?
"Why do you laugh?" Her fist connected with his shoulder. "Do not laugh."
"Io." Still laughing, Xavier rolled over her and pinned her down. "There is no one in the world better than you. Do you know this?" She huffed at his words. "There is no one better and I have no idea what I did that I was the one selected for you but I will thank God every day."
"Well, perhaps you should be thanking me," she said as she lifted her hips against him. "Reward me for being so good."
He didn't bother to try and smoother the laughter. If he woke the whole camp, he didn't care. It was for moments like this that made everything he'd suffered worth it. "Io," he managed to get out before she lifted against him again, this time opening her thighs so his cock was caught between. There was a small struggle but he extracted himself and Io made a frustrated sound. "Io, you do not need me to find the reward, the pleasure you want."
"Xavier, I do not want another man to…"
"Well, I am most glad of that, Io," he said and chuckled. "That is not what I mean. Take yourself there, Io."
"What do you mean?" She got her hands free and wrapped her arms around his back to try and pull him down.
"What do you mean, what do I mean? Make your own pleasure. I showed you how." Just thinking of those lessons made him harden to the point of pain.
"Oh, umm." She sounded completely disinterested.
"What?"
"It is not the same, not as good. I do not like to."
"You do not like—" She always seemed to like pleasuring herself when he took her. While he too preferred the actual act with her, he wasn't above finding it on his own. He thought he'd given her enough instruction she could at least find some pleasure. "Io, did you not… Did you not take control of your pleasure in all that time we were apart?" She shook her head. "Not even before you left? When we were not sharing a bed at all?"
She shrugged. "No, it is not the same."
"No, but it is something."
"It is too hard by myself."
That was an unexpected admission. "Too hard? What makes it hard?" Again, she shrugged. "You are not… ashamed or… embarrassed are you?" Another shrug. Xavier sighed. "Io, it is something you can do for yourself. It is a… power you have. You should exercise that power as often as you want. I will not be offended. I will not deny you my ability if you want to take that control."
"You deny me now."
He laughed softly and kissed her cheek. "Not because you pleasure yourself."
"It is too hard," she whined.
He took a moment and gave some thought to what she was telling him. If she'd not even once given herself some relief in all the time they were apart, she could be feeling a very strong need. Io was a rare woman who enjoyed bedsport in all its many forms. He'd been careful to take time to make sure she knew sex was supposed to be enjoyed. He was fortunate she'd been ignored enough no one told her to be ashamed, or that it was a necessary duty that was to be endured. He'd taken her maidenhead but, by then, he'd taught her what her body was capable of and the pain was brief, not marring the experience as a whole. Once done, Io was nearly insatiable. She would try anything he presented her with and the result was always complete satisfaction for both.
Or it was until his mother arrived. He didn't want her to go on without her needs met but he didn't want to give himself this yet.
"Xavier?" Io called and scratched her nails along his back.
"Io," he started not sure what he'd say. But as she arched against him again it came to him. "Io, it is not hard at all. I think what you need…" He rolled off and sat up then dragged her into his lap and up against his chest. "Is practice." He pushed the covers out of the way and grabbed the hem of her shift so her legs could fall to either side of his. Bending his knees, Io slipped back into the cradle he made and he opened his legs wider making hers do to the same.
He worked the hem back more firmly taking her hand and setting it away when she tried to stop it from rising past the scar. He pulled it back until it was gathered at her waist and he spread their legs more. She gave some resistance as he stripped the garment from her but not much. She was completely exposed now and all he had to do was get her started.
"You only need some practice," he said and he set a hand on her forehead and forced her back to rest on his shoulder. He lifted her right hand and set it against her own neck. "Touch yourself, Io. Touch yourself. Make that feeling happen."
"I cannot," she groaned and tried to put her hand down.
"You can, you should. Touch yourself. Show me how you like to be touched. Remind me." He again took her hand and set it at her neck. "Do you like to be stroked, Io? Slowly?" He spoke the words in her ear as he covered her hand with his and guided her motions. "Do you feel how warm and perfect your skin is?" He guided her hand around her shoulder then started it down towards her breasts. "Do you know the weight of your tit? Do you know how it is the perfect size for my hand?" Her hand slipped over the high, full, fleshy globe more of her own accord than his. "Your fine, dark nipples. They are so sensitive. Touch it, Io. Feel it between your fingers. A little harder. You know you like to feel that pain." He watched her pinch down and heard the moan followed the act. "Yes, like that. Now the other one. Do not neglect it." On her own she drew her hand between the valley and over to the breast. Her nipple was already standing erect. She moaned again as she rolled it between her fingers. "Yes, Io, know this." He lifted her other hand and brought her fingers to her lips. "Open, make these wet." Her lips parted and he gently pushed in. "Use your tongue. You have such a skilled mouth, Io. Use it now." He could hear her sucking and took in several slow deep breaths to stay focused. "Make them nice and wet. Yes, like that." He pulled her fingers out and guided her hand down between her legs. "Touch yourself, Io. Make yourself spend." He set her fingers at her clit. "Work that."