Once everyone cleared outside, he crossed his arms and pinned me with an unwavering stare. “This isn’t a one-time thing, is it?”
I shook my head and handed him the manila folder I’d kept tucked under a far more innocent document on my desk. “No, it isn’t.”
Not hiding his disagreement with my decision, Alec read the papers outlining my three-year stint with ICRA. I wouldn’t be a full agent per se, but the differences were marginal at best.
His brow furrowed several times as his eyes darted across the pages and sighs uncurled from his lips at irregular intervals, but he didn’t stop reading until he reached that final line, still empty and waiting for my signature.
“Have you thought this through, Lotte?” He handed back the contract, the gesture stiff. “Really thought it through? I understand why you want to help Melina, but you’re signing away three years of your life to an organization you despise.”
“Greta is ICRA.”
“You know as well as I do that Greta is an exception to the rule. Well, her boss, too,” he corrected after a second of thought. “But you won’t be working for them.”
“No. I’ll be working for Isa.”
Ten
All we left unsaid pooled in the air between us, grazing against my skin like fur rubbed the wrong way.
Oddly, though, I wasn’t the first one to break.
“Fuck, Lotte.” Alec shot me an exasperated look then started pacing the room. “This is Isa we’re talking about. The vampire who was willing to sacrifice Nathaniel’s life for what she perceived to be a greater cause. The woman who chipped you without your consent and used you as bait for those sick fucks trying to entwine different supernatural essences. The same fucking Isa who threatened to lock you up on several occasions just because you wouldn’t heel.” He thrust a hand in his hair, briefly turning his back to me. “Lotte, if you sign this, she’ll have even more power over you.”
“I know.” I reached out and caught his wrist when he stalked past my perch in front of the desk, effectively putting an end to his pacing. My fingers entwined with his. “But she was also the one who got my, Greta’s, and Voit’s asses out of that lab.”
The mention of our demon colleague shifted something in Alec. “Does Afanasiy know?”
“Not yet. I plan to tell him tonight.”
My voice was small as those words spilled from my mouth, my own fears written clearly in its faintness.
The demons and ICRA didn’t really see eye to eye. The demonic Shadow World had its own set of rules and power structure, and from what I’d gleaned, they took their autonomy seriously. Afanasiy had mentioned once that a lot of his kinsmen never even left the realm, refusing to submit themselves to the not-quite-lax ways of our world. But whatever friction had existed before when there had been next to zero direct contact, had only ramped up when Voit refused the quarantine I’d gone through—with Raya’s entire court backing up his decision. In hindsight, I was glad I hadn’t taken the demons up on the offer. Right now, being in ICRA’s corner definitely proved beneficial.
Still, despite the growing animosity between the two groups, I wasn’t scared of Afanasiy giving me a hard time because I’d chosen to join ICRA’s ranks. What worried me was how this new situation would affect our developing relationship.
I wanted to spend more time with him, wanted to focus on what we could become. Not bust my ass under the Agency’s orders.
The sole consolation I could take lay in the fact that Afanasiy was a warrior. If anyone could understand putting life on hold to mete out justice, it was him.
Which left…
“Please, Alec,” I whispered. “Don’t be mad.”
His fingers squeezed mine. “Mad? Oh, fuck…”
He tilted his head towards the ceiling then drew me into a rib-crushing hug that broke those final defenses I’d hidden behind. I slumped in his embrace, drinking in the warmth and security the press of his body filled me with.
Alec rested his cheek on the top of my head and gently stroked my back.
“I’m not mad, Lotte. I’m concerned, that’s all. You’re my best fucking friend, and I love you.” His embrace tightened, voice barely over a whisper as he said, “I know how hard you worked to make a life for yourself away from all this violent shit. I hate the thought…”
Of you throwing it away.
He didn’t have to utter the words. They were, after all, the truth etched in my very bones.
But Alec didn’t judge me for mourning my loss. Didn’t think I was selfish to have struggled coming to my decision despite the circumstances.
As I stood there, wrapped in his scent that somehow reminded me of summer and woods, and shared the nearly overpowering Sensucht for the life I’d never have, I allowed that final pocket of hurt to spill out. Alec held me until the last of my tears dried on my cheeks, simply being there for me—as he had always been.
“It isn’t the end of the world, right?” he said softly when I drew away, although his hand remained a compassionate anchor on my back, filling me with his silent support. “Besides, I know you’ll kick everyone’s ass. So go sign that vile thing and let me drag you out on the court for an hour.”
I arched an eyebrow, but all that little display managed to achieve was get Alec to snort.
“What?” Mirth danced in his storm-blue eyes. “You thought I’d let you go off that easily?”
After Alec and I spent that promised hour on the court and the afternoon crept towards evening, my body was pleasantly tired and my mind somewhat clearer. The image of Melina’s battered body remained a constant presence, but at least my emotions weren’t all over the place any longer.
A bloody good thing, too, since as I hurried down the sidewalk towards ICRA HQ, Afanasiy materialized by my side. Warmth scattered the evening chill as if someone had flicked a switch, my awareness of the gorgeous dark-haired demon drowning out the city.
Without wasting a single word, Afanasiy swept me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I gave myself over to his touch, to the softness of his lips, hating the feeling that we were about to miss out on something good. He cupped my neck while his other hand found the small of my back beneath my coat, and for a moment, just for a moment, I nearly bucked under the staggering yearning to escape to his lair and just stay like this, the world around us forgotten. Irrelevant.
But that wasn’t my reality any longer.
If it had ever truly even been.
“Tell me,” Afanasiy whispered when we parted at last.
I sighed and refastened the two buttons on my coat his caresses had undone, then looked up at him—just to see the turmoil I’d gone through reflected in his violet eyes. I tugged on the leather straps of my backpack.
Of course he knew. How could he not?
We might not have acknowledged the mating bond in earnest, but between the compatible energies and the piece of his soul I carried, Afanasiy was more attuned to what I felt than any other person could be. He’d probably picked up on my trip to shit creek the instant it started—and had given me space to sort things out.
That alone made me more than a little inclined to say yes to the bond.
I tipped my head towards a wider part of the sidewalk a little farther ahead as threads of approaching pedestrians drifted on the currents. Afanasiy fell in step with me seamlessly.
A couple of pigeons fled when we claimed an out-of-the-way spot near a trash can, the numerous cigarette stubs scattered around it hinting the location was a smokers’ favorite. The low rumble of the S-Bahn rattled beneath the pavement and spread up my legs. I quirked an eyebrow at the demon who seemed a little unsettled by the sensation.
Sometimes, I forgot he wasn’t quite at home in this realm yet.
“It’s just a train.”
The comment earned me a wry look. “I knew that.”
I bit down on a smile then, and with my back against the building and Afanasiy’s powerful frame blocking me from sight almost protectively, I told him ev
erything. Melina. Isa’s offer from before I even got out of quarantine. And my more than a-little-unexpected meeting with her earlier today.
The violet in his eyes darkened several times, a lick of his energy stirring the air at my detailed recollection of Melina’s state. But he never interrupted, letting my tumbling words take their course.
“I signed the contract, Afanasiy.” I peeked at my toes for a moment, my thumbs hooked behind my backpack’s straps, before meeting his gaze again. “As soon as I drop the papers off at HQ, they own me for three years.”
As I fell silent, I studied his chiseled features, searched for any sign of irritation, anger… But my demon simply cupped my cheek and leaned in to place his lips on mine.
The kiss was different than before, more open—as if something new had grown between us. I didn’t know what or why, but once I saw the silent pride in his violet eyes, I understood the feeble reassurance I’d given myself at the Zentrum had been the uncontested truth.
Afanasiy was a warrior. And now, so was I.
He traced his hands down my arms. Several people passed behind him, but I hardly registered anything beyond this inexplicable comfort pulsing between us.
“I always admired your loyalty to your people, Lotte. Liege.” His tone carried a hint of a smile, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the old moniker. “But I also know how deep your desire for your personal freedom runs. This must have been a difficult decision to make.”
A part of me wanted to erupt in tears at the sheer depths of his comprehension. Probably would have if I hadn’t already shed enough of them today to fill a bloody lifetime.
“So you’re not upset?” I asked instead and cocked my head. “Our courtship might not exactly take the planned route since I’m not entirely sure how demanding this gig will be in the long run.”
His fingers played with the curve of my hips. “How could I ever be upset over something that means so much to you, kāros?”
I smiled. Sincerely smiled for the first time since I’d learned about Melina.
“Thank you. More than you know.” I lifted myself on my toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. The heated sensation lingered. “We’re still on for tonight?”
A flash of irritation cut across his face. “Unfortunately, I have some Shadow World matters to tend to. Which is why I ambushed you on the street.”
My mouth quirked up.
“But I will be free tomorrow, kāros. I promise. Whatever it takes.”
“That’s all right,” I said—and meant it, too. “I think you might not be the only one with your plate full tonight. Honestly, I’m not even sure what will happen once I hand ICRA my soul.”
“Ah,”—Afanasiy’s breath played across my lips—“that is something they will never have.”
I leaned in, desperate to close the distance, but Afanasiy was faster. He straightened, amusement evident on his face.
Tease.
“I’ll see if I can sneak away in the middle of the night and alleviate some pressure.” His voice was low, the undercurrent of hunger flooding my body with heat.
I shook myself mentally, but couldn’t resist trailing my fingers down the shirt hugging his sculpted chest.
“But if I can’t”—the hand he kept on my hip curved around my ass—“I’ll more than make up for it tomorrow. I swear.”
I smiled up at him, this demon who had somehow become my rock. My anchor.
“I’m going to my parents’ house for dinner tomorrow,” I remembered. “So I won’t be home until around nine-ish. But if you’d like… You can come with me, Afanasiy. You know, meet them and all that as—as my boyfriend.”
Lips parted, Afanasiy just stared at me, the love and desire carving his handsome face into something so hopeful, so bright, I threw my arms around him and kissed him senseless.
“Meet me at my place at six thirty,” I muttered.
Afanasiy snagged my lower lip between his teeth, then drew back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, kāros.”
Sometimes, it was still hard to believe the unexpected turns my life had taken, but in that moment, when I looked at everything that had changed, the sweet definitely overpowered the bitter.
Much to my surprise, Isa wasn’t in her office despite the text I’d sent her, announcing my grand arrival. Actually, the thawed Ice Queen of Fang wasn’t at ICRA HQ at all.
I wasn’t entirely sure whether I should be pissed or relieved by her absence, though at least Elena Mayer, the agent who greeted me in Isa’s stead, didn’t seem too bad. A bit reserved maybe, but then again, I was an outsider newbie who she was forced to babysit during her night shift.
Not the best of circumstances to start any kind of professional relationship in.
“Senior Agent Vogt left these for you.” She handed me a stack of folders bearing Isa’s trademark sharp scent and alluring undertones. “Your copies of all the reports pertaining to the Melina Forsberg case. She also wanted me to pass on that you’re free to inspect the scene if you wish to see it for yourself. The house key is in the inner pocket of the topmost folder.”
My gaze dipped down to the slight curve indicating there, indeed, was a key tucked inside. I adjusted my grip, momentarily at a loss for words. This was…definitely different from all my previous encounters with ICRA.
I glanced up at the honey-blonde witch before my silence became awkward.
“Thank you, Agent Mayer.” I offered her a small smile—and gained one in return. Even the light presence of her post-War magic turned warmer, somehow, more welcoming.
“Please, call me Elena.” She smoothed down her chic black blazer, and half turned towards the door. “Come on. I’ll show you your workstation.”
I padded after her into the hallway, the door snicking shut behind us.
“My workstation?” I arched an eyebrow, then quickly reshuffled and secured the folders as they started to slip. “I thought I was just an outside liaison.”
Amusement twinkled in her blue eyes, made that much more prominent by the subtle earth-toned makeup adorning her features. Liberated of the professional, dispassionate air she’d carried when we first met, Elena Mayer struck me as someone I wouldn’t mind bonding with over a couple of beers.
She pinged the elevator then turned towards me. “Well, yes, you are an outside liaison.” A corner of her lips curled up. “But what good would that do us if we cut you off from the vast resources at our fingertips?”
I tipped my head in concession. Even if my chest tightened at the thought of actually having a space of my own here at HQ, she had a point. The Agency needed to rope in me as if I truly was one of their own.
Shoving down the discomfort, I piled into the elevator after Elena. The flurry of scents and lingering emotions swirling around me intensified as the door closed—some old, but a lot of them recent, too. Given that it was well past seven in the evening, the implied level of activity came as a bit of a surprise. Though now that I thought about it, ICRA probably couldn’t afford to be understaffed at any point in the day. Or night.
Elena and I zoomed down to sublevel one in companionable silence. Though the witch seemed to be my age, maybe a couple of years older, there was a knowledgeable air around her—as if she’d done this whole break-in-the-newbie gig a dozen times.
Needless to say, I was grateful for the extra moments to compose my thoughts, whether intentional or not.
Once the elevator stopped and the doors slid open to reveal a massive bull-pen-type open space with more desks than I could count, Elena offered an encouraging nod. I shuffled my feet forward, clutching the files like some damn security blanket.
A few of the agents stationed the closest sent polite greetings our way as we progressed down the walkway along the wall, though I hardly managed to echo the sentiments, my gaze roaming the room. Contrary to the Senior Agents’ offices, there was nothing obnoxiously grandstanding about this particular space. In all honesty, it struck me as the plain old cubicle office floor my oldest brother Han
s used to work in—minus the cubicles.
And with a few spectacular additions.
Discreet dividers stood between the numerous—and, even now, mostly occupied—desks, only instead of giving the space a crammed appearance, their transparent, light colors opened it up. The computers were sleek, state-of-the-art things, and even from afar, I could see that ICRA took good care even of their lower-ranking employees. Ergonomic chairs, an abundance of water coolers and snack stations, not to mention an actual indoor garden that lined the entire northern wall, kept separated from the main floor by a layer of thick, soundproof glass.
But best of all, the greenery wasn’t here just to add some extra color to the space. People were actually using it as a break room.
A damn fine way to keep supes, especially weres, happy in a confined environment.
I kept drinking it all in as Elena hurried off somewhere with the promise to return shortly. Phones buzzed, and a symphony of keyboard clicks rose through the air, along with whispers of well-natured banter coming from the kitchenette beside the lush break room.
A throaty, disbelieving laugh escaped my lips.
As if I needed another excuse to start liking the bloody Agency.
“This is your badge.” Elena’s bubbly voice drew me from my musings as she came back from wherever the corridor branched off to. Supervisors’ offices would be my guess. “May I?”
When I nodded, she unpinned the visitor’s badge I’d received upon entering the building and replaced it with the new one, then put a sleek, sturdy card atop the folders.
“Your badge will get you through live security and can be used to access any pertinent crime scenes,” she explained, gently ushering me forward. We passed a long line of identical desks, only the agents’ personal effects and small knickknacks separating them from one another. “The card, however, is for our systems.”
She waved a hand at the computers. “It’s a universal log-in tool, but also records any and all searches or requests. Nothing personal. Everyone is under supervision here.” She winked. “Even the supervisors.”
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