From Ashes

by Amanda Perry

  Cassie watches me hesitantly, and I do the same. I want her to go back to being unfiltered and bubbly around me, but I still have some anxiety over the whole ordeal we went through. Still, the need to have my best friend back outweighs the nerves, and I send her a shy smile in hopes that she catches on. Thankfully, she does, and I sigh with relief when she gives me a beaming smile and skips over to us without further hesitation. “I can help.”

  Leanne freezes, and Jaxon’s eyebrows raise to his hairline. They both speak at the same time. “You will?”

  Cassie huffs indignantly. “Sometimes, I want to do chores and crap.”

  Jaxon scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “No, you don’t.”

  “Shut it, Jax.” Cassie throws a random lid at him, which he easily catches.

  “Wait! I think that one matches this bowl.” Leanne scrambles for the lid in Jaxon’s hands, doing a strange butt-wiggle-happy-dance while still sitting on the floor.

  Cassie plops down next to me and leans into my side. Her tone lowers into a fake conspiratorial whisper the whole room can hear. “He’s right, though. I hate crap like this. But I want to hang out with you.”

  “You’d sort bowls and lids just to hang out with me?” Though I meant it teasingly, it warms me to know she wants to spend time with me and she’ll do something she hates if it means we do it together.

  All traces of fun vanish from Cassie’s tone. “I’ve missed you.”

  My throat closes with emotion and talking becomes impossible. Instead, I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. I’ve missed her, too. I missed talking to her and laughing with her. I missed watching her prance around with her carefree, devil-may-care attitude and mischievous smirks. I missed her jokes and inability to keep a straight face even at the worst times. I’ve missed my best friend fiercely.

  “Nobody better cry,” Jaxon warns with a twinkle in his eye. He points to Cassie and me with narrowed lids. “I’m all out of tissues, and I don’t think we have any chocolate. You two quit the mushy, girly crap.”

  “You’re just mad because you’re all teary-eyed, too, son,” Leanne chimes in. “It’s okay to get emotional.”

  “Mom!” Jaxon screeches and throws his hands in the air. “I am not teary or emotional.”

  “Okay, dear.” Leanne shrugs his tantrum off. “Whatever you say.”

  Jaxon curses under his breath and storms out of the room while grumbling, “I’m going to build something with tools and drink beer and spit or some other manly shit that doesn’t involve hugs or emotions.”

  “Why would he spit?” I wonder aloud while Leanne and Cassie giggle at his expense.

  Cassie shrugs. “It’s supposed to be a manly thing, I think.” She leans forward and with a sweep of her arm, drags a large pile of lids toward her to begin sorting.

  I raise a brow. “That’s not manly, it’s gross.”

  “Most things men do are gross, honey,” Leanne informs me. “They’re dirty and dorky and dumb the majority of the time.”

  “Isn’t that kind of harsh?” I pull my pile closer to sort through. “Not all men are the same, right?”

  “Stereotypically, they are,” Cassie counters. “To some extent, it’s true, too. But they make up for it in other ways. They may do the dumbest crap sometimes, but when it really counts, they know what to do. They make all the guy crap we tolerate... well, tolerable.”

  “Not all men.” I didn’t mean to say the words aloud, but they tumbled out before I can stop them.

  Cassie and Leanne jerk their heads up, their eyes locked on me. I know they want me to elaborate, but I hadn’t meant to say anything in the first place. I keep my mouth shut and go about organizing. Eventually, they realize I don’t have more to say and they quietly return to their tasks.

  Cassie may be my best friend, but Caleb is her brother. I can’t bring myself to drive a wedge between them by opening up to her about everything I’ve been thinking and feeling. Part of me is scared she’d take sides—I know it wouldn’t be my side. Then again, if she did pick my side, it wouldn’t end well between her and Caleb. It’s too complicated, and I don’t want to cause more issues than I already have. Instead, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself and hope more time with Cassie will take my mind off the man I’m madly in love with.

  Chapter 4

  The next time I talk to my dad, I need to tell him what a genius he is.

  Around two in the morning, the night after my first training day with Leanne and Cassie, I gave up on any attempts to sleep and wandered my way to the garage. I stood in front of the boxing mannequin for a solid five minutes, studying the features and debating whether I could hit it or not.

  As I stood there, the features morphed from that of a plain mannequin to the faces of mine and Cassie’s attackers. When fear tried to set in, I spent countless minutes reminding myself that they weren’t really in front of me. It took a while, but the fact that the mannequin remained stationary helped. The fear slowly ebbed into anger. Anger on the behalf of Cassie, my family, and all the trouble the two men caused all of us. The anger intensified until I found myself lashing out without guilt. I wasn’t hitting a real person, and the mannequin wasn’t harmed. One hit turned into two, and the next thing I knew, it was daylight.

  I managed to sneak back into the house before anyone woke up and caught me in the garage. I want to keep the mannequin my secret for a while because I don’t want anyone trying to show me proper techniques of punches or whatever else they may want to teach me. I want to use the mannequin as an outlet and a way to pass the time at night when I can’t sleep.

  Every night for the last week, I sneak into the garage as soon as everyone goes to sleep, then creep back into the house just before anyone wakes. I’ve already been asked several times if I’m feeling alright because I can’t stomach food anymore. I don’t want to know what they’d say if they knew I couldn’t sleep, either.

  The pain in my chest has spread, and now, my entire body aches constantly. At first, I assumed it was the training and workouts—after all, my muscles needed to get used to moving around again. But it worsens when I think of Caleb. I’m sure it’s all in my head, but each day, it grows and deepens. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to continue the way I have been.

  Caleb remains in the house, but he hasn’t said anything to me all week. It isn’t for lack of trying on his part, though. He just hasn’t been able to get a word in when we’re in the same room together and can’t manage to get me alone. I’ve noticed Jaxon interfere several times when Caleb tries to speak with me. Jaxon asked me once if I wanted to talk to Caleb, and when I shook my head, he didn’t hesitate to step in and help me by preventing Caleb from trying to chat with me.

  I considered friendship with Caleb, but it wouldn’t work. I still love him with everything in me, and knowing he doesn’t feel the same, I couldn’t pretend to be his friend without wishing for more—I barely manage to survive daily as it is. I’ve kept myself busy with training and hanging around the house with Cassie all week. Thankfully, she and I are back to normal, and I couldn’t be more relieved.

  For the first time in a while, I find myself alone. Technically, I could be hanging out with someone if I was desperate. The last time I saw Leanne, she was baking a cake but didn’t need help. Dad is at work as usual. Jaxon and Caleb went out to see a movie, and Cassie went to take a nap after making me promise to wake her if I needed her. With everyone else busy at the moment, I decide to pilfer through the bookshelves in the game room in hopes of a book I haven’t read yet; however, none of them stand out. Instead, I mope on the sectional and scroll through over a dozen funny pictures Cassie sent to my phone the day before.

  Light pressure on my legs draws my attention, and I turn away from my phone to find Rose has joined me. My kitten kneads my legs while spinning in a slow circle. I watch her turn my thighs into a bed, curl up, then purr heavily. For a creature so tiny, her purrs are incredibly loud, almost like she’s snoring and purring a
t the same time.

  Even without the purrs, I sense her contentment simply by being near me, and it slightly brightens my dull mood. This itty-bitty being loves me and trusts me with everything in her, and it took her no time at all. She chose me as her person, and she’s determined that’s how things will stay, no matter what. If only it was that easy for me to put every ounce of my trust into someone.

  “Riley, there you are!” Leanne enters the game room with a big huff. “I was starting to think we were playing hide and seek that I didn’t know I was playing.”

  I give a half grin. “I’m just trying to find something to do. I would be out training, but Dad said I should take a day off because I’ve been working too hard.”

  “He’s absolutely right.” Leanne rounds the sectional and gently sits down. With my back against the right side of the sectional and my legs spread across the middle, it only allows her to sit at my feet or my head. She picks my feet and blindly reaches out to give Rose a soft scratch. Rose meows quietly at the disturbance, but she’s quick to realize it’s for her benefit and resumes her loud purr-snore.

  “I have something to ask you,” Leanne says after a long silence. She ensures she has my attention, then takes a deep breath. “There’s someone I think you should meet. Her name is Dr. Paine. She’s a therapist but, also, an Elemental.”

  I blink once, then twice. “You want me to see a therapist named Dr. Paine?”

  Leanne snorts. “It’s not the best name for a doctor, I’ll admit. Her first name is Jill. We met in high school, and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s really a wonderful lady, and I think she might be able to help you.”

  “Help me with what?” I twist my hands together nervously. The idea of seeing a therapist never crossed my mind. I’m not sure I want to be put on the spot and be required to tell a total stranger about my thoughts and feelings.

  Leanne raises a brow. She watches me intently, but when I don’t react, she sighs. “Honey, you’ve come a long way from the girl you were five months ago. You could barely speak to us, you didn’t want to move without permission, and you never would have called this your home. You’ve opened up to us and gave us a glimpse of the true Riley. But you’ve had setbacks, and I’m sure there will be more in the future. That’s just life, always throwing us curveballs. Dr. Paine may be able to help you adjust to those twists and turns in life without taking ten steps back.”

  I avert my eyes, unable to look at Leanne anymore. “I’m sorry for being such a pest, Leanne.”

  “Riley Storm!” Leanne gasps. “You are not a pest. Don’t talk about yourself that way.”

  My widened gaze darts back to her. “But you said—”

  “I said you have had setbacks, honey,” Leanne reiterates. “That doesn’t make you a pest or a burden. It makes you human... well, sort of. It isn’t a bad thing, Riley. You are who you are, and I love you exactly as you are. But I always want to do what’s best for my kids. When Jaxon was in fifth grade, he needed help with math. He was so angry with me for hiring a tutor because he didn’t want to be thought of as stupid. It took him a little while, but he caught up and, in the process, realized I never once thought he was stupid. He just needed some extra help, and I did what was best for him. That’s my job as a mom. I only want my kids to be happy and have everything they need to succeed in life.”

  Her words stun me. She may not realize it, but she said she wants what’s best for her kids. She didn’t say her son and step-daughter. She lumped me in with Jaxon. She didn’t throw me into a different category because I’m not her biological child. My heart gives a happy squeeze in my chest, and I curse the tears as they leak out.

  Leanne slides off the couch and kneels on the floor beside me. She pulls my hand into hers. “I didn’t mean to upset you, honey. You don’t have to go see the doctor if you don’t want to. It was just an idea.”

  “It’s not that,” I whisper, desperate to get myself together.

  Leanne frowns. “Then what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  I swallow hard. “It’s just... You said your kids. You called me yours.” She may not have meant anything by it, but it meant the world to me.

  “Oh, Riley.” She softens, pulling me closer to her and holding me in a tight hug. “Of course, you’re my kid. You became my daughter the moment you stepped into my life. I know I’m not your mom, but I’ll still protect you and love you and care for you just as much as I do Jaxon.”

  “You’re the mom I always wished I had,” I remind her of my words from the hotel back in Sacramento. “When I was growing up, I only wanted my mother to hug me and tell me that she loved me. She never did, but you do all the time, and every time it means more than I could ever tell you.”

  “I love you, Riley,” Leanne murmurs, tightening her arms around me. “You’ll always be my daughter.”

  “I love you, too.” I sob into her shoulder. “Mom.”

  My words trigger Leanne’s own flow of tears. We hug each other and allow ourselves a good cry together until my dad finds us holding each other and sobbing. I notice him stroll into the room out of the corner of my eye, but he freezes the second he spots us in miserable states.

  His eyes bounce between us, then to the sleeping kitten on my lap. Rose managed to remain in her makeshift bed during my entire conversation with Leanne. Dad groans, “Oh no, did the cat die?”

  Leanne startles away from our hug at the sounds of his voice. She glances down at Rose and watches as she lifts her little head and lets out a big yawn, then turns to my dad. “Mark, I didn’t know you’d be home before dinner.” She rolls onto her heels, then pushes herself to stand. “Rose is fine. Riley and I were just talking.”

  “Is something wrong?” Dad steps farther into the room, scratching nervously at the back of his neck. “You two seemed pretty upset when I walked in just now.”

  “Just a little mother-daughter chat,” Leanne explains.

  Dad gawks, his wide eyes bouncing between us. I begin to wonder if he’s okay with Leanne referring to me as her daughter, but before I can think too much, Dad breaks out with a giant grin. “My two most favorite girls in the world. I’m so glad to hear you’re having mother-daughter time.” He puts great emphasis on mother-daughter, and I know he caught onto what was talked about. “I have to ask, though,” Dad’s tone turns serious, “did you two talk about Dr. Paine?”

  “I was just asking her about it,” Leanne admits. She regards me cautiously. “No pressure, honey. It’s just an idea I had, and your dad said I should talk to you about it. We support whatever you want to do, though.”

  I chew my bottom lip and think about the offer. Maybe talking to someone I don’t know about the things that bother me wouldn’t be a bad thing. Their opinion doesn’t matter to me as much as my family’s does. I don’t think it would hurt at all to at least try. If I don’t like her for whatever reason, I don’t have to go back.

  With my decision made, I nod. “I’ll see her.”

  Dad beams. “I think it’ll be good for you, kiddo.”

  It’ll either do nothing and things will remain the same, or Dr. Paine will help me get past my fears and doubts. Either way, it can’t get much worse for me than it already is.

  “You’re not going to have any nails left if you keep chewing them off,” Cassie jokes.

  When Leanne asked if I wanted anyone to come to my first appointment with Dr. Paine, I begged for her and Cassie to come along. Somehow, Leanne managed to get me an appointment for the following day, and I was nervous because I thought I’d have more time to prepare for it. After I meet Dr. Paine, I may be more comfortable alone with her, but I’d much rather have someone with me the first time around. We’ve only been in the waiting room for five minutes, but it feels like all day. I can’t stop biting my nails while my knee bounces up and down. I’d be less nervous sitting on death row.

  Leanne wraps an arm around my shoulders and tugs me into her side. “It’s okay, honey. You have us here with you. No need to b
e nervous.”

  “She’s right.” Cassie takes my hand in hers. “We’ll be with you the whole time.”

  “You’d think I’m about to go in for major surgery or something.” It’s silly to be in such disarray over a simple meeting with someone. The problem is, I know I’ll only be meeting Dr. Paine today, but if I decide to come back, she’ll want me to talk about the things that bother me. It won’t be easy for me to open up to a random new person I know nothing about.

  “Riley Storm?”

  My attention snaps to the source of my name. A woman in her mid-thirties with mocha-colored eyes stands beside the door of the waiting area. She smiles kindly when our eyes meet, her bright teeth shining against her ebony skin. Her silky brown hair is pulled back in a perfectly smooth ponytail at the base of her neck. The long, brightly-colored animal print dress she wears flows around her as she strides toward us.

  “Are you Riley?” she asks with a hand extended to me.

  I respond with a small nod as the three of us stand, and I politely extend my hand to shake hers.

  “It’s good to meet you, Riley. I’m Dr. Paine.” She sidesteps and gestures to the door she came from. “Would you like to come on back?”

  Without a word, I follow her lead, Cassie and Leanne by my sides.

  Dr. Paine clears her throat. “Riley?” I pause mid-stride and peek at her over my shoulder. “Do you want your family to come with you or would you rather come in alone?”

  My heart rate spikes. Does she want me to tell them to stay in the waiting room? I don’t think I can do this on my own. My hand tightens around Cassie’s, thankful she never let go.

  Dr. Paine’s features soften. “I want you to take a deep breath for me.” I do as she asks while she shuffles slowly around us so she is face-to-face with me. “This decision is solely up to you, Riley. I want to make sure you’re comfortable with everything. If you’re more comfortable with them, that’s perfectly fine with me. However, if you want to see me alone, I’ll make sure that happens for you, too. It’s completely fine with me either way.”