Even If

by Bethany Riehl

  “I was planning to buy Westside as a thank you afterward,” Lillian answered. She drew a baggie with four homemade oatmeal cookies from her shoulder bag. “You think this will hold you over until then?”

  Chuck’s lips ticked up slightly, and he accepted the bag. He ate one before he asked, “So, how are you doing?”

  She sighed. “I’m fine.”

  Once in the car, Lillian found the address on her phone and directed Chuck to the man she’d found through an internet ad. Chuck pulled over and surveyed the large garage next to a tiny house along a four-lane road. Cars lined the gravel drive, some with prices painted on the windshield, others on cinder blocks.

  “Is this a dealership or a junkyard?” he asked.

  Lillian raked an annoyed gaze over his frame before exiting the car.

  Chuck followed her into the cavernous garage where she located a man bent over an Impala that had seen better days. Maybe.

  “Hi there,” she called. “Are you Gary?”

  The man straightened, wiping his hands on a dirty rag, though it seemed he was just transferring more grease to his hands that way. “Yeah, that’s me.”

  “I’m Lillian, and this is my friend, Chuck,” she gestured vaguely behind her. “I called you about the Jeep Wrangler?”

  “Yeah,” Gary said grabbing a soda can from its perch on the edge of the engine. He spat into it, and Lillian shuffled back slightly.

  “It’s over here.” Gary walked out of the garage and gestured to a black Jeep parked to the side, away from the road. “Just need to go get the keys,” he said, ambling off toward the house. Lillian found his bow-legged gait charming somehow. But that could be because this man was about to sell her the car of her dreams.

  “Seriously, Lilly? This is your dream car?” Chuck asked, as if reading her mind. He eyed the dirty vehicle with disdain as Gary the mechanic sauntered out of sight.

  Lillian ran her hands over the plastic windows, leaving a clear line through the dust. She couldn’t wait to unzip the top and fold it into the trunk. She could buy a baseball cap to tuck her hair into for extra windy drives. She imagined cruising along the country roads near Enrique’s, the restaurant that Chuck had taken her to weeks before. In her daydream it was a warm summer night, the stars bright above her, the wind in her hair, the music on her radio blaring, the roar of the engine filling her ears, shaking all around her.

  Um, yeah. This was absolutely her dream car.

  “What?” she asked, testing the driver’s door and finding it unlocked. The short little door swung open easily and she wrinkled her nose at the smell of stale smoke that assaulted her.

  Chuck jutted out his chin and gave her a look.

  “Okay, so it needs some soap and air freshener—”

  “And probably oil and coolant and a new engine and—”

  “Hey! Have a little faith in me, will you? I grew up around mechanics and called a few of them about this guy. Plus, I checked his ratings on three different sites. Gary has great reviews. So, he doesn’t clean up the cars, that doesn’t mean the engine is faulty. You saw how many cars he had in the garage. Obviously people trust him.”

  Lillian tucked a chunk of hair behind her ears, easing herself onto the ripped seat. She surveyed the interior, loving the tall stick shift, the metal floors—complete with a plug between the two front seats for letting water out if she happened to get rained on. She almost pointed that out to Chuck when Gary returned with the keys.

  “You’re welcome to test drive it around the block,” he said, his voice warbled by the wad of oozing black tobacco packed in his lower lip.

  Chuck stepped forward. “Actually, we want to take it to our mechanic first, you know see if everything checks out.”

  “Chuck—” Lillian cut off at the look he shot her way.

  Gary eyed him for a minute. Spit into his can. “You saying I don’t run an honest business?”

  “Of course not,” Lillian began, halting again when Chuck pinned her with another look.

  “Didn’t say that,” Chuck answered, his tone friendly. “We’d just like to be sure we all agree that this is a decent car. Surely we’re not your first customers who’ve wanted to get a vehicle checked out before buying it?”

  We? Now just a minute— Lillian crossed her arms, scowling at Chuck.

  Gary rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, sure. I’ve had folks do that sometimes. You’ll need to leave a deposit, of course.”

  “Of course,” Chuck agreed.

  Gary pocketed the keys. “Just let me know when you get an appointment with the mechanic. Can’t promise that I won’t sell it between now and then, though.”

  Lillian felt her bubble of joy deflate. She’d been so long without a car and now Chuck had waltzed in here like she was some idiot and delayed her purchase. And how much would the mechanic cost anyway? This car was already cutting into most of her insurance check. She’d hoped to furnish her apartment with some of it, to spruce up the place—especially with Grace-the-Wonderful coming to stay with her.

  “Actually, if you’re ready, I have a mechanic lined up for this evening. We can have it back in just a few hours,” Chuck said, surprising them both.

  Ten minutes later—Gary holding a copy of her license and the keys to Chuck’s truck as collateral— Lillian eased the Jeep into traffic. Before she could tell him that she in no way appreciated this big brother role he suddenly acquired, Chuck pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped it before placing it to his ear.

  “Hey, Ma? Can you let Todd know we’re on our way?” he shrugged at the arched eyebrow Lillian tossed his way.

  Lillian clutched the wheel tighter, loving the thin grip, the hum of the road and the engine growing louder as her speed increased.

  Before Chuck hung up, he asked if they could bring anything over from Westside. Lillian smiled, flipping the turn signal to take them in that direction. Chuck hung up and pocketed his phone again, looking around the interior of the car.

  “It’s definitely not flashy,” he commented.

  “It’s perfect,” she replied.

  “Lillian, it doesn’t even have cup holders.”

  “I’m sure that won’t be a problem, Chuck. As I recall, your truck doesn’t have cup holders, either.” Truth was, this was just what she’d imagined in a Jeep. It was rustic and bare. She couldn’t wait to take this thing mudding.

  “So…” she passed a sidelong glance over his frame. Uh-oh. Maybe having Chuck along wasn’t such a great idea after all. Not only did he interfere with her purchase, but now he was filling the space beside her, his spicy scent swirling around her, clearing out the musty smell. The man was attractive enough on a daily basis. But now? Sitting shot gun, his right foot propped on the lip below the door, his left hand propped against the side of her seat? Heaven help me.

  “So…what?” Chuck asked, eying her expectantly.

  She sat up and eased her foot on the clutch, downshifting to slow for a red light. Focus, Lillian.

  “What on earth was that back there? Why don’t you trust me? Or at least, why didn’t you tell me you were going to insist on taking the car to a mechanic?” she asked.

  “Lillian, I do trust you. This is just the smart thing to do. My mom has been married to a mechanic for two years, and I’ve heard a lot of horror stories of car sales gone bad from folks not having the car checked out before they bought it. When you called me, I thought we were going to a dealership, and you know something? I still arranged for my step-dad to look at it.” He shrugged. “I just forgot to tell you.”

  She felt her lips pull downward. Still. She wanted to be taken seriously. Now what would that guy think of her? That she needed her friend—a man—to take care of her. Of course, in the recesses of her mind, she knew it didn’t matter what Gary the Mechanic thought.

  She pulled into the Westside drive-thru and stopped in front of the speaker. “What number are you on, Chuckie?” she asked, unzipping the window and curling it outward.

 
He pinched his lips at the obnoxious name, but leaned forward to eye the menu. “Twenty-seven,” he answered, sitting back again. “And Mom and Todd were hoping for chocolate milkshakes.” He reached into his back pocket, but Lillian held up her hand.

  “Nope. You’re doing me a favor. This is on me.”

  He eyed her for a moment, then relaxed. “All right, Boss.”

  Lillian scanned the menu, thinking she should venture from the cheeseburger and tots she had come to love, but she ordered her usual, then Chuck’s Big Daddy burger and four milkshakes. Once Chuck had the food settled in his lap and the drink carrier balanced on the floor between them, they took off.

  As Chuck gave directions to the small, but charming bungalow just minutes away from Westside it dawned on Lillian—she was going to meet Chuck’s parents.

  Her heart thundered in her ears.

  ***

  Chuck and Lillian ate their dinner on the porch, Sarah talking with them while Todd looked over the Jeep. He returned, wiping his hands on a clean shop rag and announced that Lillian had found “a sweet little ride.” Lillian turned to Chuck, arching a brow to punctuate her triumph before rising to follow Todd back to the Jeep.

  Chuck deflected the looks his mother flashed his way, thankful that Lillian couldn’t see. Subtlety had never been Sarah’s strong suit. While Todd stood with the hood open, pointing things out to Lillian and talking through the engine with her, Sarah and Chuck hung back, sipping their milkshakes.

  Sarah snatched one of his tots. “He would have been fifty-six, Chuck,” she said quietly.

  He swallowed the lump that immediately clogged his throat. Rasped out, “Yeah.”

  Chuck shoved the last bite of burger into his mouth. It tasted metallic. He choked it down before slanting a look to his mom. “How are you doing?”

  “Todd took me to the cemetery this morning and waited in the car. It was only a few minutes, but it was good. How about you?”

  He shrugged. “I’m okay. I was going to just hole up at home tonight when Lillian knocked on the door. I think I was a little gruff with her.”

  His mom nodded, eyes soft with understanding. “Did you tell her?”

  He shook his head. “Nope.”

  “Oh, Son. Don’t be afraid to open your heart. If you care about this girl, don’t keep yourself—the joy and the grief—from her.” She leaned forward and ran a hand over his head as she’d done since he was a boy. She smiled. “I think he would have liked Lillian.”

  Chuck watched Lillian lean over the hood of the Jeep to see something Todd was showing her. One leg supported her as she rose on her toes inside her Converse sneakers; the other came up in the air behind her for balance. Her orange and white polka dot shorts and white tank top accentuated her tan. The sun slowly setting in the west painted her in a golden haze. His eyes burned. “I know.”

  “Now,” his mom leaned forward, her wet eyes sparkling with mischief. “Let’s go listen as Todd lets Lillian in on all of his car knowledge. If you want to know anything about that woman’s patience, you’ll learn it in this moment. Let’s seize it,” she winked.

  Chuck laughed on a breath and stood to follow her to the Jeep, catching Lillian’s gaze briefly.

  “She’s sweet, Chuck,” Sarah whispered to him after a few moments.

  He turned sharply to his mom, hoping his eyes communicated how desperate he was for her to hush.

  “What?” she smiled demurely, spreading out her hands.

  Chuck only shook his head and watched Lillian’s face. Her brow furrowed slightly, taking in all that Todd was telling her. No doubt bored out of her mind. Todd loved to go on about cars. Chuck rolled his wrist, checking the time.

  “Hey, guys, we’d better get the Jeep back before I lose my truck to that guy,” he said. If he didn’t shut Todd down now they would all know the history of Jeeps inside and out before the night was over. He sure liked the guy, was thankful his mom had found someone to love her and ease her loneliness. But that didn’t mean he wanted to spend his evening with Lillian jawing all night.

  Wait—spend the evening with Lillian? That hadn’t been his plan when he’d agreed to come. In fact, Chuck had hoped to get her car checked out and go home as quickly as possible. Days like this—where he missed his father, when the loss weighed so heavily—wore him out. But an idea was formulating in his mind, and his weariness began to lift.

  Lillian hugged his mom and Todd goodbye, and Chuck’s heart squeezed. He opened the driver’s door for her and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek before jogging to the passenger side. Todd had shown Lillian how to unfold the top of the Jeep and they decided to leave it down until they arrived at Gary’s.

  “Just think about it, Chuck!” his mom called out as Lillian backed out of the driveway. He gave her a curt nod, avoiding Lillian’s questioning look flickering from him and back to his mom.

  “What was that about?” she asked.

  “Not a thing,” he answered.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The wind whipped through the Jeep, lifting Lillian’s layered locks and tangling them. She gladly accepted Chuck’s hat when he offered it at the first red light. She stuffed her tangled hair inside and tightened the back strap before flashing a wide grin at Chuck. A shadow passed over his features, unreadable. She opened her mouth to question him, but the light turned green.

  Chuck gestured in the opposite direction—away from Gary’s Car Yard. “You haven’t really had a chance to try her out. Let’s do one loop around Boise and on the freeway before we take it back. We have time,” he said.

  She followed his directions, wanting to question him about what his mom meant and about the strange look. He kept changing the subject back to the car and to Idaho Building business, his answers short.

  Lillian gave up trying to talk when they hit the freeway. She was thankful for Chuck’s hat as their speed increased and the airstream flowed forcefully all around them. Lillian kept forgetting that she was supposed to be test driving the Jeep. Chuck’s nearness—his intoxicating presence, the placement of his hand on the back of her seat, close to her shoulder—distracted her, clogged her mind. That, and the way his bicep bulged right in her periphery. She gripped the wheel tighter.

  Focus on the Jeep, Dummy.

  For starters, she definitely loved the feel of the wind in her hair. Todd told her the engine was in tip top shape. She definitely wouldn’t be able to hear the radio over the loud rumbling of the wind and road. Did that bother her? And what about the—

  Chuck palmed the back of her neck gently, sending a volt straight to her toes and back up to squeeze her belly. The fine hair on her arms stood up with goosebumps that broke out on her flesh. She glanced his way, the wind taking her breath with it.

  He shouted, “Take this exit!” and removed his hand.

  She swallowed her disappointment. You’re all wrong for him, remember? No matter what he says, his type is coming to stay with you this weekend. You’ll be up close and personal with Miss Right.

  But her pep talk wouldn’t penetrate. Though the June evening was warm and a small trickle of sweat worked between her shoulder blades, her neck chilled with longing for the warmth of his touch. And then, just as suddenly as it had left, it rested against her skin again. As if he could tell that she’d needed his touch.

  Chuck gave her directions back to Gary’s, but left his hand where it was, his fingers toying with the wisps of hair at the base of her head. Toying with her heart. Raking her over the coals. By the time the Jeep turned into the driveway, her heart had melted into a puddle and was leaking down to her toes.

  Gary lumbered out of the garage as the tires crunched over the gravel drive. He was pleased with Lillian’s report of Todd’s appraisal. They bartered for a time before settling on a price they both felt was fair. Gary signed over the title and returned Chuck’s keys before bidding them goodnight.

  Chuck walked with her back to the Jeep and declined her offer to return his hat. “Nah, you still need it to
drive home. Plus, it looks cute on you,” he teased, tugging on the brim.

  Lillian rolled her eyes, thankful the orange glow of the sun was at her back, most likely hiding her blush in shadow, even as it accentuated every handsome curve of Chuck’s face.

  “I’m going to stop at the store for Febreeze, so I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” she said.

  “Sounds good,” Chuck answered.

  Lillian reached forward impulsively and wrapped her arms around his waist. Just as quickly, she pulled away before he had time to return the embrace. “Thank you,” she said, her eyes, acting of their own violation, told him more than she was ready.

  “You’re welcome.” He held her gaze, his features melting into a soft grin. He took a few steps toward her. Her breath caught at the light in his eyes.

  “You know, I have my keys again,” he drew out the words as if scattering a puzzle that he expected her to put together.

  Lillian just stared at him.

  Chuck called out to Gary before he was out of sight. “Hey man, do you mind if I pick up my truck in about an hour? We want to take the Jeep for one more joy ride tonight before we head home.”

  Gary spit into the dirt and waved the check Lillian had written him in the air. “You can leave it here all night for all I care. Have a good drive.”

  Lillian crossed her arms and tilted her head, eyes sparkling. “We want to take it for a joy ride?” she asked.

  “Yup,” Chuck answered, already rounding the back and opening the passenger door. “We want to drive out to Kuna and smell the mint fields.”

  He didn’t have to ask her twice. Lillian jumped in the Jeep and fired it up. Chuck snapped his fingers before climbing in and ran back to his truck. He retrieved a frayed blue blanket from under the bench seat and jogged back to the Jeep. Lillian eyed him as he tucked the blanket near his feet while turning on the radio. He found a cheesy song on the country station and Lillian chose to sing along rather than ask what he was up to.

  They coasted through the wide-open spaces of the farming town, crinkling their noses as they passed a dairy farm. She drove the Jeep by vibrant green corn fields, the shoulder high stalks begging for her to play peek-a-boo between the rows. Especially with the sunset’s enchanting light sliding down the stalks.