Chuck led her away from town, but five minutes into the farmlands, he shouted for her to pull over. Lillian immediately complied, surprised by how dark it had become since they’d left the hazy lights of downtown Kuna. The engine hummed in the stillness of night, but she could hear him much better idling on the side of the road.
“What are we doing?” she asked.
“Go up just a few feet. I think your dirt road is right up there.”
Her dirt road? She crept forward, and when the crooked “For Sale” sign came into view, she understood. Her lips worked into a slow smile as she made the turn.
***
When Lillian had driven further down the lane, Chuck told her to stop and cut the engine. The gentle chugging died out as country sounds charged in. The thunderous chant of crickets rang out across the open field, while the sad cry of frogs sang the baseline to the summer symphony. It was so dark Chuck could only see a silver line in the distance where the earth curved away from them.
Lilly shifted in her seat. “Chuck? What are we doing?”
He smiled in the dark and reached for the lever on the door. Blanket in hand, he walked around the front and tossed it over the hood before using the tire to climb up. Chuck pillowed his head in his hands, elbows out to the sides, eyes on the sky. Stars crept into the night one by one, shattering the inky black expanse.
“I’m star gazing,” he answered.
A pause of quiet settled behind him in the Jeep. Then, clothing rustled and her door swung open and closed. The blanket wrinkled against his arm as Lillian climbed up. She sat beside him, knees drawn up under her chin. They watched the sky wordlessly—him lying down, her sitting—for what seemed like a thousand heartbeats. Chuck thought over what his mom had said, considered saying something. His heart began to thunder, and he blurted out the words before he could change his mind.
“Today would have been my dad’s birthday.”
Silence. A squeak as she shifted and her shoe slipped off the blanket and rubbed against the hood. Then her body was stretched beside his. Her breath on his neck. Her head on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Chuck. Why didn’t you tell me before?” she asked, her voice weighted.
He shrugged. “I just…didn’t.”
Lillian brought her hand up to cover his heart. After a moment she tensed as if in preparation to pull away. Chuck captured her hand within his and held it in place so she couldn’t withdraw, and she relaxed into his side. He swallowed hard.
The spicy sweet fragrance of mint encircled them, wrapping them both in its loamy arms. Chuck closed his eyes, burying his nose into her hair. They lay that way for hours it seemed. But despite the burn in his heart and sting in his eyes, no tears escaped. Lillian molded against his side and the majesty of the sky stretched above both worked as a salve for the open wound of his grief.
“Chuck?” her voice was husky. Hesitant.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah?”
“Will you tell me about your dad? Or is that too painful?”
Chuck closed his eyes as a pleasant warmth worked through him. He pressed a kiss against her soft hair. “It’s a good kind of painful. What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
His father was always a welcome topic. But he had found over the years that few people felt comfortable talking about him. As if they could hurt Chuck by remembering the man he wished had never left. It was the best thing she could have done.
So, Chuck told her about his dad’s wisdom. His laugh. The way he sneezed so loud it would scare his mom out of her seat. His love of camping and fishing. The way he tuned cars in their garage for friends and neighbors. His love for the Lord. The way he cherished Chuck’s mom. The firm but gracious way he raised Chuck.
The more he shared with Lillian, the more he agreed with his mom that, yes, his dad would have liked her. Very much. And based on her hearty laughter at his stories, the way his shirt dampened with her tears when he shared more tender memories, and the questions she asked—as if she had an increasing desire to know the man she would never meet—he knew without a doubt that Lillian would have loved his dad.
As he talked, Chuck felt himself falling harder than ever before for Lillian Rodgers.
“Your dad sounds...amazing,” she whispered, when Chuck’s voice grew raspy and slow. “Thank you for telling me about him; I just wish I could have met him.”
Chuck drew up on one elbow to look down at Lillian. His eyes had adjusted to the dark, and could make out the curve of her cheek in the starlight. The twinkle of her eyes. The silver glow of the stars on her soft hair.
But he couldn’t see everything. He cupped her face in his free hand and allowed his thumb to outline her cheekbone before slipping to where her mouth curled into her cheek. Lillian’s lips parted; her breath warm and halting against his hand. He relished the pliable softness of her lower lip against the pad of his thumb. She pressed her cheek into his palm, leaning closer into the embrace. Chuck’s heart kept time with the throaty song of frogs and frantic response of crickets all around them.
“He would have loved you, Lilly,” Chuck whispered. His heart clenched, aware of how true it was. Lillian’s breath hitched when he drew closer…and her face turned away before he could claim her mouth. His lips clumsily brushed against her cheek. His heart leapt in his throat in embarrassment—and fear.
Had he misread her these last few weeks? The softness in her eyes, the way she watched him when she thought he wasn’t looking? He’d been patient, showing her in his actions and words that he’d meant everything he had put into that first kiss. And tonight…they’d reached a new level of connection, hadn’t they? “What’s the matter?” he asked, voice husky and thick.
Lillian sat up and Chuck’s hand fell away. The space where she had been was like a yawning chasm. He sat up to escape it.
“I like you Chuck. A lot. But I’m just… I’m all wrong for you. And when you realize that for yourself, it’s going to hurt more than I think I can handle.”
She was wrong. He hadn’t met anyone that was more right for him than Lillian. His limbs were weighted with heat, his lips tingled all over from the near kiss. His heart was so tangled up in emotion that he couldn’t speak. Chuck drank in her profile. After a weighty moment, he cleared his throat. “Lillian, I wish you would give me a chance. Let me show you that you can trust me.”
The crickets around them sang on, heedless of the way Chuck’s heart hung on her answer.
Lillian sniffed and drew her fingertips under her eyes. She forced a smile and brokenly said, “Let’s see how you feel after Grace has been here.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
“Why on earth did I ever agree to this?” Lillian muttered to herself, karate chopping the top of a white faux fur couch pillow. She walked through her apartment one more time, hoping to calm her nerves.
Bed freshly made? Check.
Towel and toiletries laid out in the bathroom? Check.
Apartment clean and orderly? Check.
Pantry and fridge stocked with delicious food? Check.
Extreme jealousy and feelings of inadequacy? Um, yeah. Check and double check.
Lillian caught her reflection in the mirror above the hall table. She’d carefully blown her hair dry with a big round brush, the stacked layers falling just as they should when she was done. Her eye make-up was simple, but effective; her hazel eyes looked green against her pale pink top. She’d chosen casual jean capris and her favorite brown flats. All that was left was—
A loud knock on the door jolted her from the perusal, rocketing her heart into overdrive. Her hand slipped slightly on the door handle. She pressed her fingers into her palm on the other hand to calm the slight tremor in her movements. She tried the door again, and it opened to a grinning Chuck, his returned baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, his teeth the centerpiece of a goofy smile.
“And here’s Lillian,” he pronounced.
“And here’s the famous Grace.”
Lillian could have kicked herself. The famous Grace?
The woman with Chuck was just how Lillian pictured her—a petite blond, well-dressed and poised, with a cherub face and pixie smile. A stunning Reese Witherspoon look-a-like with deep dimples. Kind blue eyes.
Perfect and dainty.
Virginal.
“Lillian, it’s so nice to meet you.” Even her voice was angelic. Her handshake was more of an adoring squeeze, and regardless of her jealousy, Lillian instantly liked her and had a strange desire to protect the dainty little thing. She also wanted to hide her away from Chuck’s affectionate gaze. She was fickle that way.
Lillian swallowed, raking her eyes away from his before she answered. “It’s wonderful to meet you, too. I’ve heard so much about you.” She reached out for Grace’s bag and tucked it into the office.
“Oh, dear. I hope they didn’t paint me too crazy,” Grace laughed.
Crazy? Not exactly. Solid and dependable? Yup. Perfect? Most definitely.
“No, of course not. I hear you are a real world changer. I would love to learn more about your work.”
“Oh, absolutely. In fact, the venue I’m speaking at gave me a few guest passes. Would you like to come?”
Lillian’s eyes flashed to Chuck who was still positioned behind Grace, out of her line of vision. He fanned his face, batting his eyelashes. Lillian’s nose tingled, and she sucked in a breath, using all of her willpower not to bust up laughing. She turned abruptly toward the kitchen and let her restrained smile free.
“Thanks, I’ll think about it. Um, would you like some cheese?” She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and opened the fridge. It was bad enough her voice wobbled from holding back laughter, but, “Would you like cheese?” Seriously, Lillian?
She pulled a platter from the top shelf and turned questioningly to Grace—who exuded politeness, and Chuck—who exuded boyish immaturity.
“That’s so sweet. And it looks amazing.” Grace turned half around to connect with Chuck. “We’re about to head out for an early dinner, but I don’t think I can resist a little bite.”
As Grace filled a small plate with a slice of Havarti cheese and two strawberries, Lillian couldn’t help but think she was the kind of person who would eat sand just to be cordial. Chuck snagged a handful of blueberries, crackers, and a stack of pepper jack cheese.
“Delicious, Lilly,” he smiled around a mouthful of a cheese-and-cracker sandwich.
“Well, I did make it all myself,” she said sarcastically. “I feel the true talent is in how you slice the cheese and arrange the fruit. Makes all the difference, really.” Lillian demonstrated slicing and arranging with her hands, adding a touch of dramatic flair, hoping they wouldn’t notice the slight tremor in her hands.
Why was she so nervous?
Possibly because hearing about Grace and seeing her in the flesh were two entirely different experiences.
Hearing about Grace? Feelings of jealousy.
Seeing Grace? Feelings justified, but in a way that made the woman endearing. She wasn’t uppity or snarky. She was kind. Friendly. Likeable.
Darn it.
It also didn’t help that Lillian couldn’t stop thinking of the connection she and Chuck had made the night she’d bought her Jeep. The stories he’d shared of his upbringing hauntingly wonderful. His childhood had been vastly different than her own, and she felt a personal ache over the loss of Chuck’s dad. As if she’d lost him as well.
Still more disarming was the way Chuck had played with her hair as they’d driven through the country. The way he’d held her in his arms under the stars, and the way he’d—have mercy—leaned in to kiss her. Again. And she’d pushed him away.
Again.
She’d spent the last few days both terrified that he would try it again, and hopeful that he would. She’d avoided Chuck as much as possible. But those kisses—the real one, and the one that almost was…they kept coming back to torment her.
A flush came over her just then as her arms broke out in goosebumps. Lillian shook her head slightly and focused on Grace.
“We’re going to dinner before the conference starts for the night. Will I see you there?” Grace asked.
“Uh...” Lillian’s eyed glanced off of Chuck, then back to Grace. What had they been talking about? Oh, the conference. Ugh. Did she want to go to a purity conference led by this perfect-for-Chuck woman? She could not think of a single reason not to. At least not one that she could say out loud. Grace and Chuck watched her expectantly.
“Um, sure. That would be nice.”
Grace grinned, her teeth perfectly white and straight. “Wonderful. I’ll just let Jon, my manager, know that you’re coming.” She pulled out her phone and tapped out a message. “I know Tiff has to work tonight, but she’ll be there tomorrow. For this session, I’ll be sure Jon seats you next to the teens and Katrina.”
Next to—well, there was her reason not to. Next to Katrina, the ice princess from youth group? Lillian groaned inwardly; it was going to be a long night.
***
Chuck popped another blueberry into his mouth, watching Grace and Lillian talk, his heart thudding with—what was that? Pride? Awe? There was something life-changing to him about introducing the two women. Grace had been a close friend for years—she knew his heart, knew his history. She was funny and kind, but just a friend.
Lillian was funny and kind as well. So welcoming and good. And when he barely brushed his shoulder against hers to grab another handful of crackers? Electric shock. That could have a lot to do with the evening they’d shared. He’d taken his mom’s challenge, not knowing what to expect. And for the first time since his dad had died he felt…well, he wasn’t sure. But it was a feeling he wanted to grab tight with both hands. It was like Lillian had anointed him with healing oil that only she possessed. She’d listened and laughed and cried with him.
Lillian nodded at something Grace said, an aching vulnerability in her expression. He remembered her cryptic comment, “Let’s see how you feel after Grace has been here.” If only she could believe that Chuck was completely enamored with her—her heart, her mind, her soul, her beauty.
They thanked Lillian for the snack and Grace jotted down her number. “I’ll give my manager your name. Just show up at the main doors and tell the ticket holder that I have your ticket in the back for you. I’ll make sure you and Katrina are near the other Grace Chapel girls.”
Chuck noticed the hesitation on Lillian’s face. After what she’d shared about her Bible college experience, he understood. Grace’s conferences were all about purity and being purposeful in relationships as Christian women. How would it feel to sit through something like that feeling like you had the proverbial scarlet letter “A” on your forehead?
He waited for Grace to turn toward the front door and searched Lillian’s eyes. Though she tried to turn away, he laid a hand on her arm and tangled with her eyes until she met and held his gaze. His thumb gently stroked the curve of her muscle, absentmindedly appreciating the feminine tone of her arm. His stomach dropped at the intimacy of their enraptured gazes. He squeezed her arm.
She lifted a shoulder, ever so slightly, and her eyes skittered behind him to Grace, dropping the intimate moment. Chuck turned away, his pulse pounding in his ears, and led the way from Lillian’s apartment.
Grace shut the door behind her and hurried along to catch up with Chuck. He smiled when her sandal slipped off and she stopped to retrieve it, hopping along after him. Grace had always been clumsy.
“So where are you taking me, Chuck?”
He blinked, still feeling warm all over. He wondered if he should talk with Grace—be sure her conference wouldn’t tear Lillian to shreds. Realizing he couldn’t without sharing more than Lillian might want Grace to know, he rejected the idea.
“Hello? Earth to Chuck!” Grace teasingly knocked on his hat.
Chuck shook his head slightly, trying to clear the fog. “Hmm? Oh, um, I was thinking North End Chinese?”
They caught up on the basics on their way to the restaurant. Once there, Chuck ordered their favorites and arranged the dishes between them on the table, family style.
“So, how’s the tour going?” Chuck asked after they’d prayed. “I see you have a band with you this time.” He forked a bite of orange chicken.
Grace surprised him with a blush. “Yup, we sure do. My manager thought that would be a nice touch. And, uh, it’s been…a nice touch. Yup,” she faltered, glancing away and back again. She pushed fried rice around her plate with a pair of chopsticks.
Chuck’s grin barely contained his bite of chicken. He leaned back in his seat. “Hmm. This wouldn’t happen to be a band with a guy in it, would it, Grace?”
She sipped her drink and met his gaze. Sort of. If the rim of his hat was the new definition of eye-contact. “Yes, the lead singer is a guy. So?”
Chuck hitched up a brow. “An attractive guy, Grace?”
Grace’s eyes skittered away. Chuck laughed long and loud. He folded his hands on the table and leaned in. “So, tell me about him.”
She sighed. “There’s really nothing to tell.”
“Aw, come on. You can’t leave me hanging. I want to hear everything,” he said, still unable to erase his grin.
Grace finally met his gaze. “Lay off, Chuck.”
“No way. I haven’t seen you interested in a guy since…well, never. I want to hear all about Mr. Wonderful.”
Grace sighed and pinned him with a look. “So, Lillian seems nice.” It was her turn to quirk a brow.
Chuck leaned back and shook his head, still smiling. “Ah, I see how it is. Fine, Grace. You found my weakness—I’ll bite. Lillian is nice. And fun and caring and just…great. So great. I think she feels the same way about me, but something is holding her back. In fact, while you’re here, maybe you should try to convince her that I’m a nice guy,” he winked and gave her a double-thumbs up.
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