Wandering Soul

by Steven Anderson

  “Professor Wright on the Margo Islands?” I felt a shiver run through me. If I had gone to the Margo Islands like Grandpa had wanted me to, Wandering Star wouldn’t have exploded and I still would have met Sam. It made me wonder how many other pathways would lead Sam and me together.

  Sam’s eyes had gone wary. “How did you know?”

  “Marcus Wright’s an old friend of my dad’s. He used to come over to the house for barbecues and to drink smelly dark beer. I can contact him for you and see if…” I trailed off, watching Sam’s eyes go from wary to resigned. I put my hand over my mouth. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I, being Princess Mala Dusa?”

  “Yeah, you are. Does your family know everyone that’s important?”

  I shook my head. “No, they didn’t know you.” I said it softly, as an apology.

  “I’m going with Mesa Vista because that’s where RuComm needs me. Please don’t try to change it. The mission is open ended. It isn’t supposed to exceed ten months, but it might. Do you understand?”

  “Yes. In a few days you’re leaving on the most exciting, dangerous, mission possible. You’ll be gone almost a year, maybe longer, doing amazing things. While you’re gone, I’ll be back on Earth finishing my senior year in high school and applying to attend the Academy as a raw freshman. I understand perfectly.”

  He leaned toward me until his nose almost touched mine. “I don’t know what your feelings are for me–”

  “Yes you do.”

  “–but it doesn’t matter. You’re six years younger than me. I don’t know what I was thinking, wanting more from you than friendship.”

  He closed his eyes and swayed a little bit, his forehead touching mine. “Damn, you smell good, MD.”

  “Thanks. Are you all done being silly now? OK, Sam, I guess I’m still a child. That’s what everyone keeps telling me, so it must be true. But you’re my friend and ten months from now, or a year or two years from now, you’ll still be my friend. Maybe someday we can–” I sighed. His forehead was still leaning against mine. It felt nice. “But not now. I know that. But we’re friends today, so let’s act like it, OK? Let’s get something to eat and then explore this big empty ship for a few hours.” I leaned back and smiled at him.

  Sam sighed and touched my hair, moving it away from my eyes. “That’s a deal. Vista tells me that the lasagna is pretty good.”

  “She told me the same thing.”

  “You don’t suppose…”

  “Vista, what’s on the menu tonight other than Lasagna?”

  “Only synthetics,” she answered sadly.

  “Devious,” I commented. “I like her.”

  We ate our lasagna. Tobias and Sandy joined us when we were almost done, so Sam and I sat with them and ate ice cream and talked while they finished. Afterward, we walked all through the ship. It was very clean and new. Sam loved it, but I found myself missing the worn look and patina of age that had covered so much of Wandering Star.

  When I mentioned it, Tobias said, “You mean the dirt? The autonomous cleaners never could get her clean. Too many hands touching everything for too many years.”

  Sandy whispered to me while we walked, “Star was kind of charming, wasn’t she? I miss her.”

  I was tired by the time I made it back to my cabin a little after 2200, but I had to talk to Winona before I fell asleep.

  “Vista, what day is today?” I realized I had lost track.

  “Today is Friday, ship’s time.”

  “Can you tell me when the Moebius will dock at Bodens Gate?”

  “They are due in at 1330 on Sunday.”

  “And when will we get there?”

  “I will be on orbit at 0200 Tuesday.”

  “What’s the comm delay between us and Moebius right now?”

  “About one hour each way.”

  I sat at the desk and punched in Winona’s code. I set up our private encryption and then sent her everything that had happened since the night the engines had ruptured. I started my message by telling her that what followed was for her, not my parents, told about how the Tarakana were scattered across three ships now, and ended by telling her about how happy and miserable Sam made me. I asked her if Mr. de Sande was right about what he called me.

  Winona’s reply arrived a little after 0030, and was short.

  “It turns out your mom broke our encryption a year ago. She seems unhappy about the Tarakana, although I don’t think she really blames you. It took us almost a half hour to find all the pieces from the glass she threw across the mess hall. Your father thought it was funny, but his sense of humor tends to be dark, as you know, and he appreciates the absurdities of life. Hannah is also angry about Sam and wants to know if you really have that little self-control. Your father says to tell you he’s looking forward to seeing the dress. Of course you are the Princess Mala Dusa. Your naïveté about how remarkable you are makes it acceptable. See you soon. Winn.”

  I read it through twice and sighed, thinking that maybe I should just stay in my cabin until we docked so I couldn’t cause any more damage.

  Instead, I spent almost every minute of the next three days with Sam. I realized Hannah was right about me; my self-control when it came to him was close to zero. Knowing that Vista was watching and listening to everything we did, Sam’s commitment to RuComm, and his belief that I was way too young were the only protections I had against doing something colossally stupid.

  Sam immersed himself in researching the planet Kempner-27, Kempner being the name of the AI that had explored it, and twenty-seven being how many planets he had explored when he got there. I learned as much about it as Sam, asking stupid questions, helping him dig through the survey reports, and having him teach me basic exobiology in the process.

  We ran the five kilometers of Vista’s outer ring corridor in the mornings, but didn’t encounter a single thunderstorm. Every evening after dinner we swam under massive display panels that made it look like the pool was open to space. When Sam met me there the first evening I was already playing in the shallows. He looked at me for a long moment, walked back over to his display pad, and typed on it. Then he sat with his eyes closed until Tobias and Sandy came in to join us. It made me happy all the way through. No one had ever seen me as attractive enough to require a chaperone. It also made me realize that his self-control was no greater than mine, he just had the good sense to put a safety net under us.

  I wore my blue dress to dinner on our last night, making Sam laugh when he saw me.

  Sandy had been too busy with Tobias to have really noticed me or the dress before, so I twirled in it for her. “That’s fine work, Sam,” she told him. “I’m going to make sure you’re trapped on the shuttle with me next time.”

  “Thanks.” He took my arm and whispered in my ear as he walked me to the table. “That thing you’re trying to do to me? You can stop now. It worked.”

  I looked at him, eyebrows raised, pretending that I had no idea what he was talking about.

  “Please, MD? Please stop.”

  My smile slipped away as I saw real pain in his eyes. “I, um, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s OK. It hurts, but it’s kind of a good hurt, you know what I mean?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered back. “I know exactly what you mean.” I touched my chest above my heart.

  “Yep. Right there.” He looked at Sandy and Tobias and smiled, pretending everything was all right. “So, what entrée does Vista have on the menu for us tonight?”

  “Lasagna,” the three of us answered in unison.

  “At least you and Mala Dusa will be off this ship in a few hours,” Sandy added. “Tobias and I are stuck here until the preliminary hearing for the loss of Wandering Star.”

  I looked at her, biting my lower lip. “I was there too. Call me if you need me.”

  Sam and I went to the pool after dinner and
sat with our feet in the water, me being very careful not to get my dress wet. We didn’t talk much, we just sat and watched Bodens Gate getting larger and then the structure of the space docks blocking out our view of the stars.

  I straightened my knee and watched water dripping from my foot. “What are you going to do while you’re waiting for Mesa Vista?”

  “Research and planning. RuComm has a guest house at the embassy in Eindhoven. They expect me to stay there and create a detailed plan for Kempner-27 before they arrive to pick me up. Of course, I’m only one third of the biology team, so my plan probably won’t amount to much. The senior biologist is on her ninth hop.”

  “So it’s another test? They just want to see what you can come up with?”

  “Probably.” He put his foot underneath mine to catch the water dripping down.

  “I’ll bet you surprise them.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m going to spend one night at the hotel with my parents and Winn, then it’s off to the Warrens with me.”

  “Stay in the Mission, MD, where you’re safe.”

  “Afraid I’ll get kidnapped?”

  “Something like that.”

  I grinned at him. “If they put me up for sale, will you come bid on me?”

  “You shouldn’t even joke about that. I know you’ve heard the stories about what happens in the Warrens. It’s not funny.”

  He put his hand into the water and splashed my leg. “Hey! No water on the dress.” He put his hand back in the water and looked at me, an evil glint in his eye. “Dress,” I cautioned him again, trying to look stern.

  He sighed. “I wish you weren’t wearing it tonight.”

  I raised my eyebrows, expecting him to clarify his statement or maybe blush. He’s cute when he blushes. But he just kept staring at me until I had to look away.

  He laughed. “Just so I could splash you one last time.”

  I stood up. “Come on. We need to go get our stuff. We’ll be docking in a few minutes.” I held my hand out to him.

  He took hold of it. “I’m ready, although I don’t think we have all that much ‘stuff’ to get.”

  He was right. When we met back at the airlock on the outer ring corridor, I had a small bag with a change of clothes and nothing else.

  “I had to give my display pad back so I need to buy a new one tomorrow,” I told Sam. “That’s the third one I’ve lost or broken since my family moved to Earth.”

  “I don’t think your dad can blame you for this one.”

  “He won’t, but Hannah probably will.”

  He laughed and bumped my shoulder with his. “I am going to miss you, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ll miss you too. Please don’t get eaten by some weird megafauna thing with big teeth or suckers or something.”

  “And don’t get yourself put up for auction. I don’t have very much money.”

  “Do you promise to be miserable for the next few days?”

  “I will if you will.”

  “That’s a deal.” I smiled at him. “I’m already starting.”

  CHAPTER 9

  BODENS GATE

  The hatch began to open and Winona slipped through before it could even complete its cycle. I ran toward her and we almost crashed to the deck when we grabbed each other. She was squeezing me hard enough around the middle to make breathing almost impossible.

  “Careful there, Winn, I’m crushable,” I giggled.

  She stepped back from me and wrapped herself around Sam while I tried to catch my breath. When she released him she put her hands on his cheeks and pulled his face down far enough to kiss his forehead.

  “Thank you for taking care of my Mala Dusa. I forgive you now for lying to her and her parents when you first met them.”

  “What are you talking about, Winn? Sam didn’t lie to me.”

  “You are terrible at research. Did you even look him up at all?”

  “No.” I looked at Sam. He was blushing again.

  Winona stared at him, head tipped to the side. “So, are you going to tell her?”

  He sighed. “I, um, I’m not twenty-two.”

  “He just turned twenty!” Winn was more excited than I had ever seen her. “Last week, while you were still on Wandering Star. Sam is one of the youngest people to ever graduate from the Academy. The youngest was some girl who was fifteen, and there’s been loads that were seventeen or eighteen, but still…”

  Samuel Coleridge, child prodigy, was staring at his shoes.

  “It doesn’t make any difference,” he told his shoes, “I’ll still be on Mesa Vista, you’ll still be on Earth, and you’re still sixteen.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked gently.

  He glanced up, looking miserable. “Because I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of freak.”

  “Hah!” Winona was triumphant. “See? I found one for you.”

  My dad and Hannah had reached us by then and Dad pulled me into a hug. I watched Sam turn and start to walk away from us toward the hatch. Winn wouldn’t let him leave, though. She put her hands on his chest and pushed.

  “Back,” she ordered. “You can’t leave yet. Duse still needs you.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  I pulled away from Dad and ran to him. I whispered in his ear, bracing myself with both my hands on his right shoulder, afraid to hug him. “Because it does make a difference. It makes you even more special and more precious.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and waited for a lightning bolt from Mara Vista.

  “Ms. Holloman,” I closed my eyes, waiting for it. “I’m sure you can do better than that to say goodbye to Mr. Coleridge. You won’t be seeing him again for quite some time.”

  He smiled at me and I kissed him, long and gentle this time, our first real kiss, while Winn and my parents looked on. He let go of me and I wobbled a little. “Buy a new display pad first thing,” he told me, “so we can talk every day.” I was still wobbling. “OK?” he asked.

  “Uh huh.” He must have left me then, because the next thing I knew Hannah was standing next to me and Sam was gone.

  She sighed. “It doesn’t always take very long, does it?” I knew she was feeling my emotions. I think everyone within a hundred meters could probably feel them.

  “He made me a dress,” I told her.

  “I see that.”

  “And underwear.” I reached down and touched the hem, lifting it slightly.

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  I could feel that she wanted to be angry with me, but couldn’t. I do love my mom.

  “It’s very early in the morning,” she said. She took one arm and Dad took the other and they guided me toward the hatch. “Would you like to come back to the hotel and sleep a few hours?”

  “In a bed?”

  “Yes. A soft bed.”

  “OK. I cut my hair. Did you notice?”

  “It’s very becoming.”

  “Those helmets, they were so hard to get on with long hair. I was the last one to the rally point my first time.”

  “That’s why I first cut my hair short. I never looked back.” She smiled at me. “It makes you look more grownup.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  The bed was soft and I stayed in it until almost 1000. By then, Winona had been making an increasing amount of noise; talking, clattering things and stomping her feet. When my door slammed, I opened one eye and found her face a couple of centimeters away from mine.

  “Oh, good, you’re awake. Get up so you can swim with me before lunch.”

  “You woke me up so we can go swimming?”

  “They have a slide.”

  “A slide?”

  “One of the twisty ones. With the extra gravity, I can achieve enough velocity to skip on the surface of the pool like
a stone on a pond. So far I’ve only managed two hops, but with practice–”

  “I bet we can do three.” I sat up and looked around the room, remembering where I was and how I’d gotten there, remembering Sam.

  “I need to buy a new display pad first,” I told her.

  “I knew you’d be this way. There’s a new pad on your bag. I’ve been chatting with Sam all morning.”

  “Really?”

  “Pretending to be you.”

  I screamed. I didn’t mean to, it just came out. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

  “I didn’t. I wanted to see how much you love him.” She put her hand on my cheek, very gently. “I wish I could feel your emotions like your parents do. What’s it like, being in love with him?”

  Hannah and my dad came into the room before I could answer.

  “Were you screaming?” Dad asked.

  “Winona was being mean to me.”

  “Good,” Hannah commented. “It was time for you to get up anyway.”

  I turned back to Winona. “It hurts. That’s what it feels like right now.”

  Hannah sat down next to me and put her hand on my chest, the glib attitude she had had when she came into the room gone. I could feel her banging around inside my head while she looked into my eyes, then she pulled me into her arms.

  “You couldn’t tell anyone how you felt,” she whispered to me.

  “No.”

  “Or show it in any way.”

  “That’s right.”

  “You could see him and be with him, but not touch him. You could talk to him, but never say what you wanted to tell him.”

  “Yes. It was just like that.” I felt tears in my eyes.

  “I thought I remembered what it was like, but feeling it again… Dusa, I wanted to spare you this.” She sniffled, wiping my tears with her fingers while hers ran down her cheeks. “And here I am crying right before a big meeting again.”