Wandering Soul

by Steven Anderson

  I was starting to like her, but I could see Sam shaking his head. “Not yet, Katarina. Thank you for your kind offer. You’ll know when the time is right.”

  I frowned at him and he lowered his sword.

  “I can go?”

  “Yes, you should go.”

  She bowed slightly to Sam and left us.

  “Now will you let me keep my hood up?”

  Sam sighed and I could see his hand shaking as he sheathed his sword. “Yes, put it up. I want to circle around a bit before we go back into the workshop to make sure no one else recognized you.”

  I covered my head and was ready to go when I noticed Sam was still leaning against the wall. I touched his cheek.

  “MD, I almost killed her. I was ready to. That was my plan; grab her shoulder as soon as she came around the corner and thrust as hard as I could just below the ribs. When I saw her face I hesitated.”

  “Good. She was a friend.”

  “If she had been an assassin, that moment of hesitation would have been enough for her to have put a bullet through your head.” He looked around at the narrow, garbage strewn alleyway. “I don’t belong here. You don’t belong here.”

  “And yet here we are. It’s going to be OK. Mom promised to get you back up to your ship in two or three days. Then you’ll be on your way to a real adventure.”

  He gave me a crooked grin. “Right. I keep forgetting.”

  I took his hand again, both of us still shaking, and we walked around randomly for fifteen minutes before entering the workshop.

  I laid the loaves on the table and smiled at Winn. She had her hair tied back and was looking very sharp and professional.

  Mom barely glanced at me. “Good, you had the sense to keep your hood up. We don’t want anyone to recognize you out there.”

  I pushed my hood back and sighed heavily. Mom didn’t look up from the chart she was creating, but her eyes closed like she was in pain.

  “Tell me.”

  Sam told her.

  She listened without comment until the end, then nodded. “I can understand why you didn’t kill her.”

  She turned back to her charts, and all I could hear echoing in my head was the unspoken second part of her sentence: but you should have.

  She and Winona went back to working on their plans. How many deaths were in there already, line items on a to-do list?

  “I’m cold.” I told her.

  “No heat. Put a sweater on under your sweatshirt. I think there’s some downstairs.”

  Winona handed me a stale roll. “Eat, and then help us. No one knows the Tarakana like you do.”

  I looked at the roll like it was poison. “No, I can’t.” I pulled my hood back up and walked toward the stairs, feeling numb, the girl’s terrified eyes haunting me. Sam would have killed her for me. Next time he wouldn’t hesitate. “I can’t.”

  He grabbed my elbow when I passed him and started to follow me.

  Hannah called to him. “Samuel, I could use your help too. Let her go.”

  “Mala Dusa, they need help. It’s important. Stay, and at least hear news about your dad.”

  “I can’t, not even for that.” He released me and I felt a new emotion from him, strong at first, then fading as I walked down the stairs; disappointment.

  I didn’t care. I rummaged through the old workshop, looking for a sweater at first, then finding other things, wondrous things.

  CHAPTER 18

  TRYING TO STAY WARM

  A couple of hours later, I tromped up the stairs carrying two heavy buckets of paint. I let them slam down on the floor, my shoulders aching. Ten percent over Earth gravity doesn’t sound like much until you have to live with it.

  “What you got there, Duse?” All three of them were staring at me.

  “Paint. I’m going to paint the walls and ceiling in that back office and then I’m going to heat it up. Anyone that wants to sleep in there with me will be warm tonight.” My eyes darted to Sam. I didn’t want them to because I was still mad at him, but my eyes weren’t listening to me.

  Mom sighed. “Paint?”

  “More than paint. The shop down there must have been in the pressure suit business, among other things. It looks like they built and maintained the kind of suits used in putting together structures in open space. There’s big containers of the ceramic micro glass bubbles that are used for insulation, so I dumped a bunch into some paint and about broke my arms stirring them in. This stuff should provide enough of a barrier that we can actually be warm.”

  Winn was looking at me with her head tipped. “What will you use for a heat source?”

  “There’s a box of chemical heaters down there, but if this as thermally reflective as I think it is, just body heat might be enough. Assuming we put enough bodies together in there.” I was looking at Sam again.

  Mom’s emotions were hovering somewhere between amused and irritated. “I’d rather have you helping with planning than slapping paint around. You and Merrimac are a bigger part of this than I want to admit.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that while I was down there exploring and stirring. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.” I sat down on one of the buckets. “I’m defective, that’s what Merrimac thinks, and he’s right. He’s hoping to fix the line in the next generation, it’s why he’s brought Sam and me together.”

  Sam was staring at me, a little shock on his face. “What?” I asked him. “It’s what we are to the Tarakana, breeding stock. It’d be wrong to pretend that their way of thinking or even their motives are remotely human. He’s fond of me, but it’s not human fondness, not even the way we’re fond of pets. I love you, Samuel. Knowing that I have no choice but to love you doesn’t make me love you any less.”

  “You’re not defective.”

  I laughed. “Oh, yes I am. I feel it all the time. They mixed together Ted and Alice and they got me. I think in straight lines like my dad, and everything scares me like my mom. Better luck next time, Merrimac.”

  I turned to Hannah. “I won’t fight. I won’t kill. I won’t help you plan to fight and kill. I know it’s necessary and I know it’s the right thing to do, but not for me. That girl this morning that you think Sam should have eviscerated? I looked into her eyes. She was terrified that she was about to die, but only for a moment. Then she offered to help us unite the clans so we could go do,” I waved my hands at the table where they were working, “all that. Fighting, killing, it’s what the people here want, and the end result will be a better life for those that survive. Me? I’m defective, so just let me go paint and try to stay warm until Merrimac gets tired of me, or the clans or Boden find me and kill me, OK?”

  I stood and looked around. “Damn, I forgot the brush.”

  Hannah was laughing. “You see that, Winona? Sam? If you’ve ever wondered what her real mom was like, that’s it, right there. She’s just one step away from being full-on Alice, and I blame myself for her falling short.”

  I waited for it, waited for her to insult me and my mom. “What step is that?”

  “Alice would have found a way to unite the clans, defeat Boden and get us back home without shedding a single drop of blood. All your life I’ve fought against you learning how to manipulate people the way she did, but it’s in you. It’s why I want your help now. I can’t do this without killing a few people, more than a few, to be honest. Maybe you can find a better way?”

  “You said I think in straight lines, like Dad.”

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t be a shrewd, manipulative… person, like Alice.”

  I shivered. “OK, sure. But can I do it while I paint? I’m still cold. And I want to know what Dad told you last night.”

  She tapped her watch. “It’ll be lunch time soon and I have business in the market. You three paint to your heart’s content and I’ll bring back something to eat i
n an hour or so. Winona can fill you in on what Ted’s been up to. Ms. Killdeer, if I’m not back after two hours...”

  “We’ll come looking for you.”

  “No, you’ll work on finishing that sub-routine that gets you back up to the space dock. Are we clear?”

  “You know we’ll come looking for you.”

  “You’ve spent too much time with my daughter. Just lie to me.”

  “We’ll abandon you to your fate and catch the next shuttle out.”

  “Perfect.”

  She looked at me, head tipped, studying my face. “I love you, in case I haven’t said it recently.”

  “Thanks. I’m not very easy to love.”

  She chuckled. “Loving you is the easy part. Are there any more sweatshirts like that downstairs?”

  “A few, hanging in the exercise room, outside the showers.”

  “There’s showers?”

  “Yeah, but no hot water.” I shivered, remembering how cold the water had been when I’d put my hand in it.

  She touched my cheek and whispered, “Now’s the time, Dusa. Scheme and manipulate and help us find a way out of this mess. Use Merrimac and anything else you can think of.”

  I was shaking while I watched her disappear down the stairs. She was scared. “I love you too, Mom,” I said out loud even though she was already gone.

  Winn was standing next to me. “What color?”

  “Color?”

  “Yeah, what color’s the paint?” She kicked one of the buckets. “Did you at least make it pretty?”

  I sighed. “It was the only color I could find.” I tipped the bucket so she could read the label.

  “Zinc chromate. So it’s green?”

  “Kind of like the mashed up peas they serve us at lunch sometimes.”

  “Bleah.”

  “Bleah,” I agreed, smiling at Sam and sticking out my tongue.

  He just shook his head. “I’ll go find us some brushes. It would be good to be done by the time she gets back. That plan needs a lot of work.” Sam was scared too.

  He went down and I asked Winona, “We’re not going to make it, are we?”

  She shrugged. “The plan’s not done yet, but Sam should be fine. We’ll get him out of here as soon as Mesa Vista docks, so like three days at most. And there’s always your dad. He’s been busy.”

  “Tell me.”

  She thought about it for a moment. “I should start at the beginning. The Venice Trade Guild traces its origins to the founding of the Most Serene Republic of Venice in the eighth century.”

  “Winn? Please don’t start at the beginning.”

  She frowned at me. “You won’t have context, but OK. Your dad reached the Orso Ipato in time to warn them that the CG was about to impound all Union ships in dock. They were able to seal up and unlatch before Boden and the CG could seize them, the only ship to do so. The Guild was grateful.”

  “I don’t imagine Boden was too happy about it. I’d like to have seen his face as he watched them drifting away.”

  “He wasn’t pleased. He wanted your dad as much as he wanted that ship and her cargo, and he wasn’t going to let a couple thousand meters of vacuum keep him away. He and his security detachment shuttled over there and demanded entry. Captain Checchi let them board, but they never made it past the shuttle bay.”

  “Then where’s Boden now?” I was hoping he was still up there, imprisoned in a small room with bad synthetic food and recycled water to drink.

  “Your dad said Checchi didn’t respond well to being threatened, so she, um, well Boden’s still there, tethered to the side of the ship.”

  “How did they get him to put on a pressure suit?”

  “They didn’t. The Guild doesn’t mess around, Duse, it’s how they’ve lasted this long. They’ll keep him strapped to the side of that ship all the way back to Earth as a message to anyone else that might mess with them. I’ve heard that Guild ships that were seized on a couple of other planets have already been released.”

  I had my hand over my mouth to hold it in, but I giggled anyway.

  “Are you OK?”

  “Uh huh. I shouldn’t laugh.”

  “Yes you should. I’ve been trying to find a picture of him, but the Guild hasn’t posted one yet. Probably waiting for him to become a bit more desiccated.”

  I tried to feel sorry for him, but couldn’t. I turned my back to Winona so she wouldn’t see the way I was smiling.

  “Your dad did another favor for the Guild too. He showed them how to use an optical telescope to find the DSHs.”

  “Did he tell RuComm too?”

  “No, that was the favor. The Guild will sell the information to RuComm and the other merchant companies. In return, they gave him a discount on our tickets back home.”

  “Not free tickets?”

  Winona laughed. “No, just getting a discount from them is a pretty rare event. And they gave him a full refund on the tickets you held for the Orso Ipato. That must have really hurt. Now he’s trying to convince the Guild to negotiate with the Council of Clans instead of the CG for terms and fees at Bodens Gate. It’s a tough sell, though. The clans don’t have much of a reputation for stability, and the Guild prizes stability over almost everything else other than profit.”

  “Enter Mom.”

  “Yeah. Hannah doesn’t have much time to pull it off.” She stared at me. “You may want to try supporting her.”

  I nodded and leaned forward, pulling the hair away from my forehead. “Hit me there Winn, I deserve it.”

  “Well, that could have gone better.”

  “What are you talking about, Winona? It’s perfect.” We had started with the ceiling, worked down the walls, including the door, and finished in just under an hour. Fortunately, there hadn’t been any windows to cover.

  “I’m not sure you’re supposed to get this stuff on your skin.” Sam was trying to wipe some of it off his arm. I think he was just spreading it out.

  “I wouldn’t worry about your skin,” Winona comforted him. “I think the fumes will kill us all first.”

  “It says that it comes off with soap and water. See?” I held the empty bucket up by their faces.

  “We don’t have any soap.”

  “And you said the water is like ice.”

  I looked around the office. “You know, I think it’s getting warmer in here already.”

  “Come on.” Winona grabbed my hand.

  “Where we goin’?”

  “Shower. This stuff stinks and we need to get it off of us.”

  “You’re kidding, right? And besides, I like that green in your hair. It’s a nice contrast to the black. Sam? Tell her, Sam. We don’t need showers.”

  My Samuel betrayed me. “I’ll wait outside with a couple of towels for you, if I can find any. I’ll at least try to find some sort of clean rags. And there’s coveralls in about twenty different sizes in the lockers.”

  I whimpered the whole time I was getting undressed and screamed as soon as the water hit me. Winona was there with me, scrubbing my head and hands and face, while I tried not to shake too much to get the pretty green highlights out of her hair.

  Then, after four or five minutes of agony, the most miraculous thing happened. The water started to get warm, then almost too hot. I closed my eyes and let it pound on me.

  “Share.” Winn pushed me out of the way. I put my arms around her and we giggled at each other like we’d never had a hot shower before.

  “This can’t last.” Winn was clean now, and I assume I was too since she’d stopped trying to rub my skin off.

  “Right. We need Sam in here.” I leaned away from the water briefly, and yelled. “Sam, we need you in here!”

  “Really, Duse? I know he’s seen all of you, but…”

  Sam came in looking at us to
see what was wrong while he tried not to look at us. My Sam is always a gentleman. Mostly.

  “Is that steam?”

  “It is,” I answered. “Get in here quick before it goes away.”

  He blinked at me. “Um, OK.”

  “We’re just leaving,” Winona gathered what dignity she could, along with a small towel and a dusty looking coverall. Sam started to get undressed.

  She took my hand, pulling me out into the main workshop.

  “Wait! I want to stay a minute. Or two or three. What if he needs something?”

  She closed the door behind us and tossed me a towel. “You’ll have plenty of time to watch Samuel take showers. Years, probably. Now get dressed, you’re already starting to get cold again and your mom will be back any minute. You want her to find you in there naked, watching Sam?”

  “Don’t care,” I huffed, pulling a pair of coveralls on over a thermal shirt and pants. “He’s pretty.”

  “Yes, he is pretty.”

  The way she said it sounded sad. “Winn, why can’t I feel your emotions? I should be able to after we were connected with the Tarakana. You sound sad.”

  She had a smug smile on her lips while she bent over to put on her shoes. “I’m blocking you. If you want to know what I’m feeling, ask me.”

  I sighed. “I can’t block anybody. Dad tells me that I’ve always been that way, I broadcast.” I took her hand. “Am I making you sad?”

  She kissed me. “Not sad, more worried, maybe jealous. I’m happy that you’re happy. I can feel it whenever you look at him or he looks at you. I still don’t believe Merrimac is your friend, and I don’t like him, but he’s a hell of a matchmaker.”

  “I’ll ask him about you next time I see him. I’m still keeping an eye out so you can have a freak of your own.”

  I felt that in her; the sharp flash of fear. “I’d prefer that he forget that I exist. Just keep me in your prayers, OK? I think God listens to you.”