The Darkness We Hide

by Debra Webb

  No sooner than the words were out of her mouth the answer popped into her head. He’d taken time off when her father was murdered...to be there for Rowan. To help with the arrangements and to just keep her from feeling so alone.

  They exchanged a glance as if he understood she’d just realized the answer.

  She nodded. “I would appreciate that.”

  * * *

  Burt’s viewing was held in the chapel. Rowan had known there wouldn’t be enough room in all the parlors put together.

  The entire community had come through the funeral home tonight. Rowan had said hello to people she hadn’t seen since she was a child.

  It was a bittersweet event. In her heart she knew that Burt would have loved the attention. But right next to that knowing was a hole left by his departure from this life. She thought of her mother and she wished she hadn’t spent all these years disliking her so much. Maybe it was premature, but deep inside where pure instinct existed, she believed the dream she’d had was accurate.

  Norah couldn’t stay.

  Fourteen

  Friday, March 13

  Rowan cradled her mug of coffee while Billy readied to go to the office. She had hardly slept last night. She couldn’t stop worrying about the decision he’d announced yesterday. With Burt’s viewing last night there hadn’t been time to revisit the idea of his taking leave so they could pursue a personal investigation. After the viewing, they’d both been physically and emotionally depleted. But she couldn’t let him go to the office this morning and do this thing he had planned without further discussion.

  “You’re sure this is what you want to do? Taking personal leave during this investigation may be seen as indifference toward your official obligations.”

  He picked up his hat, settled his gaze on hers. “This is what I want to do. The people in this town know me. I’m not worried about anyone misconstruing my actions. This is not the big city, Ro. This is our hometown. People know us. They care about us.”

  Worry twisted in her belly. “I really don’t want this to damage your career.”

  His hat went back on the table next to the door. “Ro, the bottom line is that as much as I love my work, you mean more to me than anything else. Right now, it’s important for me to be with you until we finish this.”

  She placed her cup on the counter and moved toward him, searched his eyes for any glimmer of regret that he’d mentioned taking this step. “It has been a year since my father was murdered and I discovered what Julian was. What if another year passes and we’re still trapped in this place? In this in-between position of not knowing where he is and what he might do next? Are you prepared to take that much time off? The citizens of this community depend on you, Billy. Do you really want to risk jeopardizing your career? Can’t you see that’s what Julian wants? He wants to break us down and then, when we have nothing left to lose except each other, he’ll finish the job. This is what he does. He hurts people and then he kills them.”

  “We’re close, Ro. He’s running out of time and options. He’s growing more desperate. He’ll have to make a move soon. I plan on being next to you when he does. He is not going to win this time.”

  As much as she wanted to tell him that he was wrong, some part of her recognized that he was not. Julian was growing desperate. He would either have to make a move or disappear completely fairly soon. His options were vanishing.

  “Okay. Do it. But promise me you won’t allow Julian to take over your life the way he has mine.”

  Billy reached out and touched her cheek, smiled sadly. “We are not going to allow him to control our lives. Not anymore.”

  He kissed her lips and then he was gone.

  Rowan wandered back to the kitchen, still uncertain about the decision Billy had made. She rinsed out their coffee cups and dried her hands. Burt’s funeral was at one. She and Charlotte—mostly Charlotte—had everything prepared already. Maybe Rowan was the one who needed to take a leave from her work. Charlotte was carrying most of the weight anyway.

  It was true, Julian had taken over their lives. Rowan thought of the ring she’d found in Billy’s truck. The bastard was a part of every day of their lives. Their decisions and plans revolved around what was happening with the case. How could they possibly move on with him hanging over their lives, orchestrating events from wherever the hell he was?

  Just like now, Rowan realized. He ruled her every thought.

  “Enough.”

  She grabbed her cell and headed down to work. Freud followed. Like Billy, he didn’t like when Rowan was out of his sight. He’d been immensely happy to see her when they’d arrived home last night.

  Charlotte was coming in the front entrance as Rowan descended the stairs.

  “Good morning.” Rowan realized as she moved down the final step that her mother’s suicide hadn’t entered her mind this time. She glanced back up at that second-floor banister. She searched her emotions and found no sense of anger or disappointment or any of the other hurtful ones she’d experienced her entire adult life just coming back to this place...just descending those stairs.

  “Good morning,” Charlotte responded. “How did it go yesterday? Did you find anything useful?”

  “Yes.” Rowan understood only just now that she had found more than she realized. “I found forgiveness for my mother.”

  The two of them ended up walking around the yard, admiring the early-spring blooms—no matter that it wasn’t officially spring yet—while Rowan filled Charlotte in on what they’d found in Jackson County. This was another first. Since coming back home she hadn’t taken a moment to just be, to simply enjoy that moment.

  “That’s amazing,” Charlotte said. “All these years you had no idea why she did what she did and now you have some closure.”

  “There’s still a lot we don’t know, but I am beginning to see the reasons she made the decisions she made.” The relief was indescribable.

  “I’m so glad to hear this. You were due some good news. Well, maybe not good news but informative news.” Charlotte made a face. “Excuse me a moment.” She took her cell phone from the pocket of her wrap dress and answered a call.

  Rowan decided to go inside for a vase and a pair of clippers. There were hundreds of daffodils blooming. A big bouquet would be beautiful in the lobby. With Burt’s funeral at one, it was a perfect time to pick them now.

  “Ro.”

  She turned back to Charlotte. “Yes?”

  Charlotte extended her cell toward Rowan. “It’s for you.”

  Why on earth would anyone call her using Charlotte’s phone? Billy? Her heart stumbled as she accepted the device. “Hello.”

  “Rowan, it’s Josh.”

  Her knees felt weak with relief that the caller was not Billy...or Julian. “Where are you?” She glanced at Charlotte, who immediately strolled away to give her privacy.

  “We need to talk face-to-face, Rowan.”

  “Are you safe?” Her next thought was that Julian was forcing him to make this call. No matter that Pryor had seemed to move past the scenario, she had still feared that Julian was behind Josh’s disappearance.

  “I’m fine, but I need your help.”

  Rowan braced. “What can I do?”

  “No one can know I’ve contacted you. We need to talk face-to-face—alone. Do you think you can make that happen?”

  She moistened her lips, thought of how disappointed Billy would be that she’d kept something from him yet again. “I can make that happen.”

  “I regret the need to ask you to do this, Rowan, but I have to know you won’t tell Brannigan.”

  “For now,” she qualified, “I won’t tell anyone.”

  “You’ll need to make sure you aren’t followed.”

  Rowan considered her options. “I can do that.”

  “I’ll meet you in the parking lot in front of
the local hospital.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  The call ended and Rowan searched for an excuse to give Charlotte. As she walked toward the younger woman, Rowan decided she didn’t need an excuse.

  “Thanks.” She handed the phone back to her.

  Charlotte smiled but the questions were obvious on her face.

  “That was Special Agent Josh Dressler.”

  Charlotte’s eyes widened. “The guy who’s missing?”

  “Yes. He wants to talk to me. But no one can know.”

  “Do you trust him?” Worry immediately kicked aside the surprise in her expression.

  Rowan was fortunate to have such a dedicated employee. Not just an employee, a friend. “I do. We haven’t always agreed on certain aspects of cases, but I’ve never really had a reason not to trust him.”

  “What about Billy? Are you going to tell him?”

  “I will. Just not right now.”

  Charlotte nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s do this.”

  “I have to go alone.”

  “If you’re going, I’m going. I’m sure you can explain to this Dressler guy that you didn’t have a choice. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”

  Before Rowan could protest, she added, “Besides, how would you get past that cop and that FBI guy watching you?”

  “I see your point.”

  “If I pull my minivan under the portico you can go out that entrance and get into the backseat without anyone seeing. You stay low and I’ll drive away as if I’m going on an errand.”

  “I think you might be enjoying this cloak-and-dagger stuff a little too much.”

  Charlotte smiled. “You’re a good teacher.”

  While Charlotte moved her van, Rowan went upstairs and got her handgun. She tucked it into her waistband at the small of her back and arranged her sweater over it. By the time she reached the portico entrance, Charlotte was behind the wheel and ready to go. Rowan armed the security system and locked the door. With a quick glance around, she slid into the backseat. She huddled down in the floorboard and waited while Charlotte drove out of the parking lot.

  Charlotte waved to the agent parked out front. Rowan smiled. She was definitely a bad influence on this woman.

  After a few minutes of driving, Charlotte said, “We’re clear.”

  Rowan sat up and straightened her sweater. “Thanks.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Front parking lot at the hospital.”

  The drive took only a few minutes. Charlotte parked and Rowan surveyed the numerous vehicles in the lot. She had no idea what Josh would be driving.

  “You see him?”

  Rowan shook her head. “I don’t see anyone, do you?”

  “All the vehicles look empty.”

  A rap on her window made Rowan jump. Charlotte squealed. Twisting around toward the window, Rowan reached for her weapon.

  It was him.

  “Damn it, Josh, you scared the hell out of us.”

  He opened the rear passenger side door and climbed in, settled in the seat next to Rowan. At least two days’ beard growth darkened his jaw. His clothes were rumpled. The whole image was very un-Dressler-like.

  “I thought you were coming alone.” He glanced at Charlotte, who had turned in the driver’s seat and was staring at him.

  “I wouldn’t let her,” Charlotte said before Rowan could.

  His gaze bored into Rowan’s. “We need to talk. Privately.”

  Charlotte grabbed her purse. She handed Rowan the fob. “I have a friend to visit. Hit the panic button if he gives you any trouble.”

  “Thanks, Charlotte.”

  “Yeah,” Josh echoed sarcastically, “thanks, Charlotte.”

  She ignored him and climbed out, closing the door behind her.

  Josh watched her walk away. “You’re sure you can trust her.”

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, watched until Charlotte entered the hospital.

  “What’s going on, Josh? Are you in trouble?”

  “No.” He shrugged then. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “What happened?” They needed a starting place; otherwise, this conversation would never get underway.

  “Too much information was leaking to Addington. He seemed to always be one step ahead of us.”

  This was true. Billy and Rowan had thought for a while that there was a leak in the Bureau. She said as much to Josh.

  “You’re right. There is a leak. I’m just not sure I can get him before he gets me.”

  “Who are we talking about?”

  “Pryor.”

  Rowan had expected some low-level player easily manipulated by Julian. But Pryor was anything but that. What was she thinking? Julian would never deal with anyone who didn’t have sufficient power to do his bidding.

  “Are you sure?” It wasn’t that she didn’t believe it possible to turn a senior agent—of course it was—it was just that a move like that took time. The building of a relationship over a period of months or years. Had Julian been involved with Pryor all this time?

  “I’m positive, I just can’t prove it.”

  That was a problem. “Do you have any evidence at all?”

  “I overheard his end of a phone conversation but that is nothing more than my word against his. The real evidence is something else I can’t prove. I made the decision to see if my suspicions were correct, so I mentioned that you were planning to go back to Nashville to have another look around Addington’s office. That same night his office was broken into. Drawers of files were destroyed. There was no way to determine all that was missing.”

  Rowan hadn’t planned a trip to Nashville but she understood his strategy. “Did you discuss your concerns with anyone at the Bureau?”

  He shook his head. “I need more than what I have to take that step. But he was growing more and more suspicious of me. I knew I had to do something drastic or he’d have me arrested by planting some sort of evidence before I could prove it was him who was leaking intel to Addington. I have a feeling he’s been doing it for years, which may explain why Addington was never under suspicion, much less caught.”

  Rowan considered what the witness had said about Josh the night she saw him in the cemetery. “Why did you go to the cemetery?”

  “I wanted someone to see me.” His gaze connected with hers. “I wanted you to know I was here. I wanted him to know.”

  “Okay. So what now?”

  “He’s here, Rowan. He’s close. You can’t let down your guard for any reason.”

  She nodded. “I’m aware.”

  For the next several minutes she briefed him on what she and Billy had found in Jackson County.

  “I agree with your and Brannigan’s conclusion that Addington is your mother’s brother. I’m not surprised that he grew up in an environment like you described.” Josh rubbed his temple as if he had a headache. “Whatever happened in that house or during those hog killings, Addington’s hidden dark proclivities were triggered somehow.”

  “If we’re right,” she said, “he may have killed his parents to gain his freedom.” Fledgling killers often took extra measures to emerge from their cocoons.

  “His sister—your mother—probably escaped while he was in his killing frenzy.”

  Rowan thought of the little girl covered in blood running through the woods in the middle of winter. Had she tried to help the first parent he killed? Was that why she was covered in blood? Had she realized she might be next and run for her life?

  “What will you do now?” As annoying as this man could be at times, she didn’t want him to go down in flames because of a case that involved her. She couldn’t bear yet another life destroyed by Julian’s obsession.

  “I’ll be watching for an opportunity. He’s here, Rowan. Just wait
ing for the right opportunity to strike. I don’t require you to help me in any way. I just wanted you to understand what happened.”

  “Billy and I both knew you hadn’t turned. We were certain you had good reason for dropping off the grid.”

  He exhaled a breath of relief. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

  “Do you have a place to stay?”

  “I’ve got that covered.”

  “I have a funeral in a couple of hours, but after that I’m going to see Julian’s ex-wife. I find it hard to believe that she knows nothing about his childhood and family. She’s had that detective looking into her daughter’s case, including her ex-husband, for decades. She must have had him investigate Julian. It’s difficult to swallow the idea that a veteran detective wouldn’t have come across some aspect of what Billy and I have found.”

  “Good idea. Maybe you’ll have more success talking to her with this new information. She certainly wasn’t forthcoming in my interviews.”

  Rowan searched his face for a moment. “Are you armed? Do you have all that you need? Clothes? Money?”

  “I have everything covered but I appreciate your concern.” His usually charming smile was filled with regret and a hint of sadness.

  Just then sitting in the backseat of this minivan in the hospital parking lot Rowan couldn’t help wondering if this would be the last time she would see this man.

  He was desperate, just like her. He didn’t want to give up, it seemed. Also like her. He had never once given her reason to doubt him. He could be arrogant and self-serving but he had always been loyal to the Bureau...to the case.

  “You should be careful, Josh. Pryor isn’t going to go down so easily. He’s older, close to retirement. He has a lot to lose. And we both know where Julian is at this point. Desperate, even more determined. He may have gone over the edge. He could do anything.”

  “I intend to.” A faint glimmer of a real smile appeared. “Don’t worry about me. If you need to get a message to me, call or text the number I used to reach your friend. It’s a burner phone.”

  Rowan nodded. “I will.”