We Wish You a Merry Murder

by Valerie Wolzien

“Christmas fib,” Susan admitted, handing the box to him. “You can add this to the pile under the tree.”

  “I’d rather look through that pile of boxes,” he said, eyeing a half-dozen red boxes waiting to be wrapped.

  “Sure. Just don’t mess anything up.”

  “That means there’s nothing there for me,” Chad said, losing interest—almost. “Unless you just said that because you don’t want me to look,” he cried, changing his mind.

  “Do whatever you want,” his mother said, laughing. “I’ll take this downstairs. And then I think I’ll make a few phone calls.”

  “Chrissy is on the phone,” Chad told her, making up his mind and delving into the pile of unwrapped gifts.

  “Well, she’s just going to have to get off it for a while. I need to track down Kathleen, and I can talk while I make cheese balls for the party. They can go in the freezer for a few days.” But she was talking to herself; Chad’s interest lay in the pile of packages. Susan considered party preparations as she headed downstairs. She usually spent most of the week before this, their annual Christmas party, cooking and baking. But this year she was beginning to wonder if her guests were going to starve unless she got busy and ordered a large amount of deli food for Friday night.

  Or maybe Dr. Barr would spend the rest of the week converting all her guests to his diet plan. Then she could just microwave a few thousand of the little plastic bags that had been littering her kitchen since her mother-in-law’s arrival, she thought, looking at the mess her kitchen had become.

  “Hi!”

  Susan spun around. “Kathleen! Jerry and I were just on the phone, wondering where you were. What are you doing here?”

  “I came over to talk to you. Are you busy? I called and talked to Chrissy, but someone cut me off.”

  “That was my fault. Sorry.”

  “No problem. So, anyway, since my mother is gone for the evening, I thought I’d come for a chat. Okay?”

  “Great. Jed’s at a party, so I’d love the company. But do you mind if I cook while we talk?”

  “Of course not. You’re behind schedule for preparations for your party?”

  “That’s putting it mildly. Claire’s early arrival was the one thing I didn’t need.” Susan pulled cheese from the refrigerator and threw a piece of it into her food processor as she spoke.

  “It doesn’t look as if she’s exactly underfoot all the time,” Kathleen said, going over to Susan and pulling plastic wrap from some of the chunks of cheese.

  “That’s true. Dr. Barr keeps her pretty busy. They’re out together right now, in fact.”

  “Dr. Barr is one of the reasons I’m here,” Kathleen said, handing Susan the last piece of cheese.

  Susan turned off the machine and looked at Kathleen. “What about him?”

  “I think he may be doing what used to be called toying with your mother-in-law’s affections.”

  “Kathleen! Not you, too. Jed sounds like a jealous teenager whenever he mentions the man.”

  “The opposite of my mother. She spent an hour or so with him and she keeps raving about what a fascinating person he is. And you saw the way she was acting today at lunch.”

  “No worse than Claire. When they weren’t comparing words of wisdom from Dr. Barr, they were trying to outdiet each other. Could they have anorexia at their age?”

  “Who knows? My mother has spent her entire life telling me to clean my plate, now she just picks at her food—and I made my special lasagna for her!”

  “Your mother’s already thin. She probably doesn’t eat very much anyway.”

  “My mother eats like a horse. Always has. But the point isn’t the food, the point is that I think Dr. Barr is working to control these women.”

  “Control?”

  “Maybe that’s too strong a word.” Kathleen paused.

  “And maybe not. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I’m not thinking so much as guessing. It’s a gut feeling that I have, but it seems to me that our Dr. Barr is interfering an awful lot in the lives of the women who like him. And it makes me nervous when people change their lives because someone else thinks they should.”

  “Interesting point.” Susan walked over to a cabinet hung on the wall over her stove and took out a few small spice bottles. “I was wondering about all this myself.” She added some sage leaves and dried basil to the cheese. “In fact, I was going to ask you exactly what happened with your mother and Claire last night, but I didn’t know how to put it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, your mother obviously got the idea that Dr. Barr was interested in her …” Susan stopped, embarrassed.

  “And you wondered if Dr. Barr did anything to encourage the idea or whether she’s the type of woman who thinks things like that about all men,” Kathleen finished for her.

  “To be honest, yes.”

  “Well, I’m not sure I know the answer. I would have said that my mother was always very sensible, but what I’ve seen in the last twenty-four hours doesn’t fit in with that. Her story is that Dr. Barr got bored with your mother-in-law at the party and approached her. He complimented her on the dress she was wearing and they talked for an hour or so. She was obviously very impressed by him. Maybe he has some sort of strange power over older women—or maybe my mother has become more vulnerable.”

  “I think it’s Dr. Barr. Claire seems to have abandoned her common sense, too. Do you think we should do something about this?”

  “I don’t know what we can do. But I think Bob Barr should be watched pretty carefully.”

  “Good idea—Would you get that?” Susan asked when the phone began to ring. Her hands were covered with bits of herbs and cheese.

  “Hello? Yes, it’s Kathleen. Of course, I’ll come at once.” She hung up.

  “It was for you?” Susan asked, scraping the cheese mixture out of the bowl and onto a piece of aluminum foil.

  “It was Kelly. She asked that I come over there. The police are questioning her. And they’ve suggested that she find a lawyer.”

  FIFTEEN

  “But did they arrest her?” Jed asked, hanging up his coat in the hall closet.

  “I have no idea; they were questioning her. Kathleen said she would call, but I haven’t heard from her yet. They were looking for a lawyer. Do you think that means that they’re going to take Kelly to jail?”

  “I don’t know, but they’re smart to get a professional in there right away.”

  Susan sighed and picked up a discreet grey-and-purple paisley cashmere scarf from the floor. “You dropped this … and you’re right,” she said, handing it to him. “Kathleen asked me to call and tell Jerry where she was going, but … Maybe that’s her now.” She hurried over to the phone in the hall.

  “Susan. I must say I thought Chrissy would answer. Jeffrey St. John says the phone company should have a direct line put in between your house and theirs.”

  “Elizabeth. Hi.” Susan recognized the caller.

  “Did you hear about Kelly?”

  “About the police questioning her? Yes.” Susan immediately became more interested. “Who did you hear it from?”

  “Kelly herself. Well, not quite. She didn’t talk to me. She talked to Derek. I was in the shower. So I don’t have the whole story,” she added regretfully. “You know how men are about getting the details: impossible. But I know that she is afraid of being arrested. She called here to see if we knew the name of a good criminal lawyer.”

  “Did Derek know one?” Susan asked.

  “Oh, yes. Remember his old partner who was charged with securities fraud? Derek gave Kelly the name of the man who got him off. Derek says his partner was guilty as sin, so the guy must be a good lawyer.”

  It made a certain amount of sense.

  “Did Derek ask if there’s anything else anyone can do?”

  “Probably not. He got the impression that Kelly wasn’t alone.”

  “Kathleen is there.”

  “She�
�s not Kelly’s closest or oldest friend,” Elizabeth protested.

  “But she’s had some professional experience with murder,” Susan reminded her. Leave it to Elizabeth to get her feelings hurt in the middle of a murder investigation.

  “Well, you’ve had experience with murder, if that’s all she wants. I wonder if that good-looking detective who came to town with Kathleen a few years ago is back. I wonder if that has something to do with her involvement.”

  “I’m sure Kathleen only wants to help. She’s married now, remember. Besides there isn’t— I heard that no one had found Evan’s body,” she corrected herself. “So how can there be an investigation of murder? I’d better get off the phone, though. Kathleen may be trying to get through if she needs something … Of course, I’ll call the second I hear.” She hung up.

  “Find out anything?” Jed asked from the living room, where he was pouring himself a drink.

  “You are going to get me one, aren’t you?”

  “Sure. Who are you calling?”

  “Rebecca. I wonder if the police are at her house, too. It’s a little odd that they would concentrate on the ex-wife instead of the present wife in a murder investigation.”

  “They don’t know it’s murder—unless they’ve found the body,” Jed answered, handing her a drink.

  “True, unless— Rebecca, it’s Susan. How are you doing?”

  The answer took long enough for Susan to consume a fair amount of her drink. Jed lost interest in his wife’s constant “uh-huhs” and returned to the living room. He was pouring himself more Scotch when she joined him.

  “Want another?” he offered, waving the bottle to show what he was talking about.

  “No. I’m confused enough as it is.”

  “So what did Rebecca say about all this? Were the police there, too?”

  “They were over this afternoon.” Susan sat down on the sofa. “Rebecca wasn’t too anxious to talk about that. She said that the police don’t understand how Evan could have a business problem and just take off and disappear. Rebecca insists that there’s nothing strange about it—that they are just following up on that odd call last night.”

  “But that’s a change for Rebecca, isn’t it?”

  “I guess so. She isn’t talking about Kelly abducting him anymore. And she claims that Evan’s business frequently calls him out of town in the middle of the evening. She insists that he’ll call or fax when he gets a chance.”

  “Is that all she said?”

  “It was really a weird conversation.” She elaborated in response to her husband’s raised eyebrows. “She seemed almost disinterested. All she really wanted to talk about was what she and the twins were getting Evan for Christmas. Don’t you think that’s odd?”

  “Yes, but she knows you’re friends with Kelly as well as with her; maybe she was intentionally avoiding talking about Evan’s disappearance.”

  “Maybe.” Susan was doubtful. “Of course, she could be mad at me for insisting that Evan is dead.”

  “That’s a good point,” Jed agreed.

  “Although—” Susan paused “—it’s a little strange that she didn’t mention it.”

  A dull thud against the front door ended their speculation. Susan hurried into the hall to see what had caused the noise and discovered something blocking the storm door. “Jed? Would you help me?” she called out, watching a large van drive off down the street and into the darkness.

  “What is it, hon?” Drink in hand, Jed joined her.

  “There’s something leaning against this,” Susan explained inadequately, pushing against the door.

  Her husband put his drink down on a nearby table. “Move over and let me help. Can you see what it is?” He peered out through the glass at the top of the door. “It looks like boxes.”

  Susan sighed. “It’s probably a delivery from one of the stores in town. They try to keep the packages dry under the overhang, and I guess this man just got a little carried away—or there are more packages than usual.”

  “I think I’d better go out the garage door and move these away from the outside. Pushing like this might just break something.”

  “Good idea … Oh, look. There’s a car coming into the drive. Jed, it’s your mother and Dr. Barr. They can move the boxes for us.”

  “Good. I’m glad to see that they’re home early.” Jed picked up his drink again and leaned back against the wall to wait for their guests.

  “They may not be coming back to stay,” Susan said, peering out. “Your mother left her purse in the car.”

  “She probably just forgot. They’re old. They’ll be wanting to get to bed early.”

  Susan looked at her husband out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t detect any sign that he knew what he’d just said.

  They watched the doctor shove his shoulder against the pile of packages, slowly moving them off to the side, away from the door.

  “You don’t think those boxes are too heavy for Dr. Barr, do you?”

  “He claims to be in such good health,” Jed said, shrugging his shoulders.

  Susan decided she was going to have a long talk with her husband—and soon. But not when his mother was entering the door, a wide smile on her face. “They had you trapped? It was a good thing Bob and I came home when we did.”

  “Yes. You decided to make it an early evening, I see,” Jed said, moving the large pile of packages through the doorway and into the hall, one at a time, as he spoke.

  “Oh, we’re not back for good. I just came home to change my clothes. Bob’s taking me sledding.”

  “What … ?”

  “On the hill at the club!” Susan’s exclamation interrupted her husband.

  “Yes, we were driving by and saw the lights, and Claire mentioned what fun she had sledding as a child, so I said, why not?”

  “I’m afraid we’re going to look a little foolish …”

  “Not you, my dear,” her escort protested gallantly. “I may, of course, but the exercise will do me good.”

  “If you’re sure,” Claire replied. “I’ll just run upstairs and put on some slacks. It will only take me a minute or two. Maybe you’d like a drink?” She directed that suggestion not at Dr. Barr, but at Jed. It had been years since she’d been forced to remind him of his manners!

  “Yes. Of course.” Jed took the hint. “Maybe a Scotch?” he asked, waving his still full glass as an illustration.

  “Or some carrot juice?” Susan added quickly. After all, they didn’t want to offend his professional sensibilities, and she did have two large containers of the stuff crowding the top shelf of her refrigerator.

  “Nothing. We had ample refreshments at the restaurant. Overeating kills more Americans than most people know. Not to mention overdrinking.” This last was said with a pointed look at the glass in Jed’s hand.

  “Jed …” Susan started. Since she didn’t know how she was going to continue, her son’s noisy appearance at the top of the stairs was a relief.

  Chad was chuckling rather loudly to himself, a stereo headset connected to a Walkman in his shirt pocket.

  “Chad, if we can hear the music down here, it’s too loud,” his father shouted up at the child.

  “Many children do permanent damage to their hearing with those contraptions,” Dr. Barr informed the Henshaws.

  “We know that there is a danger. That’s why my husband was telling him to turn it down,” Susan said.

  “I’m ready, Bob,” Jed’s mother announced from the top of the stairs. “Chrissy loaned me this sweater; isn’t it cute?” She paused for a moment in her descent for everyone to admire the oversized, hot pink, mohair turtleneck. “I’m going to wear her neon yellow down vest, too. She says all the kids love the combination. Well, we’d better be going.”

  Dr. Barr pulled the collar up on his coat and reached for the doorknob. “Maybe we’ll break the diet just this once and go out for hot chocolate after sledding, my dear.” He turned to Jed and Susan. “Don’t wait up for us
. I’ll see that Claire is taken care of. And”—he smiled at Jed—“I’ll move any packages that we find blocking your front door. It could be dangerous for anyone to do it unless they’re in pretty good shape.”

  “Too bad you weren’t around when the twins were dragging that big bag into the garage,” Jed responded angrily. “They’re young, but they’re probably not in shape according to your standards, either!”

  “Jed.” Susan placed a hand on his arm, hoping to calm him down.

  Happily Dr. Barr didn’t say anything else, appearing startled into silence at Jed’s angry response to his offer. “Come with me, Claire,” he urged, and they hurried out of the house as Kathleen entered it.

  Susan didn’t know what else Jed might have said if Kathleen’s arrival hadn’t provided him with an excuse to say nothing.

  “So what’s happening?” Susan asked Kathleen as Jed took her coat.

  “The police are very interested in an insurance policy that Kelly has on Evan’s life.”

  “They’ve arrested her?” Jed asked. The three of them returned to the living room and sat down in the comfortable chairs near the glimmering Christmas tree.

  “No, they haven’t actually arrested her. I don’t think they’re going to, either. They are asking her to assist in the investigation of Evan’s disappearance,” Kathleen explained. “And, yes, they’re considering the insurance very carefully. A two-million-dollar profit is quite a motive for a murder—if there’s been a murder.”

  “I know—”

  “That Evan’s been shot. But since the body is missing, the police certainly would have a hard time charging anyone with his murder.”

  “Fine. So where does the insurance policy come into it?”

  “It was part of Kelly’s divorce settlement.”

  “A two-million-dollar life insurance policy on her ex-husband?”

  “With the premiums paid by the ex-husband,” Kathleen elaborated.

  “That’s some divorce settlement,” Susan said.

  “But it makes sense. Not only is Evan committed to paying alimony for as long as he lives and Kelly doesn’t remarry—”

  “And she doesn’t appear very anxious to do that,” Susan commented.