Ruined

by Jus Accardo

  I was so much taller than Sam. Six foot five to her five foot four. She rose onto her toes, pulling my head down the rest of the way, and brushed her lips to mine. The touch was soft. Warm. Electric. Not at all like the kiss at the club, or the one in her apartment. This was different. Needy, yeah, but so much more than that. It was full of the one thing I didn’t deserve. That I’d never deserve.

  Love.

  The emotion overwhelmed me, at first in a good way. Sam loved me despite who I was. What I was. It was amazing. And terrifying. And excruciatingly painful. In my head, Azirak writhed and squirmed, unable to hold back any longer. It flashed images of red and black. Of dead things and pain. I pulled back and pushed Sam toward the bed. She stumbled, thankfully landing on the edge of the hard hotel mattress instead of the floor.

  “Stay the fuck away from me,” I cursed. I couldn’t have her so close. Not with all the dark, horrible things swimming around in my head. Backing toward the door, I closed my eyes and held my breath. Every part of me was on fire, limbs shaking and ready to snap. I had to get out of that room. Away from her. Into the fresh air. “I have to—”

  A shudder. Then, a flash of light and sharp pain. I felt the shift but couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

  “Jax,” I heard Sam say. She was standing in front of me, but when I tried to reach for her, my limbs wouldn’t obey.

  Neither would my lips.

  “Samantha Merrick,” my voice said, my own mouth betraying me. “I must feed.”

  Sam slid off the bed and took a step toward closer. A tuft of gray rose from her shoulders, but with the demon in control, it looked different. The color was sharper and the smell… The smell was nearly as enticing as the sway of her hips and the way her shirt pulled to the left as she bent forward. I wanted to yank her close, but at the same time push her away.

  “Feed from me,” she said, grabbing my hand.

  I opened my mouth to yell, but of course no sound came. Still, I could feel it all. The warmth of her skin. The erratic drum of her heart. And fuck me, but it felt good. There was no ache. Just the blissful feel of skin against skin.

  My body reacted to her nearness, every inch of me coming alive and humming in anticipation. Even though I wasn’t in control, I felt every euphoric, frustrating moment. Felt it in 3-D, even. Every sensation was amped with the demon in the driver’s seat.

  “I propose a trade,” she said, this time bolder. “Feed from me in exchange for information.”

  Azirak was intrigued. “What kind of information do you seek?”

  “This war—I need to know more about it.”

  The demon tensed, and I was horrified, worried it might lash out at Sam. But it didn’t. Instead, it said, “And how will you feed me? Will you truly be able to work up enough fear of this form to satisfy my hunger?”

  She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. “I’m not sure. Probably not. But Jax said something. That when we were…close…it drove you crazy. You wanted to feed.”

  “You speak of lust?”

  “I guess so.”

  No!

  “And you can feel that way? Knowing it’s me you cavort with and not him?” I was hard.

  Sam smiled. It was an odd kind of grin that made me feel at ease somehow. “I want him. I guess I’ve always wanted him. And he’s in there. Even though it’s you I’m talking to, I can see the spark in his eyes. He’s not gone. If this is the only way I can have him, and it tells us what we need to know, then so be it. But make no mistake, it’s him. It’s always him.”

  Azirak paused, considering her offer. I pushed to regain control, but it was pointless. I’d waited too long to feed the demon, and it wasn’t going back in its box until it had its fill. Of her. “His feelings for you are intoxicating. I will admit you are sweet. A delicacy I could savor. I would be curious to taste you. To try to understand the allure you hold for him. And for me.”

  “Please,” she begged, and I knew then if it was me in control, I would have caved at that very moment. The curve of her lip and delicate slope of her neck… The sound of her voice was like a beacon, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. The spike of desire I felt was twofold. I’d give anything to be with her, but Azirak would, too.

  The demon stepped close to Sam, running my hand across her cheek. She shuddered, looking into my eyes. Me. She was looking for me. “What do you wish to know?”

  “His brother told us one side needed to spill the blood of the other to be free.”

  Please don’t do this…

  “And Heckle said we couldn’t let it happen under any circumstances.”

  My agony echoed into dead space. If Azirak heard, it was choosing to ignore it. The thought of it alone was enough to kill me. The idea of her with the demon. My hands running over her body under the monster’s control. Hands that had spilled so much blood taking what I could never have…

  “I want to know,” Sam said, squaring her shoulders. “What happens if blood is spilled?”

  “We are trapped,” Azirak replied. It laid my hands on either side of Sam’s neck. The quickened throbbing of her pulse was like a jackhammer beneath my touch. Azirak shivered internally, and after a moment, ran my hands downward. Over her shoulders, over both arms, finally letting them rest on either side of her hips. “The army of one thousand—five hundred of mine. Five hundred of his. Zenak’s. Demons. Forced to live in human bodies. We are little more than dogs on leashes. What you humans refer to as neutered.”

  The demon stepped back and sat in the chair across from the bed.

  “Eons ago, there was a great war. A century of battle that soaked our land with the blood of soldiers. Lucifer, having had enough of our games, banished the demons from hell. Zenak and I were punished more harshly. The instigators of it all, we were trapped in limbo. Not here. Not there. And then the Tainted came along. Born with a blemish on their soul, it created an opening. A doorway that we might pass through. It was a way for us to walk in the mortal realm as our brothers did.”

  “The other demons, you mean?”

  It nodded. In an instant, it had my shirt over my head and on the floor at our feet. “As with most things in nature, there was a loophole to our punishment. An opportunity to gain back the power and standing that we’d lost. To be truly free again.” The demon sighed. It was watching Sam hungrily. “Come here,” it commanded.

  She hesitated, but stood and crossed the room, stopping in front of the chair.

  Azirak studied the planes of her face and the way the lines of her shirt hugged her curves. It listened to the sound of her breath, moving through her lungs at a slightly elevated pace and matching the beat of her heart. I felt the demon’s desire. It was like standing in the middle of an inferno, burning with no hope of rescue. The thing wanted Sam. Images flashed before my eyes. Sam, naked and writhing beneath it on the floor. Calling out its name and begging for more.

  “You asked what would happen if blood was spilled. You must first know that it isn’t just any blood. It must be royal blood. If that blood is spilled, then hell will happen upon this earth,” it said.

  “What—”

  “Enough,” it snapped. “Touch me.” Grabbing her hand, it held it up to my bare chest.

  Sam’s stayed like that for a moment, before pressing down harder and scraping her nails downward.

  Azirak threw back my head and let out a moan. So did I. There had never been anything like it. The pleasure. The pain. She wasn’t gentle. The scratches left deep red trails, one even breaking the skin. A thousand razor-sharp needles mixed with alluring scent. Sam. Lust. It was the most erotic fucking thing ever.

  When she came to the waist of my jeans, she undid the button and yanked down the zipper. Hard. Blood thundered in my ears. I didn’t know how the demon was doing it. Staying so still. I’d have attacked her by now. Thrown her down and torn off every scrap of clothing on her body. Not Azirak. It retained control, standing statue-still as Sam slipped her hand into my jeans.

/>   She cupped me, working her hand and squeezing lightly. Azirak gasped, and when Sam’s fingers moved to the waistband of my underwear, fingers slipping inside, the atmosphere in the room changed. It darkened. Something shattered, and a floodgate opened. In that moment, all I wanted was to take her. Any way I could. Every way I could.

  The demon lifted her off the ground and charged the bed, pinning her beneath my body. Its mouth was on hers, ravaging, while my fingers tugged—no, pulled—at her hair. It ground itself against her, and the noises she made, soft moans and surprised whimpers, drove us both close to the edge.

  “I understand now,” it whispered, pulling back, hoarse and short of breath. “The allure you hold for him. He wants you. As do I.”

  Sam sat up, her breath ragged, the expression on her face sad. “I want him, too. But only him.”

  Just when I thought it would tear her jeans off and finally in the most fucked-up way possible give me what I’d waited so long for, Azirak was off the bed and across the room. A new feeling filled me, coming from the demon and bleeding into the room. Blue. Sadness. The rejection it felt was stifling, choking out the air, and I couldn’t breathe. When the reality of it hit me, I was stunned. I loved Sam. I’d loved her my entire life. But now, I wasn’t the only one. Azirak loved her, too. I didn’t know when it happened, or how, but I knew it just as I knew my own name. Azirak was in love with Sam. It wouldn’t feed from her.

  It bent to retrieve my shirt from the floor. “I am sorry. There is no him. There is no me. There is only us. You will both need to accept this.”

  My feet, still under the demon’s command, carried us from the room and onto the street.

  Chapter Thirty

  Sam

  I paced the hotel room for the six hundredth time. This was becoming an annoying habit. Back and forth between the cheap faux wooden desk and someone’s sick idea of art—a horrible painting of a countryside pasture. Jax had been gone awhile and I knew I shouldn’t worry—he was a demon for crap’s sake—but I did. The way Azirak left made concerned me. I’d made a deal with it. Information in exchange for… For what? Would I really have gone through with it? Screwed a demon? It gave a twisted new definition to the phrase “anything for love.”

  I sank onto the bed, too tired to keep moving. Sleep hadn’t been something I’d gotten much of in the last few days. Since the dreams started, I’d been avoiding it. Coffee, caffeine pills. Whatever I could do to stay awake. Unfortunately, it was all about to catch up and the timing couldn’t possibly be worse.

  Moving. I needed to keep moving. That way, I couldn’t nod off. I jumped from the bed and resumed pacing. No nightmare land, then no sleepwalking into the arms of the enemy. But with each step, resolve crumbled a little more. Grabbing the TV remote, I flipped it on and began channel surfing. Unfortunately, there were only two. Old game shows and infomercials. Both would have the opposite effect I was after.

  Mashing the off button, I tossed the remote across the room and ran both hands through my hair. Just a few minutes. I wouldn’t sleep. Just lie down and keep both eyes open.

  No. Bad idea. My eyes fell to the chair on the other side of the room. Less comfortable than the bed. I made a beeline for the tacky piece of furniture, settling in and tucking both feet up. “Count sheep,” I said to myself. “One, two, three…” No. Something loud. “Crickets. Crickets are annoying…”

  Twelve seconds and I was out of the chair and moving again. Sitting still was no good. “Four, five, six…” With each step came a new number, and each new number brought me one step closer to oblivion. By the time the door opened and Jax walked in, I was ready to drop.

  He was him again. The demon was gone, Jax’s beautiful stormy eyes peeking back from beneath a mop of dark, unruly hair. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, watching me with a puzzled expression.

  “I’m exhausted. If I sit—or stand—still, my eyes just close.”

  Still, he said nothing.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. Apologizing was stupid since none of this was my fault; still, I couldn’t help it. “I didn’t want to worry you. It’s been a while.” Because that’s what he looked right now. Worried. “So, did you get what you needed?”

  He looked better than when he’d left. His color was closer to normal and he didn’t seem as tense. Before, each and every movement was jerky and stiff. Even his voice had been different. Edgy and clipped.

  He shook his head. No.

  He hadn’t gotten what he needed. For some reason, a rush of heat hit me.

  Jax watched me. I wished I could see emotions like he could. At least then maybe I’d have some idea about what was going on inside that head of his. His gaze was unflinching and raw. Like he was holding something monumental back.

  I fell back onto the bed. “I can’t just sit here. I’m going to pass out.”

  Still, nothing.

  He took a step toward me, then stopped and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were black. “If I were to tell you the only way you could have him is to take me, what would you say?”

  I swallowed. “I’d say…” What? What would I say? I wanted him, but could I do it? Knowing…

  I stood as he came another step closer. My heart kicked into overdrive.

  “I am a part of him. One cannot exist without the other. If you are with him, then you are with me. This is the only way. Does this revolt you?”

  I wasn’t revolted. Not by Jax. And the demon was right. Azirak was as much a part of Jax as his love of swiss cheese and Belushi movies. As his strong arms and unbelievably sexy grin. As his compassion and fiercely protective nature. “There is no part of Jax that I don’t want,” I said defiantly. “I want him. All of him.”

  Azirak growled and closed the distance. His lips came to my mouth. The kiss was fierce. Animalistic. It stole my breath and fanned the flame that had been building from the moment I’d seen him at the diner. His fingers dug into my flesh as he ran them roughly up my neck and tangled them in my hair. With a sharp flick of his wrist, he yanked my head to the right, exposing my neck. A spike of pain came and went as his teeth grazed the skin and I let out a whimper, arching up off the mattress and closer to him.

  He laughed. Dark. Dangerous. Deadly.

  Demonic.

  This was what I needed. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I kissed him back as though life, survival, depended on it. Every night I’d dreamed of him. Every morning I woke thinking of him. All the things I’d wanted to share with him over the years. I lifted my head to reclaim his lips, pouring it all into the kiss. A kiss meant for Jax.

  He moaned, a feral noise low in his throat, and lifted me from the mattress. His hands gripped my backside, palming and kneading the flesh, and just when I was about to cry out, we were moving. There was a breeze, my hair fluttering all around, then something hard and solid was at my back. Azirak crushed me between Jax’s hard body and the wall. His lips came to mine again, with bruising force, and he moaned words I didn’t understand into my mouth. When he was finished, he captured my top lip between his teeth and pulled, teasing the tip of it with his tongue. I bucked against him, the sensation of it shattering.

  His hands were everywhere all at once. On either side of my face. Sliding greedily down my neck and torso. Over my hips. I never imagined feeling anything as potent as his raw, passionate need. No matter what he grabbed, he couldn’t seem to get enough. Jax’s blunt fingernails scraped across skin, leaving electric prickles in their wake. One part pain and five parts ecstasy.

  “Oh my God,” I gasped.

  He responded by yanking my body away from the wall and shoving me onto the bed. I sucked in a breath as he stood over me, pulling Jax’s black T-shirt over his head and letting it fall to the floor. Four angry-looking scratches from the base of his neck to his navel stared back. “You enjoy looking at this body?

  I nodded, mouth dry.

  “It enjoys looking at you, as well.” He leaned in, face stopping inches aw
ay. “Take off your shirt and hand it to me.”

  I obeyed, and with slightly shaking hands, shrugged out of the shirt and handed it over. He was a blur as he moved, grabbing both wrists and binding them tight. The only movement I was capable of was a slight wiggle of fingers.

  “I liked the way you looked with the bindings on your wrists.”

  “The handcuffs,” I said, voice barely a whisper. The memory of being at Jax’s mercy made the flame burn even hotter.

  “Do not fear. No harm will come—”

  Too much talking. I spun around and silenced him with another kiss.

  “Fuck,” he said with a sigh, and pulled away. His eyes had changed. Now, instead of black, they were gray. Jax ran a hand across my cheek, sliding it up and threading it through my hair. “Sammy, I—” With a shudder, his eyes changed again, black, and an animal-like roar spilled from his lips.

  I was off the bed and crushed in his arms. Four steps and my backside hit the dresser. Something crashed to the ground and shattered. The lamp. He kicked it aside as his lips trailed a savage line down my neck and to my breasts.

  “I know you’re in there,” I said, throwing my head back as his teeth grazed the skin through my bra.

  At the sound of my voice, he shuddered, muscles twitching, and in a single, smooth maneuver, had me on the floor, the buttons of my jeans undone and the denim roughly shoved down around my hips. The cool air nipped at my skin as eager fingers dug into bare flesh.

  I gasped and leaned sideways, trying to shake the jeans off, but he bore down, eyes black as night. “Leave them.”

  Fine by me.

  The jeans were forgotten as his lips worked their way down my stomach, and…then nothing. He pulled away, face hovering above mine, one eye now black, the other gray. “Sammy… I don’t know if I—I fed on another demon but…” He hesitated, but his resolve was obviously just as weak as mine. He brought a hand to my face, trailing a finger down the side to my neck, and frustratingly slow, between my breasts. “I want this, but it’s here. It’s here and I can’t ask you to—”