I Will Break You (Best International Thrillers)

by Daniela Arnold

  She got up, slipped into her clothes from the day before, and tiptoed to Jody’s room. The girl was fast asleep. Charly went downstair to make herself coffee and prepare breakfast for Jody in peace and quiet. She was sure –she would not get a bite down herself until she had spoken to the police.

  She had drunk a cup of coffee and managed to make buttered toast with scrambled eggs for Jody when the little girl came stumbling into the kitchen. With sleepy eyes she looked from Charly to the breakfast table and squinched up her face. “I’m not eating.” She turned around on her heel and left the kitchen.

  Charly ran after the child, holding her by the arm. “But you have to eat a little something and that’s all I have at the moment. I bought a lot of stuff yesterday that you can’t stand. I didn’t know…” Her voice broke and she turned her head to the side. Under no circumstances could she allow Jody to learn that she could manage to upset her in this way. She would dance around on her head, explore her limits, make it even harder for both of them in this difficult situation.

  After she had regained control of herself, Charly said, “This morning, for today, you’re going to have breakfast like this, okay? As a reward, you’ll be able to choose for yourself what you want for breakfast from tomorrow on.” She lovingly brushed a crumb of sleeping sand out of the corner of Jody’s eye and nudged her gently but firmly back towards the kitchen.

  Two hours later Charly pulled her rental car into the only free parking space of the Sussex Police Office.

  Under normal circumstances, the drive to Lewes took just under twenty minutes, but because of rush hour traffic it had taken over an hour. On the way, Charly had stopped at an electronics store and bought headphones that matched her tablet so Jody could watch an animated movie while she talked to a police officer.

  She released Jody from her car seat, put her in the waiting stroller, and walked to the main entrance.

  “I’d like to see an officer in charge of the Shaw family case from Newhaven.”

  The woman in the gatehouse regarded Charly skeptically. “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No, but it is very important. My name is Charlotte Beck and I have all the necessary papers with me to prove I am entitled to information.” She pointed at Jody. “This child is the only living descendent of Adam and Imogen Shaw, I am the person entrusted with her care. I need to speak to whoever’s handling the investigation in this case.”

  The woman instructed Charly to sit and wait on one of the chairs in the lobby. “I will see what I can do for you,” she promised.

  Fifteen minutes later the woman came and pressed a note into her hand. “You are lucky. Officer Bishop has a short window of opportunity to talk to you right now. He’s expecting you in room 215.”

  Charly thanked the woman and headed for the elevators. At the top there was a man standing there who seemed vaguely familiar to her.

  He appeared to feel the same way, for his distanced expression gave way first to disbelief and then surprise. “Charly? Charly Beck? That’s not possible…” He offered her his hand. “How long has it been now? Twenty years? Or even longer?”

  Charly thought hard, but just couldn’t think how she knew the man. The dark hair, the soft brown eyes, the sympathetic smile… all of it seemed somehow familiar to her. She smiled apologetically. “Can you help me remember? I don’t know where we know each other from.”

  “I’m Megan’s brother Jake. Jacob Bishop. Don’t you remember me?”

  The flash of a memory shot through Charly’s mind.

  Megan! Long blonde hair, blue eyes, delicate—the very image of her mother. She stared at Jacob in surprise. “I would not have recognized.”

  He grinned. “I take after my father. How are you?” He took one quick questioning look at Jody. “Is that your daughter?”

  Charly shook her head. “This is Jody. Imogen Shaw is… was her mother.” She looked down. “That’s why I’m here. I was hoping I could talk to someone in charge of the case.”

  “I do not understand.” He frowned. “The little girl lives with you now? What the fuck for? She got no next of kin? As I recall, there’s Adam’s mother in London and Imogen has a sister. Alice is her name. I spoke to her briefly after Imogen’s death.”

  “The whole thing is as incomprehensible to me as it is to you. Imogen left a notarized will in which she designated me as Jody’s legal guardian. I don’t know why she insisted on that, but the fact is, if I refuse, the court will have to decide what to do with Jody.”

  Jake frowned. “Imogen has always been a little… weird.” He puffed out a breath of air. “Things got a lot worse after Adam died. But who am I telling? You knew her better than I did.”

  Charly nervously brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “I didn’t know Adam was dead until a few days ago. Imo never told me anything about it. I only found out about it from Edward Clark, the lawyer who drew up Imogen’s will.”

  Jake stared at her for a moment. “Come on, let’s go to my office. We’ll be undisturbed there.”

  After she sat down across from Jake at his desk and Jody put on the headphones, Charly asked, “What do you know about Adam and Imogen’s death? And doesn’t it strike you as odd that they both died so soon after each other?”

  Jacob considered a moment, then replied, “Before you, Imogen’s sister and Adam’s mother sat here and asked me exactly the same question.” He leaned back, not breaking eye contact with Charly. “Adam’s death is the responsibility of his colleagues in London because it happened there. Sure, they called here from time to time and asked us for support, but that was it. All I know is that it was probably a tragic accident. Someone tripped in the crowd and fell against him, which caused him to…” Jake stopped when he saw Charly’s face. “Initially, of course, the investigation determined it was premeditated, partly because there was testimony from witnesses claiming he was pushed. But the surveillance tapes could not give an exact answer and the investigation into a motive all came to nothing. To this day, we do not know who the person behind him on the platform was.”

  Charly shook her head. “So you just closed the case?”

  Jake raised his hands in a calming gesture. “I didn’t say that. The investigation is ongoing, even though it’s been over a year. I personally think it’s connected to Imogen’s suicide.”

  “Is it certain that Imogen killed herself? Couldn’t there be something else behind it?”

  “What do you think?”

  Charly shrugged, gnawing on her lower lip.

  “Wait a minute, you don’t think they were murdered, do you?”

  “Why not?” Charly asked. “I knew Imogen. I’ll admit, our friendship suffered after I moved to Germany, and we were not as close as we used to be, but I am sure that such a drastic step of suicide does not fit with the Imogen I knew. She would never have done anything like this, and certainly not if you consider Jody, her daughter. She never would have just left her behind.”

  “Charly,” Jake said softly, “the Imogen you knew no longer existed. After Adam died, she was no longer herself. She—”

  “Jesus Christ!” Charly exclaimed. “She lost her husband in a horrible way, as you know. The father of her daughter. Who wouldn’t go crazy there?”

  “You just don’t know what she was like, Charly. Or do you find it normal that she didn’t tell you, her former best friend and the woman to whom she would entrust her child after her death, that her husband died? Honestly, why didn’t she tell you?”

  Charly glanced away. “I don’t know.”

  “Yet the people in Newhaven, Linda Shaw, even Alice… they all knew it and came to their own conclusions. People have been coming up with all kinds of theories about Imogen’s death. Theories that I have to say are not so out of the question. And when I think that she didn’t tell you, the only person who knew Imogen inside and out, that sounds very strange to me.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Charly had to res
train herself so as not to shout. Who did that idiot think he was? How could he talk about Imogen like that? After everything that had happened?

  “Her marriage was in crisis, Charly. Serious crisis, and long before Jody was born. She suspected Adam was having an affair. I know it from Imogen herself. She told me that after Adam died, sitting in the very chair you’re sitting in now. She didn’t know who the other woman was or if there had even been one, but she said it didn’t matter because she loved Adam and forgave him in any case. It must have started when they were living in London. She and Adam were under a lot of pressure because the pregnancy had not worked out. Then Grace, Imogen’s mother, became seriously ill. They moved from London to Newhaven, lived together with Grace in her house, and even took care of her themselves at first before they had to put her in a home. They were going through a very difficult time, which Adam in particular was not up to. They argued often, and Adam started coming home from work later and later. Imogen suspected he was having an affair. When she finally got pregnant and gave birth to Jody, it was as if Adam was going through another transformation. He never said anything, but Imogen suspected he had dumped his lover. Instead of talking about it afterwards, they both kept quiet about it for Jody’s sake. But some people in town had noticed the change in the once happy couple, having known Imogen and Adam from before, when they lived in London and only visited Grace on weekends. They gossiped, engaged in wild speculation when Adam died. It was rumored that Imogen was responsible for Adam’s death. That she pushed him or ordered someone to do it. Of course this is nonsense, but even the police in London initially investigated in this direction, but could not trace anything back to Imogen, which only added to the mistrust of the people here. Some people whispered behind closed doors that Imogen was a murderer, while others believed Adam killed himself because he could no longer bear his wife. This was all like running the gauntlet for Imogen, and when you add in her grief it all overwhelmed her. In addition to this was the fact that she simply could not stop trying to find out exactly what happened. With the help of her lawyer, she fought for access to the files, harassed the witnesses. At some point Linda Shaw came into the picture and claimed that her son never had an affair, that instead her daughter-in-law was the fraud. This stirred up new dust. People began to invent new scenarios of how everything could be connected. It was said that Imogen’s lover was responsible for Adam’s death.” Jake raised his hands, then dropped them in his lap. “Perhaps now you will understand what I mean when I say that all this is not so easy to see through.”

  “Can you explain to me why Imogen is said to have committed suicide when she had her husband removed from the way in order to be free for her alleged lover?” Charly snapped. “This is all bullshit, damn it. It just doesn’t add up.” She remembered the shopping bags in the bedroom closet and added, “And why would a woman planning her own suicide buy birthday presents for her daughter and prepare a party beforehand? Jody will be three years old in the fall. Does this mean that Imogen was surprised by her own suicide?”

  “I’m not saying that there’s any truth in people’s talk, I just wanted to make you understand the pressure she was under. About everything. The marital problems, Jody’s birth, Adam’s death, all those accusations. Imogen was just devastated. She was mentally ill, suffered from severe depression and anxiety, and even went to therapy. Seen from this point of view, I can understand why the police in London considered her as a possible suspect and investigated her. She might have recovered at some point—at least Alice was convinced she would—if she hadn’t stopped going to therapy.”

  “She stopped going?”

  “Two weeks before she committed suicide. I don’t know the reasons, nobody does, but it was the beginning of the end. As for the deed itself… we have examined the location of her body carefully, turned over every stone, performed an autopsy, and there is absolutely nothing to suggest that her death was caused by any outside influence. She had a strong sedative in her blood, but even that is no proof, because it was her own prescription.”

  Charly hadn’t noticed how her tears had come and wiped her face. “How do you explain the birthday gifts for Jody? Why would Imogen—”

  “People with depression do the strangest things,” Jake cut in. “This is a gray area. You can’t see inside their heads. Many relatives of depression patients didn’t even know that their loved ones were seriously ill until they hurt themselves…”

  “All these idiots should be locked up. How could they dare to spread such lies behind Imos’ back? They are all to blame that it has come to this! They drove Imo and Adam to their deaths.” Charly stood up, reached out her hand to Jake. “Thank you for taking the time to see me.?

  He stood, took Charly’s hand, and glanced at Jody. “So, will you take custody of Jody?”

  Charly shrugged. “I’ll decide that in the next few weeks.”

  Jake smiled. “She’s a good girl. Hasn’t made a peep the whole time.”

  Charly grinned. “Only because she finds Arielle the mermaid more exciting than talking to a policeman.”

  Jake laughed.

  “Will you say hello to your sister for me?” said Charly. “What is Megan doing? Is she married?”

  Jake’s face contorted and his eyes went wide. “What?” he barked. “You think that’s funny?”

  Charly shook her head in confusion. “I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

  Jake clenched his hands into fists. “I think it’s best if you leave now, and quickly.” He lowered his eyes as if he could only control himself with difficulty.

  “Jake, please, you’re scaring me.” Charly was trembling and had to restrain herself from bursting into tears.

  “Does that mean you’ve forgotten?”

  “What? What have I forgotten?” Charly said shrilly. “I don’t know what this is all about! How can I, when you talk in riddles?”

  Jake pushed her brusquely out of his office. “You can see yourself out, can’t you?”

  On the way to the elevator she turned around once more. “Please, Jake, what about Megan?”

  The look he shot her was a mixture of incomprehension, contempt, and blatant disgust. “My sister is dead, Charly.”

  Chapter 7

  Newhaven, June 2015

  Charly had spent the afternoon making good on her promise to go shopping with Jody. Then she prepared dinner. Jody had asked for sausages with fries and ketchup, which Charly was quite happy to prepare given her insufficient cooking skills.

  Although the girl was very reserved towards her, Charly felt Jody beginning to touch her heart. She reminded her in so many ways of Imogen that it hurt. There were also moments when the child seemed to remember that something was wrong in her life.

  “Why is Mommy in heaven?” Jody had asked Charly several times today, so Charly had no choice but to tell her the truth; a truth suitable for children, which created certainty, yet left room for the childlike belief in the good in the world.

  In the meantime, the girl had been lying in her crib for over an hour and was fast asleep, giving Charly the opportunity to reflect on her conversation with Jake. As the afternoon wore on, part of the fog had cleared in her head and it had come back to her. Megan had been friends with Imogen and her. They had spent a lot of time together until Megan had died one day in a wildfire. There had been a memorial service at school where Imogen had recited a poem. Now remembering that day, an icy shiver ran down her back. How could she have forgotten that? Jake’s outburst of anger now made sense. Of course he didn’t understand why a former good friend of his sister’s didn’t remember her death. She didn’t understand it herself.

  Something very similar had happened to her when she went shopping earlier that afternoon. She had been approached by what she thought were complete strangers who had recognized her and wanted to talk to her about earlier times. Charly’s uncomprehending look, the fog in her head, had led to an embarrassing silence, whereupon the people had
left her standing there. One of the women had even become angry and had asked her if she thought she was better than them because she lived in Germany.

  Charly felt tears coming. What was wrong with her? Was she slowly going crazy? Or was she already suffering from dementia when she was only 32 years old?

  And then there was the mystery of Adam and Imogen’s death. Jake had tried to calm her down by telling her about her friend’s marital crisis, about the pressure Imogen had been under. Still, none of it made any sense to her. Even if Adam had cheated, Imogen would never have done anything to him. And never in her life would Imogen have started a relationship with another man. She had been much too in love with Adam for that.

  So was Adam’s death really an accident? An unfortunate accident caused by the clumsiness of a stranger who was now too cowardly to come forward?

  A strange feeling in Charly’s stomach told her there was another cause. Was a disappointed lover behind it? One who wanted to take revenge on Adam for leaving her? Murder out of passion – hadn’t she read about this motive again and again?

  And then there was the alleged suicide of her friend. Couldn’t it be that both cases were connected? The police weren’t the brightest during the investigation, not to mention that depression did not explain everything. Maybe she should go straight to London next time. But the thought of seeing Jake made her stomach contract, yet she had to go to him to apologize for her behavior. A strange buzzing made her flinch. It took a moment before she realized that it was her cell phone vibrating in her jacket pocket in the hallway. She had turned off the sound in the police office in the morning and had forgotten to turn it back on. She pulled out the device and checked the display. Damn it! Her boss and Pia had called several times, and of course Andreas had texted her. Sighing, she clicked through his WhatsApp. Of course he didn’t understand why she had to stay here for now, and he certainly did not accept her wish for him to leave her alone. At least that was what his numerous messages conveyed. Charly deleted one after the other, then paused in fright. In one message Andreas wrote that his father was furious with her because she had decided to take her annual vacation without consideration of her colleagues. Was that the reason for his phone calls? Was he going to fire her? Astonished, Charly realized that she didn’t care. Maybe it was even the best thing for everyone involved. She and Andreas would no longer be colleagues. She could have her number changed, get a restraining order if he kept harassing her, and she could throw herself into her new responsibility without a guilty conscience. She didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone.