Shadows & Surrender: A Snarky Urban Fantasy Detective Series (The Jezebel Files Book 3)

by Deborah Wilde

  The alcohol slid down my throat like ambrosia, much like Rafael’s magic had. I coughed, suddenly choking on the whiskey. “Went down the wrong way,” I sputtered. Composing myself, I found my happy self-righteous place. “You must be pleased with yourself.”

  “You never mentioned that the Queen knew about the German.” He sat in his desk chair.

  “That’s not the point. I asked you not to bring her into this.”

  “I’m sorry it made you uncomfortable but we’re in a ‘greater good’ situation. You of all people, as a Jezebel, should know that.”

  “For fuck’s sake, I agreed to help you, didn’t I?”

  Levi took a sip of his drink. “Then why are you so angry?”

  Because you didn’t put me first. Because after all we’ve become to each other and all we’ve been through, I thought that meant more to you than it did. I’m your present and Mayan is your past. But somehow all I am is just another weapon in your arsenal.

  “The Queen now knows that a Van Gogh can ward me up,” I said. “I’d rather she didn’t.”

  “She could have found that out a number of ways,” he replied.

  For a smart man, he was incredibly obtuse.

  “You’re right. Let me give you the rundown on what I learned about Mayan.” I updated him as succinctly as possible, though truthfully, there wasn’t much to tell.

  “Have you had a chance to learn anything more about your dad’s book?”

  “Not really. Is that it?”

  Levi tapped his finger against his glass. “Do you know why I held off threatening the Queen for as long as I did?”

  “Because you didn’t think of it sooner?”

  “Because you weren’t there yet. I wasn’t going to play that card until I had you next to me and we could both flee if necessary.”

  “No person left behind, huh? Smart team protocol.”

  “Fuck team protocol. I wasn’t leaving you.”

  “Oh,” I said faintly.

  Over the mantel hung a large photograph of a road running through a green landscape. The ground rose up in the center of the photo to split in two, effectively turning the road into a half-open zipper. The photographer had taken an item rendered almost invisible through familiarity and shown that through his lens, it contained wonder and surprise, not just utility.

  I looked back at Levi and pressed my hands to my cheeks.

  “You weren’t the only one who got life lessons from their father,” Levi said. “I learned never to reveal anything that mattered.”

  My heart lodged in my chest, beating erratically. I wished I could run my fingers around the edges of our relationship and understand its true shape. There were too many facets to us, and just as with a diamond, more facets didn’t mean more brilliance or more sparkle. As my father had said, “If you want to spend the extra money, spend it on clarity.”

  “I met him once, you know?” Levi said. “Your dad. Back when he still worked for Isaac. I was about ten and Adam had come over for a meeting. He showed me this magic trick with a coin he put in my hand except when I opened it, the coin was gone.”

  “I remember that one. It was on the table in front of him and you never noticed. Two basic tenets of a con. Misdirect and hide the con in plain sight.” A wistful ache throbbed behind my ribs.

  “He gave me the coin to practice with. I said that my dad didn’t like magic, and he laughed saying that Isaac had no problem with it when it suited him. Then he pressed the coin into my hand and told me I could practice in secret.”

  “Did you?” I said.

  Levi smiled. “No. I had a very short attention span back then. But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I promised to hide it in my special hiding place and practice every day.”

  “That’s cute.”

  Levi tilted his head, pensive. “Your dad gave me a magic trick to dazzle and entertain. Mine…”

  I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest, feeling his heart beat under my cheek. I settled for cuddling the puppy. Mrs. Hudson resettled herself without waking up. “Isaac played soccer with you and he’s the reason you’re here, guiding all of us. When it feels too dark, sometimes the only thing you can do is hold tight to those happy times because they still count.” I paused. “Unless your mom has a car you can steal and crash. Then you’ve got options.”

  He sighed. “She doesn’t drive.”

  “Sorry, dude. You’re shit out of luck. Good memories it is. So, what’s another one that you have of Isaac?”

  Levi perked up. “He has this antique mantel clock in his office. His most cherished possession. Takes meticulous care of it, has this whole ritual with a key to wind it properly.”

  “Did he have you help him?”

  “Never once. The clock creeped me out as a kid anyway. It had this quote from the Old Testament engraved on it. ‘You must not make idols for yourselves or set up a carved image or sacred pillar, or place a sculpted stone in your land to bow down to it. For I am the Lord your God.’ Magic fell into that same category for Isaac. An abomination.”

  “How is this a good memory?”

  Levi wheeled his desk chair close to me and leaned in conspiratorially. “One day I’m going to smash that thing into smithereens. That’ll be a great memory.”

  “Wow.” I lifted an imaginary crown off my head and held it out to him. “King of Dysfunction.”

  Levi took it. “No need to rest on formalities. You may call me ‘My Liege.’”

  “I could, but we both know that will never happen.” I paused. “Why didn’t your mother leave him?”

  “She was scared of what Isaac would do to her if she did. His own father had left him and my Nonna when he was little and he had massive abandonment issues.” Levi gave me a pointed look.

  “Imply that I have anything in common with your father and I’ll stab you.”

  Levi mimed taking the crown off his head and putting it on mine.

  My smile faded. “I did learn one thing. Not about the book. No other Jezebel has ever experienced magic cravings, and if I suffer a few more episodes involving angel magic, l may be beyond help. I may be anyways.” My feeble attempt at humor didn’t land.

  Levi’s gaze raked over me, leaving me hot and cold and strangely uncomfortable in my own skin. “The feather is locked up. You’re safe.”

  “If only it was that simple.” I told him about the Sefer Raziel HaMalakh, stopping short of Rafael’s role in bringing me back from the brink of insanity.

  “I miss living in ignorance.”

  I patted his thigh. “I know.”

  He threaded his fingers through mine. “While you’re beyond help in many, many areas, this isn’t going to be one of them.”

  “Some things are beyond even your indomitable will.” I softened my words with a squeeze of our fingers. “Not that I plan on shuffling off this mortal coil any time soon. Just that these urgings are a bit more of a wrinkle than I’d anticipated.”

  “To put it mildly.”

  “Yeah, well. A gift for understatement. That’s me.”

  “What are you going to do when you assemble the book and then have to destroy it, if you risk being lost to that magic?”

  “Um.” I disengaged our hands. “There’s kind of a way that keeps me safe. Like magic medicine? It also takes away the cravings.”

  Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That should be a good thing.”

  “When Asherah created Attendants, the magic she gave them was all about serving and protecting Jezebels. Cool, huh?”

  “You’re saying that so optimistically that I’m already worried.”

  “It turns out that I can ingest Rafael’s magic, and it doesn’t destroy it, and all my cravings go away. Magic healing, bitches,” I finished weakly, with my fist raised.

  Levi rose and crossed over to his desk, apparently filled with the sudden need to straighten the three folders laying there. “Rafael is fine with that arrangement?” he said in an inscrutable tone. />
  “He’s my Attendant. My fellow team member.”

  “I’m your team member.” He gave the files a final sharp tap.

  “You’re my boss. The Charlie to our Angels.” I shifted the pug because my left leg was falling asleep.

  “The Mycroft to your Sherlock and company?” Levi said.

  “Quit making erroneous analogies to Sherlock. You pain me and embarrass yourself. We’ve established you’re Watson.”

  “Who is Sherlock’s partner.” He set the pendulum toy on his desk in motion, the balls clicking together.

  “I mean, technically… Stop changing the subject. I require answers. Assistance. Right now Rafael and his extensive knowledge of all things Jezebel is best positioned to offer it.”

  “And his magic,” Levi said.

  “That too.”

  Levi was quiet for a moment, then he stopped the pendulum toy mid-swing. “You’re right. I realize I can get a little—”

  “Highhanded? Overbearing?”

  “Protective. But don’t mince words or anything.”

  “I never do.”

  “However, you still didn’t actually answer the question. Even if you’re not taking his magic, there has to be a toll.”

  My Attendant losing control, my inability to understand what he needs. Him hating me.

  “We haven’t discovered it yet, but Rafael is fine with the arrangement.” Did that sound too forced? Too cheerful? I didn’t want Levi getting the wrong impression. Which was actually the right impression. But really, what good would it do telling him about the whole arousal thing? Not that Rafael and I were doing anything wrong. I’d never suck off another man, getting him hot and bothered, if that were the case. Not unless I didn’t have a choice. Shit, Ash, stop thinking.

  I dropped my eyes, petting Mrs. Hudson like the fate of the universe depended on it.

  “I’m glad he was there for you.”

  Startled, I met Levi’s gaze but there was no censure there. Just concern. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

  His lips twisted wryly. “Me neither.”

  “If it makes you feel better, there’s still only one other member of my monster support group.”

  “You’re just saying that because I make biscotti.”

  “It doesn’t hurt.”

  The last of the indigo and tangerine streaked twilight faded away, and lights in surrounding office buildings dimmed into maintenance mode. It was my cue to leave, but there was one last thing I had to say.

  “I saw you. Both of you, at the entrance to Hedon.”

  Levi tore his gaze away from the view. “Ash, I may not look it, but I’m tired. I don’t want to be psychoanalyzed again.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “About what?” he said, defeated and exhausted.

  “Your heart’s desire,” I said. “Your worst fear. You’re already so damn capable. You aren’t going to let your people down.”

  He swirled the amber liquid in his glass. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but—”

  “No ‘buts.’ You took on the Queen. This capricious ruler who never wants to get involved has agreed to share information with you.”

  He slashed his hand through the air like “enough.” “She was concerned about my threat to cut the place off.”

  “Please. The simplest response would have been to behead you or stick you in her Garden of People. She could have done away with both of us with no one the wiser. She agreed because in her eyes you’re a worthy player on the gameboard. If the Queen believes that, the Untainted Party doesn’t stand a chance.”

  “You aren’t onboard with my beheading?”

  “Only forty-five percent of me. You still have your uses.” I blinked innocently at him. “In that you now sign my paycheck. All joking aside? Don’t let your father win. You were a little kid and Isaac physically abused you. That didn’t make you weak or helpless. You survived and instead of repeating the cycle, you’re so incredibly compassionate.” I placed my hand on my loudly growling stomach. “Whoops. Sorry.”

  “Do you want to eat something?” Was he asking me out or was he planning on ordering take-out and feeding his employee after their debrief? “Why don’t you and Mrs. Hudson come over and I’ll feed both of you?”

  It might have been a perfectly innocent offer, but Levi’s house was tangled up in memories of incredible sex. That was great. I could handle sex, I just wasn’t certain about blurring it with dinner before I’d figured shit out about us.

  “I’m beat and the pug needs a walk. I’ll grab something on the way home.”

  “You’re sure?”

  No. I’m not. Which is why I’m going home while I have the willpower to do so. I averted my gaze from his mesmerizing blue eyes, busying myself standing up without waking the puppy.

  “Rain check.” I did a double take at the book sitting on his desk. The Hound of the Baskervilles. “You’re reading Sherlock? I knew your knowledge was only Wiki deep.”

  “Wow. I’m trying and all I get is grief.”

  “That might be kind of very sweet.”

  “I’ve got your back.” Levi brushed his lips over mine.

  That wasn’t in question. But he also had my trust, my respect, and my friendship. Now he was reading Sherlock because it was important to me. Levi Montefiore, who had no free time to speak of and who had been the bane of my existence during our youth, was reading a book simply because I liked it. So many things were different between us and I was constantly wondering where I stood. Life had been so much easier when we couldn’t stand each other.

  Chapter 11

  Let it never be said that it took Ashira Cohen more than one pee-fest on her floor to learn her lesson. I bolted awake on Thursday morning as soon as the puppy did, hustling to shove my feet into boots, clip a leash onto her collar, and get her outside to do her business.

  At least it wasn’t raining. I hopped from foot to foot to stay warm, my breath misting the cool April air, and the jolt of adrenaline from my rude awakening amping the curl of anxiety tingling through me.

  Today was the first official meeting of Team Jezebel. I wasn’t worried about Rafael meeting Priya or Arkady, but Levi had insisted on being present, and the ways those two could dislike each other were legion. Who had more authority, who had more of a claim on me, whose reaction was the most valid should I suddenly give in to my cravings and fall upon Rafael’s magic like an eight ball of cocaine?

  There was also a part of me that worried Rafael had washed his hands of me altogether.

  My stomach was almost too knotted up to guzzle down the coffee that Priya shoved into my hand when the pug and I got inside. It turned out the gesture wasn’t all that altruistic. She decided it gave her leave to lounge on my bed as I tore through my closet deciding what to wear.

  I scowled at her ivory tunic and matching leggings. She looked like a soccer mom.

  “Who exactly are you trying to impress?” Priya said, scratching Mrs. Hudson’s tummy. “Because your window with me shut a long time ago, Levi’s already onboard, Arkady barely tolerates your authority so the effort is wasted on him, and your Attendant seems more resigned than excited about this gig.”

  I sniffed a blue sweater, grimaced, and pitched it into the corner. “As the Jezebel on the team, I feel it’s up to me to set the correct tone.”

  “Which is what?”

  “I. Don’t. Know.” I tossed my leather pants on the bed and paired it with a long sleeved T-shirt. Black and blacker.

  “Maybe I should lend you some pink,” Priya said. “Infuse some optimism into the cynical disdain currently projected.”

  “This is why I’ve done shit on my own and not in a group.”

  “Because of the color-coordinated outfits? Isn’t it your general dislike of all mankind?”

  “That too.” I pushed her off my bed. “Let me get dressed.”

  My nerves hadn’t abated by the time we reached the office. I juggled the dog’s leash and three take-
out boxes from Muffin Top containing a variety of baked goods and grabbed the door handle. Priya had the box of coffee that I’d purchased at Starbucks, along with a bag of creamers and a box of sugar cubes.

  Eleanor poked her head out when we entered the reception area. “Is this Mrs. Hudson?” She crouched down and tentatively extended one hand to the pug, a large latte cup with the dregs of foam around the edges, and Muffin Top’s new logo on it, in the other.

  I dropped the leash and the puppy trundled over to her.

  “I’m more of a cat person,” Eleanor said, giving the pug a half-hearted pat. Shocker.

  “I’m more of a cactus person,” I said.

  Eleanor frowned. “But you got a dog?”

  “She’s not—”

  Priya cut off the rest of my sentence with a sharp boff across my head. “Ash is expanding her horizons.”

  That’s right. I was. “You’re a fan of Muffin Top, huh?” I said.

  Priya and Eleanor both blinked at me in surprise. I glared at Pri. How quickly she’d forgotten I’d evolved into social Ash.

  “I only recently started going there.” Eleanor tapped the logo on the latte cup. “That’s my design.”

  I’d misjudged her. No, I’d dismissed her skillset entirely. It was a timely reminder that people had facets and clarity was key. Would I be able to see Adam clearly? I was still furious at him for leaving us and suppressing my magic—and desperate to see him again. Why couldn’t I pick one emotion and commit? Would I be able to reconcile all his facets when I finally found him? And what would happen if I couldn’t?

  “The logo is super cool,” I said, flipping open the lid on the top bakery box and proffering its goods.

  Eleanor smiled and helped herself to a muffin. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” I wrangled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door to Cohen Investigations, spending the next ten minutes arranging and re-arranging the muffins, donuts, and scones on random platters scrounged from our shared kitchen. I’d grabbed mismatched mugs and some spoons as well.

  When my attempts to exquisitely plate the goods still looked like I was hiding evidence of food theft, I gave up channeling Martha Stewart and dragged an extra chair into the office so all five of us could sit.