The Unwanted Assistant

by Evangeline Kelly

  I wanted to know what he was going to say, but I was afraid if I pressed, I wouldn’t like his answer. What if he told me he knew I’d been crushing on him, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings? That would be horrible.

  Later in the evening, I called Mom to explain my predicament. “I’m not sure how much longer I can go on like this. I love being around him, but at the same time, it hurts knowing he doesn’t feel the same way. I tried to ignore it, but I can't anymore.”

  “How do you know he’s not interested?” she asked. “Have you broached the subject with him?”

  “Not exactly. But his ex-girlfriend looked him up, and she wants to see him. He may still have feelings for her.”

  “Oh, honey. I hate to hear this because I remember how hard it was for you when your relationship with Austin ended.”

  “I came to Alabama to get away from heartbreak, not walk right back into a new situation.”

  “Don’t invest your heart if you think the feelings won't be returned.”

  “That’s easier said than done. I’m with him practically every day.”

  “If things are so bad, why don’t you find another job? Sounds like you need a little distance from him.”

  “The salary’s good and I like being able to send money home to you and Dad.”

  “Money isn’t everything, Ivy. Besides, we’re fine. Larry already fired the part-time waitress he recently hired because she kept calling in sick. He’s giving me the extra hours until your dad’s back on his feet. Said I’ve been a faithful employee, and he wants to help.” She sighed. “We appreciated the money you sent home, but we don’t need it anymore. Like I said earlier, God always provides for us. If you have to quit for your emotional sanity, then do it. You should find a paycheck somewhere else first, but don’t stay at a job that’s making you miserable.”

  “I don’t want to give notice, but it might be for the best. It’s almost unbearable.”

  “I’m praying for you, honey. Rest in the Lord and wait on Him. He knows what He’s doing.”

  Sawyer

  I was at my desk when I heard the door open and close downstairs. My heart rate picked up. I recognized the soft footsteps on the stairs, the way she noiselessly walked down the hallway in my direction, so different from the first day she’d come to work for me. It had to be Ivy.

  Shifting in my chair, I held back the smile that had become commonplace these last few days.

  “Hey,” she said, entering the room, long hair flowing around her shoulders, dark green blouse matching her eyes, pink lips with just a touch of shine.

  My breath caught in my throat because despite my desire to play it cool, seeing her unraveled my composure. Every time.

  “Glad you’re here. I’ve been waiting.” The grin I’d been holding back had a mind of its own, taking over residence on my face like it or not.

  She returned the smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes and a shadow fell over her expression. What bothered her?

  She walked straight to me with a letter. “This is for you.”

  “What’s this?” I took it, holding it like a greedy child ready to unwrap his next present. It had been a while since we’d exchanged letters and I couldn’t wait to read this one. Except, the glimmer of regret in her eyes made me second guess the contents.

  Her forehead was etched with worry, and she wouldn’t make eye contact. “I don’t really know how to say this,” she clasped her hands in front of her like she had a speech prepared, “so I’ll let the letter speak for itself.”

  My chest constricted. Whenever anyone started out with “I don’t know how to say this,” it rarely ended well. Frowning, I unfolded the paper.

  Dear Sawyer,

  I’ve enjoyed working for you. Unfortunately, due to personal issues I can’t go into, I must give notice. This has nothing to do with you and I’m thankful for the opportunity you provided. As you stated before, this was always meant to be a temporary situation. Please let this serve as my two-weeks notice.

  Ivy

  For a moment I couldn’t speak because the breath had been completely knocked out of me. The words on the page were like a knife driven straight through my gut.

  “I don’t understand.” My eyes flew to hers as if I might be able to read her thoughts from the expression on her face. “What personal issues?”

  “I . . .” She glanced away, her voice snagging. “There are some things I don't care to discuss.”

  That was it? That was all she had to say? She was quitting with no explanation other than she had a personal issue?

  “What’s going on?” I demanded. “Are you in trouble? Do you need help?”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she was leaving. “This is a joke, right?”

  She frowned. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”

  “We were getting along well.” I raked a hand through my hair and let it settle on the back of my neck. “I thought we’d become friends. Did I do something to offend you? I know sometimes I can be—”

  “No.” She moved closer. “You’ve been good to me, Sawyer. Like I said, there are things I can’t talk about. It’s nothing you did.”

  “Ivy, you can trust me. Whatever it is . . .” I stood, laying a light hand on her shoulder. “I want to help. Let me help you.”

  She blinked. “I told you, I’m fine.” She eased back, not looking me in the eye again. “It’s just time for a change, that’s all.”

  Her quiet statement drilled a hole through my heart and left me hollow, empty.

  Time for a change. We both understood what that meant. She didn’t want to say it in so many words, but she wanted out. Forget how much I paid her. Forget our friendship. She wanted to get out of Dodge.

  Not that I blamed her. I’d practically driven her to this with my gruffness. But there’d been no hint she’d been unhappy these last couple of weeks. None at all. I’d known she’d eventually leave, but not so soon.

  “Please, Ivy,” I said, voice urgent. I had to stop this. I wasn’t ready to let her go. Not yet.

  “Don’t take this personally,” she said. “I like spending time with you, but it’s better we part sooner rather than later.” She swallowed. “You should be happy. This is what you wanted.”

  “Happy?”

  My body rushed with heat, and I had to push down the rising fury sweeping up my throat like a swirling tornado. I let no one get close. She knew that. I’d warned her to stay away, yet she kept pushing with her kind words and letters. She’d wormed her way into my heart, promised friendship, made my entire world light up. And now she wanted to rip it all away.

  “You think I’m happy right now?” I growled. “Besides Hayden, you’re my only friend.” I didn’t even care how pathetic it sounded. I rustled through my desk drawer and pulled out her previous letters. “You led me to believe you cared.” I held them up. “Made me believe you actually liked spending time with me. Was it all a lie? Was it just for the money?”

  She appeared stricken. “No, of course not. Money has nothing to do with it. I meant what I said about being your friend. We’ll stay in touch. But I can’t—”

  “Can’t stomach being around me any longer? Is that what you wanted to say?”

  She stared down at the floor. “You’ve got it all wrong.”

  “Then tell me.”

  “Why are you acting like this? You’re the one who made it clear my days here were numbered.”

  So, that was the issue. She needed job security.

  I ran a hand over my jaw and glanced away. “Things have changed. I like having you around. I told you that. Stay as long as you want.”

  Her eyes widened. “You’ve changed your mind about letting me go?”

  “I’m sorry I made you insecure about your position here. You have no reason to doubt your job stability anymore.”

  “That means a lot, Sawyer.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. “But the notice still stands. I have to l
eave.”

  “What are you not telling me?” I flinched at the desperation in my voice.

  Why was I convincing her to stay? So she’d grow attached and then hate me later? Eventually, she’d find out about my past and end her association with me.

  Every part of me screamed: let her go. She wanted to cut ties, so let her do it.

  There was definite chemistry between us, and if our relationship ever moved to the next level, we wouldn’t be able to date like a normal couple. My reclusive life wasn’t going to change anytime soon, and she’d grow tired of that. I should let her leave, so she’d find someone who could be there for her.

  But my world would crash down around me if I let her walk out that door. I wanted to hold onto her for as long as possible even if I knew it wouldn’t last.

  Maybe that meant I was selfish.

  But I wasn’t going to give up without a fight.

  “I’ll up your pay. Name your price.”

  “Sawyer, this isn’t about money. I’ve already found another job. I’ll be working as a waitress at Casie’s Bar and Grill.”

  It felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of my chest. “I can’t lose you, Ivy. There’s got to be a way we can make this work.”

  Her brows furrowed. “I don’t understand why you’re upset. I didn’t expect you to respond this way.”

  I moved closer until we were about an inch apart. “Then let me break it down for you.” I lowered my head until we were eye-to-eye. “You mean something to me. I haven’t felt . . .” A muscle in my jaw tensed. “I care about you. Probably more than I should.”

  She stared at me dumbfounded. “What?”

  “You’re important to me.”

  Her eyes softened. “I . . . I had no idea you felt that way.”

  I cleared my throat. “I don't know what’s happening between us, but I want to find out. Please, just stay.”

  My pulse pounded as I waited for her answer. I’d put myself out there, left my heart dangling on a thread. She could easily drive the knife in deeper.

  “You completely took me by surprise.”

  I ran a hand through my hair, needing an answer, needing a solution to this problem right now. “What’s your answer, Ivy? Will you stay?”

  Chapter 21

  Ivy

  My mind had officially exploded.

  I stalled, trying to figure out what to say next. Sawyer had said point blank he cared. But did he mean it in the I care-for-you-like-a-sister sense, or did he have romantic feelings towards me?

  When he told me I was his only friend besides Hayden, it gutted me. How could I leave after he’d said something like that? But on the other hand, how could I stay knowing friendship was all we would ever have?

  I needed to clarify, put all my cards on the table. He’d been honest with me, so I should be honest with him.

  My knees weakened and my breathing became erratic. If he said he only saw me as a friend it would crush me. Yes, I was a coward. Bigger than the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz.

  What did that say about me? How had I become so weak that a conversation about feelings made my stomach somersault?

  My confidence had been blown after Austin, there was no doubt about it. It had taken a further nose-dive after the horrible coffee-date with Tyler. But there was no excuse. I should be an adult about this, tackle it head-on.

  Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to have that conversation, no matter how weak it made me.

  I also couldn’t flee, now that he’d declared I was important to him.

  The situation was impossible, but I wouldn’t leave him. Shoving hands in my pockets, I cleared my throat, knowing I would probably regret this. “Fine. I’ll stay.”

  “Good.” His face relaxed.

  “I care about you, too. A lot.” Way more than you know.

  His eyes bored into me, demanding, challenging. “Why were you willing to take a lesser paying job?”

  “I’m not ready to talk about it.” I let out a heavy breath. “You should understand that. You’ve said the same on more than one occasion.” When he hesitated, I added, “If you want me to stay you’re going to have to live with that answer.”

  “All right, I’ll live with it,” he said, looking thoroughly confused. “For now.”

  ***

  The next morning, I showered and ate breakfast, a mixture of warmth and apprehension floating through me at the memory of how Sawyer had asked me to stay. I hadn’t expected that. Hadn’t expected he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  After I went home the previous evening, I’d confided in Sammie about my feelings and let her know our deal was off the table. It wouldn’t be fair to myself or the other guys she wanted to set me up with. My heart wasn’t in it.

  She’d been very gracious and told me we didn’t need to switch rooms. I’d insisted on paying extra for the rent, and she’d given in since my salary more than covered the expense.

  When I approached Sawyer’s house a few hours later, the wind whipping at my hair and biting at my ankles, I heard the sound of a piano. He was playing that song. The one shrouded in mystery. The one I would never ask about again because it had stirred up too much conflict.

  As I walked through the front door, he stopped playing and glanced over his shoulder. His eyes flickered with longing, and something else I hadn’t seen before—optimism. The aroma of chocolate drifted from two steaming mugs, set on coasters on top of the piano. Sawyer moved over on the bench and patted the seat next to him. “Sit. I made hot chocolate.”

  I slid beside him and picked up a mug, warming my fingers as I wrapped them around the cup. Steam wafted up, tantalizing me with the scent of rich cocoa. “This smells so good. You have no idea how happy this makes me right now. On a cold day like this, it’s perfect.”

  He regarded me with a searching look as if the answers to the universe were in my eyes. “I want you to be happy, Ivy. It may not seem like it at times, but it’s true.”

  His words were so tender, so sincere.

  He played the song again as I sipped from my mug. I watched his fingers fly across the keys, the muscles of his forearms flexing as he created a sound so beautiful everything else faded away, lost in the ebb and flow of the chords.

  When the melody came to an end, he looked straight ahead, and we sat like that for several moments. My gaze flicked to a music book on top of the piano, and I wondered what he’d been hiding all this time.

  His hands trembled slightly as he pulled them off the keys and onto his lap. “The day of your interview, I was angry at Hayden for pushing me. I didn’t know how to handle someone new in my home.” He turned his gaze on me. “I was a fool for fighting it. You’re a good friend, Ivy.”

  Friend. That word should have warmed my heart because I’d wanted him to embrace a friendship for a while now. Instead, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

  He fiddled with the sheet music inside the book. “After your interview, I searched the internet for new piano music and came across this song. The title jumped out at me the moment I saw it, and I couldn’t stop shaking my head in disbelief, like it was a sign you were supposed to be here with me. You were an answer to prayer.” An uncertain smile crossed his features as he regarded me. “I fought the idea the whole way, but it didn’t keep me from thinking of you every time I played it.” He opened the music book and pulled out a loose paper. “It’s called, At the Ivy Gates, by Brian Crain.”

  Hope stirred within me as I glanced at the title. He’d been playing this song as a way to connect with me somehow. Butterflies twisted around in my stomach.

  “Why did you feel the need to be so secretive? I’m touched you thought of me when you played this.”

  “Because I was embarrassed,” he said, turning away. “I didn’t want you to think I had a strange obsession with you.” He put the sheet music back in the book and then glanced at me again. “I hope this doesn’t weird you out or anything.”

  Strange obsession. The butterflies came out
to dance again. I knew he wasn't obsessed with me, but the idea that Sawyer gave me more than a passing thought turned my insides into liquid.

  “Of course, it doesn’t. I’m honored you connected the song with me. The first time you played it, I knew it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.”

  “Well, that’s a relief.” He lowered his voice. “I only kept it from you because I worried it would make you uncomfortable.” His eyes searched mine as if looking for answers.

  “I’m not uncomfortable. Not at all.” I turned to pick up my mug. After taking another sip of my hot chocolate, I pivoted back to face him. There was an amused expression on his face.

  “You have something on your lip . . . a bit of chocolate.” With his thumb, he wiped the chocolate off, and then the amusement grew into something else. The longing that had been on his face earlier returned, and I held my breath as he leaned into me, until our lips almost touched.

  And then the door flew open and Florence scurried in. “Wow, this wind chills you right down to the bone.”

  I jerked my head away from Sawyer, face flushed, heart pounding so hard I had to catch my breath.

  “Oh . . . I’m sorry,” Florence said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  Sawyer shifted on the bench. “I was just showing Ivy a song . . .”

  Florence breezed past us, heading towards the kitchen. “Don’t mind me. I’ve got work to do.” And then she was gone.

  Sawyer’s eyebrows knit together as if conflicted about something. “I’m going to change into sweats and exercise in the gym.”

  I nodded, my mind still spinning from the almost kiss. Why was he leaving? I wanted him to stay, wanted to lean over and finish what he’d started.

  Maybe friend didn’t quite describe our relationship anymore. Maybe he actually did see me as more. He nearly kissed me—that was huge. The thought sent a rush through my system.

  “I’ll be up in a bit,” I said smiling. “After I'm done with this hot chocolate.”

  Change was in the air.