Night Surrender

by Godiva Glenn

  TWELVE

  “You’re still leaving?”

  Wyatt didn’t look back at Nancy. She was still under the covers, still in the process of waking. Sex had knocked her out the night before. He hadn’t slept more than an hour, though. He’d gone for a run, instead. Then he’d come back to the room and woken her. He couldn’t bring himself to leave without a goodbye.

  “I shouldn’t have dragged you into my life,” he replied, sitting at the edge of the bed, facing the window. “We can’t have a relationship.”

  “But you said you love me.” The mattress creaked and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “And I love you, too, clearly.”

  “I belong with my pack, though. And you belong here. I can’t stay—Love doesn’t change the fact that I have other needs.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Staying away from my family, my land… it drives my wolf crazy after a time. I can handle the distance for a while, but not forever. Besides, I can’t leave them when they rely on me.”

  She bundled the blanket around her body and moved to sit by him. “I didn’t ask you to leave them. We never even discussed this.”

  “Do you want a long-distance relationship?”

  “Well, no, but that doesn’t mean—”

  “Then what would we do?”

  She pursed her lips. “I don’t get a say in this?”

  “Say whatever you’d like.”

  “Why can’t I go with you? Or do you not want me to?”

  He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I want you to stay with me, of course. But you have a life here, with other people. Staying with me would mean leaving everything. Your job. Your friends. Your family. It would mean moving into a place smaller than your apartment and saying goodbye to most of the comforts of civilized life.”

  “I don’t need a fancy house,” she said.

  “But I doubt you want to live in a forest. With the nearest town being a decent drive, and that town being a town in the barest sense of things.”

  “A forest? You live in the woods?”

  “Yeah. Me and about thirty other lupine that make up the pack. No television. No internet. Your phone would be decorative unless you went to town. And since I’m a runner, I’d be gone at random, sometimes a month at a time. Does that sound like a life you want?”

  She glanced away from him. Her mouth was a thin line as she considered the not-so-rosy picture he’d painted for her. “I can adapt…”

  “I can’t ask you to. And there’s the other thing.” He studied his hands, unsure of how to deliver his next words. “Remember that I can’t get you pregnant? We couldn’t have our own family, Nancy. Do you really want to drop your life for that? I don’t have anything to give you.”

  They sat without speaking or looking at each other. The ticking clock punctuated the otherwise pure silence. Several times he almost reached out to take her hand, but what would that even solve?

  Everything was broken. A touch, a hug, a kiss, no small gesture would fix their situation. Nothing could fix it.

  A sharp ringing came from underneath the bed and Nancy slid from where she sat. She retrieved her phone, eyes glued to the glowing screen.

  “It’s the cops.”

  “You should get that, then.”

  “But we…”

  “I have to go, Nancy. I’m sorry for everything but… the full moon is coming. I need to be home for it.” He stood and resisted the urge to hold her, or better yet, toss her into his truck and take her away despite all the reasons against it. “The room is good another day, so you don’t have to rush.”

  Her eyes grew large. “Are you fucking serious right now? You’re done?”

  “Yeah.”

  Her lips mouthed something, but she simply scoffed and answered the phone. She glared at him as the conversation began on the other end of the line.

  She could take care of herself, he said to himself over and over. And I’m right. I can’t give her the life she needs. As if being right at a time like this was any comfort. He walked out, heading straight for his truck without looking back. He longed for the ease of familiar territory. He hoped that after such a long time away, home still felt like home.

  THIRTEEN

  The closer Wyatt got to home, the stronger the indescribable comfort of his pack became.

  As a runner, he spent days if not weeks away. Having a strong balance between himself and his wolf was a requirement for the job, and his wolf was as easygoing as they came. Still, there were often moments in his time away that he felt control slipping.

  The empty sensation was one thing, but on occasion, he felt lost in a spiritual sense. Dealing with his emotions about Nancy, the threat of Brent, and the overall doomed quality of their relationship had made it easy to push his lupine urges to the side.

  Cool air rushed through the open windows of his truck, bringing the familiar scent of earth and pine to his nostrils. The only thing missing was Nancy, and that made his heartache. For a split-second, he’d imagined how wonderful it would be to drive her down this road and let the wind blow through her dark hair.

  He’d been in love before. Heartbreak wasn’t new. Time had filled the tears in his heart in the past, but he suspected that this time around he wouldn’t recover easily.

  Perhaps because she was human, and he’d assumed he would never look at her in any other way, he’d never tried for her love. What had blossomed between them had simply taken root like a seed that fell in the crack of a rock.

  Harsh circumstances and limited probability, yet it sprang to life.

  The tires bounced over exposed roots and Wyatt slowed the truck. He was driving off the path to avoid seeing anyone just yet. His parents would be glad to see him. Reid would expect a lengthy talk and check-in. Rosa had said something that probably meant another mission was right around the corner. And it was definitely on Wyatt’s agenda to visit Charlotte, as they’d been slowly rebuilding their friendship.

  But first, he wanted to be alone in the comfort of his home. He wanted to shower and forget what had happened, though forgetting was a pipe dream. Distance wasn’t a cure any more than it was a bandage.

  Most of the lupine in the pack had grown up together. Couples came together naturally. He’d tried that, but he never connected well enough for it to last, clearly. When he’d first decided he wanted to be a runner, part of him wanted to get out there to find a mate.

  It wasn’t common, but it was acceptable to find someone in another pack. So he’d dreamed that he’d find an amazing female and bring her home.

  Now he’d found her but bringing her around wasn’t an option. No part of him wanted anyone else, either. Even if he couldn’t have Nancy, he wasn’t looking for another. He didn’t pity himself, as this was certainly karma biting him in the ass, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t mourn his loss for a day.

  It was too early for him to slap on a smile and pretend everything was okay. He still had to think up the best way to tell everyone what he’d been up to while leaving out the most devastating yet important part.

  I completed my mission. I fixed my self-hate. I found love, and I left her.

  He pulled to a stop and looked at his phone, which sat on the passenger seat. It had slid around during the drive but never made a sound. Even though a phone call from Nancy would likely be an argument, he would have welcomed her voice.

  He picked it up. No missed calls or texts waiting for him, but then again, he was no longer in a service area. His thumb swiped over the empty screen as if willpower alone would make it ring with her on the other end.

  It was a dick move to leave how he had, but what was the other option? Watch her cry for an hour? Go over all the reasons they couldn’t work out, yet again? No matter how much they spoke, realizing a problem wasn’t the same as solving it.

  Humans and wolves didn’t mix. His life had been much simpler when he’d understood that to his core. Of course, I’d also been an ass back then.

  He cl
imbed out of his truck and shoved the phone into his back pocket. He’d charge it and forget about until his next mission, which was the only reason he had it anyway.

  He closed his door quietly, not wanting to draw any attention. His trailer was one of many in the area, commonly known as the singles area. He walked to his front door, passing the table outside and rapping his knuckles on it. It was good to be home.

  He didn’t need much in life. A comfy bed, a small kitchen, and a place to drink beer with his friends. There was no computer, no tv, and no clutter. The stark interior screamed comfort to him but was another reminder to beat the dead horse—Nancy wouldn’t fit here.

  The mistakes Wyatt had made in the past year could barely fit to be counted on two hands, but he was never a rebel. He was ready to settle back into his life, and ancestors willing, stop making so many shitty decisions.

  * * * *

  “You tossed a human across a room?” Reid rubbed at his temples. Eyes closed, he still managed to pin Wyatt down with disapproval and frustration. “I hope you’re seeing the lesson here. I told you to come home. There was no reason for you to be involved in this matter.”

  “Maybe. But I can’t regret it. If I wasn’t there, it still could have happened. Nancy could have been hurt. She’s not weak, but physical strength isn’t one of her traits,” Wyatt replied. He tried to keep the emotion from his voice. “I can’t imagine any of us not doing the same, to be honest. He had it coming.”

  Reid leaned back in his chair, staring quietly at Wyatt. A moment passed and his hard-lined brow relaxed. “I don’t fault you for defending someone. I fault you for compounding your problems with someone else’s. Still, I’m glad you’re home. And I assume that you’re going to stay this time.”

  “Of course.”

  A knowing look crossed Reid’s blue eyes. “I still don’t fully know why you stayed away. I can guess, but I hate to make assumptions. What I can say is that Charlotte is a forgiving soul, and Damon… is pliable to her.”

  Wyatt knew that already. Charlotte forgave Wyatt before Wyatt had forgiven himself. Damon was another story, yet he judged actions rather than words. In time, that wound would heal. For now, they had a truce. And perhaps Damon felt a little sorry for Wyatt, given that he’d practically broken Wyatt’s face last time they fought.

  “Everything is moving forward,” Wyatt said. “I’m no longer lost in the past.”

  “You’re a good kid,” Reid said with a hint of teasing. “And not the first of us to lose our head over infatuation.”

  Wyatt nodded, though, to his knowledge, Reid had been single for his entire life. It was something they didn’t speak of, but it was a bit of a mystery. Many packs required the alpha to have a mate. The Bronze pack didn’t care, and yet Reid was still an eligible bachelor, regardless his age. He still looked to be in his late 30’s, but he’d been alpha for as long as Wyatt could remember.

  “I won’t keep you then. Your parents are probably waiting on you.”

  “Any missions?”

  “Nothing vital at this moment. Take a break.”

  Wyatt brushed a hand through his hair. “I’ve had a break.”

  “Doesn’t look like it.”

  They both stood and Reid accompanied him to the door.

  * * * *

  Wyatt toweled off his shoulders as he walked home. It had been an intense workout, but he still felt like he had energy to spare. His muscles were screaming, but his wolf was ready to go again.

  Ever since he’d returned, he’d remained busy. He’d spent the wolf moon with the pack then worked with Rosa on a new plan for the pack that was giving her problems. He’d caught up with family and friends and trained every single day.

  And though it was great to be back, every time he slowed down, he thought of Nancy. Each night when he went to sleep, she invaded his thoughts and haunted his dreams. Every morning the dawn would spill light over him and before his eyes even opened, he’d wonder how she was doing.

  He hadn’t told a soul about what had happened with her. He’d told Mija and Charlotte about the situation with Brent but omitted everything else. It was the first secret he’d ever kept from his pack, and it was a bitter knot in his stomach.

  He wiped his brow and shoved the towel into the back pocket of his workout pants. Part of him wanted a shower, but the other part wanted to turn around and sprint a few more miles. Maybe shift and see if running his wolf form would help him relax.

  A shower would lead to memories. Turning around would mean running into whoever had been following him. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, and he could guess who was tiptoeing in his footsteps.

  Some things were inevitable, of course. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder, catching the wisps of black hair as his stalker ducked behind a tree.

  “Charlotte?” he called.

  She grumbled as she revealed herself. “How do you do that?”

  “You drag your feet when you’re trying to sneak around. Besides, I could smell you from a mile away.”

  She took hold of a chunk of her hair and gave it a curious sniff. Dropping it, she tucked her hands into the pockets of her black jeans and walked up to him. “I need to keep practicing.”

  He nodded and started walking again. She tagged along. When she wasn’t busy learning the skill of herbalism, she was training to accompany Damon on his missions. He was a runner. She wasn’t. But she was allowed to tag along on the understanding that she had to pick up some essential skills.

  “Switch out the sneakers. Rosa wears slim specialty boots—ask her about them. They’re like magic. She used to sound like a rhino stampeding,” he said. He didn’t mind helping Charlotte out. It had to be hard for her, having to discover and sharpen her most elusive wolf traits after being raised by humans. She’d only been with the pack for less than a year.

  “I’ll do that. But that’s not why I was following you.” She ran a hand through her long hair and glanced sidelong at him. “Mija told me that Nancy’s not been herself lately.”

  He kept his eyes focused straight ahead. “After everything with Brent, shouldn’t that be expected?”

  “I suppose. But could it be more than that?” Her voice lifted the question in a suspicious way.

  “Not sure what you mean.”

  She skipped a few steps ahead of him then turned so that she faced him and walked backward. “I realize it’s probably weird to talk to me about this stuff but come on. You haven’t been yourself either.”

  “It was an odd situation.”

  “Odd because maybe you like Nancy?”

  He forced himself to smile. “You know how I feel about humans.”

  “Yet you tore her ex a new one. Sounds like chivalry to me.”

  “That’s thanks to how I feel about bullies and assholes.”

  “Then why do you seem like you’re still affected by it? You got back two weeks ago, but it’s like you’re running away from something. That’s not the Wyatt I remember.”

  He peered past her. “I appreciate the concern but I’m fine. Besides, the Wyatt you remember was a happy-go-lucky dick in disguise.”

  “No. The happiness and the sweetness were real. I know that.”

  “Maybe it’s me re-finding my place back home.”

  “Maybe,” she said, unconvinced.

  His place appeared in the distance. “How are your other studies coming along?”

  “Not bad. I’ve got the knack for herbal teas, at least.”

  “If you can whip up something for sore muscles, I’d owe you.”

  She lifted a brow. “Sore muscles like…” Her fingers fluttered over her heart.

  He rolled his eyes. “I swear—”

  “Fiiine.” She grinned and shrugged. “I’ll see what I can do. I guess I’ll let you go.”

  “Later.”

  “Cuz you smell terrible.”

  “Later…”

  * * * *

  Wyatt groaned as his head sank into his pillow. Another day, another
long session of training. He’d expected to be out traveling again by now, but things around the lupine world seemed to have temporarily slowed.

  He didn’t mind, as it gave him time to catch up with his family and rebuild his friendship with Charlotte—Damon was another story. There was a downside to standing still, however. If downside was the right way to view it.

  He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. A deep breath and a second later, Nancy’s smile immediately formed in his thoughts, unbidden but a welcome sight. He’d lost track of time and couldn’t remember how long it had been since they said goodbye. When he’d last spoke to Charlotte, she said something about a couple of weeks. But that itself was weeks ago.

  The specifics didn’t matter, not really, but he wondered if someday soon the memories would fade. He needed to heal. Move on. Except he didn’t want to. In a sick way, he felt better to cling to the pain of imagining her. Even tortured himself with scenarios of what could have been.

  Sanity came from confining those thoughts to when he was perfectly alone. Outside, he did his best to return to his formerly happy self, as Charlotte called it. And yeah, he used to be incredibly happy. He was optimistic. Caring. Lots of positive traits that had hidden toxic insecurity deep inside.

  Now he was rebuilding himself. Strong, healthy, happy. Through and through. As long as he wasn’t lying in his bed thinking about Nancy, he was all of those things. So it wasn’t a downside, not really, but even he knew that holding on would damage him in the long run.

  His wolf stirred and like magic, the air changed for a split-second and held her clean fragrance. It was enough to make him hard, and his hand slid down under the covers to grip his erection.

  It wasn’t only his heart that missed her. The energy he’d had lately, which he’d so desperately tried to burn away with constant training, was tied to longing for her. It had taken him a while to figure it out. Taking care of himself helped a little, but barely. He’d never been this needy in the past.

  He’d gone months without sex before. Maybe even a full year, come to think of it. He hated slinking into town that much. Now he was going mad with craving. He swallowed and he could taste her on his tongue as if it was only moments since she’d writhed on his mouth.