by Cat Knight
Tears ran down her face as her circumstance grew clearer in her mind. It wasn’t an ordinary dream. “What just happened?”
She spoke to herself with her words under her breath, “Was that him, did he give me that dream?” She sat up, slowly and with caution, as if some unseen force would come and sweep her away and pull her back into foreign memories.
With weakened muscles, she stood up. The sky was dark except for a rim of faint illumination appearing on the horizon where glimpses of the sun's light could be seen. The city was quiet except for a few birds singing in the tree outside her window that was cracked open. What should’ve been a beautiful morning was full of trepidation instead. Keira rubbed her neck which had become sore from her uncomfortable sleeping position and turned around to see the digital clock on her microwave. Five O’clock in the morning. She had slept all night.
Making her way to the living room couch she fell into the seat, depleted, exhausted, her mind trying to work it all out. A strange wave of discomfort swept through her as she thought about what she had seen and felt. Keira felt powerless, violated. It was like a rape of sorts – James was able to enter into her so fully she felt it and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Slow heaves poured from her body, as she tried to think through it all. A desperate thought filled her mind. I’m going insane.
But then slowly another thought formed, a glimmer of hope. Perhaps James' spirit was trying to show her something, things she didn't want to see but needed to. Things that other people needed to answer for. Even though she felt insane, maybe there was something within these nightmares that would act as a key to freedom. If she did this for James. Confront those people, maybe he would set her free.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She tied her unkempt hair into a short ponytail, hoping to hide the fact that she hadn't washed it in a while. She put on a fresh coat of deodorant, a navy coloured cardigan, and a pair of jeans. Nothing seemed to stir while she got ready to leave home, but she didn't trust the false sense of peace. It didn’t mean he wasn’t there. He was always there. Even as she brushed her teeth, her eyes scanned the bathroom mirror for shadows. Dread, fear and sickness were her constant companions, but right at this moment there was nothing.
No movement. She didn’t know where he was, but she had distinct feeling of what she had to do.
She grabbed her car keys and stuffed them into her pocket pulling out her phone. The ring tone buzzed persistently in her ear. Wake up Aileen. Each ring brought about the pain of a headache thumping through her head with a venomous rhythm.
“Hello?” The voice on the other end seemed somewhat confused.
“Hey, Aileen.” Keira's voice was hoarse, “I wanted to know if I can come visit today. There's some stuff I'd like to talk about?”
“But it’s not even six in the morning.”
“Can I come over?”
The morning sun lit up the rolling green hills Keira drove through on the way to Aileen’s house.
Her eyes were locked onto the road while her mind wandered, playing with imaginary conversations.
Suddenly, she tightened her grip on the wheel when she noticed she was around the same area where she made roadkill out of a rabbit. So much of her life had changed since that moment. Part of her wished she had never left home that night. Why should she suffer so much for Aileen’s sake? I was getting by just fine before then.
She drove into Rathcoole. The last time she had seen it was the night after they had burned James’ bones on the outskirts of town. It looked livelier than she remembered it. Children were playing outside their homes, people drove around, presumably on their way to work or maybe even church, since it was Sunday. It was too wholesome a sight for her nightmare burdened eyes.
She pulled up to the old house imagining the gruesome history it held. But the house looked almost foreign to the heinous acts that had taken place within. Sunlight shone down, bathing it in a warm glow of promise, Keira felt a despondency come over her. It wasn’t fair, it seemed, like heaven itself saw fit to bless the O’Doherty’s and yet she must suffer terribly and she had done nothing to deserve it.
Stepping out of the car she walked to the front door in the crisp morning air. The conviction Keira had felt when she called Aileen earlier was giving way to hesitation, the things she had to say would not be well taken. Perhaps she should just turn around and go home. But there would be no freedom for her if she did, so she knocked on the door. It opened immediately.
Aileen peered from behind the door and smiled. Her narrow grey eyes became even smaller as she grinned. Her wavy blonde hair had more curls in it than usual.
“Hey stranger. You’re an early bird.”
“Hey,” Keira smiled sheepishly. “Is it alright if I come in?”
“Of course!” Aileen swung the door wide open. “How’ve you been? Hanging in there?” Keira’s eyes looked around the living room. It was still as cluttered as ever, but whenever she blinked she felt as though she could reimagine it just as empty as it was in her nightmare. She looked towards the kitchen. It was hidden by a wall but she could imagine perfectly what it looked like on the other side all those years ago.
“Keira?”
“What?” Keira blinked a few times and looked at Aileen.
“I asked you if you’re alright.” Aileen, surveyed her curiously, so much so that she leaned in on an angle toward her. Keira shuddered.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I’m alright. Not great, but alright. Is it okay if we sit down?” Keira was longing to sink into the sofa, tired as she was.
“Of course,” Aileen nodded. An awkward tension filled the spaces. There was a quietness in Aileen that had always been there, but it was worse today. Worse than it had ever been since that night.
“I haven’t heard from you in ages,” Aileen’s eyes were looking down at her knees. “I mean, it feels like ages. You don’t respond to my text messages. You don’t answer my calls. What’s going on?”
“I’ve just never felt the same since that night. It’s only gotten worse.”
“You think his spirit is lingering with you? That’s what you said, right?”
“Yeah.” Keira closed her eyes as she spoke, “Last night I had a dream. It was almost real. You’d think I was mad if I said it was real wouldn’t you. But I was there Aileen. I could have touched you. And it took place here.”
Aileen looked at Keira with confusion, her eyes became tiny dots squished into her face. “You could have touched me? You dreamed about me? Here? In my house?” Keira nodded.
“Yeah. Your mother was there but she was younger. And you were just a little girl. I saw things through James’ eyes. It’s what I need to talk to you about.”
Keira’s heart rate was picking up. Soon she would be at the meat and bones of the problem. That problem was Aileen herself and what had been done to James because of her.
Aileen’s face creased up in disbelief. “You can’t be serious! Come on Keira, it was just a dream. What-ever you saw – it wasn’t real.”
Keira’s voice took on a measured tone. It was important that Aileen understood. Keira actually did know. She had seen it, felt it, lived it. She would prove it to Aileen. “This house used to be empty, didn’t it? You couldn’t afford furniture or something. Is that right?”
Aileen paused for a moment, and regarded Keira through quizzical eyes. “It’s true. My mom didn’t become a packrat until after he died. I still remember treating my living room like a playground, doing gymnastics by the fireplace. Rolling around and whatnot.”
Aileen smiled sombrely before looking at Keira with curious eyes, “I don’t understand why you would know that. Even if what you’re telling me is true - and I will try to believe you- why would James show you this? It doesn’t seem important.”
Keira’s stomach knotted up. Words of truth - bloody, brutal truths were about to be spoken. They were pressing against her clenched teeth, begging for out. The horrors of what had taken place in this very house began to
flash through her mind.
Aileen would be upset at what was to come but Keira had to tell her about these things. The things she didn’t know, how it was Aileen’s fault. She would make her understand what James had gone through. If Keira wanted peace, then it had to be this way. Otherwise, James might as well kill her. She was living in hell anyway.
“I saw him die,” said Keira with a dry throat.
Aileen’s eyes widened and her lips parted but no words came out. Her face drained of colour.
“I saw what he did to you, what he did to your mother. What your mother did to him. I saw the last moments of his life before Cait stabbed him to death, because of YOU. I felt the knife go in, the warm and sticky blood. I understood how betrayed he had been. And the pain – the terrible pain in his neck. And the betrayal, far worse than the pain. It was pure agony Aileen, and he needs release.”
Aileen pressed her fingers against her forehead. “What are you saying? I’m sorry, this is just a lot to take in right now. I don’t think I can hear this. You are sounding insane.” Aileen’s face had become red and tears lingered on the ridges of her eyes.
A fury burned in Keira’s chest. If anyone had a right to be upset, it was herself.
She was the one that had to endure the horrors of the visions, and James’ constant presence. Keira’s lips pulled to a thin white line and her eyes glowered. Aileen clearly didn’t get the gravity of what Keira knew. A faint expression of worry passed over Aileen, she backed away just ever so slightly.
Chapter Twelve
“What am I saying?” Aileen’s voice was soft now and she shook her head. “I know what you’re going through is far worse than anything I ever did.”
Keira was mollified and jutted out her chin gazing into the space around her. A petulant look had appeared on her face. Now Aileen was starting to get it, beginning to understand how wronged James and now Kiera had been.
“It’s alright, I’m just looking for answers. Looking for some kind of way out of this hell.”
Aileen nodded reluctantly, “OK, whatever you want to talk about, let’s do it. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”
“I want to know about the things your ma said. Did your ma tell you about the day he died? Was she ever sorry for what she did? James needs to move on to another plane of existence but I don’t know how to help him do that. He’s with me night and day and I live in his hell.” Keira’s voice sounded like a vial of bitterness and Aileen surveyed Keira with apprehension.
“Have you talked to Noah? He knows quite a bit about this sort of thing.”
“Yes. I’ve talked to him quite a bit.”
“Oh right, you two are seeing each other. Of-course you’ve talked about it” Aileen’s voice was even. She seemed to be making a great effort to keep it so, Keira thought. And her knuckles had turned white from gripping her knees. If she was scaring Aileen Keira didn’t care.
“Yeah. Noah’s the one good thing that I’ve got left in my life. He’s tried everything. He’s tried communicating with the ghost, demanding that he leave, even bought a little vial of holy water. But nothing works. He won’t leave.”
“Holy crap.”
“Noah’s even started going to church lately.”
“Really?”
“He doesn’t know what else to do.” Keira’s voice was growing louder, angrier, although she didn’t seem to notice. “And I don’t know either. Church can’t hurt any, can it? I mean it’s OK for you. It’s not your problem is it!?” Keira rubbed her temples. The frustration throbbed through her head her like an oncoming migraine.
“Keira, I’m sorry. I don't know what to say.”
“Tell me what you know about your ma and da and how he died. I want to know if she lied to you about James. If it weren’t for you, I’m certain they would still be happily married till this day.”
Aileen’s face paled.
“OK. Keira. James was not a good man. I’ll tell you what I know. And I do think Noah getting help for you is what you need.”
“Just get on with it. Tell me all that your ma said.”
“Ma told me some stuff after we burned the bones – stuff about James. Bad stuff. She made sure I wouldn’t tell you or Noah, though, I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, she was worried about talking about it.”
“Well you better tell me. None of this is happening to you. I have a right to know.” Keira’s voice was acid.
“Ma said James was violent. He used to kill his neighbours’ pets as a kid, he got a big thrill from it, he told Ma. He did really bad stuff. He hurt the poor little things.”
A black fury swirled in the pit of Keira’s stomach.
Aileen continued, “When he was fired from his job as a teenager, he went home and his father beat him. He was so humiliated and furious that he found where his supervisor lived and waited for him every night, till he could have at him. So, after a few nights waiting, the man came home late and drunk. James got to him. He beat that poor man so bad he died in the hospital. They never found James for it though. James, had it planned to look as though he was at home all the time, he made his brothers say it to the police. Once his father found out what he’d done, his father never bothered him again. James said his family were afraid of him after that.” Aileen’s face was contorted trying to hold her composure. But Keira looked at her, distain etched on her face.
“Why would your mother marry someone like that?”
“She didn't know until she was pregnant with me, that’s when he started beating her. He said he’d kill her before he’d let her leave! He told her if she left he’d get to her parents and her sister and Noah and then he’d come after me and her. She was so afraid she stayed. It was stupid not to leave him, I know. But she was scared.”
Keira rubbed her eyes vigorously. She had slept more last night than she had all week but she was still exhausted and she had to stay awake.
“Are you sure your mother is telling the truth?”
It was rhetorical. Keira knew it to be a lie.
“Why wouldn't she be?”
“Well, it just sounds a little hard to believe. A little fabricated. That he did all those things and he got away with killing someone and she stayed with him anyway.”
Aileen scoffed, “Fabricated?! Why would she do that? What would you know?”
Keira shrugged, her voice brimming with sarcasm. “Perhaps she was trying to cope with the guilt of killing him? Maybe she’s trying to justify what she did. Have you thought that possibly she wasn’t doing a wife’s duties by him and that she wanted to get out of the marriage because of you, and this was her way to do it?”
Aileen lost all pretence at calm. Her voice became threatening, “I really don’t appreciate what you are saying, Keira.”
Keira changed tack, forcing her voice to sound consoling, reasonable.
“I’m just saying it’s a possibility! I wouldn’t blame her! I mean, he was mean to you- you remember that, don’t you?” Aileen furrowed her brow.
“It’s not a very likely possibility that ma made all of that up. Ma wouldn’t just lie to me like that. She was too scared to leave.”
“She seems just fine with lying to you about your father abandoning you, she could have lied about a lot of things.” Keira’s voice was, sharp as knives.
Aileen stood up, “Keira, you need to leave because I’m tired of hearing this!”
Keira head tilted toward her shoulder, a knowing look and a nasty smirk on her face. “Oh, am I starting to make a bit of sense?”
“I said get out!” Aileen’s face was becoming reddened and her eyes now had a boldness about them that had been lacking a few moments ago. Aileen was making Keira furious, she had been for a while now, even before today. But it got worse after she heard Aileen’s voice over the phone and it grew with every word between them.
Perhaps she had felt it even since that night she first came here, to stay with Aileen, but it was hard to remember. This much she knew for sure. Aileen was a snivel
ling brat. Spoiled, needy and selfish. There had been so much trouble caused because of her. It was beyond bearing how unreasonable she had been about everything.
Keira’s life was a mess now. It seemed as though she tainted every one that she came into contact with. Even Noah was affected. She had everyone running around on her behalf.
Keira stood up quickly. Her fingers twitched and her teeth clenched. Before she could even think about what to do next, the palms of her hands were pressed against Aileen’s shoulders pushing her to the ground. Aileen yelled out as she landed. “What are you doing? Get off me.”
Keira’s face was set in an ugly grimace, her eyes blazed in resentment. Jumping astride of Aileen she placed her hands around her throat and squeezed with everything in her strength. Aileen screamed and hit out, knocking Keira in the face, but Keira didn’t flinch.
“Aileen! Aileen!” Cait’s voice came bellowing through the room, panic bounced off the walls. “Keira get off of her. Do you hear me?” Cait came running towards Keira, her face was wide with shock.
Placing her arm completely around Keira’s neck, she closed it hard against her throat cutting off her air and forced her own weight against Keira, until she fell heaving on the floor. Aileen scrambled up and stood with Cait. The three gaped at each other. Keira’s eyes began to focus.
“Oh my God, Aileen.” She went towards her, extended her arms “I’m so sorry, I don’t-”
“Don’t touch me!” Aileen spat the words at her and motioned Keira’s hand away from her. “There’s something seriously wrong with you.” Aileen’s voice was panicked. Fear and horror drawn on her face. Cait moved protectively in front of Aileen.
“Keira? You aren’t welcome here again. Whatever’s wrong with you? Get out.”
So many words bubbled up in Keira, but she couldn’t speak them.
Words of fear for her own life, of accusation for what Cait had wrought on them by the killing of James. And words of deep anguish, of being lost in a world of darkness. James presence seemed to have gone silent for the moment and Keira was left with deep shame. She looked out at them beseechingly, her face a canvass of pain.