by Cat Knight
“You’re right. I’m sorry, I’ve never been the same since that night. I don’t know if I ever will be. Can you ever forgive me?”
Cait pulled out her phone and began calling someone.
“Who are you calling? Don’t call the guard on me? Everything’s already bad enough.”
“The guard can’t help her ma. Give that to me.” Aileen took the phone and dialled Noah.
Keira’s had started hyperventilating and was desperately trying to calm herself, bereft for what she had done; Aileen was looking at her with repulsion as she spoke into the phone “Keira’s here and she’s attacked me…. I don’t know…… Don’t worry about it. I’m OK Just come here.” Aileen took a deep breath. “Okay thank you.” Aileen hung up. “He’ll be here soon. Do you think you can wait outside until then?”
Keira looked at the ground with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Yeah.”
The old Volkswagen sedan pulled up in the driveway.
A cloud of dust had formed behind it; moving faster than a car should in front of someone’s house. The car jerked with an abrupt stop. Keira wondered what she would say to him. Keira watched him step out, absently noticing that since the last time she had seen him, the cracked glass of the headlights was fixed.
“Keira!” He shouted as he hurried over to her, his lanky figure dressed in jeans and a baggy t-shirt.
Keira felt her heart sink into a pit of shame. There was something beautiful about his spirit that served as a contrast to the ugliness of her heart. He did his best to always be with her but she had been avoiding him the past week or so. She didn’t want to pull him to the despair she was drowning in.
“Are you okay?” He grabbed her hand, “What’s wrong?”
“Got your car fixed up?! Looks nice.”
“Keira?” He pulled her close. “Aileen said something happened, you attacked her?” Keira started to cry again.
“I’m a mess Noah, I can’t even think straight anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. And yeah, something very bad did happen today. I attacked Aileen because I knew what James was going through. That’s what’s wrong.” Keira bit her lip in trying to stop the tears. “Why am I like this?” Her words became breathy sobs.
He hugged her and sighed from deep within and just held her for several moments. Eventually he spoke, his tone soft and loving.
“You’re going to get better, you hear me? I’m gonna make sure of it.”
Keira pressed her face into his chest. Her tears were soaked up by his shirt. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this.”
He rubbed her back and smoothed her hair, “It’s OK. What happened, exactly, here?”
“I told Aileen about a dream I had last night. I saw everything that happened back then. I even felt it and tasted the blood. I can’t explain it really, but I was James, or I felt like James. And I know what happened.”
Noah stroked her hair, “What happened?”
“Cait betrayed James. She planned to kill him with a knife.. She had planned exactly how to get rid of his body. James watched her do it once he was dead. James is still upset because he was betrayed on account of Aileen.. It made me so angry, and I thought Aileen needed to know, and perhaps James would get peace. I felt like she needed to suffer, to understand it was all her fault. And we ended up getting into an argument about what Cait did and things got out of control. I ended up pushing her to the ground, I felt such hate for her.”
Concern creased Noah’s brow. Her shadow was forming a double.
Chapter Thirteen
Noah’s throat grew tight, while his heart beat out a rhythm of fear. “Alright. We have to deal with this now. I don’t think you’re safe anymore.”
“I know, I know! I don’t think so either. Do you think Aileen will ever forgive me? Things are changing me Noah.”
Noah held her close and gazed over her shoulder at the ground in front of him rubbing a hole into the gravel with his foot. He cleared his throat. “Keira? I really think you should come and see the pastor with me. I dunno what else to suggest.” Keira wiped a tear lingering in the corner of her eye.
“Maybe. But not today.”
“OK. How about you head home now... I’m going to make a quick stop at the church and talk to him, then I’ll meet you at your place.”
“What will you say. Will you tell him what happened with Aileen?”
“Yes, that and the dream you had. He might have a way to help. It’s all I can think to do right now. I’ve wanted to ask the pastor about what’s been going on with you for a while. I think it’s time that I did. Do you agree?”
Noah turned her chin to face his eyes. Feelings of love welled up in her. He cared. Really cared, despite everything, despite her turning into a monster. Tears rolled down her face and she rubbed at them.
“So embarrassing. I hate myself. I’m so very ashamed.” There had never been a thought of telling anyone like a doctor, because she feared they would consider her crazy, though a part of her thought they might be right. It was only Aileen and Noah she had told, and now look what had happened to Aileen.
“No Keira, don’t feel like that.” He mussed her hair and held her face to his neck. It’s high time we found a way to get rid of this ghost, before he does more damage to you.”
“Alright, you go then.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon. Thanks,” she smiled.
A deep despondency lay over Keira on her way home. In her mind, hope seemed absent. She sniffed and wiped at her nose. Please leave me James. Please. But she knew he would not. She laughed to herself in derision, mocking her own thoughts. He was evil and she knew it, but why then was she so completely furious with Aileen earlier? Was she evil too?
She passed through valleys and trees that lined the side of the street. The road she was on ran along the side of a hill that sloped into empty plains and farmland. Looking off into the direction where she had burned James’ bones, she regretted every decision she made that night.
It had not been for the best after-all – at least that’s what she thought now. An anger surged in her. There it was again. If she hadn’t helped….
“Oh God. Help me.” Keira sobbed out loud, alone in the car. “God why did this have to happen to me?”
After a time, the sobs ceased, a new thought entered, it seemed to come from a new place in her mind. Almost as a voice that she hadn’t heard before. Yes, she was miserable, but perhaps misery could serve a purpose in her life. One day this would all make sense. Keira shook her head at the thought that had come so unbidden.
Could anything good come of this? I doubt it very much. Bloody hell, I’m gonna wind up either possessed or a God botherer.
The small car shook as it drove over potholes and cracked pavement. She held the steering wheel in place and kept the car within its lane. Something wasn’t right…. the car seemed to be fighting against her, it wobbled under her and swerved of its own account. She fought for control of the steering wheel but could not gain it. No matter which way she turned it, went to its own accord.
A sick sensation pooled in Keira’s stomach. Anticipation of the worst began to tingle in her limbs as they twitched in fear clouding her mind and judgement. Keira tried to right the vehicle, make it stay where it should, but it slipped and slid careering across the dirt road. “Oh God! Come on Keira, think. Try to tap the breaks, just lightly turn into the slip. TURN INTO THE SLIP. Keira was shouting at herself in the car, trying to use every skill she ever learned o to get the car back on track.
But to no avail. Trees were looming lopsided as the car reached a peak of a hill and hurtled down it. Gravel flew out from under her, hitting the windscreen. CRACK! The glass shattered.
With her eyes fixed on the shattered maze in front of her, the thoughts she was trying not to think came rushing in. Maybe I’m gonna die. What then? What will happen? Will I be stuck with James in the afterlife? Swallowing down her fear she tried to regain control of the car as it bounced a
ll over the road, it’s tyres turning with a will of their own. Sweat lined her lip as she readied herself for the impact that was sure to come. Any minute now.
Blood had started dripping from her nose and across her lips. She wondered vaguely how it had started. It didn’t matter, but it was in her mouth and the metallic taste seemed to be tantalising her fears. Her heart was beating violently against her ribcage. The harder it beat, the more blood dripped from her nose. It rolled down her chin and fell to her jeans, staining them. Reaching up to her nose to wipe it away, her eyes were wide and glassy. Glancing down at her hands the fingertips were covered in blood. And that was the precise second it happened.
The wheel jerked hard, she looked back up to try to right herself, through the shattered screen she stared into the shape of an oncoming car. Time seemed to stop. In the longest moment, yet in an instant, she heard the melding of metal and the most terrible heart wrenching scream. The sounds came from far away.
Vaguely she heard her own voice, the grinding thud of the car, the whoosh of the airbag. There had been no time to think what to do, if there was anything that could be done.
The blood that had been dripping from her nose, tasted fetid and foul in her mouth reminding her of James.
The impact of the airbag opened like a giant slap against her face and neck.
Glass rained down on her from every window and she twisted and turned against the seatbelt as the car spun, knocking her head back against the seat. The wheel caught the ditch, and flipped. Her neck was jerked around and in a bizarre slow nightmare, sky and ground whirled together. The little car came to a horrible crunching landing somewhere in the forest, against a bank. Her head hit something solid and Keira’s vision darkened. She fell away into blackness.
“Keira? Keira? Can you hear me. The voice came pushing through the comfortable black nothingness. The sound of it was forcing her back. For a moment, she fought against wanting to stay cocooned and safe in the dark.
Answer me Keira. Come on lass give me a word.” A light was shining in on her. Squinting against the blur she saw a flood light sweeping over her face. It lingered, then diverted away as she blinked again and winced.
“Keira O’Connell?” the unknown masculine voice shouted, but with a trained calm. “Keira can you hear me?”
Keira nodded, then managed a weak, “Yes, I can.”
“Alright Keira, we’re going to get you out, just stay quite still where you are, don’t try to get out yourself.”
Just shy of an hour later, Keira was finally lifted onto a gurney by the firefighters and she could see what had become of her car on the country road.
Dirt was piled high on one side of her car where she had come to a skidding halt. The passenger side no longer existed. They told her the wreckage had pocketed her in, a miracle that kept her alive, and it was the reason why it took so long for the firefighters to extricate her. The other car had not fared so well. The miracle that saved her also sheared the drivers’ side from the other car. White sheets were spread over most of the scene. They were all spotted with blood.
She didn’t look away from the sheets. “Is he dead?”
“Keira I need you to tell me what happened.”
“I killed him,” she whispered. “He’s dead because of me.” The garda’s voice was gentle.
“It was a woman. But I need you to tell me what happened, everything you can remember.”
Keira thought about how her car had jerked, as though the wheel had been yanked from her hands. James tried to kill me because I didn’t kill Aileen. “I hit a pothole… I think. My car jerked into the other side of the road she said slowly. She knew exactly why her car had jerked, and it wasn’t because of a pothole.
The officer nodded and scribbled something down. “OK Keira, we’re going to take you to the hospital to check you for injuries.” And with that the paramedics wheeled her into the ambulance and closed the doors on her view of the bloodstained sheets.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On a grassy corner, a few blocks away from his home, a small protestant church stood, its brown brick walls and steps leading up to heavy wooden doors that gave it a stately air.
A small, private graveyard for previous attendees of the church stretched around the lot. Grey and white headstones dotted the landscape, poking out from thatches of pruned flower bushes and trimmed healthy grass. Noah admired the picturesque setting as he walked towards it, his feet clad in his work shoes treading firmly on a walkway of brick the same colour as the building.
It was midday, but the air was cool and smelled of the sea. Clouds dotted the sky, occasionally floating under the sun and casting a shadow. Services were held typically in the morning and evenings, so he had been able to locate a parking space close to the entrance. He had only been there a few times, each visit occurring within the past few weeks and fuelled by his need for more answers, but it gave calm. And he deeply needed it for Keira’s sake. Although he had missed today’s service, desperation brought Noah to the church today. He knew that simply attending and sitting in the pews would not be enough to receive the answers he needed unless he made the move to ask.
He entered and scanned his surroundings. It seemed that most of the congregation had left. A few women were clustered in groups near the entrance, chatting as they moved around the pews and steadily towards the doors. He located the pastor near the back and drew closer, hovering a polite distance away from where the minister was chatting with a young man. It didn’t take long for them to finish their discussion, and as the other man left, he turned to Noah with a smile
Chapter Fourteen
“Hello, Noah!” Noah blinked in surprise, then chuckled awkwardly.
“Wow, you recognised me. I’ve only been a few times, and I usually stick to the back rows and run before the sermon’s over.” The pastor laughed. His face creased into a thousand smiles.
“I knew you’d be dropping in and I knew who you were from the start. I’ve been dreaming about you for several months now.”
Noah looked at him mouth agape. His stomach seemed to be doing flips and his mouth went dry. Swallowing to gain some saliva he repeated the pastor’s words.
“You’ve been dreaming about me?” Noah took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He wasn’t sure what to say.
“Come on, let’s walk a while.” He guided Noah out through the door and they walked around the old church yard.
“It’s alright Noah, don’t be afraid of what’s happening. The divine often uses dreams to communicate with people. And that’s how I know why you’re here today.”
“You know about what’s happening – with the ghost?” The pastor nodded.
“Yes, and I know what needs to happen to move it on. I have helped others in the past.” There was a moment of silence where Noah wrestled with what to say. A silence, that was not wholly uncomfortable filled the space. Finally, he spoke again
“If you already knew, why did you wait for me. Why didn’t you come and talk to me? You must’ve known how terrible it’s been.”
“It’s not for me to rush things. Noah, you are about to be given a gift and now you will learn what that is.”
Noah looked at him, his face creased up and tears of frustration burned in him.
“How can you just be so feckin’ calm and sanctimonious if you know what we’ve been going through? Why didn’t you help us?”
To Noah’s surprise, instead of looking at him with anger he just shrugged. “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You’re ready, I’m here. All I know is that you are close to someone who is being oppressed by a spirit that needs to move on. What else can you tell me?”
Noah shook with nervousness and fear. “It’s my girlfriend. She tried to help someone by burning the bones of a murdered person and now she’s slowly going completely mad and barely gets a moments peace.”
He stopped and started as he outlined some of Keira’s recent behaviours, the shadows she saw and what Keira was ex
periencing in her home.
The pastor listened quietly, nodding or occasionally asking for clarification. When Noah began to relay that Keira had dreamt of James’ death, the pastor’s brows furrowed.
“She had a dream of this man’s death?” He asked.
“Yes,” Noah said. “It seems like his influence on her is growing stronger. She attacked the man’s family – who are still living. And now when I look at her shadow, there’s two of them.”
The pastor rubbed his chin.
“Even if it seems he does have possession of her – he really doesn’t. The living has the advantage over the dead.” Noah’s eyes grew wide.
“What do you mean?”
“We are the living,” he began, gesturing to himself. “We have physical forms and we experience change which leaves no room for the old. In contrast, the dead are just that; dead. They aren’t growing and changing anymore, they have encountered the end and are no longer supposed to be on this plane of existence.” Noah looked at him, confusion showed in the deepening lines of his young face. Understanding echoed in the pastor’s eyes.
“This is the realm where humans grow and change. Spirits can’t do that – not here anyway. No matter how hard they cling to whatever person or object they choose, they will eventually grow weak and leave.”
Noah’s mobile rang, the loud noise causing him to twitch in surprise. He worked his phone out of his pocket and stared blankly at the words ‘Garda Síochána’.
He looked back up at the pastor as he brought the phone up to his ear.
“I’m sorry, I have to take this.”
Noah turned away, tapping the screen to answer the call as he strode towards his car. The pastor called back to him.
“Be back here at three thirty in the morning.”