by E M Lindsey
“You’re a dick,” Sam said, grinning fully now. He rubbed his hands down the tops of his thighs, then shrugged. “Come here and let me touch you.”
“Fuck,” Niko said with a tiny gasp. He was down to his boxers now, hard as a rock, and Sam’s mouth watered when he saw Niko’s cock twitch behind the thin fabric. He pushed back to brace himself against the headboard, and he felt the familiar twinge letting him know that his legs weren’t going to be still. He felt a moment of panic, but Niko didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn’t seem to care. Niko slid one knee on the bed, then lifted his other leg over and pushed up so he was straddling Sam’s waist. He didn’t lay his weight down, hovering just above Sam’s crotch, his hands grasping the top of the headboard to steady himself.
“You are so hot,” Sam muttered, letting his nails draw a path up each side of Niko’s ribs. He was fit—the moniker of gym-rat he’d been gifted by the guys at the shop showing itself in the defined abs Sam wanted to spend an hour exploring with his tongue. He gripped the barrel of Niko’s chest, then let his thumbs rub at his nipples, feeling lust shooting up his spine at the way Niko’s head tipped forward and the gasp ripped out of his lungs.
Niko shuddered, then leaned in like he couldn’t help it, and kissed Sam. It was filthy and wet, without any of the finesse or care that he’d shown earlier. He pulled away, nipping gently at Sam’s mouth for a lingering moment, then pressed their foreheads together. “You have to tell me what to do, what you like. This is new to me and I want it to be good for you.”
Sam fought back a groan, the heady thought that this was dual-sided. The last time he’d shared mutual orgasms, it had been an after-effect of the way the guy had grabbed Sam by the waist rather than actively going for the places on his body that felt good. Now, he was being offered something more, something for him too, and he had to pull himself back because he wanted too much. He was wound tight, lonely and stressed, and he just wanted a decent orgasm and a good night’s sleep.
It’s not too much to ask, he thought. You’re allowed to want this, to take it when it’s being offered.
He grabbed Niko by the wrists, placing one hand at his right nipple with his thumb on the barbell, and one hand right at the junction of his waist where his skin went from unfeeling to over-sensitive. “Here,” he murmured, guiding Niko’s hand at his waist. “Use a lot of pressure, hard strokes. It’s sensitive, so I need firm touches…” He trailed off with a groan as Niko dug his fingers into his skin and dragged them upward in a sharp motion. Niko dragged his fingers back down again, and Sam’s head fell back, thudding against the headboard. “Like that. Yeah. Shit.”
“Can you come like this?” Niko asked, his voice thick with desire. He pressed on Sam’s waist with one hand and circled his nipple with the thumb of his other, moving it back to the center again to flick the piercing. “I want you to come.”
“Yes,” Sam said. He leaned into the touch, arching as much as his body would allow, his hands scrabbling for purchase. He tugged Niko by the hips, urging him to lay his weight down. “I can feel this,” he told him. “You on me like this. I can feel it and I…I want…” His moan ripped out of him as pleasure shot through his body.
“Yeah,” Niko groaned, and he laid his weight down, hard. Not hard enough to hurt or jostle anything, but enough that Sam’s entire body rocked back against the headboard, making it thump against the wall.
Niko’s hands continued to work him, his mouth lowering down, sucking at his neck, biting kisses up his jawline, laving at his earlobe with a rough tongue. The sensations were so much and so perfect, he nearly forgot this went both ways. He managed to reign himself in, even as he felt the familiar tingle and tug of his body approaching a climax. Without much ceremony, he shoved his hand into the slit of Niko’s boxers, and pulled his cock out.
He was uncut, the head poking out of the foreskin, sliding in his fist a little wet and swollen, and looking so good, he wanted to put his mouth on it and taste him. But he was in no position to do that just yet—not physically, and not with Niko’s hands continuing to drive him over the edge.
He would later, though. Later. Not tonight, but in the future. If Niko would have him again—he’d lay him out on the bed, strip him down, and pay every inch of him attention.
This, though, right then with Niko’s hard cock sliding through the ring he made of his fist, this would have to be enough. He heard Niko’s sharp breath, felt the way his cock pulsed in his hands, and knew there were seconds left. Letting his head fall back again, losing himself in the sensation of Niko’s hands on him, mouth on him, cock against his palm, the orgasm took him. His body trembled with it, the shock of it shooting up his skin, making his fingers tingle, his face hot, his mouth a little dry.
His chest jerked and a moan pulled from his chest as he felt Niko fucking his hand harder, sharp thrusts again, and again, and again until he was coming. The thick seed hit him in the chest, warm and sticky as it splattered against his sternum, then slid down to where he couldn’t feel it at all.
It was too much and a little bit not enough, but also perfect in a way he didn’t want to let go of. His grip on Niko’s softening cock loosened, but he liked the way Niko didn’t pull away, the way he just sagged against Sam and let himself be held and petted as Sam dragged fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
There was no rush, no fear, nothing like it had been before, and that in itself was a little terrifying because how was he supposed to give that up when the time came? He took in a shuddering breath and willed himself not to think about it. He’d have every opportunity to deal with it and mourn the loss later. For now, he had Niko here with him, in his arms and resting against his body.
He felt Niko start kissing his neck, then he loosened his arms and let himself shuffle down until he was lying against two of his pillows with Niko curled up on the third, facing him. Niko’s hand drew along the mess he’d made of Sam’s chest, and it should have been gross, but Sam felt himself enjoying the attention, even if it meant he’d have to sort out a shower before going to pick up Maisy.
At the thought of his daughter, he turned his head to see the clock, and knew he only had a short time before Kat and Tony would expect him. His eyes burned with fatigue, his body already feeling the abuse he’d dealt it from going in the batting cage too hard. And he was boneless from the passion and the glow after, because he hadn’t come that hard in so long. In years.
“That was…wow,” Niko finally said, like he’d just regained his voice.
Sam couldn’t help a laugh. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“You got something better?” Niko asked, his tone teasing.
Sam shrugged, reaching down to brush Niko’s cheek with the backs of two curled knuckles. “Amazing? Fan-fucking-tastic? Mind-blowing? I’d say it in Greek, except I don’t know any.”
“Makári esý ísoun dikós mou,” Niko murmured.
Sam’s body went warm at the sound of Niko speaking his language. “So, you agree? Mind-blowing?”
“Maybe not exactly, since you’re speaking in coherent sentences. Means your mind is still pretty functional,” Niko argued, smiling. He hesitated, then looked up a little shyly. “It was pretty good though, right?”
Sam softened at the sound of Niko’s insecurity, and he brushed his fingers through his hair. “It was. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve done that.”
“What? A hook-up?”
“Sex, mostly,” Sam confessed, because why lie. “I haven’t had sex in…” He actually wasn’t sure how long it had been, and his brain felt too sex-stupid to do the math. “I can’t remember.”
Niko let out a small breath as he let his fingers circle Sam’s nipple. The pressure was just enough so it wasn’t erotic, but it was nice to have his body explored that way. His jeans felt too tight, too confining, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to strip down just yet. He couldn’t forget the look on Caleb’s face the night it happened, and Sam didn’t fully trust Niko.
Not yet.
“It was good though. I know it’s…different, with me,” he clarified, and that caught Niko’s full attention.
“Part of me wants to say something idiotic like, everyone’s different, or some other pseudo-philosophical bullshit that’s meant to make you feel normal or whatever, but I won’t,” Niko said, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. “I know it’s different. The truth is, I was shit-scared I was going to do something wrong or hurt you. I like you so damn much, and I don’t want to do anything that’s going to make you want to stop this.”
Sam bit his lip as he reached over, thumbing over the jut of Niko’s chin. His features were sharper than most of the people Sam had dated in the past. His skin was rich olive, his scruff thick and dark, hair coarse. But it was mostly the eyes that caught him—wide and unassuming and made his entire face an open book.
If the circumstances had been different, if Niko had been just another person, Sam probably would have lost his patience. But something about this felt right. At least, it felt right enough that he could make the promise it would happen again.
“I liked everything you did. Most people avoid my legs like they might catch paralysis or something—or like they might make me feel bad because I can’t feel anything down there. I like being touched. Everywhere.”
Niko gave him a pointed look, then brushed his hand down the front of Sam’s jeans, palming at his flaccid penis. “Do you get hard?”
Sam’s lip twitched up at the corner. He’d been asked it before—sometimes by total strangers as though, somehow, they had a right to know about his sex-life just because his disability was on public display—but this was the first time he really wanted to answer that question. “Sometimes I can. I have to take Cialis, and usually put on a cock ring because I get soft really fast. I can’t feel anything, but it’s something we can explore. I like it. It’s erotic for me to watch, so if it’s something you might be into…”
Niko blushed, the darkening color visible in the dim light coming through the window, and he ducked his head down a little shyly. “I could so be into that,” he confessed. “I uh…I don’t have a lot of experience with that kind of sex, though. I dated here and there after I left hockey, but I was deeply closeted, and it took me a while to feel safe coming out. Most of my experience is limited to quickies in dark hotel rooms. Blow jobs, hand jobs, anything you can get done in five minutes or less.”
Sam felt a pang of sympathy for him. He knew what being closeted was like—at least the high school version of it, but his life changed so drastically at such a young age, he didn’t have the same struggle. Once he lost the use of his legs and his parents didn’t think he was worth anything, they stopped giving a shit about any part of who he was.
“I’ve only had penetrative sex three or four times. And it never felt right, so I’ve kind of avoided it,” Niko said after a long silence.
Sam frowned, touching Niko’s cheek, and drawing him into a kiss. He pulled away with a series of small pecks, and he knew that it was more than a hook-up should be doing, but hearing the soft way Niko was speaking, the underlying pain from his past, he couldn’t help it. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Trust me, this is enough.”
Niko smiled, breathing out heavily through his nose, and he shook his head. He laid down against the side of Sam’s chest and tucked in close. “I know. But it feels different with you.”
Sam breathed out, letting his fingers tangle into Niko’s hair, rubbing the coarse strands between his finger and thumb. “I understand what you meant, though. About not having the experience. I uh…when I had my accident, I was a virgin. Like, a super virgin. I was the douchebag who told everyone he got to third base with some random cheerleader when the closest I’d ever come to a tit was sneaking my dad’s Playboy. Which was also when I learned tits didn’t really do it for me.”
Niko propped up on his elbow, frowning, though he had a slight smile on his lips. “Did you ever explore any of that?”
Sam shook his head. “Not as a teenager. We lived in this really conservative little town in Alaska, and anyone who was gay just…wasn’t. Not in public, anyway. Nowhere that could be found out. It wasn’t until years after my accident that I met anyone who was willing to experiment with me, but no one ever lasted very long.”
Niko’s frowned deepened, and he brushed his palm along the top of Sam’s thigh. “I know that people are superficial assholes, but seriously, you are so hot. Like…stupid hot. I still can’t get over the fact that you’re single.”
Sam couldn’t help a slight flush, and he chuckled, though the sound was a little self-deprecating. “It’s…just a thing. Trust me. But I really don’t want to talk about that right now. I want to bask in this afterglow and maybe suck you off really quick before I have to go get Maisy.”
Niko’s face did something complicated, like maybe for a second, he’d forgotten Sam had obligations to his daughter and life, and part of him felt good about it. Because it meant that he could still be a person apart from all his responsibilities. He thumbed at Niko’s bottom lip.
“Can I ask a favor?” he said, feeling a little bit shitty for what he was about to say. Niko nodded, and he took another breath to steel his reserve. “Can we keep this between us for now? I mean, we’re just fucking around, and if anyone at the shop finds out, they’re going to make a big deal out of it. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.”
Niko stared at him a while, but he didn’t look hurt or rejected—merely thoughtful. After a bit, he reached up to tweak Sam’s nipple, sending a fresh, startling wave of desire shooting down his arms. Not enough for him to want to do anything about it—just enough to remind him that there was something there, and he was more than willing to take advantage of it.
“Yeah,” Niko said, then leaned up to kiss him. “We can keep it between us.”
Chapter Thirteen
Staring at the time on his phone, Niko sighed, fighting the urge to pull up Sam’s contact and just text the guy. It had been ten days since he’d kissed the man goodbye and headed back to his car. Ten days of reliving the night of Sam’s body under him, lips against his, hands pressing into him as they brought each other over the edge of ecstasy. But he hadn’t been promised anything. In fact, there was the explicit understanding that whatever it was between them, he had no right to Sam’s time or attention.
And it wasn’t like he didn’t understand. Sam had told him exactly what was happening, and Niko wasn’t the kind of man who would try to put demands on him with everything else he was going through. Only, it didn’t feel good. There was a hollow ache inside him—one that wanted to be comforted, but also one that wanted to comfort, because he knew Sam was still struggling.
But, Sam wasn’t asking for help now. At least, not from him. He thought he’d maybe be booty-called in the middle of the night after Maisy was put down, but his phone had remained stubbornly silent since. He was losing hope of actually seeing the guy again, and short of going into the tattoo shop, he wasn’t sure they’d ever cross paths.
With some resignation, Niko picked up his routine— work, the gym, and sitting down with Holland and Jane to finalize the design blueprints for the remodeling. They’d chosen a tentative date for opening—late summer—and he was now waiting on a short-list of head chefs he’d be interviewing since he needed to get working on a menu.
He had some ideas already—recipes he’d grown up with and vaguely remembered—but he needed to plan a trip home. Sitting down with his mom and sister was the only way he’d really get what he needed, and frankly, being able to see them both and have a little familial comfort sounded better than anything right then.
His swirling thoughts made the room start to feel a little warm, and before he was really thinking about it, he had his keys and phone in hand, and he was walking toward the gym. There was no one at the front desk, but he badged in and headed to change, nodding to a couple of the employees on his way to the main floor.
In
the early afternoon, most of the machines were free, but he recognized a very colorful, inked arm of a woman on the far treadmill. He walked over, grinning when Lucy noticed him.
“Hey,” she said, tugging one of her earbuds out. “Haven’t seen you in a while. You okay?”
“Just been on night work-outs,” he told her as he set his pace. He started at a walk, warming his calves as he stretched his arms above his head. “I’ve been swamped pretty much all day and I feel like I’m going crazy.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Seriously? Is there some like financial accounting crisis happening?”
He chuckled, shaking his head as he increased his speed and incline. “Actually, I decided to lease the old diner that shut down, and I’ll be opening a restaurant. I’m putting in my notice at the firm this week, actually.”
Lucy stumbled a little, but she was grinning. “No shit? What kind of food?”
“Greek,” he said a little shyly. “I’m heading back to Jersey next month to steal all my grandma’s old recipes for monetary gain.”
She stared, then threw her head back and laughed. “You’re such an asshole. I’m excited though, damn. We need more good restaurants here.”
Niko ducked his head a little and sped up his pace a bit more. “Well, if you ever need a job…”
She gave him a half smile. “I’ll think about it. I mean, the stuff at the shop is nice, and apprenticing is…an experience. But I’m not sure it’s what I want to do.” She paused a long moment, then said, “I’m thinking about going back to the U.”
He felt his grin go so wide, his cheeks ached. “That’s amazing. Seriously!”
She laughed, flushing a little as she slowed her pace. “Yeah? I don’t know. I mean, I’m excited, but I had a really hard time when I was there, and I don’t want to drop out again because I can’t take it. Cale’s trying to talk me into online and it doesn’t sound like the worst idea.”