The Fall

by Kate Sherwood

  “This was fun,” Joe said quietly as Mackenzie pulled his shirt over his head. “And I had one of the chocolates—really good. Thanks.”

  Fun. Mackenzie was pretty sure he’d just had the best sex of his whole life—certainly the most intense orgasm. Maybe that had partly been because of the drought before it; not only the recovery period since Nathan had left him but also the entire too-disciplined, Nathan-satisfying expanse of their relationship. And before that Mackenzie had been just a kid, having sex with other kids who maybe didn’t really know what they were doing. Maybe Joe Sutton wasn’t some sort of super sex god. Maybe he was just an adult man who knew how to please his partner. “Yeah, it was fun,” Mackenzie said. “If you want to do it again sometime, let me know. Maybe at my place next time, so I can keep sleeping.” He managed a wry grin, enough to show this was all fine and he wasn’t feeling rejected.

  “In a church? Seems kind of sacrilegious….” Joe’s tone was teasing, but there was still a distance to his manner.

  “It’s been deconsecrated.” Mackenzie looked around for his sandals. “And as long as I’m living there, it had better get used to being the site of at least a little gay sex.” And then, because the point needed to be made, he smiled sweetly and said, “Whether it’s with you or with someone else.”

  Joe nodded in slow acknowledgment. “There’s not that many guys up here who are out. Probably not that many who are gay; they tend to move down to the city. But I’m sure you wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone if you were looking for a little variety.”

  “Because this is a one-time deal, you and me.” Mackenzie wasn’t sure why he was pushing for the final rejection; maybe it would just be better to have everything out on the table.

  But Joe shrugged noncommittally. “This is a casual deal, as far as I’m concerned. If it happens again, great. If it doesn’t… okay.”

  Well, at least ‘happens again’ had ranked slightly higher than ‘doesn’t’ on the reaction scale. But Mackenzie was done with this conversation. He still had a little bit of happy afterglow from the sex itself, and he didn’t want to wipe it out with more of this guy’s noncommittal bullshit. “All right, then. I’d better get out of here before the family arrives.”

  They headed down the stairs without talking, and Joe guided Mackenzie back to the mudroom door and out onto the porch. The dogs greeted them cheerfully this time; Joe had probably left enough of his scent on Mackenzie’s body to make it clear he wasn’t a stranger. Which wasn’t a thought that should send blood rushing to Mackenzie’s cock.

  Damn it, he’d wanted to seduce the cowboy as a way to move on from one unbalanced relationship, not to start into a whole new unhealthy dynamic. What was he supposed to do now, throw himself at another man in order to forget this one?

  There was no good-bye kiss and no promise of future contact. When Mackenzie got back to the church, Will was still working, and the man’s knowing smirk was about the only evidence Mackenzie had that anything had even happened with Joe. Other than a pleasantly sore ass.

  He was supposed to be concentrating on the church, he reminded himself. His bank account was shrinking rapidly, and while the response from the chamber of commerce had been encouraging, it had mostly been in the form of “we’ll see what we can do” and “maybe I’ll give so-and-so a call about that.” Damn it, if the chamber of commerce didn’t come through, Mackenzie wanted at least some of his chocolates back. Then he thought about his afternoon, the way Joe had checked to be sure Mackenzie was on board with everything, the simple care he’d taken to respond to Mackenzie’s body, the mind-shattering orgasm, and the gentleness with which the quilt had been wrapped around him. Okay, Joe could keep the chocolates.

  But he could shove his postsex attitude right up his well-muscled ass.

  Chapter 6

  “THE IDEA was for you to be in a good mood after you got laid,” Will said blandly. They were washing the dishes while Ally was upstairs reading Austin his bedtime stories, and it was the first time Will had been able to get Joe alone since Mackenzie’s visit that afternoon. Will smirked a little. “Could you not get it up? Was there some other disaster?”

  “Do you like to go down on Lindsey first, then fuck her? Or does she just like a good hard banging right off the top?”

  “What?” Will looked at his brother as if he was wondering whether it was time to start swinging.

  “Oh. Is that none of my business? Was it kind of disrespectful for me to ask that?” Joe nodded slowly. “Yeah. I can see that it would be. I guess there are some boundaries that should be respected. Sorry about that.” He handed the dish he’d been drying back to Will, who was supposed to be washing. “There’s still some cheese in the corner, there.”

  “Okay, a woman who I’m in a relationship with… a woman I might marry, for fuck’s sake, someone who could bear my children… she is not the same as one of your one-night stands.”

  Joe didn’t respond, just examined another dish from the drainboard and handed it back to his brother. “Cheese on that one too. You need to use the scrubby thing.”

  Will was still giving Joe a dirty look, but he glanced away long enough to find the plastic scrubber. “You didn’t used to be so touchy,” he finally said. “You’re changing the rules.”

  “Lots of things change. It’s the way of the world.”

  “Just so I’m fully caught up, then… this is it? I can’t ask about anything having to do with your sex life anymore? I mean, I can’t check in on things, make sure you’re doing okay….”

  “That sounds perfect,” Joe said with feeling. “Yeah. You should just not even think about it, if you can manage it. If you’ve got to think about it, you can keep it to yourself.” He squinted down at the dish Will had just placed back in the drainboard. “Also, you should probably learn how to wash a fucking plate. There’s still cheese on that.” He handed the dish back and said, “You and Lindsey are looking for a place with a dishwasher, right? A really good one?”

  “I’ll put it on the wish list,” Will responded. He picked at the overcooked cheese with his fingernail. “You’re sure you’re okay with it? You and Austin are good on your own once Ally’s gone? Even if she goes early for the science thing?”

  “You’re not planning to leave the country, are you? I mean, you’ll be like Sarah, living somewhere else but still helping out around here. Right?”

  “Yeah, absolutely. I mean….” He looked like he wasn’t sure he even wanted to bring up the idea, but he pressed on. “Lindsey said we should offer to take Austin. If you wanted. It’d be easier with two of us….”

  “No.” Joe wiped the bowl in his hands with a little extra enthusiasm, then forced himself to rein it in before he broke the china. “He’s good here. He knows this house, he knows me. He loves the animals and the space.” And then it was his turn to say something he wasn’t sure he should. “Lindsey’s a bit conservative about some of that stuff. She probably thinks a kid needs a mom and a dad and all that. Right? Family values?” He saw the look on Will’s face and set down the bowl he was drying. “Shit. She’s not….” He’d never really warmed to his brother’s girlfriend, but he hadn’t had reason to believe she was…. “She’s not trying to get him away from his gay uncle, is she?”

  “Not like that,” Will said quickly. “She’s not homophobic, not herself. But she hears people talking. She just thinks it will be a bit hard for Austin. You know, if people judge him for it or tease him or whatever….”

  They both turned at a noise at the door to the front hall. Ally was standing there, thankfully without a little blond companion, but still not looking pleased by what she’d overheard. “Maybe you should ask one of the other kids raised by a gay man how that worked out for her,” she said, staring Will down. “Maybe you should ask that kid whether people judge her or tease her about it.”

  “Maybe we should,” Joe said softly.

  “They do, a bit,” she said without taking her eyes off Will. “Just like they teas
e Margo for her dad being such a nerd and tease Tony about how everyone in his family looks exactly the same. They call him Tony Clonerson instead of Anderson. And they bug Matt about his big ass and Kelli about how thin her hair is. Sometimes they’re nice, sometimes they’re kind of mean. But none of it really matters. Not compared to coming home and knowing I’ve got people who love me and look after me and give me the freedom to be who I want to be. I wouldn’t trade this family for the world and neither would Austin.” She turned to Will. “And Lindsey should damn well know that, and if you can’t find the balls to tell it to her, then I absolutely will.”

  “Okay, bruiser,” Joe said. He set down the dishcloth and walked over to give his sister a one-armed hug and a kiss on the top of her head. “I wouldn’t trade this family for anything, either.” Then he tugged on her ponytail. “Unless there was a family that was exactly like this in every way except that the youngest daughter didn’t keep forgetting to empty the bucket on the tack room dehumidifier.”

  “Oh shit!” Her eyes were wide. “I forgot again! I’ll go do it right now….”

  “I already did. But you’re the one with the show saddle—if it gets moldy, you’re cleaning it up yourself.”

  “Teaching me responsibility,” Ally said with an approving nod. “Using natural consequences to reinforce your rules. Very nice parenting there, Joey.”

  “That psychology class really stuck with you, huh?”

  “I’m still going to be a vet. But I think psychology will be my hobby.”

  “God help us,” Will said from the sink. Then he looked at his brother. “But you’re both right. Austin’s lucky to be here. And Lindsey knows it. She’s just a worrier.”

  Ally raised an eyebrow that suggested she thought maybe there was a little more to it than that, and Joe gave his sister’s shoulders another affectionate squeeze. He had a good team on his side. Even Will, for all his nagging, was trying to look out for him. “You guys want to sit out on the porch for a while?” He looked at his little sister. “Maybe have a beer?”

  She grinned widely. “I love the way you make it sound like I couldn’t get a case of beer all for myself anytime I wanted.”

  “That’s forbidden beer,” Joe said, trying to sound wise. “Isn’t there some psychological theory about this? Sneaking around and drinking with your friends is one thing—and if you get busted for it, you’re going to be facing some more of those ‘consequences’ you’re so impressed by—but an officially sanctioned beer, as a symbol of your impending membership in the adult side of the family? Come on, that’s got to taste just a little better, doesn’t it?”

  Ally cocked her head, then started toward the fridge. “I’ll let you know in a couple seconds.” She pulled out three bottles and handed them around, then twisted the top off hers and took a cautious sip. “Wow, you’re right,” she said, her eyes impossibly wide. “That is a delicious beer. I might want to have more than just one of those….”

  “Don’t get carried away,” Joe cautioned. Then the three of them went out to the porch and watched the sun setting over the land they all loved. And they didn’t squabble about anything the entire time they were out there.

  JOE WAS up early the next morning, as usual. He loved being outside as the new day started, the night animals scurrying away to their nests while the day animals began their louder, more obvious lives. He supposed that would be one thing he’d have to give up, at least for a while, if he was the only one looking after Austin. The little man loved the outdoors and was learning to at least sit on a horse, if not ride in the truest sense, but he was absolutely not a morning person, so far. He tended to wake up cranky and stay that way for at least an hour, and Joe was pretty sure it would be better to give up and stick around the house than to have his morning rides ruined by a grumpy preschooler. But there was still time before Ally was supposed to go away to school; maybe Austin would get over his morning blues by then. And if he didn’t, Joe would just have to find other ways to enjoy the sunrise.

  For some reason that made him think of Mackenzie. What would it be like to wake up together, to roll over in bed and watch the sun come up, then roll a little more and find other sources of enjoyment?

  It had been a long time since Joe had spent the night with anyone; even with Trevor it had been a rare occasion. Trevor had never slept over at the farm, and Joe had rarely wanted to spend a night away from the place. It wasn’t just the kids, but also the very real possibility of a problem with the livestock. Joe didn’t have a nine-to-five job he could leave behind at the end of the day; Trevor had never really accepted that. “If you wanted to come, you’d find a way to come,” he’d said on more than one occasion, and Joe had to admit it was true. He’d liked Trevor and enjoyed the ways their bodies worked together, but he hadn’t loved him, and Trevor had known it. “I’ll stay if you ask me to,” Trevor had said just before leaving for the city. Joe hadn’t asked.

  He wondered if he should add that little tidbit to Sarah and Will’s understanding of his romantic past. It would probably just set them off on a whole new tangent, raving about how Joe couldn’t commit even to a fantastic guy like Trevor, how he was too walled off from everyone, how he was damaged and defective and wrong. Ironic that his family was so accepting of his homosexuality but seemed to have so much trouble understanding his need for independence.

  He took Misery out to check the grass the cattle were on; it was good for another day or two, but he’d need to move them soon. It wasn’t a huge job, just herding them through a gate into the next enormous field, but he’d get Ally to help him with it anyway. She liked working the cattle, and she was trying to train her horse into some of the skills Misery just seemed to have by instinct. He gave the mare an affectionate pat on the neck, and she responded with pinned ears and the little hop that was as close to a buck as she was allowed to get while he was riding her.

  By the time he got back home, the house had clearly woken up. He was pretty sure he could smell bacon all the way up at the barn, a suspicion he confirmed after he put Misery away and headed for the kitchen. Will and Ally were sitting with Austin at the table, but there was an extra inhabitant working the grill.

  “Nick,” Joe said to his younger brother. “Hey, man, good to see you.” Judging by the tension in the room, Joe was pretty sure something else was going on, but he wasn’t sure what it was and hoped he’d be able to avoid getting involved. Then Austin turned to look at him, his face tear-stained and threatening to break into a new wave of sobbing, and Joe had at least a little more understanding. Nick was Austin’s biological father, but he’d been too young to raise him and had happily signed guardianship over to Joe and Will. And he hadn’t spent much time at the house since then, having left home to go to school when Austin was a toddler and only coming home for Christmas and maybe a week over the summer. But he still seemed to feel a sense of ownership over the boy and expected some level of love from him. Usually the family knew when Nick was coming and got Austin psyched up beforehand, but this wasn’t a planned visit, and Austin was clearly not taking the surprise very well.

  “Hey, little buddy,” Joe said. He moved to the boy’s side and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Having some breakfast?”

  Apparently that was the wrong thing to ask about because Austin’s trembling lip sagged into a full, open-mouthed sob. He raised his chubby little arms in an irresistible plea, and Joe lifted the boy out of his chair and let him wrap himself around his uncle’s body.

  “What the hell?” Joe mouthed to Will.

  “Apparently there’s a new rule,” Ally said, her eyes shooting daggers in Nick’s direction. “Apparently Austin has to clean his plate, even when somebody gave him food he doesn’t like.”

  “Bacon, eggs, and toast… who doesn’t like those things?” Nick asked, frustration clear in his tone and body language.

  Joe glanced down at Austin’s plate. “Scrambled eggs or soft-boiled in the shell, so he can dip his toast. Not sunny-side up.” He
shrugged. Austin’s sobs were already subsiding. This wasn’t a tragedy. “And we generally don’t push him for much new effort in the morning; he’s not good until he’s totally awake.” Another shrug, this time with a smile in Nick’s direction. “It’s not a big deal, man. No way you could have known.”

  “Oh, there’s a way,” Ally said pointedly. “’Cause we all know. Maybe if somebody moves out and never comes to visit, somebody should listen to the people who do live here when they try to tell him how it’s done!”

  Well, she wasn’t wrong, but Joe wrinkled his nose at her anyway. “Enough with the somebody, okay?” He bounced Austin a little, then said, “It’s good to see you, Nick. I don’t think we need to worry about him finishing his breakfast, do we? Or maybe you want some fruit, little man? An orange to give you superpowers for the day?”

  There was a tense moment when it seemed like Austin might be choosing to use his superpowers to raise the roof, but then he nodded. “Orange,” he snuffled into Joe’s now damp shirt collar.

  “Magic word?” Joe asked as he moved toward the fridge.

  “Orange, please,” Austin said promptly. The meltdown was clearly resolved.

  But Nick was standing in front of the fridge, his arms crossed, staring at Joe. “You’re completely undermining my authority, Joe.” He shook his head. “I already went through this with Will. It’s important that Austin develop some respect for rules. The world isn’t always going to revolve around his stupid preferences.”

  “He respects rules. The ones he knows. We don’t have a clean-your-plate rule because we want him to enjoy his food and enjoy his mealtimes. And he’s a good eater. Nobody’s asking you to cook him another egg; I’m just asking you to get out of the way so he can eat an orange.”

  “And I’m asking you to respect the boundaries that I’ve established with my son.”

  Nick could be crusty, but he wasn’t usually a total asshole. Whatever was going on here was going to take a serious hashing-out, and that wasn’t something Austin needed to be around for. So Joe bounced the little boy again and said, “Oh no! We need to buy more oranges! We should go to the hardware store!”