Lil's Bus Trip

by Judy Leigh

  Lil pretended to think about it; she wondered if she should play hard to get, then she countered with, ‘Won’t it be cold?’

  He shook his head. ‘It is summer time – balmy nights, if you can manage the wind.’ He lifted a jacket from the back of his chair and wrapped it round her shoulders carefully. ‘Can we stroll now I have made you warm?’

  They stepped outside and Lil took Herman’s arm. He led her as they walked towards a group of outbuildings. She smiled. ‘Are we going to see the chickens?’

  He shrugged. ‘We may see some chickens on the way, and hear some owls. But it is the night sky I think you’ll enjoy the most.’

  The air was chilly and there were no sounds at all other than their soft footfall. The darkness was intense. For a moment they were thoughtful. Herman paused and stared upwards at the skies spattered with little fragments of brightness. ‘The heavens are very clear tonight. You can see Orion and the Great Bear.’

  ‘Do you know all the names?’ Lil asked.

  ‘Of course. They have been my constant companions for many nights.’ Herman noticed her frown and continued. ‘This farm was my father’s and his father’s before him; I have worked on the land since I was younger than Damiaan. It was our home, when my wife Theodora was alive and we had our son, Dirk. I spent a lot of late evenings on the tractor, even into the darkness. Sometimes the constellations were my only light.’

  Lil pressed her lips together. ‘It must be hard losing your wife and son. You must feel very alone.’

  They walked a few paces, stopping in the doorway of a large outbuilding. Lil could smell the sweet hay inside. Herman’s voice was hushed. ‘Of course, I miss them. We are a big family now I have grandchildren, but sometimes when I am by myself, I remember how good it was to hold a woman and to touch the softness of her hair.’

  ‘I’ve forgotten how that felt, to be close to someone.’ Lil’s voice was determined but cracking with too much emotion as she spoke the next few words. ‘I’ve spent all my life alone.’

  ‘You never married?’

  ‘I never wanted to. I suppose I never met the right man. I was better off by myself in those days. There was nothing to lose if I didn’t take a risk.’ Lil was thoughtful. ‘Of course, there was Cassie’s father and I loved him but I was only young. He was the first person I cared for and, probably, the last. After that, I didn’t see the point in bothering. Men are too much trouble.’

  ‘I hope we are not all too much trouble.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about that recently, especially since I came away on holiday. Being on your own isn’t always the best way to be.’ Lil examined his craggy face, the fascinating twist of his mouth as he smiled, the bushy eyebrows over glimmering eyes, and she wondered for a moment how life might have been if she’d met someone like Herman years ago. She sighed. ‘Tomorrow, we’ll be back on our journey, to Holland. It was nice to have met you though, Herman.’

  ‘You don’t leave the farm until the early afternoon.’ He took her hand. ‘So tomorrow we go into Boom and I will buy you lunch.’

  Lil’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Don’t farmers start work at the crack of dawn?’

  ‘You are a special guest in my home.’ He brought her hand to his lips. ‘I will take the morning off to be with you, if you will accept.’

  Lil wondered whether she should kiss him. It occurred to her that she was badly out of practice in affairs of the heart and she suddenly felt awkward. Then a noise behind her caused her to turn sharply. A young man and woman were walking together towards them, their arms around each other, their heads close, whispering quietly. Lil grasped Herman’s hand tightly. ‘It’s Pat – and Thilde. They mustn’t see us.’

  Lil whirled inside the barn, behind the door, anxious that she wouldn’t embarrass Pat. She and Herman stood close together in the shadows, breathing lightly, as the young couple strolled by. Lil heard Pat’s low voice, soft as a caress, and the warmth of Thilde’s hushed reply. Lil waited until they had passed, then she turned to Herman, her eyes shining. He reached out a large hand, smoothing her hair. She thought he might kiss her so she held her breath and closed her eyes.

  Suddenly, there was a rustling noise from above. They stared up into the gloom of the shadows, where a rickety ladder led to a deep hayloft. Herman wrapped an arm around Lil and they waited: again, the sound of movement came from above, in the thick of the hay, then there was a hushed voice, a man’s, a romantic whispering.

  Lil heard the words from a low male voice, ‘We might be missed by the others…’

  And then a hooting laugh and the words, ‘Don’t worry, my dear…’

  Lil’s eyes widened. A man and woman were in the hayloft together and she’d recognised the voices instantly. She pressed her lips together to stifle a laugh: it was Ken and Sue.

  18

  The minibus was packed with luggage and everyone was seated inside, gazing through the window at the Goossens family, who had assembled to wave them off. Pat had been the last person on the bus, hugging Thilde and whispering a final promise in her ear. Lil had a lump in her throat as she stared at Herman, his face cheerful, the large hand raised in a final wave. Earlier they had enjoyed a quiet lunch in Boom and Herman had asked her to send him a postcard when she reached Amsterdam; he’d murmured that it would be nice to stay in touch. Lil didn’t really see the point; she hadn’t said so, but she knew what happened if you cared too much for someone. Frankie Chapman had been her only love; she had thought about him every day for so many years. And now she’d met Herman, now she liked him, she’d hardly said hello and it was time to say goodbye. But it had been so pleasant, another person, the attention, the affection. Lil’s feelings confused her.

  Tommy started the engine. The minibus was filled with excited chatter: Duncan, Emily, DJ and Jake had been into Boom to buy souvenirs; Cassie had written a poem about Oud Woot. Ken was telling everyone that they would be in Zandvoort, in Holland, by four o’clock and there would be lots of exhilarating things they could do before going on to the hotel for six-thirty. That evening they could choose from a variety of interesting restaurants overlooking the sea.

  Lil twisted round to observe the youngsters in the back seat; Pat’s usually cheery expression was glum and both DJ and Jake on either side had wrapped a protective arm around him. Lil was pleased that they weren’t teasing him; poor Pat was genuinely miserable. She understood how he felt, as the minibus pulled slowly away and Lil watched Herman press his fingers to his lips and wave again. She glanced at Maggie, who had stuffed her nose in a new chapter of Fifty Shades of Hay and was laughing out loud intermittently. Lil sighed and leaned her head back against the seat, closing her eyes, wondering what life held for her next. Then she felt Maggie reach out a hand and take hers, a gesture of empathy. Lil squeezed her friend’s fingers in thanks: Herman might have been her last chance to love someone. She was fooling herself: life had never given her an opportunity to be loved by anyone she could love back except for Cassie. She was suddenly aware of a slight pressure on her other arm and, as she sat up and blinked, she saw that Albert was leaning over, full of kindness, offering her a folded handkerchief. She took it gratefully and dabbed her eyes. He nodded and smiled.

  Lil looked at Maggie again, who still clutched her hand but was completely immersed in the goings-on in the novel, her eyes bulging with disbelief. Lil remembered the soft kiss Herman had placed on her lips last night, then her mind moved to Ken and Sue canoodling in the barn. They were sitting together now, their eyes locked; Denise was on the other side of Ken, obviously trying to look uninterested, reading a magazine. Lil thought about how she had heard voices in the hayloft, and imagined that Ken and Sue were like the characters in the novel, abandoning themselves to the throes of passion in the hay. She stifled a smile.

  Then she wondered again if Ken had slept with Cassie; Cassie had glossed over it when she’d asked about her sleeping alone, but what if Cassie had begun to care for Ken and if Ken was two-timing her? She glanced at her da
ughter, at her profile as she sat in the front of the minibus talking to Tommy, her white hair wrapped in a paisley scarf, her lips a deep red, raising a confident hand as she spoke. Lil wondered if her self-assured demeanour hid a secretly sensitive side, if she too ever felt the need for someone to love her.

  The thought hit Lil for the first time, a cannonball exploding in her head; perhaps Cassie was exactly like Lil, perhaps she too had been hurt in the past, too bruised to venture back into the fray. Perhaps having no father figure all her life had left her damaged, unable to commit to relationships. Or perhaps she’d simply copied her mother, her only role model as a child; taking no chances meant avoiding the risk of being hurt. Lil wondered if it was her fault, if Cassie’s feisty character was just a performance, a way of hiding the vulnerable woman beneath the veneer of self-assurance. Lil was determined to find out and protect her child.

  In her peripheral vision, she saw Albert nodding in her direction. He closed one eye, opened it again and smiled; he had winked at her. Lil winked back and delved into her cat-whisker handbag and brought out a wrapped chocolate and passed it across the aisle to him. It was good to have another ally.

  Tommy drove the minibus into Zandvoort past the beach, a long stretch of smooth sand fronting a line of sea, a silk scarf that seemed to have been ironed flat. The sky was deep blue apart from a few scudding clouds. Duncan muttered that it was perfect August weather and Sue, wearing a light dress, piped up that the water was very inviting. Lil noticed her hopeful glance at Ken, who was now hiding behind sunglasses. Jake reminded everyone that he and several of the others were going to the motor-racing track. DJ, in his most enthusiastic voice, asked Pat if it was possible to rent a fast car and try the track out, if he’d like to tackle the corners at speed, racing around the most infamous bend of the Dutch circuit. Pat gave a single grunt; he had no interest. There was nothing that would inspire him today. He turned to stare out of the window: he had left his heart back at the farm with Thilde Goossens.

  The minibus slowed down, stopping next to the beach, and Tommy asked who wanted to get out. Albert gestured towards the door, muttering that he’d like to walk on the beach with Lil; his eyes followed her as she clambered out through the door and he stood up to follow her, but Duncan insisted that he should stay on the bus so he could go with ‘the lads’ to the motor-racing circuit. Albert shrugged and sat down, waving to Lil through the window.

  Ken wanted to see the cars too, and Sue was eager to accompany him. Lil asked Cassie if she’d spend some time with her on the beach and Cassie nodded eagerly, threading an arm under her mother’s. Maggie said she would like to sunbathe and Cassie invited both Emily and Denise to join them, arranging to meet the others at six o’clock. Denise shrugged, muttering that she didn’t really care what she did, it was all equally dull, and Emily quickly offered to take her to a place where they could rent bikes. Resting a friendly arm on Denise’s shoulder, she suggested that since the weather was fine, they were both wearing jeans, the terrain was flat and they’d be in Amsterdam tomorrow where the culture and city life would be fast and furious, it might be nice to cycle into the surrounding countryside and relax. Denise frowned, grumbled that she’d had enough of nature on the Goossens’ farm, but shuffled compliantly after Emily, leaving Lil, Cassie and Maggie watching the minibus disappear up the road in a fog of exhaust fumes.

  They wandered onto the beach where there were groups of people sunbathing and children playing ball, running and calling out to each other. Cassie produced a blanket and the three of them sat down, feeling the warm sea breeze on their cheeks. Lil took off her shoes, pushing her toes into soft sand, feeling the warmth against her bare skin. Maggie tugged out her novel and began to read more about the antics in the hay as Cassie lay down on the blanket and closed her eyes. ‘Ah, this is nice.’

  Lil nodded, wondering how to broach the subject of Ken.

  ‘We’ll be in Amsterdam tomorrow.’ Cassie sighed. ‘I want to go to the Rijksmuseum. What’s on your agenda, Lil?

  ‘Anything really.’ She thought for a moment. ‘I’m glad I didn’t book to go to Anne Frank House though. It would make me cry. I need to cheer myself up.’

  Maggie muttered, ‘Your books cheer me up. There are things happening between these pages that I never knew existed. The things men and women get up to nowadays… it wasn’t like that in our day.’

  ‘It certainly wasn’t,’ Lil muttered grimly. ‘Romance has passed me by.’

  Cassie opened one eye and glanced at her mother, examining her expression carefully. She knew Lil had become friendly with Herman and assumed she might be missing him a little. She decided it was best not to ask, so she opted for a different approach. ‘I might buy Jamie a present – you know, a scarf with an Amsterdam emblem on it, a T-shirt, something like that.’

  ‘Mmm, good idea.’ Lil pressed her lips together thoughtfully. ‘I might send Herman a postcard. A tasteful one.’

  Cassie nodded, pleased with herself that she’d given her mother a chance to air her feelings.

  Maggie’s eyes were still on the page as she muttered, ‘I texted Brian again. Still no reply. I might take him a souvenir back though.’

  Lil patted her shoulder and said, ‘Make sure you buy yourself something nice while you’re here, Maggie. Treat yourself. After all, this is your time, your holiday. You’re only here for a few days and when you get back, you’re a long time—’ She stopped herself. She had almost said a long time dead. She tried again. ‘You’re a long time at Clover Hill.’ She thought for a moment and made another effort. ‘It’s a long time until the next holiday.’

  ‘I’m enjoying it here,’ Cassie agreed. ‘It’s been great.’

  ‘It’s brilliant,’ Maggie murmured.

  Lil leapt in. ‘They are a nice crowd, Cassie. How do you get on with the tennis club people?’

  ‘They are good fun.’ Cassie shrugged. ‘I think Denise is a little unhappy. Sue’s friendly. And Ken.’

  ‘Oh, Ken wouldn’t be my type,’ Lil retorted, examining Cassie’s face with narrowed eyes, intent on interpreting the slightest movement of muscle.

  ‘No…’ Maggie’s voice came from beneath the book and she patted Lil’s knee, a warm gesture of understanding. ‘Herman’s more your type.’

  Cassie noticed her mother’s awkward expression, so she added, ‘I’d agree – Herman would be more my type than Ken would – Herman is honest, unpretentious, nice. He’s more down to earth. Ken’s pleasant enough, but he’s not the type of man we would go for, Lil. As for me, though…’ Cassie shrugged. ‘I’m not even sure I have a type any more. It’s been so long since I had a significant other in my life.’

  Maggie grunted. ‘You’re probably better off without one. I might change my mind once I get home, though. It depends if Brian meets my conditions. I might write a list…’

  Lil placed a palm across her mouth to hide the spreading smile. She was delighted: Maggie was becoming more assertive and, what was even more pleasing, Cassie definitely had no feelings for Ken. The fact that she said she preferred Herman showed that she approved of Lil’s choice. Lil wasn’t sure if Cassie suspected she’d had an emotional moment with Herman but she shook her head to dispel the thoughts; after all, that was all it had been, a moment. She turned to Maggie, who had just finished another chapter. ‘Okay, let’s move on, shall we?’

  Maggie gazed up at the sky. ‘I want to sunbathe. The sunshine always makes me feel happy.’

  A gust of wind puffed sand onto the blanket and Cassie was on her feet. ‘Right. Shall we find a sheltered part of the beach to sit down and I’ll buy ice creams?’

  ‘Great.’ Lil reached up to Cassie, wanting to be tugged to her feet. Cassie helped Lil and Maggie to stand upright and watched while they both stretched stiff muscles.

  ‘No, let me buy the ice creams.’ Maggie hugged her handbag. ‘I’m enjoying spending time with you both so much. I want to say thanks.’

  Lil met her eyes. ‘Are you looking forward t
o seeing Brian, now you’re away from him? Is absence making the heart grow fonder?’

  ‘Yes, I do miss him.’ Maggie shrugged. ‘I’m used to Brian. He’s always there, he’s like part of the fixtures and fittings.’

  Lil winked. ‘Like the TV and the armchair?’

  ‘I suppose so. But I wouldn’t want to be without him.’ Maggie smiled. ‘You know, Lil, in our day, we never gave ourselves much choice about our futures as girls. I mean, you had choices, Cassie – you learned languages, wrote songs, you travelled abroad. For me, it was always marriage and kids, that’s what I wanted. Nobody ever told me there was anything else I could do with my life.’

  Lil squeezed her arm. ‘So, what would you like to have done, Maggie, if you had your chance again?’

  ‘I’d probably still have married Brian and had the kids. Brian and me and the kids, those were the best times for me really, when I was happiest.’ Maggie thought for a moment, adjusting her sunglasses. ‘I wouldn’t have minded being a movie star though.’

  Lil gave an encouraging smile. ‘Just like Liz Taylor. I said you look like her.’

  Maggie preened, delighted. ‘Do you think so?’

  Cassie nodded. ‘Definitely. It’s great, isn’t it, spending time with other women? It gives us chance to reflect on what’s important.’

  ‘Ice cream is important.’ Maggie brushed sand from her dress and shoved the novel in her handbag. ‘There was a sign back there for the next beach. Adam and Eva, it is called. I want to go there. It sounds like a lovely place. Very romantic.’

  Lil nodded. ‘Yes, let’s go there and get an ice cream on the way. A walk would do my hip good – it’s started to seize up.’